Tilleymonster
Full Member
Aww, thank you! 
I sort of realised what it is. Rant begins: The last couple of years have been awful. I lived really far from my boyfriend, I had a horrible flat that I rented alone, it was falling apart and the landlord was a meanie lol! Anyway, all of that and redundancies at work meant I lost all my good friends and kept my job. I put on weight, I lost a bit, I saw my boyfriend when I could, same with family. Behind all of this by dad had cancer 3 times and was very ill at one point.
Then finally this December we did it - Dad was cured, we moved together and found a beautiful cottage by the sea, in the rural part of Hampshire. We moved in and had a wonderful Christmas, I had my first lovely birthday. We fill the place with laughter and relaxation, we have fresh flowers, we have a garden and I'm planting flowers, I'm dealing with my weight and we've got our pup. Everything we've planned for 4 long hard separate years has come together. For once in my life I am not yearning for 'NEXT' or pushing for a better job, or doubting myself. I am simply getting the things I want, or I've got them. I am even considering engagement although I've been against it for so long and the boyfriend wants it so much, bless the ol softy.
So yes, all is well in my world. But around me EVERYONE else seems sad, and out of control, and floundering for the next thing. They want to talk to me and I listen. I've always listened. But now I get tense listening to all this whinging. I get really physically anxious sitting there wasting my time with people upset ALL of the TIME.
Please don't think I'm callous. It's taken my friend dying to make me aware of how lovely the world is for me right now. I'm currently ultra aware of everything - the sunshine, the sky, all that silly stuff. And I know other people don't have that perspective right now, but I feel like I've got nothing in common with the me from 2 weeks ago. I want laughter and happiness and to try and make things right for everyone and I've finally realised they can only look after themselves, and I can still only listen, not sort it all out.
It's all been a bit of a revelation. Not having my normal comfort food is making me FEEL more too (like that article in the LL mag). I FEEL sad, bored, I get up and DO stuff because I can't sit and eat my food in front of the TV anymore.
My world is changing and I'm scared.
Does any of that make sense. Perhaps I'm finally finally going crazy???!! xx
I sort of realised what it is. Rant begins: The last couple of years have been awful. I lived really far from my boyfriend, I had a horrible flat that I rented alone, it was falling apart and the landlord was a meanie lol! Anyway, all of that and redundancies at work meant I lost all my good friends and kept my job. I put on weight, I lost a bit, I saw my boyfriend when I could, same with family. Behind all of this by dad had cancer 3 times and was very ill at one point.
Then finally this December we did it - Dad was cured, we moved together and found a beautiful cottage by the sea, in the rural part of Hampshire. We moved in and had a wonderful Christmas, I had my first lovely birthday. We fill the place with laughter and relaxation, we have fresh flowers, we have a garden and I'm planting flowers, I'm dealing with my weight and we've got our pup. Everything we've planned for 4 long hard separate years has come together. For once in my life I am not yearning for 'NEXT' or pushing for a better job, or doubting myself. I am simply getting the things I want, or I've got them. I am even considering engagement although I've been against it for so long and the boyfriend wants it so much, bless the ol softy.
So yes, all is well in my world. But around me EVERYONE else seems sad, and out of control, and floundering for the next thing. They want to talk to me and I listen. I've always listened. But now I get tense listening to all this whinging. I get really physically anxious sitting there wasting my time with people upset ALL of the TIME.
Please don't think I'm callous. It's taken my friend dying to make me aware of how lovely the world is for me right now. I'm currently ultra aware of everything - the sunshine, the sky, all that silly stuff. And I know other people don't have that perspective right now, but I feel like I've got nothing in common with the me from 2 weeks ago. I want laughter and happiness and to try and make things right for everyone and I've finally realised they can only look after themselves, and I can still only listen, not sort it all out.
It's all been a bit of a revelation. Not having my normal comfort food is making me FEEL more too (like that article in the LL mag). I FEEL sad, bored, I get up and DO stuff because I can't sit and eat my food in front of the TV anymore.
My world is changing and I'm scared.
Does any of that make sense. Perhaps I'm finally finally going crazy???!! xx
