Loz's weight loss diary

[mark45]

Hi Loz.

Great to see you back. I know how hard it is to lose. I started my diary in 2010 and it's only in 2016 I've made significant progress. Now I look back it's like the previous 6 years I "knew" what I *should* do but didn't, or only made token gestures. I mean during that time (2010 - 2015) I did do Weightwatchers and Slimming World and manage to lose ~45 lbs but put it all back on (plus interest) in the interim period.

My advice to you, which is essentially what I wished I told myself years ago is this:

My current line of thinking is I got myself in that crazy situation of getting a BMI of 44.6 - it will take a crazy situation to get out of that. I'm not going to lie to you, it's not going to be easy. When it comes down to it you basically have two options. You can 1) exercise and eat back the calories or 2) sacrifice the foods you love for a greater cause.

At the start go cold turkey in relation to chocolate, crisps and cakes and other food "vices". It's just not worth it. Those foods pack a lot of energy. They give pleasure for how long? Personally I can't remember what it tastes like after 2 minutes or so... therefore what's the point in me eating it? I would have to walk 22 minutes at my current pace to eat 30 gram of chocolate (like 5/6 Cadbury size blocks)...what a waste of time. These things are better not bought in the first place. If you live with someone then you must explain to them how strongly you feel about wanting to lose weight and these types of food are preventing you from reaching your goal. Ask them kindly to keep these things out of view and needless to say never to consume them/offer you any in front of you. Out of sight, out of mind.

I'm ashamed and disgusted with myself.

Remember this feeling. Remember what you felt like every time you reach or even think about eating some chocolate, crisps and cake. If you strongly feel ashamed and disgusted then those feelings should stop you from eating them.
Carrots, pickled onions, salad and fruit is what I snack on if I'm sitting down watching TV. 400g of blackberries contains the same amount of energy as 30g chocolate. Absolutely mind boggling when you think of it.

Personally it took me 6 months, or a BMI of 31.2 before I allowed myself, or felt it justified to eat any chocolate. 0.5 years is not a long time to be without cakes/chocolate/crisps for now.

Now, I'm just mortified that I have undone all that good work. I don't even have any excuses.

So you've had your *calorie holiday* and now you're back. That's the main thing. Try not to dwell too much on the past, it's about the future.

It's not worth me saying good luck because 'luck' is brought by chance. The question now is what will you do now to change your future? Only you have the power to change the future. Only YOU can change YOUR future.

 

[Loz1986]

Hi Nicky - December is such a difficult month diet-wise isn't it. There's just so much temptation - but we've another 11 months til we're there again and think how disciplined we will be by next Christmas!

Mark - wow what a difference since I was last on here! You sound so much more confident and your ticker thingy - it's amazing (though to be fair, you were doing great with the diet and exercise when I was last on here, so I shouldn't be surprised at how fantastically well you've done!). I know I've got a lot of work to do - a BMI of 45 is scarily high and I know it's going to take a long time to get it down, and at the moment, I'm just aiming for it to be below 35 for IVF. I did so well last year and was able to mostly avoid chocolate (that is my main downfall, closely followed by cakes, crisps I can take or leave usually). Thinking about it in terms of what I'd have to do to burn the calories off might be a good way forward when I'm faltering with temptation.

I'm just waiting for the local swimming pool to open, then I'm going to head there and do some lengths. I used to be able to do a couple of miles with no bother whatsoever, but I haven't done lengths for years so I might just have to see what I can do first. (And I must remember to shave my legs before I leave the house!)

 

[Loz1986]

Been swimming!

I did half a mile. After 50m I was exhausted. After 200m I felt like giving up. After 600m I was three quarters of the way there and decided I would be able to do it.

Not as good as I used to be able to do but not a bad starting point.

 

[Cavegirl21]

Well done on going swimming.

 

[tickettyboo]

Well done Loz, that's a brilliant start. I totally lack discipline-that's why I'm still seriously overweight after forty odd years of half heartedly doing something about it. I just wish I could keep that buzzing feeling of the first few weeks going when I'm so motivated and fired up instead of giving up after a few weeks-when you've got a lot to lose it just seems endless doesn't it? I've tried all the recommendations like breaking it up into little goals so it seems more achievable, but still go into self destruct mode.

