My management journey

[westhills]

I am finding that I NEED some complex carbs with my evening meal, to keep away the hungry monters during the evening. If I have just meat and low carb veggies, no matter what the amount, I feel hungry later on - the kind of hunger that you cannot negotiate with, just eat, and eat, and eat.
If I have, say, 50g bulgar wheat, or 40g pasta (or other complex carbohydtrate)with my meal, this does not happen. Still learning, but thought I'd share this.
Similarly, at breakfast, if I have 40g porridge oats, I feel full up until the afternoon, and then can eat just fruit until the evning meal, quite happily.
Ann x

 

[chicken on a mission]

Thanks karen. It's only been nearly a month but I am feeling happier about the whole thing now

Hi Anne,

The staple carbohydrates such as potatoes, pasta, cous cous, rice etc don't get introduced until week 7 on the LL programme so another 2 weeks yet. I don't find that I am actually physically hungry in the evening, it is more of a mental pull to graze mainly due to boredom and habit. If I am busy mowing my legs in the bath or doing something interesting then I don't feel the need to eat anything else. I need to find a hobby (other than the computer) that I can do during the evening

I adored my first try of sweet potato which I haven't eaten since I was about 13 or 14 (I came up in a rash and thought it might be because of the sweet potato so didn't try it again), I suspect I'll be eating a lot more of this in place of standard tatties

 

[KD]

Yummm. I love sweet potatoes.

My friend in Florida was appalled when I said I had them for dinner. She had never heard of that before She had only ever had them for desert.

I have them for dinner, desert, breakfast...whenever I fancy them. Yesterday I had them with cinnamon and maple syrup. Truly delish

 

[chicken on a mission]

I bought a load more today, enough to last the week

I have also been able to have alcohol as from this week but I have never really been fussed about drinking so I'm not in a rush to have my first drink

We have one of those american style fridge freezers but it isn't big enough to cope with all the fresh fruit and veg

 

[chicken on a mission]

Monday 23rd October

I have had another big effort on the water today. With TOTM looming there is the danger of water retention so extra water should help.

The word ‘weight’ has very different connotations now I am in management. When I was abstaining I trusted the programme and weighed myself weekly in the main and hoped for a big loss every week to make all the sacrifices worth while and produce that natural high. In addition to that I used to be so chuffed when something new occurred to me which gave me a lead on which to change my behaviour or think about something from a different angle. Now I am in management I am weighing myself every day rather than every week because I don’t have confidence enough in myself to do so weekly given the numerous variables involved but this will come when I have been practicing management for longer and I get to know my body again so I am not too fussed about it at this stage. I treat every day and every situation as an opportunity to put into practice what I learnt during the abstinence stage. I don’t beat myself up or feel guilty about my choices despite not sticking to the programme 100%. In fact I am just dealing with real life now and the ups and downs that it brings. In abstinence I was in all or nothing mode controlled by the critical parent and I remained in the adaptive child mode. It’s a bloody good job that I didn’t have a lapse because I’m not sure how I would have coped with it at that time, I wasn’t ready for a knock to my confidence and confidence is gained not forced. Now I am in adult mode making conscious choices and accepting responsibility for the choices I have made. I don’t have to do this like I did in abstinence (thanks to the controlling parent and adaptive child) but I choose to.

I am so glad that I did LL because the weight came off so quickly that I wouldn’t have had time to learn all that I did without the structure and guidance of the programme. Who knows, I might have still reached the place I am in now without the programme but LL increased my chances and is worth every penny for that reason. My weight remaining within my comfort zone doesn’t produce the same high that I used to get in abstinence. Having said that, I don’t feel deprived and just as when I was in abstinence I don’t feel physically hungry either. To use a car analogy I operate on a half a tank to a ¾ of a tank basis and try not to get completely full up or completely empty. Following a low GI plan stops the physical cravings to a very large degree because I don’t get the sugar highs and lows so I just have my emotional needs to deal with which makes it so much easier.

