Lottie Bird's Battle of the Binge

Hi Lottiebird, just thought I'd pop in and check your diary out. I was really touched by your story, and the stories of the others who have posted here. I don't think I've ever had a real binge eating problem, but I definitely see characteristics of it in my eating all the way back to being very young. I think the middle of my high school years were my worst for binge eating - I would come home from school, grab 3 bags of crisps and 2 chocolate bars and sit and scoff them down in minutes without even thinking about it and then eat my dinner straight after, followed by more naughty stuff. I think a lot of it comes from my stomach disorder which one of the symptoms is it makes me feel hungry all the time, but that's still no excuse for me to sit and scoff a whole family sized bag of doritos without even noticing. I think since starting SW I've curbed the bingeing, but there was one episode last week where I ate half a pizza, dough balls and garlic bread for dinner, and then, despite feeling sick because I was so full, took the other half up to bed and scoffed that in secret. It scared me enough that I don't think I'll be doing it again!

Anyway! Looking forward to seeing you progress on your weight loss journey :D x
 
Interesting what you say about not depriving yourself. I have a different take on this... NOT depriving myself led to me being over 15 stone last year so , for me, a diet is [ initially ] all about the deprivation. Now I am more or less where I want to be, I still go very careful. I write down everything I eat and keep a close eye on my calories. I know what I'm like - I'd kid myself that I was doing well as I sneak in chocolate bars. Writing stuff down keeps me accountable.

I was going to do SW - only decided against it because it doesn't teach portion control [ that has to come from the individual ] and I will never understand the concept of a 'free' food. It doesn't exist - all food carries a calorie content. Also I am fully aware of just how much pasta I could ram down :D
 
Thanks both for your thoughts and comments.

I fell off the wagon in a bad way last night. It might sound twisted, but since i have been labelled as having a "binge eating disorder" I have been using it as an excuse to binge. I had this thing beat, and now I am lying to myself. "Don't deprive yourself" = "eat what you want" in my food-obsessed mind. Its like the episode of South Park where Randy Marsh joins AA and starts drinking more, going around saying "its not my fault, its a disease"... and I don't want to be like Randy! :) I had beaten this thing for such a long time, literally until I started hearing from the eating disorder service again. Its bizarre behaviour for this to trigger more binge eating, but I am just being honest. I have lied my whole life to excuse overeating, and I'm just fed up of doing it. Excuses are pathetic, you either do or don't is the bottom line.

Anyway... I know this will conflict with a lot of what my support group are saying, but I am rejoining SW tonight. I had a friend coming for dinner, which I have now cancelled.
 
Well as a fellow former binge eater I understand and can relate.

I suppose I am quite tough with myself. No one else puts this food in my mouth which makes me accountable. I am unsure about 'support' groups but that is because I can overcome this stuff myself. Let's face it - not binging comes down to one thing and one thing alone - and that is 'self discipline.' All the talking and dissecting in the world won't help when you're in your kitchen and feeling restless and that 6 pack of kit kats is calling you.

If hunger is not the problem the binge eating will never be the answer. Mindful eating at all times. Write it all down. Eat three times a day - don't snack and don't give yourself permission to eat a steady stream of 'healthy' food all day long. Try to avoid platefuls of pasta and potatoes - just not needed.

I have somehow managed to change my mindset. I think. Early days yet.

Feel free to ignore my ramblings!
 
GretaGrip said:
Well as a fellow former binge eater I understand and can relate.

I suppose I am quite tough with myself. No one else puts this food in my mouth which makes me accountable. I am unsure about 'support' groups but that is because I can overcome this stuff myself. Let's face it - not binging comes down to one thing and one thing alone - and that is 'self discipline.' All the talking and dissecting in the world won't help when you're in your kitchen and feeling restless and that 6 pack of kit kats is calling you.

If hunger is not the problem the binge eating will never be the answer. Mindful eating at all times. Write it all down. Eat three times a day - don't snack and don't give yourself permission to eat a steady stream of 'healthy' food all day long. Try to avoid platefuls of pasta and potatoes - just not needed.

I have somehow managed to change my mindset. I think. Early days yet.

Feel free to ignore my ramblings!
Click to expand...