Mark's post is brilliant...tough love...he's so right though, only we can make the difference. Think of being able to have IVF when you get your BMI down to 35, that's a real motivation! I needed to get to that to have my knee replacement last year and I was so focused because I couldn't bear to wait any longer for the surgery as I was in so much pain. The reason my knees were (and one still is) shot was due to years of being overweight so I've only myself to blame. This really is last chance saloon for me, I'm still relatively young but my mobility is getting worse and I really have to get a grip. Don't end up like me! You're so much younger, when you're young you never think your body will let you down. We CAN do this, for so many reasons, we need to. Let's both make 2017 the year we turn things around and shift it for good xx

 

[Loz1986]

His post was great, Nicky. IVF is my main motivation but we've been waiting years to do it and it's never been my weight that has stopped us - it's always been a bit time work-wise, of when I went back to uni, or it's not been financially viable, so it's never actually seemed like something that would happen. Now, though, we're in a good place to have IVF - I just need to lose the weight! Even to get to a BMI of 35, I have to lose about 34kg, and that seems like a hell of a lot - it's about 5 stone. I'm fortunate in that, in my local Trust, we treat women with a BMI of below 35 as low risk, which means that I would be able to have the choice of where to deliver and wouldn't have to have any extra appointments due to my weight.

Didn't you mention the possibility of having the other knee done at some point?

So today I've so far had about 1600ish calories. I'm not feeling hungry at the moment (I've just had dinner) but I have bought some apples so I can have one later on if I do feel hungry.

I went shopping after work today and bought some healthy bits. I nearly gave in to temptation and bought chocolate - I picked up a blue packet of the M&Ms as I thought they would be the least unhealthy, looked at the calorie content on it and put them straight back down - for me, that is an achievement!

 

[Loz1986]

So, I've had a good couple of days, eaten fairly well and not bought any junk food this week, which is a massive achievement. As you've probably seen, the NHS is somewhat busy at the moment, which means we've been pulled in to help on the wards (lots of running around!). I was planning on doing some jogging in the dining room tonight but I just got home feeling so tired and with a banging headache (I've never drunk enough water when I've been on the wards), so I've spent the evening just drinking water and watching a film.

I've been eating more healthily - instead of eating chocolate in the evenings, I've had carrots, sugarsnap peas, apples and bananas (obviously not in one sitting, that just sounds gross!).

I haven't yet been on the scales - well, I tell a small lie, I stepped on them briefly on Monday and, as expected, there was no change, so I don't plan on getting on them until next week, so fingers crossed I see a good change!

 

[Loz1986]

I've had a good day today - I think eaten somewhere around the 1600 calories mark, which isn't too bad (though I did have a fair bit of bread - I love bread!). I fancied some cornflakes this evening, but I said no to myself. I am getting some self-discipline back, which is an achievement. I've not been to the shop after work since Monday whereas normally, I would pop in after work and get something to eat or to snack on. I think I should start saving what I would have spent at the shop (or even a portion of it) - could use it to buy myself some sort of treat when I hit some yet-to-be-decided goals.

I wasn't planning on weighing myself until next week, but think I might do it tomorrow - I'm hoping I've lost something. I think, once I see how I'm doing, I'm going to start setting myself some weight loss and exercise goals. I need to find something to keep me motivated now I've actually realised how much I have to lose to get to a healthy weight. I need to lose nearly 10 and a half stone! - I need to basically lose the weight of another adult human. That is terrifying. 34kg (5ish stone) seemed a lot, just to get my BMI below 35, but that seems nothing compared to 10 and a half stone.

At the weekend, providing I have the time (we're baby-sitting for a friend and I've got some jobs that I need to do around the house), I'm going to go and do a healthy shop. I'm down to my last few apples!

 

[Loz1986]

Well, I didn't manage to weigh myself today but that's fine, I'll do it some time next week.

I've eaten well today. I had a sandwich at lunchtime. For dinner, I've just eaten an halloumi baguette with oven-cooked sweet potato fries and stir-fried mushrooms, onion, tomatoes and chillies. It was yummy and very filling.