Doing management is my lifestyle choice and when you choose to do something then how can you feel deprived? You weigh up the pros and cons of each option and either decide on instant gratification or delayed gratification. The way I look at things is that you can only eat a certain amount of calories, if you choose to have one thing this is at the expense of something else not in addition to as the adjustments have to made at sometime or else you gain weight again. In addition to that I now see food more as a fuel for my body as well as being bloody tasty! Therefore it is important that I try to eat a mix of low/medium GI foods that provide my body with the vitamins and minerals it needs to be in tip top condition and to prevent the chemistry of my body giving sugar rushes which provide a chemical prompt to binge soon after having just eaten. I never really understood how what you ate could affect what you want to extent it does so this is a big step forward in my quest to manage my weight long term.

I am very stressed at the moment what with the prospect of my hubby being a new motorcycle rider, my daughter going to school full time after half term, my chickens all trying to kill each other and my desire to know where I stand with the horse which has been a dream my whole life. Despite all of this, I haven’t turned to food as my drug of choice, instead I just dealt with the ups and downs of the past month as they have happened instead of trying to blot it all out or comfort myself with food. I have a life of my own which makes me a happier person on the whole so I have a higher tolerance of things that I just can’t control because they don’t rule my life anymore. I have reached a stage of acknowledgement and acceptance which lessens the need to turn to food. Long may it continue!

Food today was grilled bacon, mushroom, tomatoes and scrambled egg. A small piece of dad’s birthday cake, a plate of salad (white cabbage, cucumber, courgette, tomatoes, baby sweet corn) with fat free dressing, homemade chicken curry with sweet potato mash (mashed with quark and nutmeg – very yummy) and jelly with yoghurt top to finish.

Interesting food thoughts today included the fact that I can have cake and not want more if I am not at home I think that home is where my bad habits are centred around. This makes dealing with them a lot easier because it must be place/situation related. I never used to binge/comfort eat when I was out, not even if this could be done in secret. Also I tried white cabbage again in my salad and within hours I had stomach cramps and felt dreadful. I now need to come to terms with the fact that I am going to have to steer clear of my favourite salad item. I’m not happy about this but at least now I know for sure.

Morning weight: 10st 6.4lbs
Activity: None to speak of
Water: 4 litres
I completed the LL homework: Listened to some of the 2nd CD, read 2 chapters of the book.
I stuck to the listed food and quantity: Yes but didn’t have any LL packs.
Day 30 of the route to management completed.

 

[KD]

Well done chicken

The way I look at things is that you can only eat a certain amount of calories, if you choose to have one thing this is at the expense of something else not in addition to as the adjustments have to made at sometime or else you gain weight again.

That's it exactly. Possibly the toughest thing is to keep remembering that. All the time....forever, but the future is bright. the future is orange (sorry...couldn't resist)

I'm getting used to it now. Each week I thought I was used to it, but now I know I really am.

I'm beginning to feel that control isn't too much of an issue. It's becoming 'me' if you know what I mean. I knew it would take me a long time to get my head around it and I can't say for certain that I have completely as I can toodle along truly believing that I've cracked it, then suddenly I'm that other person....the one that was with me for most of my adulthood.

The difference is that I know I can control it if need be, and I can get my 'slim' brain back into gear quite quickly and painlessly. I've also come to some place of acceptance. Falling doesn't mean I've failed, it just means that I've enjoyed a little too much food that day. It's not the end of the world, I'm not doomed to be overweight again. I can relax and enjoy the moment.

Hence the fat brain days are becoming few and far between. The pressure is easing

You're doing so well...keep strong. A slim you forever eh

 

[canireallydothis!!]

Chicken, I dont post much but I read avidly, you are inspiring with your management diary and i think you are doing great, not long till I am starting and its still a bit scary, i am trying to prepare myself for it so it doesnt come as a shock, just wanted to pop on and say well done, although i wish I like sweet potato, although I may like it now, I hated it before!!!!

 

[chicken on a mission]

Karion thanks for that, staying slim is a state of mind so I thought I'd test the theory today

Vicky, I think I have read enough of your posts to know that you have really been thinking about things and that is the key in my view. These VLCD's make it very easy (in relative terms) to lose the weight but unless we have learnt enough about our own shortcoming and attitudes what comes after the weightloss?

You are miles away from being the person you were, yes you will still have issues but you will also have strategies so please don't be concerned, you'll continue to think and adjust when you need to

 

[DQ]

You are doing so well Chicken - well done

 

[chicken on a mission]

Tuesday 24th October

Today was LL meeting day. I have really been enjoying and benefiting from the management meetings. It is great listening to everyone else’s experiences and learning from them.

