My naked ambition

[MsV]

Day 15

I never thought I would see this day - week 2 weigh in and I'm down 5lbs. Chuffed to bits as I see the 13s - just see them - but I still see them! I'm so happy. Makes me really think if I stick to it I can not only see the 12s, but get well in them before the weekender.

Week 3 means I can start on the bars and the water flavourings, but I am going to try and be as pure as possible and know that they are there as back up freak out moments. The last time I tried the bars, they gave me awful stomach ache and not pleasant toilet trips - so it has kind of put me off. Although, it's probably handy to have a couple in the house in case I am out late. That's the thing - I never stay out after work as I never have additional packets with me, and also I think it might be strange to start mixing up stuff in a bar, whereas a bar would be fine. Hmmmmm food for thought (literally)

So exctingly I went to put a belt on this morning and it doesn't fit - it's TOO BIG!! Whoop whoop. D wanted to put a hole in it, but it was expensive, so will get it done properly. I tried on a few of my dresses that I had in the back of the wardrobe - some with tags on, and they are getting there. My legs haven't shifted at all, which makes me think I really have to do the exercise thing, so I'm going to step it up and make it to aqua aerobics this week today and tomorrow and start back running on Wednesday (maybe)

Work is a bit poo at the moment. People that I have been friends with over 4 years have become a bit cliquey and I didn't really want to be here today. Maybe they feel like I'm a bore because I don't want to go out at the moment. To be honest apart from this diet making me anti social a bit, I just want to reserve myself for D's birthday, the easter weekend 80's & 90's party and of course Southport Weekender - I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Ooooh exciting news - Naughty By Nature are performing at the weekender. OOOOOOOOOOOOHhhh to get my hands on the torso of Treach. Love love love him! tee hee hee!

Finally made a decision today on the way to work, to use this time I am at home to get my driving test out the way. My friend has bought me this disc which includes the cost of the theory test, so that's my goal outside my weight loss. So by the time my birthday comes, I will have passed my test!

 

[lippy]

Well done you that's a fab loss....WooHoo - celebrate with a shake....

 

[MsV]

Thanks lippy - you too! You had a great week!

So day 16 has arrived and is nearly over with a 100% fly through. Am sooooooo happy. When people say it gets easier - it really does and the results are so worth it!
Work is still a bit poop, but I am so focused on getting slim that I don't really care.
Loving the crisps that I am making with the oriental packets that I have totally gone off! Thought I was going to have to throw them away, but it means that I've essentially had 4 packets yesterday and today to ensure I get my vitamins and minerals in me. It's fine, but it's a struggle to have a chocolate shake after having the crisps - still must be done.

Came home tonight to look for tomorrow's clothes and before you know it, everything was out the 3 wardrobes! I have culled a whole lot of clothes - some of which are brand new with tags. I think I'm going to do a carboot sale and get rid. Apart from the Coast silk dress coat I bought at £175 around 6 years ago and NEVER wore! I might get that on eBay and maybe try and get around £75 for it. With wedding season about to start maybe someone will buy it.

Watching Katie on Living. I'm not a fan, but totally intruiged by her and her life. Strange.com

Oh, when I came out of Streatham Hill station tonight, the chippy, Kennedys', smell carried all the way over the road and I was totally salivating! Love love love fish and chips. Nevermind, I will taste again - in moderation 3 times a year!!! (repeat)

Hope everyone's had a successful day and enjoying their evenings

x

 

[MsV]

I have decided that as I get closer to my "goal" I am going to get tested for body fat and make sure that I get to 20% body fat as opposed to the perfect weight on the scales. I have no clue how heavy my bones are or anything like that as I've never been slim in my adult life and I wonder if I will get too small if I go all the way down to 9.5stones. It might be fine, but when I get to just under 10 I will go for one of those test thingys. Done.

