Licking the Lid of Life....my esoteric diary

Brill loss. Keep up the hard work xxc
 
Wednesday 1st Jan 2014

The First WI

Ok so a not wholly unexpected 2lb gain. I managed to get myself a 3lb buffer to remain in the 13s and I KNOW I should be more pleased that I managed that. I will be when that 2lb is off next Wednesday but I can't help that deep rooted disappointment at a gain despite the fact of knowing full well where it came from and why. I now begin the internal "what's the point" struggle, again despite realising both the irrationality and futility of such internal dialogue. I'll make my fruit bowl shortly, treated myself to a pineapple this week and that always jazzes up the usual apple, banana, grape combo.

Happy 2014 to everyone and here's to genuinely becoming Mini versions of ourselves this year!! Xx :)
 
Happy New Year to you to. Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure that there's not many people who haven't put weight on over the Christmas period. I, for one an dreading getting on the scales this morning.

2 lbs is not bad at all, though I understand your disappointment at not having done better, we are always hard on ourselves.

Today is a new year so look forward to how well you're going to do this year & not back to something that can't be changed & you won't go far wrong.

Good luck!!! :)

Sent from my Nexus 7 using MiniMins.com mobile app
 
Oh I know its unfounded but it's pretty deep rooted isn't it. The disappointment. I'm a bit of a serial weigher so I'll be hawk eyed now looking for those numbers to begin their downward spiral haha. I was in a real fat burning place and maybe that's what's making it a bit irrationally hard for me to get my head around.

IT. WILL. BE. GONE. SOON!
 
I'm a bit like that too; sometimes weighing myself every morning in the hope that just a few ounces will have disappeared. I must try not to do that this year; if I could leave it to a few days or even all week I would think that's a triumph.

It sounds very much like you're determined and therefore I'm sure that you'll be on a downward phase very soon.

Rita x
 
I have been soooo good. I am fighting the demon a bit today but refuse to give in. There isn't really anything naughty left in the house now anyway but I keep wanting to eat even though I'm not hungry. Its boredom. I think I need to get back to work!!!
 
lickthelid said:
I have been soooo good. I am fighting the demon a bit today but refuse to give in. There isn't really anything naughty left in the house now anyway but I keep wanting to eat even though I'm not hungry. Its boredom. I think I need to get back to work!!!
Click to expand...

Fight the demon don't give in. Enjoy your holiday as you'll be back at work soon enough. :)
 
I know and when term starts all I'll want is the feb half term haha. I just live by routine so much that having free time is so hard!!! Shows my eating wasn't real hunger :)
 
I'm lucky in that respect as we teachers are a greedy bunch. The chances of any food laying around is 0% :)
 
Friday 3rd Jan

Fighting the demon within

Having had a couple of days off and regretting my excesses and having gained roughly 1lb per day off plan I have concluded that I could literally eat air and put weight on. I didn't go crazy at all. My body seems to have recognised something of my old self and had latched on to the excess calories with glee. In the run up to Christmas I felt invincible. I could even have the odd off plan meal and still lose weight that week. I felt like a fat burning furnace and now I wonder how long it will take to get my metabolism back up to that speed. It's not helped by being a serial weigher and I know that.

Compulsive overeating is, I still maintain, like any other addiction. You are never totally clear of it and are always in recovery. It would be so easy to slip up and secretly buy a load of chocolate from the shop near school. To hide in my room and eat it all. To open the freezer and to make myself piles and piles of dirty white toast. It seems to be all I think about and I go so far as to torment myself. Yesterday my daughter had a mini pack of chocolate buttons and I couldn't stop myself getting my nose in and inhaling that Cadbury aroma. I threw out some Marks and Sparks shortbread that I was given and again I had to get in and remind myself what I wasn't having. It's like I am constantly testing myself to strengthen my resolve. Is this normal??

One positive that came out of this is that I wrote previously about being worried about my ability to get back on the wagon after willingly jumping off for Christmas. I did it. :) That's because of you guys. Xx
 
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Do not give up. you start losing again. I think it has something to do with other minds thinking that it is holidays and need not bother to work off the calories. I bet when you get back to work, your body starts working hard again to burn off the fat.

My losses have always been slow and I can go on for a few weeks not losing anything despite being 100%.
 
