Day 15: Yesterday was a very very BAD day. My boyfriend and i have an agreement that i dont watch him eat and in an open plan flat this means i go to bed when we get in. Yesterday, he found out on our lunch break that he has to have a root canal, so we had the usual male hysterics about the whole thing. So i suggested he went to M &S and bought himself some really nice lunch to cheer himself up. He buys enough food to feed a small army ( i went food shopping) and a massive piece of madiera cake. We get in, i do my usual 'ill be upstairs on my laptop' but this being his hysterical day isnt good enough. So he starts saying why cant you just come and spend some time with me, i need you right now.
So we sit on the sofa while his food cooks, then he cuddles up to me while he eats a massive pile of chinese. Now i tried to ignore the fact that this is all going on, i read a magazine, played on my laptop, but after 20 minutes i was starving (which i havent had for ages!). I was like a ravenous animal. So when he sits down with his 4 slices of cake and sugary tea, i stole some cake, 2 slices to be exact. and his tea. and this lead to 2 slices of toast and half bag of peanuts.
I was gutted. After id eaten it i felt awful, i dont even know why i ate it. I think it was because id trained myself with my structure of not going near food that i liked when i was hungry and i could eat it. The fact it was right under my nose, i just couldnt deal with it at all.
So this morning (day 15) id gained 2lbs. Im trying to convince myself its just food weight, but i know some of it will be actual weight. But today was a new day and im back to 100% But I'm taking it all as part of the learning process, when im all slim and healthy i am going to have days when i eat too much cake or drink too much booze, but i guess its about whether you get back on the wagon (and praying these 2lbs magically fall of overnight somehow).
xxxx