Muffin top / bingo wings / back boobs no more!

Today I walked for 5ish miles. I am really pleased as I walked so fast I looked like I had pooed myself for most of it.

And I tired my Cardi round my neck so the sun couldn't get to my shoulders. Which made me look like I had on a cape. That walking dead fast was a sure fire way to look like I had mental health issues.

Everyone moved out of the way for me on the pavement. Everyone.
X
 
Well here is my food diary For today;
Extra easy. Hea -milk. Heb- weetabix.

Bowl of fruit and a ff yoghurt and coffee with coconut oil for breakfast.

Lunch my heb weetabix

Tea sausages, spicy roast potatoes, peas and broccoli.

Today I walked five miles ish.

And I started to face my demons head on. No, I didn't headbutt my mother in law, I started to wean myself off my far too expensive and posh yoghurt addiction.

I had one danio left in the fridge. I have eaten it and NO MORE will be, purchased. Until I have made the mortgage repayment that is.

Its hard, I'm being brave, trying to look at the positives and surrounding myself with those who love and support me.

I bloody hate cheap yoghurts.
 
Six words - mid week mother in law visit.

Good lord tonights post will be mammoth
 
If the Danio yogurts you're referring to are those new protein ones.... I just made my own version of the blueberry one.

Defrosted a handful of frozen blubes and put them in the bottom of a bowl. Spinkle a little sweetener, dollop on some fat free frontage frais and some more sweetener. Yum! How many syns are the yoghurts?
 
Smoomoo I try not to eat sweetener with it being the stuff of the devil.

I only know the strawberry ones have 1syn

Hi giggly, good luck with the journey

I am in a bad mood.only lost half a pound. And I had a massive poo before hand.

To some that is TMI but quite frankly I couldn't give a ****. We all know it's the truth, a poo before weigh in makes you think your deffo going to loose.

But my bad mood stems from the fricking bint who is always behind me in the scaleS. I SWEAR she waits just to gloat. Today the elf through a absolute fit when I got weighed. Full on wobbler, sobbed, broke her heart for the full 1 second I sat her on the floor to get weighed. One second. I picked her up immediately and she said

"ooooo Hugo never got upset like that. He was always emotionally intelligent.

Have you lost this week? !"

Oh **** off

I wanted to reply. I actually muttered it.

And in typical bad mooded me style I walked out in a huff. Only at myself for not losing more than half a pound. And then skulked back in to buy a magazine as I forgot. Always the way.

After walking six miles a day I definitely deserve more than a half. But I got weighed at the doctors this week and was the lightest I have been on their records for over 12 months so I'm trying to stay positive.

I'm going to get elf to throw up near Hugo next week and run off so people think it was her perfect child lol. ;)
 
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Ps I know this is a typical fat person excuse, and trust me I have said and know them all being a fat person lol...

But I truly think I have lost inches. Like I have lost 7lb in total since joining sw. But over 4 stone done having elf as I retained fluid even pregnant.

It has taken me 7 weeks, possibly six to loose that and I have been exercising more and more. And my.walking speed is try scary.I like like a loony I walk so fast with elf on proper hikes. All my pre pregnancy clothes fit.and some of my slim wardrobe bits. I feel much Slimmer

So how can I only loose half a pound?!
 
Had night away without elf at the sea side.

Three jugs of pimms.

One Mexican meal

Three gin and Tonics.

Two ice creams

One fry up.

It was worth EVERY syn!

Update to follow
 
Here to subscribe your very entertaining lol x
 
Welcome pink nails!

Well this here entry is what's known as the "entry of shame".

Some people perform the walk of shame after a night out.

For failed dieters like me, afterTHE BLOW OUT OF BLOW OUTS this is the entry of shame.

It started on Friday with a sausage sarnie at the cafe in our local baths after taking the elf swimming. Hubby came too as he had taken the day off. That's because we had a free night away in a hotel curtesy of his company.

So after the wee splash about I ate my sausage sarnie before dumping, I mean depositing, elf at my parents.its the first time she has stayed away over night so I was seriously neurotic about leaving her. I wrote rules and lists galore for my mum and then drive off into the fat sunset.

To be fair the hotel was in deepest darkest costal town and there is no mobile signal so I had a right to be sightly psycho.

So I knew I was going to go billy bob mental batshit crazy this weekend.

Truly epic food fail.

Because.....

Its a FREE night away. FREE. the only thing i ever get for free is junk mail which is normally from weight watchers who i paid a lot of money to previously, so its nit even really free.

So to me free never happens. And free to me also means be as greedy as possible.

Started off with a Mexican meal by the sea.I promptly ignored all slimming world advice - I mean really, who in their right mine had tomato based dishes with side salad when its FREE?! so I had chicken, cheese and sour cream quesadillas. And two glasses of rum punch.

Then I had two scoops of ice cream on a chocolate dipped cone. Full fat Jersey cow ice cream. The stuff Margaret Miles-Bramwell actually kills her consultants for even looking at.