I have decided that after yesterdays cake incident, I will be trying the strategy of consuming any trigger foods out of the house until I feel more confident that I can control myself. Somebody at the LL meeting today raised that you don’t HAVE to try the trigger foods. Dead right because I don’t HAVE to do anything! I will do the trigger foods weeks because I would rather deal with these whilst I have the close back up of the programme. I don’t want to avoid foods for the rest of my life, I do want to try and learn the meaning of balance if at all possible. I don’t have the emotional binge urge when I am out of the house and in weeks such as the chocolate and naughty snacks week (week 12), buying something when out means I won’t have to buy a whole bag of fun size chocolate in order to have one packet a day and have to keep the rest in harms way in the house. Not only that but I have never kept this sort of thing in the house and I don’t want to start now.

Food today was ‘ice cream’ made from frozen berries and yoghurt with a touch of sweetener, homemade tomato carrot and pepper soup with a swirl of natural yoghurt, a jam ring donut from the fun fair, a chicken shish with a portion of humus, a portion of cheesecake.

The jam donut was nice and hot from the fryer, I enjoyed it and it was worth having but I would have had loads more if I had bought loads more. The key here is buying just enough and no more because I wouldn’t go back to buy any more so that’s another lesson learnt. The humus was worth the sacrifices I will need to make in order to have it and I will have it again, the humus is the bit of the standard kebab meal that contains the calories but I am comfortable with my choice and will continue to have the humus on the odd occasion where we have a kebab. The cheesecake quite frankly wasn’t worth the calories it used up so I won’t bother with that again!

I have had some excellent nutritional days and as a consequence have banked some points which I decided to use today. This morning I was actually below my bottom end comfort weight limit of 10st 6lbs and could afford to cut myself some slack, so I did. I have this Chinese meal with my gorgeous hubby coming up on Saturday evening so I have 3 ½ days to bank the additional calories I may need for then. Planning my intake and making adjustments to reflect any spikes is going to be the key to my long term weight management, if I can do so in advance then all the better. The next 3 days will be by the book in preparation for the meal on Saturday. I have also been thinking about what I am going to eat that night. My thoughts are that by deciding before hand what I am going to have I am better placed to make conscious choices and not get too carried away and make poor choices or order too much. Hubby has been warned that I will not be having our usual set meal and I may not have the crispy duck although I am finding this last bit hard to come to terms with so I need to think on about that.

Morning weight: 10st 5.6lbs
Activity: None to speak of.
Water: 4 litres
I completed the LL homework: Read 2 chapters of the LL book.
I stuck to the listed food and quantity: Nope! I had no packs and had pita bread, humus, cheesecake and a donut!
Day 31 of the route to management completed.

 

[chicken on a mission]

Thanks DQ

 

[DQ]

Just really proud of you mate

 

[chicken on a mission]

Wednesday 25th October


I was back to the age old problem of not being physically hungry at breakfast time so I had a LL toffee bar in the car just before my riding lesson at 10.30am, an apple, veg ‘stir fry’ which was steamed orange pepper, carrot, baby sweet corn, leek, mange tout and asparagus in oyster sauce which was just the ticket after a cold and muddy ride. Smoked haddock in white sauce with mashed sweet potato, broccoli and cauliflower for dinner.

After dinner I feel into the trap of emotional eating. My hubby was in the garage since mid afternoon with the new love of his life, his motorbike! After dinner I was bored and lonely so I ate 1 slice of turkey ham, 2 jelly, 3 spoons of cottage cheese and an apple. In itself this is miles away from the binge eating I used to practice but the fact remains that I ate when I wasn’t hungry. On reflection I should have disappeared upstairs for my second bath of the day earlier than I did or rang somebody. Ringing somebody would have probably been the better option because I ate because I was bored and lonely, speaking to someone would have addressed both these issues. I didn’t even ask myself the question whether or not I was hungry so I couldn’t distance myself from the emotions. Oh well it was another opportunity to practice dealing with real life.

I am finding it difficult to listen to the LL CD this week. My 4 year old daughter is on half term and I don’t want her to hear the CD and spoil her innocence. There is no reason why she should even be aware that size and weight can be an issue for people. I got the chance to listen today when she went out with her dad into the garage to admire his new motorbike.

