KDs Earlier Maintenance Diary

[canireallydothis!!]

hmmmm, I pop and so much has happened.

Meeting your neice will be a big step for you, and I am pleased that you have taken this step, I would say, and Im not a great person to advise, that your brother never stopped loving you, its just bitterness stopped him feeling it. I would have thought that your niece heard the good and the bad and made the decision based on her thoughts that she is now an adult and can make her own decisions. I also guess that the things heard were mainly good as this has prompted her to get in contact. After all, if all she had heard was bad, then she would shy away from anything like this.

Your friend, I agree this needs careful consideration, however the good in me says that everyone deserves a chance.

When I read this post, I looked at her addiction and theought of me, I dont have a drug addiction, but i did have a food addiction, and after many many many failed attempts I beat that, would drugs be similar, I dunno, but If she is out and clean, and strong enough to keep clean it may be nice to see her again, however, I think caution is the key, why not try and get an email address and chat though that to help you make your mind up, I think you must be a very good judge of character and would be able to judge a little from that. Mindless analogy is great, and Im just not as articulate, and lookng back on what I have just posted, I hope that i havent baffled you!!!!!!!! One last thing, I am a firm believer in fate, what ever will be will be. If this person is meant to be in your life right now, she will be x

 

[KD]

Given me lots to think about here. Thank you, you wonderful lot. My brain is so muddled at the moment. I really appreciated this input!

I've decided that I will get Christmas over with before I contact anyone. Don't want the season of goodwill to cloud my judgement.

Eeey gaads and little fishes

 

[KD]

Okay. Christmas preparations going fine. I do need to get some extra bits today. Fresh uncut bread, tranquillisers etc

A bit disappointed about eldest son. He asked if it would be okay if he stayed with us until after dinner Xmas day, then went to the pub where he works for the rest of the day. The chef is putting on a special meal for any employees that want to go.

He asked very nicely and I consented.

I've bought Christmas dinner for 4. DH, me, him and other son. Quite excited about it and how fab the table will look

Last night he comes in after work (2:00am...and I'm tired and headachy), and says he will have to leave at 12:30pm, as their pub dinner is at 1:00pm

No way do I want to do Christmas dinner at 11:30am and then rush it. Not only that, he'll never manage dinner at home at 11:30, then dinner again at 1:00.

Soooo disappointed

I think we were both tired as he couldn't see what the problem was and I was trying to explain. Not a good idea at that time in the morning.

Oh well. Just need to accept and get on with it, with a smile I suppose.

Meanwhile....I can't get in my kitchen Came down this morning and it's filled with 'hundreds' of balloons Okay...maybe not hundreds, but about 70 of them.

Guess DH brought them back from work this morning. What fun

 

[KD]

I lost my own diary! Just found it now. Phew.

Okay...Christmas is done and dusted. I really need to get back to some sort of healthy way of eating, but I have waaaayyy too many excuses at the moment.

Christmas was good. Eldest son was away for most of the time, but the youngest sons friend returned to the fold for Boxing Day and have been here ever since

Got another ipod from eldest. One of the little shuffle ones to add to my collection (addictive personality). It's so cute though. It's smaller than a matchbox! Tiny little thing, but I haven't lost it yet! It's like a big clip so it's been firmly attached to my pocket since Xmas day

Another pressie has been a bit of a mystery.

A black scarf. I asked for a really girlie type scarf as all mine are just plain black ones. I said I wanted something colourful...or pink. Any colour really, but not black.

Guess what. I got a black scarf Bless em. They chose black, as my other scarves were black, so they knew it wasn't a colour I hated. That's what comes with living in a family of men

Never mind. I can alternate them. Black for monday, black for Tuesday, black for wednesday, no scarf for Thursday etc. It'll be fun

Otherwise pretty uneventful...but relaxing all the same.

Disgusted with what I've eaten. Was much better behaved last year. Still....feeling confident that I can get back to something sensible a couple of days after my hospital visit (to have wisdom tooth out).

Okay...that's just an excuse. I keep fooling myself that if I cut down on what I eat, I might accidently go into ketosis and the breath wouldn't be nice fo the dentist Pretty sure I wouldn't go into ketosis...but I'm enjoying the excuse.

Also got a sore throat and tickly cough, so still want to pamper myself. Besides...DH brought me a box of Gordon Ramsay chocolates today

I think another 10 days and it'll be a good time...until then (after the choccies anyway), I'll start being sensible...perhaps going back to maintenance calories, then in 10 days I'll cut down a bit more. Nothing drastic though. I really want to stick with the idea of never dieting again.

I've possibly put on about 7lbs, but for the first time ever...haven't weighed for 3 weeks. I don't feel fat and disgusted with myself. wouldn't even mind too much if I never lost that 7lbs, as long as I don't put more on, I'll be happy.

