LL Lite Tilley's Tumultuous Thoughts

[LadyT]

Hi, very entertaining entry lol

I totally get the frustration you are feeling about people not taking it serious, particularly liked the playing at it comment lol It really annoys me to but I cant figure out if its because they continue to lose weight or if they are just not following the plan. I am a bit of a process freak, sorry! I constantly tell myself its not about them its about me!!

The thought of lite is so APPEALING but I know I must get rid of all the weight before I start to eat or I could be convinced to give up. xx

 

[NewMe2009]

Incredible losses, and you're so right - you can't solve the world's problems and I know it's hard, but you have to keep a thick skin around those who try and off load their troubles on you. Try to concentrate on your happiness for once - it's not selfish to seek happiness and look after yourself for a bit. I have had to do the same and find that lately I'm avoiding those that bring me down / are negative. In the long run I think it'll make me a better friend to those in need... It is hard but you've got to realise how important YOU are. xxx

 

[NewMe2009]

Just realised I haven't read your most recent posts so my response made little sense! Oopsy.

"Talked in class about red devil and White angel thoughts and one of my main ones was having others at the group who tell me week on week how they cheated and it makes me go away thinking I'm 'silly' for keeping 100%. honestly all they do is say 'I haven't been weighed because I ate and know I haven't lost' or 'did you know you can drink spirits and not come out of ketosis?'. Basically this is a last chance and a LOT OF MONEY for me, but it seems the others are rich ladies who holiday often, all dolled up in fancy clothes who just play at losing. I know this is my journey and all that stuff but being in class where others dont find this life-changing important like I do really annoys me. Especially when every week we focus on their failing and so no CBT for dealing with the issues I have for anger eating and bingeing in secret." < Totally understand what you mean. So much so, that I'm actually moving meetings as I found my LL counsellor really unhelpful, aggressive and self-centred! I was expecting CBT-based counselling, and all I get at meetings is her ranting on about her own weight loss failings. The other members were lovely and my saving grace, except now they too talk about how many glasses of wine they consumed, or sneakily had, etc etc. It's just not helpful to me at all.

So I'm moving groups and hoping this counsellor will be a bit less self-obsessed. Eek.

Good luck in getting more out of your sessions hon, and fight for your module book etc - you are paying a huge amount for a service so need to be egtting what you pay for :O) xxx

 

[ReezieJay]

Hi Tilly

Great Diary, really enjoyed reading it the ups and the downs.
I agree with the people that cheat on the diet. Although i will be on a few occations due to previous comitment but i am unhappy about it. But ive made the adult decision and im prepared and im not going to go overboard. Curiously do you have any ideas what spirits dont take you out of Ketosis? I know this really sounds terrible.
I totaly agree with you on just cheating for the sake of it. Ive been 100% Abstinant on Total and plan to stick to Lite 100% as well (ignoring the few bad days)
Im glad to see your weight loss on lite is really good tho. Just what im hoping for
Well done and keep it up chick
x

 

[NewMe2009]

Amazing weight loss Tilley. Hope you're having a good day today? I've managed okay so far, but find that I'm obsessing and thinking about food a lot more than usual. Just need to keep my mind busy! xxx

 

[Tilleymonster]

It's officially a month today! How quickly and easily that's gone-well compared to obsessive point tracking and painful church hall meetings with other slimming clubs!!!

I can't for WI tomorrow! Weird but I just need a lb and it's a stone. Then I can keep on drilling to that 65kg.

Had a cold this week and been off work all week. This is the first time I've ever taken so long off. I think part of it is lack of calories, dog walking (with lack of calories), Nickys death... I think it's all made me just give in. I realise I'm not indispensable to the office job I hate, and my life is wonderful outside of said job. Found it easy to keep to packs at home too. Actually that's false as I've still not wavered. Quite happy to watch OH stuff his face with bourbons and penguins. Yesterday I even made myself this egg and veg bake (not my fav recipe) and him chips eggs beans and fishfingers. My tastes are constantly shifting. That big list of carbs that I wanted has morphed into bizarre need for fresh things so I can taste them-bacon and avocado salad... Pesto on salmon, 1 croissant and a glass of orange juice... Weird. I can't imagine any of the food types I used to just push in my face and swallow, now everything has to be worth it in the future, has to taste of goodness. Perhaps this is how much my tastebuds have changed? Every mouthful is glorious but I can't overdo it anymore.