Morning weight: Didn’t weigh in today (hooray!)
Activity: ¾ hour horse riding
Water: 4 litres
I completed the LL homework: read a couple of chapters
I stuck to the listed food and quantity: Yes but only had 1 LL bar instead of 2
Day 32 of the route to management completed.

 

[chicken on a mission]

Thursday 26th October

I didn’t have breakfast again but had stir fry for lunch followed by a home made summer berries yoghurt. I was looking for more food but wasn’t hungry and so stopped. I ate an apple in the car on the way to our family day out. Whilst out, my daughter wanted an ice cream and hubby asked if I wanted anything to eat and pointed to the special which was cauliflower cheese, salad and French bread – just the sort of meal I will really enjoy when I get to the end of the management stage. I was very tempted, more so than usual because TOTM is looming, but said no as I couldn’t have cheese or bread at this stage. I explained that I wanted to save up some points ready for our meal out on Saturday when I will appreciate what I am eating more and having a bit more leeway with my choices. Having made the decision I felt a bit deprived to start with and felt sorry for my hubby who also didn’t have anything although it was obvious he wanted to. Once we had been seated for a short while I was very pleased with my decision because I knew that when I came home then I would be starting dinner which I knew I would enjoy. It saved hubby from himself too so I am quite chuffed with my choice. I came home feeling pretty hungry so nibbled at some raw veg whilst I was preparing the dinner. Dinner was spaghetti bolognaise, baked sweet potato (bloody gorgeous!), savoy cabbage steamed with bacon and nutmeg. Hubby had normal baked potato and my daughter had it with spaghetti. We enjoyed our meal and eating together plus we saved money because nobody pays me to cook for them! Evening snack was LL biscuits, a plate of raw veggies and 2 jellies. Yes boredom eating got the better of me again. I do find evenings challenging still so it is the evenings that will mostly dictate my success in managing my weight for the rest of my life. I had yet another evening read in the bath to distract myself but I had to get out again at some point. I must find something else to do because I keep feeling guilty about all the water this uses now there is less of me to fill the bath up!

The water consumption for today was pretty bad, by 1.30pm I had only drunk ½ litre so the rest of the day was playing catch up so the 4 litres I drank were consistent only from then.

I want to stay in the lower end 10st 6lbs bracket ready for my meal on Saturday. You have to eat an additional 3500 calories in order to gain a lb of fat, I don’t think I’ll manage to eat that much but I want to kick back and relax with the first meal hubby and I have eaten out together for over 6 months.

Morning weight: 10st 6.4lbs
Activity: Walked round an urban farm
Water: 4 litres
I completed the LL homework: Listened to some to some of the CD and read another 2 chapters of the management book
I stuck to the listed food and quantity: Only ate 1 food pack but otherwise yes.
Day 33 of the route to management completed.

 

[chicken on a mission]

Friday 27th October

Today was my last day to gain some leeway before my meal out on Saturday. I decided not to weigh myself again today and will try to stick to an every other day regime unless I need to adjust to make sure I weigh myself on official weigh in day.

I am feeling crap today. I have my first cold since starting on LL more than 5 months ago and I am having a fatty day as TOTM is imminent. This has made me more determined to have a good management day.

Given that I have already spotted a correlation between not having breakfast, neglecting my water consumption and having a less successful management day, I decided to have breakfast and consume at least 4 litres consistently throughout the day.

The evening could have been difficult as hubby was on a night out tonight but I avoided the computer in the main, started another book, had another bath, watched Peter Pan snuggled up on the sofa with my daughter and kept her up late to protect me from myself (I never misbehave with food when she is about) and as a result I didn’t have the same problems this evening as I had the past 2 nights. Maybe I should take up watching telly again, I gave up about 6 months ago. Boy do I know how to live!

This was my meal plan for today. I ate LL chocolate porridge for breakfast, an apple as a snack, tuna salad for lunch with fat free dressing, another apple, baked sweet potato with a dollop of natural yoghurt, cauliflower, broccoli and carrots for dinner followed by strawberries and low fat Greek yoghurt. That left the final bar for LL biscuits to satisfy the need to pick in the evening. I am pleased with my choices today.

Morning weight: Did not weigh myself today (yippee!)
Activity: None to speak of
Water: 4 litres
I completed the LL homework: Reviewed the Foundation stage book
I stuck to the listed food and quantity: Yes
Day 34 of the route to management completed.