 

[poppygreendog]

Hi MsV and congratulations on your weight loss so far. I don't tell a lot of people I'm on CD either as I can't be bothered defending it all the time. One friend in particular is very negative which upsets me to be honest. I think you are doing really well! xx

 

[eekthehippo]

Hi, just thought I'd pop in to say congrats on your fab weight loss so far! 12lb in week one?? If only I could!!

Your first post really moved me - I can't imagine not being able to strip off in front of my other half... bless you xoxo I was about the same BMI as you a few months ago, but when I first met my OH I was a lot bigger still, so I guess any size below that (about at BMI of 43) is a bonus

I also felt your pain about keeping onto gorgeous but too big clothes. I had a whole monsoon wardbrobe of beautiful dresses, some with tags (but just waiting for the occasion to wear them!!). I finally bit the bullet a few weeks ago and put them on ebay. I just figured that if I had bigger clothes left over I would be too lax if I put weight on, always having clothes that fit to 'kid' myself, if you see what I mean.

GOOD LUCK!!!! I still have a way to go, but CD is fab and the losses will keep you motivated. And ignore the sceptics - I reckon I get more vitamins etc on the CD SS than I ever did with my pizzas and choccy puddings

 

[MsV]

Hi MsV and congratulations on your weight loss so far. I don't tell a lot of people I'm on CD either as I can't be bothered defending it all the time. One friend in particular is very negative which upsets me to be honest. I think you are doing really well! xx

Hey poppygreendog - I know. The negativity is just not helpful. Funnily enough I watched Oprah last night and it was about 2 cousins who were best friends - one big, the other slim. When the big became slim, the other didn't like it as she was loosing all the attention. Their friendship has been on and off over years and it's all dependant on the weight! Just so sad that friends can't be happy for each other and supportive no matter what weight! Just poop I say!

How are you getting on - you seem to be doing well too. Are you finding the diet ok?

 

[MsV]

Hi, just thought I'd pop in to say congrats on your fab weight loss so far! 12lb in week one?? If only I could!!

Your first post really moved me - I can't imagine not being able to strip off in front of my other half... bless you xoxo I was about the same BMI as you a few months ago, but when I first met my OH I was a lot bigger still, so I guess any size below that (about at BMI of 43) is a bonus

I also felt your pain about keeping onto gorgeous but too big clothes. I had a whole monsoon wardbrobe of beautiful dresses, some with tags (but just waiting for the occasion to wear them!!). I finally bit the bullet a few weeks ago and put them on ebay. I just figured that if I had bigger clothes left over I would be too lax if I put weight on, always having clothes that fit to 'kid' myself, if you see what I mean.

GOOD LUCK!!!! I still have a way to go, but CD is fab and the losses will keep you motivated. And ignore the sceptics - I reckon I get more vitamins etc on the CD SS than I ever did with my pizzas and choccy puddings

Thank you! You've done really well! The losses have kept me motivated so far, just praying that it continues. Still scale surfing every morning and really must stop that!
Totally get what you mean on the clothes. Literally every day I am finding things and flinging on the pile.
I have to admit, I am missing the chewing of foods and taking my time over dinner, but I just need to keep reminding myself I'll get there again.
Added red chilli flakes to my soup tonight - mouth is now burning! LOL.

 

[MsV]

Naughty naughty I did it again and didn't have my 3 packets yesterday. I must I must stick to the plan. I fell asleep by 9pm last night on the sofa and woke up to trundle off to bed and so have gotten up this morning, had my porridge, a glass of water and a coffee. I'm going to wait a couple of hours and head off to the gym and start C25k today! I'm really excited to start getting my fitness level up. Then I'll go for a wee swim, come home and give myself a mani and pedi and search for a holiday.

Yesterday I almost very nearly fell off the wagon as my payslip came through and I noticed my boss hadn't put my commission through - arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhh. Called her and she said she did and she'll get it sorted. Knowing my company they'll tell me to wait to get it next month, and I just can't do that!

