chicken on a mission
Restarting to lose 4stone
Monday 30th October
The owners of the horse still haven't called me about the loan agreement. The suspense is killing me and I don't think this is going to come off. At least if I think like that then I won't be disappointed. I need to know one way or the other so I can end this.
Today was a special day because it was my daughter’s first full time day at school and it was my hubby’s birthday. He had the day off so we took our daughter to school and then went to a wholesaler and then to Tesco for breakfast and then Chichester to look at clothes for him and then to Asda and on to pick our daughter up again. It was lovely to get the day together but today was the worst day ever for the diet so I have some serious sacrifices to make over the coming days to make up for my choices yesterday and especially for today. With hubby back at work and my daughter at school this shouldn’t be a problem.
I had LL chocolate porridge, 1 apple, a cooked brunch consisting of a sausage, fried egg, black pudding, tinned tomatoes and a hash brown (I was pleased that I limited myself to 1 bit of each and didn’t have mushrooms, bacon, toast, scrambled egg with the hidden fat, baked beans – I could have really gone to town so my damage limitation at this meal was good), 1 custard slice, 1 slice of birthday cake. Then we went Harvester and had a bread roll sized plate of salad which sounds good until I list what this consisted of! One slice of new potato (not on my management plan for another 2 weeks but only had a slice rather than a whole one), onion sprinkles, croutons, blue cheese dressing (only a small amount but still shouldn’t have had any), sweet corn, red pepper, cucumber, a baby tomato. At least it wasn’t a piled up salad bowl full so although the choices were not the best, the plate was a good choice. Main course was a southern style platter to share which was laden with fatty meat carbs and fried food with soured cream dip. I didn’t have the chips and I left loads of everything too so it could have been worse but it could have been better too. To finish I had a Rocky Horror which is a bottom layer of warm chocolate fudge cake with fudge sauce with vanilla ice cream on top of that and squirty cream on top of that. I ate the lot with no thoughts of leaving any. I tried to get my daughter or hubby to share but they wanted different things and I am incapable of leaving anything sweet or chocolaty. I also had an Irish coffee which was disappointing after the ones I had Saturday. Even though I consciously ate far less of everything than I would have done pre LL, I still got it majorly wrong and feel like I am about to explode. Comparing my amounts consumed to what I would have eaten pre LL is no consolation because the fact remains that not only did I over eat but I over ate to such an extent that I hurt, I am actually in pain.
I have still to learn my new limits. If I choose to over eat then that is one thing but this is the second time in 2 days that I have eaten so much that I am in pain. Being in pain has marred the memories of my meal and it’s about time I worked out how much I can eat without feeling uncomfortable let alone ill and before I have done the deed because this just isn’t funny. There’s no 2 ways about it I need to go back on the wagon for at least the next 5 days to make up for the last 2 days worth of food choices. I think I will weigh myself daily again until I am back to where I want to be. This has been the start of normal life and now I need to balance these choices with some good ones until I have earnt the right to stray again. I am not looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow. I wasn’t going to go the the management meeting tomorrow because I have loads of packs left and could do with saving the money this week but I KNOW that I need to go this week. If I had made consistent choices this week then I would have given it a miss but given the last couple of days this is going to be my most important meeting so far. I don’t regret the content of the choices I made but I just wish I could wave my magic wand and know what quantities I can have.
Is food a treat? Right now I’d say no. It is a form of torture because I feel very ill. If I was going to be sick then at least that would empty a bit out because the sheer volume of food is hurting me but I don’t do bulimia and want to face the consequences of my choices even though this will be tough. I just want to get the food balance right in my life but it is going to take a lot of practice. I have some serious lessons to learning to take responsibility for yourself isn’t easy.
Morning weight: Didn’t weigh in today
Activity: Walking round all day with hubby
Water: 2 litres
I completed the LL homework: Nothing except diary
I stuck to the listed food and quantity: Not a hope
Day 37 of the route to management completed.
