struggling with old binge and purge habits that are reappearing during these last difficult weeks. Its not really a topic Ive covered on here but its something Ive struggled with since I was a teen, using bulimia as means of control. I guess I am pretty embarrassed to talk about it cos its one part of my mental health that Ive havent dealt with but that is why Im going to bodymorph.
Today I was with Sam tho, he came round to cheer me up after Ive had some difficult days, we got sandwhiches from tesco and I got cheese and pickle and it was 575 cals, stupid really, I didnt look at the cals til after I ate it, thats bad old habits. and then we had fish and chips. I felt so disgusting, after he left I couldnt stop myself from throwing up. I know its not the way to deal with it. I should have made better choices and not put myself in that position. Its so difficult tho cos Sam is slim and eats normally so I dont want to be weird in front of him and eat my normal weird low cal meals.
treading a fine line atm but I am seeing the psychologist next week and Im sure this will help, and when life eases up a little, the end is in sight.