Also, I had a red velvet cupcake order yesterday and oh so wanted to taste the frosting. I took a tray out the oven and picked a crumb and put it in my mouth without thinking - subconcious action - then realisation kicked in and I spat it stright out. What I need to happen is before it goes in my mouth take the decision to put it in as opposed to after. Does that make sense?
I would put a picture up of the cakes, but that would not be helpful to anyone.

The other thing is that I am still running to the toilet within half an hour of having a packet. I try to water them down as much as possible but still have a bad tummy.

Looking forward to a good day and can't WAIT for tomorrow mornings weigh in. I am praying for 3lbs.

 

[MsV]

So one of my goals is to get in to sz 16 jeans and breathe. Well I decided to see if I was there yet. The last time I started on this journey I got in to a nice New Look pair of jeans, so I was going by these again and this morning I managed to get in to them AND buttom them - not so good on the breathing though, but I am pretty sure I will be able to wear them for SP weekender which is now actually only 6 weeks away!! I have another black skinny pair I bought from Primarni a couple of years ago and they still have the lable on them - size 16 and can't even get them up my calves!!!!! With that I have decided that these jeans will be the goal - size 16 primark skinny jeans and breathe!!

I have also managed to crawl back from the gym having done the first of C25k! Super duper proud I got through to the end but did think about giving it up. It's no joke - can't imagine what week 2 will be like. Tomorrow I'll go to aqua and Tuesday do day 2 of week 1. So far so good.

Fingers, eyes and toes crossed for tomorrow's weigh in.

 

[MsV]

Happy happy happy. Another 4lbs kicked in the booty this past week.

Last night had a lovely evening with D and also had a gorgeous chicken salad of which I savoured every mouthful. That will be my only meal before D's birthday, then another on the 13th when my best friend returns from her 6 month carribean trip and then SP weekender. I'm allowing myself these nights off to have small sensible choice meals as I have started the exercising. Other than that I am sticking to SS 100%. I am finding it fine this morning but it's important I don't get myself in to thinking it's ok to eat conventional food again. I am not at the weight I need to be at to be healthy for my height and age, and I am not physically fit to be able to work it all off.

Last night I started doing a calorie recipe book for the things that I tend to cook at home. So jerk chicken, curry chicken, pasta free lasagne (this one scared me). I think this is a good exercise for me as I have been brought up on rice and chicken and so I need to look at alternatives for week day eating for rice. D will still have his rice though.
I know I'm jumping the gun as I still have 4 stones to loose, but I feel that I am getting my life in order.
Actually quite excited to do the C25K tomorrow. Might even make it to aqua tonight - although the Monday night trainer scares me. There is a powerplate class at 7pm. Maybe I'll try that one as it seems to be quite popular on here.
Will have a think about it today.

 

[lippy]

Woo Hoo congrats to getting 4lbs off this week, you are doing really well and with the C25k I am sure the lbs will continue to drop off - well done you!!!

 

[MsV]

Thanks lippy! How are you getting on yourself. I see the pounds disappearing me lady!! Well done you too. Hi-fives. Whoop!!

Day 23

WTF??!?! Day 23?? Tee hee hee. Soooooo proud of myself at getting past 3 weeks with a sensible meal enjoyed in between. I have a chart where I record my weekly weigh ins. It calculates BMI, percentage lost, percentage of target etc. I compared it to the first time I did it, and actually in the same period of 3 weeks, last time I lost 16.5lbs and this time 21lbs. Comparing it to the last time shows me that it really is the stricter the better for me!

I've come to the conclusion that I am not going to stop jumping on and off the scales every morning. I've seen a rise and fall daily, but it just keeps me going and focused - so that's what works for me.

 

[lippy]

Thanks babe.....I am a scale jumper too although go by my CDC's scales for the official way in - I am good thanks....some days are harder than most but keep thinking of Summer and all the pretty dresses I have in my wardrobe that I want to get into. Also want to wear shorts and look fab on hols in August....have started back spinning (although nearly killed me last night) and hope to try Zumba next week. Have to get out walking too but font seem to last an hour without have needing to pee so have to plan my route carefully :0)

 

[MsV]

Spinning?? Eek - I look at the class and think I might pass out! In fact someone did pass out once! LOL. Be careful on all the exercise though. Kels mentioned in her diary that she had noticed her losses slow down a bit and possibly due to the upping in exercise. So I have taken her advice and sticking to C25k nine weeks and a wee swim to stretch it out.