 

[chicken on a mission]

Saturday 28th October

I felt like a big fat spotty heifer today as I came on plus I feel like crap as I still have a cold and it has gone to my eyes which feel like they are bulging right out of my head. This was a real shame because tonight was the romantic meal with hubby that I have been looking forward to for weeks now but I didn’t let this spoil it. Hubby and I needed some time to ourselves and my daughter is stopping over at my dad’s tonight. I was hoping to find the menu online so that I could plan my choices for tonight in advance but they haven’t got a website. I should have thought about this ages ago and nipped up there to get a menu, it’s too late now. Lesson learnt for next time, be prepared.

When I got on the scales this morning I was pleasantly surprised as I was 10st 5.4lbs which is below my bottom end comfort zone weight of 10st 6lbs but I don’t look too scrawny so I’ll make my bottom end weight limit 10st 5lbs from now on. I have also decided adjust my comfort zone top end weight down to 10st 8lbs instead of 10st 10lbs because I have got used to being a couple of lbs lighter and if I were 4 ½ lbs heavier than I am now then I would be most dischuffed! When I was 6 stone heavier I wouldn’t even have noticed the extra 4 ½ lbs but it makes a huge difference to me at this weight. Hubby got weighed at the doctor’s yesterday and he has lost 5 kilos this month and is chuffed to nuts as a result and so and I.

Today was also the start of my week 6 of management which means I can have higher GI fruits (yippee, bananas! Yum, banana custard!!) including dried (never been a fan of dried fruit but I tried 5 raisins today and they are not as repulsive to me as they were. They are still not my choice of all things to eat but I don’t hate them either) and can include nuts and seeds in cooking. The nuts and seeds could be a problem because I used to snack on them before. That explains where a lot of my weight must have come from because despite nut being very good for you, the calorie content of them is humongous and I never used to stick at just a few when the packet would do.

I deliberately moved the start of my diet week to a Saturday from a Sunday a few weeks ago so that I could legitimately have nuts in my meal tonight and still be following the plan. Having said that I had aromatic crispy duck, mixed hors d’ouvres, chicken with lemon sauce, noodles and bean sprouts, a glass of water, 2 Malibu & diet coke, 2 Irish coffees with 1 ½ chocolate mints and then I pushed the boat out and had a toffee banana. That lot is hardly adhering to the plan despite me having flicked through the management book numerous times in the hope that it was! Joking aside this is one evening has been one of consciously planned choices and I did so having already made the sacrifices to accommodate them. What I couldn’t determine before hand is how much of each I was going to eat and it felt like tonnes at the time and afterwards, especially as I wasn’t going to have a pud but was persuaded to by hubby. At least this wasn’t a whole banana but only half of one, even so I felt uncomfortably stuffed to the gunnels afterwards although that might have been mainly down to the drinks. I ended up leaving more than half the lemon chicken and barely touched the noodles & bean sprouts so I got them put in a doggy bag and then froze them for when I can legitimately have them. I ate nowhere near what I could have comfortably packed away pre LL so I am physically restricted in what I can eat now. Prior to tonight I didn’t think I was getting the full feeling but I must be because on the occasions where I feel like I have over eaten it has been a comfort to look back through my food diary see what I have eaten rather than a concern. We went home to get changed after the meal and then went straight back out for a walk along the beach to get some of the food to go down. It was lovely to be able to do this without having to rush back for our daughter and we really enjoyed ourselves.

I love the feeling of feeling of being in control of my life and having already made the trade offs needed for tonight’s meal allowed me to enjoy it that little bit more. I was reading through one of my horse management books and this is the same principle used when feeding horses. Keep the food adjustments ahead of the exercise so if the animal isn’t being worked tomorrow, cut back on the food today. If it is good enough for horses then it’s good enough for me! I have never done it this way round before which has meant that any out of the ordinary consumption has been dealt with via crisis management. This has always made me feel bad about myself and my choices and left me feeling out of control and in need of comfort which has then led to me needing more food to make myself feel better. I know better now and will make the sacrifices prior to the event when this is foreseen.