Back to the hotel. Quick bath while watching the TV in our shower (WTF) and then straight to the lawn

for first jug of pimms.

There is no time or inclination for mummy and daddy sexy time when free food and alcohol is on the cards.

pimms of course contains lots of supetfree foods. I read that in the sw mag.


Then second jug of pimms.

By which stage the hotel director who we know came to join us in getting hammered. He knew we were clearly going mental as soon as he heard the phrase "first night away from elf". And he wanted a laugh so came.to witness something very special.

Three gin and tonics. All too myself. Slimline, obviously.

Then, I kid you not, a ghost tour round the hotel -I always go in for this type of stuff before absolutely crapping myself. I started the ghost tour by flinging strawberry from pimms at husband and pretending it was a ghost. Then the hotel manager trumps us all with actual true ghost encounters.

One glass of wine.

Me then having to go sit inside because I was so scared-

yup we were still outside at 11, not to worry i am clearly now too fat for the midgies to bite.

A CORONATION CHICKEN SANDWICH.

one diet coke.

Then bed.

Not before eating ALL THE JELLY BEANS, KETTLE CRISPS, CHOCOLATE MICE, CHOCOLATE RAISINS AND PEANUTS.in the fridge.

Well it was free.
 
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It makes me so proud that the previous entry took so long because of the sheer scale of food I consumed in a one day sitting.

And I still have yet to add ; the fry up for breakfast, pizza and wedges for tea, magnum in the garden, popcorn and chocolate buttons infront of the tv the following day.

All I can say is the hangover was a evil hungry monster that had to be fed.

This weekend and next weekend hubby is off, and its our only holidays of the year due to poverty with me being on maternity. I cannot believe I went so crazy in a one 2 sitting.

My aim therefore its to;

make my consultant actually ban me from meeting in disgrace at what I have achieved.

For annoying Mrs perfect to actually give me a card for over eaters annonymous at the scales when I put in a stone in a week and elf decides to throw up /poo herself then roll in it while Hugo tries to teach her right from wrong using Chinese origami symbols he learned while on his gap week in Peru. He's only a bit older than elf remember

And finally to be the first person ever to split their leggings while actually having such fat feet I create a new term "fat food over hang". Bit like muffin tops but for the SERIOUSLY fat.

Why oh why oh why did I not just use bloody flexi syns
 
Oh my.

I have gone mental.

Full on batshit crazy.

I cannot cannot cannot stop eating
 
Just tried listening to my park mackenna CD to get me back on track.


I ate eleven rich tea after.
 
I'm off on my weekend away tomorrow. I have literally lost the plot. Tonight I'm off for a Portuguese meal with family, and its free- you know I loves the word free.

tomorrow I am off to visit the nephew for the weekend with elf and hubby. And nephew is a total foody.

I'm going to weigh only my right leg on Monday. That's it.and hold onto the radiator to weigh even less.
 
My weekend away is best described in a random list of events.

Thursday night ; FREE three course meal in Portuguese style restaurant.

Free = eat until you get a mouth ulcer. When that occurs pause, drink some thing and compose, then carry on.

Friday arrive at location. Unpack at speed, lather the elf in suncream, run out to meet family.

Get half way out of door, elf throws up and starts to cry as she is hungry due to throwing up.

Feed elf, leave at speed, get into car. Air con on. Fifteen seconds later car smells of a mixture of sewerage, death and cow pat.

Elf smiles in delight at her achievement. A monster poo in dads car with no where at the park and ride to change her.

Arrive at location. Watch some students graduate, fight through the crowds all day in sweaty heat.

Finally find air conditioned cafe with table. Put elf in high chair. Elf happily dances about. Until I hear something hit the floor. Look down.

ITS A POO.

Elfs nappy has moved.the poo has feel out perfectly formed and hit floor.

No one has noticed. Manage somehow to pick it up without anyone noticing. Also squirt antibacterial hand gel on for and wipe floor.

Get elf to toilet, poo all over back. Very public sink bath to get rid of poo. Then spend fifteen mins cleaning sink using solution found under sink.

Elf waves at everyone in delight as we return to seat. She is proud of her mammoth poo and bath in middle of the day.

Cafe has ran out of cake.have to go to cake stand and eat a massive wedge of cake to recover.

Poo on floor is a whole new high. Or low depending how you look at it.

Saturday. No pooing incidents. No vomits. Elf is so proud she stays up till midnight and gets up at six to revel in her first poo vomit free day in ages.

Sunday, today, car journey home. Elf annoyed at holiday being over. Sleeps all way home then falls asleep at 6pm in protest. Tomorrow will be a early start
 
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stomach pumping

colonic irrigation

my jaw stapled

Cabbage soup diet

Hair cut

...... Need other ways to loose a stone in a week.all suggestions gladly recieved
 
Day one of operation hip bones.

Just soaking some figs in prune juice with some fried apricots.

I have got some cabbage soup for lunch.

For tea its cooked cider vinegar, boiled eggs and garlic.

I'm going to have a green veggie smoothie after.

And then walk ten miles.
 
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