So day 24 for me.
Not bad day at work. Frustrating as I'm getting a lot of traction with potential clients, but no one is bloody spending their money! Normally I would get annoyed, pop to the shop and buy chocolate nibbles, but instead I am smoking more! Not good I know (and I hope D doesn't see this) It's something I will stop as soon as I can , but at the moment, I just don't feel I can.
So managed to get down over 3l of water, left bang on 5.30pm to make it to the gym and back in time for the England v Ghana match.
Was so pleased I got through the second day of C25k, but it hurt like hell and I wanted to give up. The only treadmill that was available was the one in front of the mirror. Really hard to ignore my fat jiggling up and down as I run and I think that I must gross people out as I gross myself out - and that's with clothes on. I've still not managed to look at myself in the mirror and take stock of what state I've let myself get in to. It's fine though I'm sure as the scales tell me all. I'll get there. When I got home I called my Mum - but my Dad picked up and said, what's wrong - nothing I said, just tired from the gym - you must be so unfit he says. I then said that's unfair as he doesn't know what I've been doing at the gym and when he comes off his exercise bike is he not out of breathe and sweating - does that make him unfit? He said yes. Then he said ohhhhh Vanessa you are over-sensitive just get over yourself. Why why why does my dad constantly put me down and can't actually ever say well done? It's always put downs no matter how well I do. He's one of the reasons I'm the weight I am. I mean I take responsibility for the fact I over indulged and I put what I did in my mouth and body, but the mindset of hiding what I was eating came from him. Yet if I was to tell him he would just push it back on me. I really struggle with my relationship with him. I normally don't bother to speak unless he answers the phone, or he calls me. My mum is my heart and I love her beyond belief. She is at least supportive. I mean I haven't told her that I'm on CD again, but she knows I'm on a diet and every day, she asks how I'm feeling and that I'm doing good. That's what Mummys are for. I want to go home at the end of April for a break, but I won't be able to have CD in front of them, and so will have to leave it until the summer when I can take a few days of sensible eating off.

So didn't have my hot chocolate until 10.30pm and been feeling sick since. Going to get lots of water down me today and try and get through it. Stomach is sore and I'm still having odd toilet movements.
Ah well keep going.

 

[lippy]

Thanks for the advice, i hear you about the exercise and will slow down if my losses slow down but ok for now. Yes spinning is hard but good fun and the best thing about it is that you can go at your own ability/pace. I have been doing it for a few months now and wear a heart rate monitor so know my limitations....(i hope).

I am smoking more too - well I actually gave up, not that i was a heavy smoker, more social but now have a couple a day one to accompany my walk to the train in the morning and then one on the way back home again...guess it beats eatings sweets/chocs.
Parents are funny - well when you go home in the Summer in all your glorious slimness, you will give them a shock - dont worry too much about it honey....your mum will have the biggest smile on her face when she sees you...have a great even

 

[MsV]

I've just had my morning pee and jumped on the scales and have lost what I wanted this week so hopefully this will stay until Monday when I officially weigh in. Diet wise I've been 100% since Sunday's sensible dinner with the focus of going to dinner on Thursday for D's birthday.