I think my first goal should be 145kg by the end of the month - that gives me another 2 and a half weeks.

 

[Loz1986]

Still waiting around for my friend to turn up - she said some time before 11, so they should be here soon. I wish they'd been more precise as I could have gone shopping and been back already. Ah well. I'm actually quite keen to go to the garden centre today as places are starting to have seeds out. I'm quite keen on trying new and unusual seeds (I don't always have much luck getting them to germinate, but I grew some lovely asparagus peas one year).

I was reading another thread about rewarding yourself for weight loss, and one of them was about saving money each time you lose a certain amount of weight. I'm not sure what would be a decent amount to save - £5 per kg lost? - but I suppose when I hit my target, it would be amazing opening that savings tin up.

I also think I need some rewards for along the way, too. I think I will look at each 5kg (starting from 145kg) as a mini-target and reward myself with something. I'm not sure yet what that would be - I love my Pandora bracelet at the moment, but I think buying a charm each time I lost 5kg would cost a lot of money and would fill my bracelet too much. I would love a clothes based reward but that seems a litte silly as (hopefully) I'm going to need a new wardrobe in the not too distant future. I don't wear jewellery often (due to my job) and I have no interest in expensive make-up or getting my hair done. I do need some new boots for in the garden this summer - maybe that could be one of my rewards? Ooh, actually, what I have just written above about going seed shopping, maybe a more expensive little greenhouse might be an idea. I would like to buy a nice fruit tree, too as I seem to collect these, though I think I might be starting to run out of room - the garden's going to look like an orchard I think if I get anymore, so perhaps an unusual soft fruit bush might be an idea. Ooh, I'm getting all excited by these ideas now!

 

[Loz1986]

I made it in to town, but not to the supermarket. We went around some of the shops and then went to one of the local garden centres. It was a bit disappointing in there - they're sort of between their Christmas and summer display so loads of empty space. I did buy some seeds though, so I was quite happy with that.

I made a lasagne for dinner (I think it was healthy? - I used only two lasagne sheets (I never put much lasagne in a lasagne), loads of veg and about 100g or so of cheese for 4 portions). I had a little chocolate earlier. It was some of the stuff left over from Christmas, like the celebrations or miniature heroes or whatever they were. I was very self-disciplined, I only had two pieces and then put the rest away. Before, I would have finished them off quite easily (it wasn't a full tin!) - but this time, I put the lid back on and put them away. I also avoided all the sweets and stuff (mmm, fudge) they have in the garden centre.

 

[Loz1986]

1.6kg off!

It seems such a small amount but it's a step in the right direction and I'm happy that the scales are, once again, heading in the right direction.

 

[Minerva]

Yay well done Loz! I'm glad things are moving in the right direction

 

[Loz1986]

Thanks Minerva.

Been feeling unwell this last week or so. Been really nauseated and not feeling like wating until later in the day when I've been ravenous. I haven't made the best food choices for that reason. Starting to feel better now so hopefully back to healthier food choices.

I weighed myself yesterday, only 100g off but still a step in the right direction.

 

[Loz1986]

So, I weighed myself at work today - 145.3kg, which means 1kg off in 2 days!

It's amazing, but I think it is to do with the fact that I hardly ate yesterday (felt awful, but wanted a takeaway at about 9pm, I resisted knowing that I would hate myself for it as soon as I had finished it. Instead, I had some crackers and some water and went to bed). I also weighed myself at work today early in the morning, I'd had one coffee and been for a wee, where as 2 days before, it was late in the afternoon, I needed a wee, I'd had multiple coffees and my lunch. Still 1kg off, though!

I've added my £5 to my money box!

 

[Loz1986]

So I've lost nothing in almost a fortnight. I want to get to 145kg as I want to start looking at my weight loss on nice neat 5kg chunks. My aim is to get there by Friday (so hopefully I can weigh myself before lunch for a more accurate result).