I'll be sensible...just not today

 

[KD]

Ack...today is not going to be a good day Feeling very hypersensitive with my eldest son.

He can be a tad difficult at times. Maybe a clash of personalities as I know he's a good boy really. Just seems to have the ability to wind me up.

He's proving very good at it today Must be my hormones as I don't usually get wound up quite this quick. Can you get PMT when you are post menopause I wonder

I never had it premenopause (PMT that is).

Am tucking into a lemsip and trying to get a grip. Hope he goes to work shortly...need some time to myself I reckon.

 

[DQ]

Oh dear, hope you feel better soon and that elder son goes for a LONG walk!!

 

[canireallydothis!!]

Happy Birthday Karion, Dont worry about elder son, he'll go to work soon x

 

[Cheb]

Just popping by to say Hi.

Hope you work it out with your son, I clash with my DD all the time. I can't help it but I'm ashamed to say I just find her very irritating most of the time!

 

[KD]

He’s gone now. Phew. The problem started last night when I felt I had to ‘prepare’ him for some tragic news. Okay…not tragic in most people eyes, but I knew he would take it hard.

For D’s 5th birthday, we converted the junk room into his bedroom. We decorated it in his favourite Thomas the Tank wallpaper, toy box, duvet cover etc. He loved it. We said “this is your new room”. Big mistake!

He has the largest room in the house. Meanwhile A has a tiny box room and since A usually has friends to stay most nights, it’s very cramped.

D has been dropping hints about moving out recently and it’s becoming more and more likely that it will happen this Spring. The obvious thing would be to let A have D’s bedroom. I would redecorate the box room for my D in case he wants to stay over occasionally.

Unfortunately, probably due to D’s Aspergers, he takes everything literally, so we knew we were going to have to approach the fact that he would lose his bedroom. Dropping little hints every now and again.

When we told him (aged 5) that it was his bedroom, we didn’t know that he would take it quite so literally!

He’s furious, upset, feels cheated. We gave him that bedroom. It’s his. It was his birthday present. Decorations…walls… …door…everything as far as he’s concerned. That quarter of the house is his. Bricks, mortar …the lot. Hadn’t we said “this is your room?”

But we only meant…isn’t good enough. Why didn’t we say that it was just temporary, until he was grown up if that’s what was going to happen. Was this normal parental behaviour….to take back presents after they’ve been given?

This was 2:30am this morning, I had an awful sore throat and was so tired. Already into my birthday and I said “before we go any further…please taken a moment to breathe…and feel free to wish me a Happy Birthday in that space”.

Whoops.

 

[Cheb]

Ah I totally understand, every word you utter to your son must be logged forever eh? My DS although not (yet) formally diagnosed is just like this and as I tend to shoot my mouth off with very little thought I know it'll come back to haunt me too in years to come.

Good luck, I hope you resolve things with him soon.

 

[KD]

My DS although not (yet) formally diagnosed is just like this and as I tend to shoot my mouth off with very little thought I know it'll come back to haunt me too in years to come.

Good luck, I hope you resolve things with him soon.

All resolved. On to a new topic now Does he cope okay at school Cheb?

 

[KD]

Right...back to the food business. Am allowed eat warm things today

Breakfast: 40g porridge with skimmed milk, a little bit of cooked apple and cinnamon.

Lunch: salad in a seeded bun (fun eating that on half a side of my face) Tinned rhubarb and creme fraiche.

Dinner to come: No idea. Don't fancy cooking anything at the mo, and off to work shortly. Didn't get anything out of the freezer last night cos I was being a lazy cow. Probably do a tuna and sweetcorn pasta thing as it only takes a moment.

Planned extras: Curly wurly of course Probably some microwaved apply, banana, with cinnamon again.

Think it's going to be quite a low calorie day. Haven't added it up, but estimate about 1200. May start adding up the calories in earnest for a while from beginning of next week.

 

[Maintainer]

How's it going Karion?

I read a few posts back that you ate a lot more this year than last (as did I!) but hadn't at that stage been on the scales... did you get on?

I gained 9lbs in 12 days' holiday (what?!) being very silly. When I came back to work last Wednesday, my waistbands were digging into me, and bulges were visible (to me, but no one else noticed!!).

I also felt bloated, lethargic and lazy... just six days later, healthy eating all the way (apart from a chocolate treat Sunday night!), I'm 4.5lbs down so halfway back to where I want to be...

I'm sure you'll get back there soon again Karion... hope you're still smiling

 

[KD]

LOL 2.5 years later and I have just found this whilst I was searching for something for someone confused, does that make sense

Thought I'd put it in the maintenance section with my other one and totally confused myself