Long last ketosis!!! X

Ps. I believe the drink is vodka with slimline tonic. tsk tsk

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[ReezieJay]

Ps. I believe the drink is vodka with slimline tonic. tsk tsk

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Thanks Tilly, I know im naughty it wont be much just a little slip.

I look forward to hearing how you get on. I agree with the 'Long Last Ketosis' i dont crave anything bad anymore either. Its all nice healthy stuff and when i see people stuffing there faces and a couple of times rubbed it in my face i just think you eat whatever you want Love im gonna be nice and slim and your just gonna get fatter.
Just doesnt faze me anymore
So sounds like were on the same wave length

x

 

[Tilleymonster]

Day 31

It's official - over a stone off in a month! I'm so so happy.

Mixed up the foods a bit as the soups are driving me crazy, but so no one notices at work I've kept them for this week. However, this weekend I've allowed myself porridge, shake, dinner, bar. Tragically very excited about all this sweetness!

Tried another LLL recipe tonight. Spicy lamb meatballs with a spinach, mushroom and cherry tomato salad and balsamic vinegar. Looked a bit weird to start with but smelled divine and tasted just the same - mmm mmm mmmmm! I don't even like mushrooms or cherry tomatoes but I guess beggars can't be choosers and I'm determined to open my mind to new foods and fresh wholesome ones at that!

So, 72.9 kg. I need to get down to 69kg to hit the 10 stone something mark. It's so close, I can smell it! Sure, it may take a few more weeks, but I reckon if I don't waver I can get there in a month. I haven't been 10 stone... since I was 16, and that was because I stopped eating during exams. I'm really excited that this is working. So many other diets have failed and I've felt WAY worse on them in terms of tiredness and just quitting because I couldn't be bothered. Something about this - the simplicity, the knowledge it WILL work and quickly, how tasty I find the diet, the psychology behind what I'm doing... well it just works. I'm so so happy it works. Finally something that can get around my need to cheat and binge. I can't really believe it - can you tell?

Today I walked the dog in leggings and a vest top. LEGGINGS! Granted I was doing it for fashion but I would never have dared expose my body in that way before. I still felt nervous doing it. But not ashamed, just... tentative. I've been working in the garden all day too, and walked the dog twice AGAIN - even the walking is so much easier and I'm sure I can sense a change in my thighs - always the fat bit but now seem to be narrowing (again - usually the last thing to happen with other diets).

I don't know what else to say. I'm going to keep going with the water this week. Keep strong and see if I can get another kg off (or more) next weekend. COME ON 69!!!!!! (that sounds so rude).

Also - is it wrong but I'm getting scared about stopping. I love the shakes, the bars, the whole thing. And I'm scared that people the same height as me at my group are stopping at around 11 stone. I really feel I want to aim for 10 stone as a maximum, and only another 6lbs is surely not going to be enough to make me happy forever? I want to be SLIM and properly so, not the high end of my 5 foot 6 inches weight range.

Anyways.... check out the ticker... getting there!
xx:happy036::happy036::happy036:

 

[ReezieJay]

Hey tilly. Really happy for your great achievement so far.
I am soo in the same boat as you. When I orriginally started total I only wanted to do 8 weeks then go onto route to management. At around week 5 I knew I would need to be on this longer to get anywhere near my goal so I then moved to lite after 8 weeks and i decide that I will do another 8 weeks on lite then move to rtm no matter what I weight. Well it didn't take me long before I changed my mind again and now my original goal of 10st10 has reduced to a drenatic 9st7. I can't say that is where I will end up for definate as I'll just see how I feel as I go along but I will def agree with you that the idea of stopping is a little scary. My head has changed so much that I no longer feel like I'm missibg out in food but becuase I've gone from 4packs a day to 3 and a meal I feel like I'm missibg out on my 4th pack. Crazy!!! I just know that I want to get to where I want to be otherwise why did I start this in the fisrt place. I'm not in this anymore to get a headstart I'm in this to beat it and finally succeed in something.
Keep up the great work hunni. Here to your 69!!! Lol x

 

[gracielou09]

Wow, your doing so well, really enjoyed reading your updates ...you sound so determined.

Looking forward to reading your updates over the next couple of weeks ...I'm sure you'll get to your 69 mark

 

[Tilleymonster]

Well, after all you lovelies telling me how determined I sound I've messed up. I'm sorry-to you and to me.