Thanks Greta, thats really true! I did exactly what you did for over 5 months with no issue. I want to do that again now, and I feel ready to be accountable and honest about how my mind really works. I'm going to get to target. I feel like I need to start feeling like a success instead of a failure, I have lost more than I expected to since starting, and I can't wait to start losing properly again and feeling chuffed :)

These past few weeks I have more or less just played about with the same few pounds, and I am taking tonight as a fresh start, as I am switching to my winter clothes and that will add a bit on, but in reality I have more or less STS.
 
weight wise, youre in a different ball park now. 15 stone something is seeing that end of the tunnel isnt it? it's a massive achievement from 18 stone something.

Before you know it, you'll be seeing 13 stone something and then it's just a case of keeping at it. We are always on hand for support etc

I think the support of SW will be better for you than support groups geared around binging. We know why we binge - we need to focus on positives to stop us doing it!
 
Absolutely! Soon I will be in the 14's, how awesome is that?! :party0011:

I think I will continue with the support group for now, but not let me head get drawn in, just take away the practical tips they have for dealing with urges etc.
 
lottiebird said:
Absolutely! Soon I will be in the 14's, how awesome is that?! :party0011:
Click to expand...

Well, maybe not THAT soon... I weighed in on Thursday, and gained 3.5lbs in the month or so I was "going it alone". I'm totally fine with that :) I'm back at group and so on plan, so it's kinda like a fresh start weight. I also got a new pack for good measure.

I am going to Prezzo which has just opened near me today with my husband for our monthly date :) they have a "light" portion, which is half pasta and half salad, and all their nutritional info on their site, so no need to guess or go off plan :)
 
I have been on it :) today I was lured into a bakery by a very slim friend who had sausage rolls and a huge cream cake. I REALLY wanted to eat the entire shop's contents. So what did I do? I went and got a jacket potato with beans and a huge salad. Feeling really proud of myself, I was so close to caving in! :)
 
Wow well done lottiebird! That is some amazing will power right there, it's good you're feeling proud of yourself, so you should! x
 
I've not posted here for a little while. I lost a pound last Thursday, which was nice :)

I'm having a really bad week to be honest, absolutely wiped out physically and mentally and have been eating comfort foods and not sticking to plan at all. I'm really bloated and feel ready to pop. I really haven't food optimised, recorded my intake or anything, so sure of a gain tomorrow. It will be a relief to weigh in and have a line drawn again.
 
I was wondering how you were... Well done on the loss last week, but don't feel too bad about going off plan, I have been too! Like you say, hopefully the result will kick you back into it :) x
 
It's like you said though, just comfort food! Eventually you'll get sick enough of it, I'm starting to get to that stage! Craving healthy meals x
 
Well my grandad died last Monday so that's kind of the reason I've been off plan, so I'm not doing too great. Trying to focus on other things though, like my work experience which is going really well now. Also my novel which I've just passed 20,000 words on which is cool.

Yum, just made a vaguely healthy salad for lunch tomorrow consisting of leaves, cherry Toms, gherkin, coleslaw, new potatoes and German sausage! Yum, looking forward to it :D

How's life with you other than dieting (or lack of haha)? xx
 
Laura94B said:
Well my grandad died last Monday so that's kind of the reason I've been off plan, so I'm not doing too great. Trying to focus on other things though, like my work experience which is going really well now. Also my novel which I've just passed 20,000 words on which is cool.

Yum, just made a vaguely healthy salad for lunch tomorrow consisting of leaves, cherry Toms, gherkin, coleslaw, new potatoes and German sausage! Yum, looking forward to it :D

How's life with you other than dieting (or lack of haha)? xx
Click to expand...

Aw, I'm sorry to hear about your grandad :( Totally understandable you're not on plan 100%.

I didn't know you are writing a novel, what type of novel? I have an idea for a novel (Sci-fi) that I keep meaning to start and never quite get around to it. Is it your first?

I gained 0.5lb last night, I deserved a bigger gain so I am ok with it, determined to have a loss this week. Really been bad at saying "no" lately...
 
Nevermind about the 0.5lb, like you said it could have been a bigger gain :)

Thanks, just a tough time all round at the moment! Planned to go to the gym today, but ended up arguing with my mum, then crying with her so we just got some chips instead haha! Such a fail...

I'm doing NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month - and it's a kind of supernatural, fantasy and erotic (not really, but there is a sex scene) haha... A big mix of things! You should check it out :) And definitely start writing if you have an idea! They say everyone has a book in them :) xx
 
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