I tried breakfast this morning. They were some scottish oat crackers or something from the co-op. Now I'm sure if I'd have tried them like the picture on the box, with some nice soft cheese, they would have been nice enough. But they were disgusting! It actually tasted like cardboard. There was no flavour to it. And I didn't even have a tissue or anything to hand to spit it in to. I had to swallow it. It was the worst thing I had eaten in a long time!

On a more positive note, I've started my seed shopping. I can't wait to start sowing all my little seeds!

 

[Loz1986]

So the last few months have been tough. To cut a very long story short, I'm now planning IVF on my own.

Anyway, the diet has gone by the wayside recently. I've fluctuated between not eating and eating like a pig. Somehow, my weight has stayed roughly the same - I was around 148kg when I weighed myself the other day (well about 10 days or so ago). At that point, I started to keep an eye on whay I was eating. I did brilliantly until the Saturday before last when I didn't eat all day then pigged out on junk food in the evening. I've been back on track foodwise since and am having 1400-2000 calories a day - I know 2000 is still quite a lot but I am burning more than someone lighter (the NHS website BMI thing advises more to maintain weight) so I'm OK with that.

I've also started to make healthier choices - less chocolate or crisps and more fruit and salad.

I've also been more active recently. I've been swimming quite a bit recently (I'm tempted to get a monthly membership thing - something I would never have considered until recently!). I'm still thinking about joining the gym - not quite built up the courage yet.

Anyway, I'll post an accurate and up-to-date weight soon.

 

[Loz1986]

Weighed myself today 148.5kg so not too bad - apparently it had been longer than I had thought since I last weighed myself. All things considered, I'm quite pleased with this and am taking it as my current start weight.

I've been keeping an eye on my caloroies these last couple of weeks and I just realised that actually, they're well under 2000 every day this week except Monday (1900). For the rest of the week, they have been 1100 to 1600 calories a day which is lower than I had thought it was. They're not the healthiest calories but I can work on that later. I'm just pleased that the calories are staying low at the moment.

 

[Loz1986]

So not such a great day goodwise today but that is always the way - I find it much easier at work than at home.

That being said, I went to the shop earlier today and bought spinach leaves to have with my dinner and didn't even think about getting any chocolate which is good.

 

[Loz1986]

Diet-wise, yesterday was rubbish. I had about 2800 calories for the day, which is the upper limit of what the NHS BMI thing says on their website. I also wasn't terribly active - not sure how much I walked as I left my phone at home, but it was nowhere near what I normally do. I had a lot of healthy food - I definitely got my 5 a day in yesterday - but I also had some calorie dense food, I had pastry and quite a big serving of halloumi. My phone says that my average daily calorie intake for the week was 1600, which I'm actually quite happy with as the NHS BMI thing says, even if I put inactive, that my recommended daily calorie intake starts at 2070 calories per day.

I think now I'm getting back in to this, that I needed to set myself some goals and rules.

Rules
1. I can't buy chocolate for myself. Chocolate is my biggest downfall. I don't want to cut chocolate out of my diet completely but if I don't buy it for myself, I'm going to massively cut my calorie intake.
2. I ought to cut my intake of bread. During the week, I probably have 2 slices per day maximum, but when I visit my mother or grandmother I could have up to 6 slices in a day (sandwich for lunch, maybe cheese on toast for dinner, toast in the evening) - which is probably far too much. I will have a bread based meal only once per day.
3. Increase water intake (possibly TMI but I will titrate my water intake to my urine appearance - it has been quite concentrated recently).

Goals
1. 147kg by the end of the month. I know that's not a huge number, and should be quite easily achievable, but I'd rather set a low goal and overachieve than set a higher goal, fail and knock my confidence.
2. 140kg by the end of September
3. 5kg per month (that should mean 125kg by the end of the year - meaning I should have broken the 20 stone mark (127kg) and have only 11kg to get to my first major goal) - I think that is achievable? - it's a calorie deficit of 38,500 per month, which actually seems quite a lot - it is over 1,000 calories per day - at the moment, I'm consuming about 400 calories intake less than my recommended minimum, so if I up the swimming, that is going to help. I may have to re-evaluate at the end of September, see how I'm doing and whether 5kg per month is realistic.