Today I ate LL chocolate porridge, bowl of home made spicy tomato, red pepper and carrot soup with a dollop of natural yoghurt (I left ¼ of it because I wasn’t that hungry), a small banana which I gave 1/3 of to my daughter because I wasn’t that hungry and didn’t appreciate the experience in relation to the number of calories it contained and ate 1 ½ apples (I didn’t want to fall into the trap of ‘saving myself’ for tonight so I wanted to make sure I was ravenous), aromatic crispy duck, mixed hors d’ouvres, chicken with lemon sauce, noodles and bean sprouts, 2 malibu & diet coke, 2 Irish coffees with 1 ½ chocolate mints and a portion of toffee banana.

Being able to leave food is a big achievement for me. I think I might try experimenting with leaving some of every meal on the plate in order to get used to the idea that it is ok or even desirable to leave food. Isn’t that the thing to do in China or Japan to be polite and show that your hosts have been more than generous in their hospitality that the food has been more than enough to satisfy?

I am happy with today’s choices.

Morning weight: 10st 5.4lbs
Activity: Late evening walk on the beach
Water: 4 consistent litres
I completed the LL homework: Listened to the 2nd CD, must ask for the 3rd because the 2nd isn’t as good as the first for repeated listening.
I stuck to the listed food and quantity: Had Chinese meal as planned
Day 35 of the route to management completed.

 

[Flopster]

You are just doing so brilliantly - just think how eating like last night would have completely thrown you off track and yet you planned for it and kept it all within your stride.

You have a lot to be proud of ...

 

[Bellybee]

I have been following your management thread.
You are such an insparation, so wise and you always know how to deal with food.
Even if you overeat you know how to pull it back.
That is amazing big pat on the back for you.

 

[chicken on a mission]

Thank you ladies

I'm striving for that 'normal' relashionship with food. By normal I mean I eat to live and enjoy what I eat but I don't use food as my drug of choice.

It seems to working on the whole and I just need to get it right enough of the time to be able to maintain my weight. I don't have to be perfect which is a bloody good job really

Today was another day of non-management choices (I'll post about that after the day is mainly done) but I know what I have had and what I need to do to balance that out. Trouble is that it is actually hubby's birthday tomorrow and he has the day off so I think we will be eating out again After that things revert to normal for a few days and then it's BBQ time for 5th November but I have plenty of time before then to pull it back. I have a 3lb comfort zone in which my weight can fluctuate so that I can kick back and relax a bit instead of being permanantly paranoid about my size.

 

[chicken on a mission]

Sunday 29th October

I decided to weigh myself today and then revert back to every other day again because this will then take the next weigh in to Tuesday which is my LL meeting day. I came in at 10st 6.6lbs so I am pleased with that. No more sacrifices are needed to cover last night’s choices only sacrifices to accommodate other out of the ordinary choices from today and the future.

It is my step brother’s birthday today and I had a small piece of chocolate birthday cake, and yes it was very small. This wasn’t as enjoyable as I thought it was going to be because I had eaten most of it before I had realised I had eaten it but I wouldn’t have stopped eating it if ¼ of the cake had been laid out for me to eat.

We went out today to a country park and I literally ran round with my daughter and climbed on all the play equipment. It was fun and it worked off a bit of energy too.

Today I had I had a large bowl of mixed fruit salad topped with a few tiny meringues and some low fat Greek yoghurt for a late breakfast. This included most of new choices available to me this week such as melon, pineapple, mango, dried fruit and seeds. I was careful about the quantities of meringues, dried fruit and seeds because of the calorie content but I have to say that I loved the mix of fresh, dried and seeds together and will be doing this again. A small slice of birthday cake, 1 packet of twiglets 5 medium raw carrots (I’m going look like a carrot!), 1 apple, homemade chicken and veg curry, baked sweet potato, cauliflower, broccoli.

Despite some off plan choices, today’s calorie intake was not bad and so I am fairly happy with the choices I made today but will try to make more consistent choices tomorrow although with hubby’s birthday cake and lunch out I’ll see how it goes. The sooner this week is over with because of all the birthdays and the BBQ and fireworks night the better for my management plan.

Morning weight: 10st 6.6lbs
Activity: Walked and ran round at the country park
Water: appalling, 2 litres
I completed the LL homework:
I stuck to the listed food and quantity: Nope, had meringues, birthday cake, packet of twiglets and no food packs.
Day 36 of the route to management completed.