I don't think this is the start of 'the end'. Today was Nickys funeral. I had to drive 80 miles to get there in time and sat through a long and beautiful service. Packed out with people, I was tense as other work colleagues were there but none as close as we were, I thought I wouldn't be able to show emotion but I cried and cried. Her boyfriend spoke, her sister, there were hymns and her favourite songs and pictures of her everywhere. Anyway, I went to the pub after and refused cakes or food (wolfed down a bar in the loo!!! My soup sachet had exploded all over my handbag so glad I took the bar for emergency). I turned down tea and coffee as all came with milk. I popped in on my Gran-just to make it even more gruelling my Grandad was cremated at the same place last year so I felt very emotional. I then drove home. When I finally got back felt like my face was melting, eyes and bones hurting so much. The boyfriend came home and I was crying again and he just said 'look, today, shall we just have a takeaway?' and I couldn't find my willpower. I just said yes and let him order and ate it all.

I know that for the diet that's stupid, I love this diet. I don't want the food to be a habit I fall back on. But my goodness it's been a tough month avoiding my 'comforter' that is food through all of this and today I just needed something extra to comfort me-basic food.

So there you have it-I ate. Badly. I look forward to my porridge tomorrow morning and to going to group and carrying on. But I'm really sorry I messed up.

Think I'm still overly emotional right now and I am so numb. But I wanted to confess. Sorry xxx

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[LadyT]

Hey what a traumatic day you have had, dont feel bad things like this happen. You did well to go all day with the emotion and temptations placed in front of you, so the take away was probably a step to far after the day you had.

Dont feel bad hunny, you have already decided that you have porridge for breakfast so your thoughts are in the right place.

Thinking of you xx

 

[Julslynne]

Don't feel bad Hunni. You've had such a traumatic day. Draw a line under it and start afresh tomorrow. Stay strong. Sending u a large virtual hug. Xxx

 

[Tilleymonster]

Thank you both, so much.

Up and porridged, dog for walk, cleaned house, strawberry shake, and now tummy rumbling but will not be feeding it - oh no!

Back on track. No looking back. Thank you again so much for responding, i was in a total mess yesterday, as you could probably tell!!

xxx

 

[LadyT]

Aw well done my lovely xx

 

[Julslynne]

Glad your feeling better Hun. Xxxxx

 

[MagdaX]

We all have those days honey. I'm glad to see you're back on track

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[ReezieJay]

Tilly sweetie don't you dare apologise to us! There really is no need to. You had an extreamly emmotional day and to be honest I'm proud of you that you did so well during the day and didn't give in to temptation. Being offered a takeaway was just the cherry on the top of a very large cake 'sorry for the food reference lol' and in all honesty if your OH hadn't offered to get takeaway I very much doubt that you would have acted on it alone. Were learning how not to use food for comfort anymore. Unfortunatly the people around us don't know any different. When someone is upset we offer takeaway and chocolate etc when someone has had good news we app go for a meal out to celebrate. It's just how the world works unfortunatly. You were in a weak emotional state and your rescuer didn't know how to comfort you in any other way but food. We all do it and like I said I'm proud of you for not chomping threw rue buffet. The services sounded so beautiful as well I really feel for you hunny. But today is a new day. I hope everything went well yeateday and today is a brand new day keep smiling lovely xx

 

[Tilleymonster]

Sweetie! Thank you so much! Xxx

Well, as you said, today is a new day. I was as normal yesterday and went to group this morning. Weirdly no one else turned up so it was me and LLC for an hour and it was so needed. LLC was FAB! talked thru crooked thoughts and about the takeaway-just like you said it was OHs way of seeing I needed comfort and offering love thru food, LLC even said that if he hadnt I might have been tempted the next day to self-sooth with a treat. Can never tell I suppose but she was right in that it's what I 'needed' as the old me, and it allowed me to separate that old me from this me where I'm stronger and determined.

So, lost a bit-72.9 to 72.5. Still happy it's heading downwards and I am due on PLUS knocked out of ketosis so perhaps I may even hit the 60s with a 100% normal week ahead. She also said that for a lite client losing 16 lb is really good in 5 weeks. So it's all come out positive.

Mixing it up this week and have NO savoury meals, all bars and shakes and porridge. Need to change it up for a week as the soups have been a bit dull every lunch. Looking forward to satisfying my sweet tooth.

Off for a coffee and a porridge. Thank you again for being so sweet. Massive group huggles xxx

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[HannahNewton]

Just read your diary and it made me cry. I so know how you are feeling, had to say farewell to too many loved ones in recent times.

Bless you Tilley - you are awesome to get back on track so quickly after such an emotional time. Not just the service but the build up to it too.

With that kind of strength and determination you will succeed.

Hope you can enjoy the sunshine today and give yourself some strokes for doing so well so far.