I have realised that my mindset and they way I think hasn't changed at all. I had a hard day on Thursday at work and was late coming home as I popped by the CDC to pick up bars and ready made shakes. On the way back from the CDC I was having the internal disucssion with myself about not goin to the gym and what I would say to D about it. I say things like "I'm tired and have a conference tomorrow so I really need to stay home"
D would then say in his lovely way "yes honey if you are tired, just go home and rest"
He is so lovely he just takes my word for gold everytime and says the right thing to take the guilt away.
Soooooooo I pushed myself and went to the gym and did the next part of C25k then got home and had a nice hot shower. I was proud of myself and so I'm trying to hold on to the feeling of pride.
I spoke to D when he got home and tried to explain to him that I find excuses to tell him and he buys them every time and that's not helpful. He needs to really get through whether it really is an excuse or not and push me through. It's what happened last time to be honest when I was on the diet. I would find excuses to eat on the diet "oooh I've got my period and my CDC said I should eat something" and he would go and get me Morleys chicken wings.

I hope this is a breakthrough.

Off to the gym, then to see my friend and then catch up with the girls for coffee. Positive thoughts. x

 

[MsV]

Great weekend and excited about WI tomorrow as when I checked this morning it's showing a 4lb loss. It may be different tomorrow as my TOTM came on with a vengence but I don't mind, as it's all going down.

What I am here to remind myself of is that this is NOT an easy journey physically or mentally, and so I never want to be in this place again where I have to put myself through such deprivation. I will be 34 years old in October and I will be healthy. I will stop putting strain on my heart with all the extra weight I am carrying. I will make sure I am around to look after my parents when they need me. I will make sure I can get my own business off the ground. Only if I continue this road of weight loss will I make these things be possible.

Had a lovely time with the girls yesterday. As they munched through pizza, I sipped my coffee and guzzled the water, feeling great that I had managed it again. They are now used to me not eating with them and I don't get the "Just eat a little" anymore which is nice.

Saw one of my bestest friends today who I love to bits and he hasn't seen me since I started the diet and his eyes popped out of his head. LOL
He said I'm looking great and he's so proud of me. I love him so much and wishes he would find a good woman to make him a happy man. We went to Ikea today to shop for bits for his home office. Kitted it out with new cupboards and along the way, I lost my bottle of water! Gutted, so I'm now at home guzzling as I've only had around 2 litres so far.

Countdown to D's birthday this Thursday - can't wait for my evening off for a lush greek salad and some lovely grilled fish. The night off will give me that push to keep going until SP weekender and then 6 weeks back on until holiday and then that's 2 months until a hen do in August. All planned breaks and fingers crossed by October I will be at goal weight.

I'm praying that the next 5 weeks takes me down 18lbs which take me to my lowest weight before I stopped CD before. Ooooooooooh it's all exciting stuff!!!

 

[Niccij]

Hey miss V, I'm new to CD and have been reading some diaries on the forum. you have done really well and encouraged me to include exercise when I start tomoz. I hope i can see some similar results over the next few weeks/months. Well done on ur three stone weight loss!!

 

[MsV]

Hi Niccj. Thanks for reading lovely. You will find sooooo many positive inspirations on here. It really is helpful. The one thing I would say is if you are reading something that is getting you down, then stop reading. Remember one person's experience may not be your experience or feelings - on the other hand, so many of us think the same about food, exercise etc. I love CD as it takes the choice out of my hands and it's giving me time to really think about how I want my life to be with food. I wish you all the luck in the world!!
Oh and I haven't lost 3 stones yet - getting there. It's my goal for next month.

So here I am, the start of day 29 and they say it takes 29 days to make something a habit and make it normal - does that mean that CD packets are normal for me? Hmmm maybe. I do find it normal to get my coffee at 'bucks in the morning, come to the office, fill up my water bottle, pour a glass and come online. Indeed it may be normal.
TOTM is sooooooooooooo much heavier than normal, I feel like my insides are being pulled down but I will drink my way through it - my answer to everything! Really want to start week 2 of C25K today, but not sure I have the energy. I'll see by the end of the day.
Feeling good apart from that - had my WI and lost 5lbs?!?!?!? Not sure what the hell is going on, but who am I to complain.
Let's hope this is a positive start to the week and the contracts roll in. Only got 10 days left of the month to put through my contracts and another £30k to go - need to get my booty is gear (in more ways that one!)