The owners of the horse still haven't called me about the loan agreement. The suspense is killing me and I don't think this is going to come off. At least if I think like that then I won't be disappointed. I need to know one way or the other so I can end this.
Today was a special day because it was my daughter’s first full time day at school and it was my hubby’s birthday. He had the day off so we took our daughter to school and then went to a wholesaler and then to Tesco for breakfast and then Chichester to look at clothes for him and then to Asda and on to pick our daughter up again. It was lovely to get the day together but today was the worst day ever for the diet so I have some serious sacrifices to make over the coming days to make up for my choices yesterday and especially for today. With hubby back at work and my daughter at school this shouldn’t be a problem.
I had LL chocolate porridge, 1 apple, a cooked brunch consisting of a sausage, fried egg, black pudding, tinned tomatoes and a hash brown (I was pleased that I limited myself to 1 bit of each and didn’t have mushrooms, bacon, toast, scrambled egg with the hidden fat, baked beans – I could have really gone to town so my damage limitation at this meal was good), 1 custard slice, 1 slice of birthday cake. Then we went Harvester and had a bread roll sized plate of salad which sounds good until I list what this consisted of! One slice of new potato (not on my management plan for another 2 weeks but only had a slice rather than a whole one), onion sprinkles, croutons, blue cheese dressing (only a small amount but still shouldn’t have had any), sweet corn, red pepper, cucumber, a baby tomato. At least it wasn’t a piled up salad bowl full so although the choices were not the best, the plate was a good choice. Main course was a southern style platter to share which was laden with fatty meat carbs and fried food with soured cream dip. I didn’t have the chips and I left loads of everything too so it could have been worse but it could have been better too. To finish I had a Rocky Horror which is a bottom layer of warm chocolate fudge cake with fudge sauce with vanilla ice cream on top of that and squirty cream on top of that. I ate the lot with no thoughts of leaving any. I tried to get my daughter or hubby to share but they wanted different things and I am incapable of leaving anything sweet or chocolaty. I also had an Irish coffee which was disappointing after the ones I had Saturday. Even though I consciously ate far less of everything than I would have done pre LL, I still got it majorly wrong and feel like I am about to explode. Comparing my amounts consumed to what I would have eaten pre LL is no consolation because the fact remains that not only did I over eat but I over ate to such an extent that I hurt, I am actually in pain.
I have still to learn my new limits. If I choose to over eat then that is one thing but this is the second time in 2 days that I have eaten so much that I am in pain. Being in pain has marred the memories of my meal and it’s about time I worked out how much I can eat without feeling uncomfortable let alone ill and before I have done the deed because this just isn’t funny. There’s no 2 ways about it I need to go back on the wagon for at least the next 5 days to make up for the last 2 days worth of food choices. I think I will weigh myself daily again until I am back to where I want to be. This has been the start of normal life and now I need to balance these choices with some good ones until I have earnt the right to stray again. I am not looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow. I wasn’t going to go the the management meeting tomorrow because I have loads of packs left and could do with saving the money this week but I KNOW that I need to go this week. If I had made consistent choices this week then I would have given it a miss but given the last couple of days this is going to be my most important meeting so far. I don’t regret the content of the choices I made but I just wish I could wave my magic wand and know what quantities I can have.
Is food a treat? Right now I’d say no. It is a form of torture because I feel very ill. If I was going to be sick then at least that would empty a bit out because the sheer volume of food is hurting me but I don’t do bulimia and want to face the consequences of my choices even though this will be tough. I just want to get the food balance right in my life but it is going to take a lot of practice. I have some serious lessons to learning to take responsibility for yourself isn’t easy.
Morning weight: Didn’t weigh in today
Activity: Walking round all day with hubby
Water: 2 litres
I completed the LL homework: Nothing except diary
I stuck to the listed food and quantity: Not a hope
Day 37 of the route to management completed.