Morning! What you have said makes so much sense and knowing these things about yourself has got to help! I have an addictive personality, In my case I am worried that I am getting obsessive about losing weight as a replacement for smoking. I wouldn't go too far but could easily throw in the towel if I don't have a loss each week. Most addicts have to replace one addiction for another, I guess we just have to make sure it's a healthy choice! I suppose I should try and get addicted to exercise! ;)

Glad to hear that you have turned another corner and hopefully you can learn not to be so hard on yourself because now you know it is possible!
 
I think it's that time of year ... I stayed on plan over Christmas, had a good loss, have absolutely no goodies in the house and have been back at work since Monday, yet I still feel like I'm struggling this week and am focusing way too much on how far I have still to go rather than living in the day and just getting on with things :/

January ... cold, miserable and flat - just the sort of thing to trigger emotional eating and imperil recovery from addictions. I've avoided Body Magic so far (lol) but I think it's time I dug out my walking boots, set my alarm clock for earlier and started taking the dogs out every morning regardless of the weather. I know I'll never be an exercise addict but I need to get rid of the anxiety 'fidgets' in a constructive and healthy way and maybe that will do it.
 
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Yep, me also, especially as I'm being 'dry' for January. I'm planning on going running when I get that fidgety feeling, both to tune in and work out what's bothering me and to get the running high.

Have you guys come across intuitive eating and beyond chocolate (book/website). I really rate it and am attempting to use what I've learnt with sw, even though it's totally about not dieting it does examine the emotional side of eating.
 
lickthelid said:
Having had a couple of days off and regretting my excesses and having gained roughly 1lb per day off plan I have concluded that I could literally eat air and put weight on. I didn't go crazy at all. My body seems to have recognised something of my old self and had latched on to the excess calories with glee. In the run up to Christmas I felt invincible. I could even have the odd off plan meal and still lose weight that week. I felt like a fat burning furnace and now I wonder how long it will take to get my metabolism back up to that speed. It's not helped by being a serial weigher and I know that.
Click to expand...

Maybe some of the gains over Christmas were because being off plan a few days triggered some water gain/constipation as well as actual fat gain? you never know.

I don't think my eating/drinking before were quite at the level of addiction, but cutting down on alcohol has been quite hard for me, partly because it is forcing me to look at the reasons I drank most days and how I can learn to relax/be happier without that. I also get scared that this will never leave me. I just tell myself to deal with one thing at a time, with getting to target the main goal for now, and that goal drives me to keep other things under control too for now. When I get to target I may need something else to help me resist long-term. Also, while the ideal is that I would naturally make the healthy choices, I don't know if that's possible in today's rather messed up society. I would rather be sticking to a 'diet' with 'rules' for the rest of my life than losing control again and putting on weight. Sorry, that was all a bit rambly and possibly not that relevant to what you were saying!
 
liquoricet said:
Yep, me also, especially as I'm being 'dry' for January. I'm planning on going running when I get that fidgety feeling, both to tune in and work out what's bothering me and to get the running high.

Have you guys come across intuitive eating and beyond chocolate (book/website). I really rate it and am attempting to use what I've learnt with sw, even though it's totally about not dieting it does examine the emotional side of eating.
Click to expand...

Ive not heard of it but will definitely look it up. Maybe I can download it to my kindle. I love a good book, particularly one I can identify with!!
 
Gwella said:
Maybe some of the gains over Christmas were because being off plan a few days triggered some water gain/constipation as well as actual fat gain? you never know.

I don't think my eating/drinking before were quite at the level of addiction, but cutting down on alcohol has been quite hard for me, partly because it is forcing me to look at the reasons I drank most days and how I can learn to relax/be happier without that. I also get scared that this will never leave me. I just tell myself to deal with one thing at a time, with getting to target the main goal for now, and that goal drives me to keep other things under control too for now. When I get to target I may need something else to help me resist long-term. Also, while the ideal is that I would naturally make the healthy choices, I don't know if that's possible in today's rather messed up society. I would rather be sticking to a 'diet' with 'rules' for the rest of my life than losing control again and putting on weight. Sorry, that was all a bit rambly and possibly not that relevant to what you were saying!
Click to expand...


Oh I think its relevant. We all have out reasons for why we are here and we all want to change something about ourselves. That's never easy to either admit to or achieve so its great we all have each other :) x
 
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