my weird ramblings

[sumayyah]

day 4 of the shred done, 26 days to go!

my crackhead neighbours are having one of thier stupidly loud partys, they always turn the bass right up so i know its reggae as i recognise some of the tunes but my whole house is shaking and i cant identufy the words being sung, this most likely will last till tomorrow mid morning. only person to ever sleep thru it was him, he could sleep anywhere i swear lol

 

[sumayyah]

well im officially knackered

their party ended at 9am but no sleep for me, my little madam was awake and ready for the day so ill just have to push on til bedtime tonight
me thinks te shred is going to be kinda half assed tonight

 

[sumayyah]

well te days over and i might get some sleep ( neighbours still have 3 car loads at least of mates round so might be in for another night of stupid partying )

day 5 of the shred done, 25 to go. pushed myself to do it properly, cannot afford to be lazy

 

[sumayyah]

yay! i slept last night from 11pm till 11am so thats me caught back up lol

just having my first shake, todays day 7 back on it after christmas. feeling good about next weeks weigh in, hoping for at least a sts, any pounds gone will be a bonus ( i dont know what i put on over my days off but i gain MASSIVELY 2 weeks hols saw a 18lb gain )

today i shall be taking down the christmas decorations and getting the house back to normal, think i might take a walk as well before doing the lovely shred after madams in bed

having to keep an eye on madam as she knows all about my shakes and the shred and shes commenting on the fact she doesnt exercise.
its hard to judge her level of understanding with her disabilitys ( last testing had her at a mental age of 2 years 7 months ) but i tried to explain children dont need to exercise like mummy because they run around and use lots of energy playing where as mummy walks insted of running and sits down alot so i need to burn my energy other ways ( i got a blank look at this, lol )

 

[sumayyah]

day 26 done!, 24 days to go.

come on day 10!

 

[sumayyah]

urgh i forgot how ketosis makes your mouth smel and taste like a badgers bum lol

 

[sumayyah]

day 7 of the shred done, 23 days to go!

had a good day today, plenty of water, 3 shakes and a day of resting and playing with madam

 

[julz4gbr]

Hi,
You are doing fab, your story will keep other dieters going..
keep on posting.

 

[sumayyah]

well today we get the fun hospital trip, will make sure i have water with me and avoid the cafes, lol

 

[sumayyah]

my baby girl needs surgery again, gutted

oh and he didnt come see me as promised, he says he was on his way when he got my text about not being available in the afternoon so went straight to the barracks ( dont really believe him since he hadnt said he was on his way and i sent the text at 10.30am and he was just 30 minutes away so the maths dont add up)

 

[sumayyah]

day 8 of the shred done, 22 days to go

 

[sumayyah]

weigh in today ( forgot she had moved it from thursdays to wednesdays now

i dont know what i weighed after time off for christmas but my weigh in today has me 1lb less than before christmas. is it bad that i had wanted it to be more? alot more?

 

[Starlit_Cazza]

weigh in today ( forgot she had moved it from thursdays to wednesdays now

i dont know what i weighed after time off for christmas but my weigh in today has me 1lb less than before christmas. is it bad that i had wanted it to be more? alot more?

Awww :hug99: I do know what you mean. But just try and be glad it is a negative number and not a positive one, and next weeks lose will be a much bigger one I am sure

 

[sumayyah]

been so tired recently

ended up in bed at 9pm last night and still ended up sleeping 12 hours and waking up tired grrrrr

 

[sumayyah]

please please please go away snow!

 

[sumayyah]

soooooooooo not been online much for the last few days, been rather unwell living off of strong painkillers

had to eat with them, no idea what i ate since i wasnt particularly with it but i gained 13lb! im sure chocolate probebly came in to play somewhere since theres christmas chocolate and biscuits all over the house

anyway woke today and the pains away ( ear infection and nuralgia ) so back on the straight and narrow, have had 2 litres of water and am on my first shake

have had to stop the shred, i have a prolapse and finally got to see the consultant who told me by doing anything that involves jumping or stomach work at the mo is putting too much pressure on it so until ive been cleared by the physio im to stick with walking, yoga and swimming

 

[leeds123]

eh 13lbs!!!! ???? that CANNOT be right!

 

[sumayyah]

shake number 1 down and 1 litre of water done

the pains coming back thou

 

[sumayyah]

well weigh in today, and im up another 3lb

dont know whats wrong with me recently my two emotions for the last few weeks is either anger or sadness, theres nothing in between
i dont know what the problem is or how to fix it
nearly swore at my cdc she just wouldnt shut up telling me its stupid, i bloody well know that, i also know shes never had a weight problem so doesnt have the first friggin clue how i feel ( she did one week on 1200 and one on 1500 just so she could be a consultant like her mate )

i figure some of the way im feeling is coming from my mothers latest deterioration, i went to see her on her birthday ( christmas eve ) it was after lunch and yet she had been left in the bed, she was soaking wet with pee ( wears a nappy, she has zero movement left now ) and it took another four hours of nagging the staff for them to get the hoist out to move and clean her, she was shoved back in pjs and to bed once they had sorted her.

i love my mum i do but i hate seeing her like this. to be honest my mum "died" years ago, i visit someone who looks like her but its not my mum. my mum was a bright, vibrant, chatty, funny woman who loved being silly. the woman i visit now is violent, cold and that spark has gone and now shes just stuck laid there

im trying today to get back in it. i drove past the shops without going in, came straight home for my water and will make a start on the shakes soon

i need to do this, mid binge the other night my daughter asked if some of the food was for her, what the heck was i doing eating all that crap with her watching, she deserves so much more than a mum like me

 

[MinnieMel]

Ah Claire, atback:

I just read through your diary. I had not seen it before -- you are wonderful mum and Kaya is lucky to have you. You have devoted your life to her and she knows she is loved: well loved.

You have lost over a 100 pounds -- you know how to do this diet and make it work for you. Focus on your accomplishments they are many and amazing. I have Special Needs child but I do not have anywhere near the challenges you face with yours. Bless you both.

Things are tough right now... Kaya needing surgery, your ex popping in and out bringing up old feelings and creating new pain, the horrible weather (but it is improving), your own physical issues (like the prolapse), your mum's deterioration, etc. But, hang in there you're in a valley climbing out and so things are uphill and difficult :character00115:. But you will reach the top and then it'll be (hopefully) and long level path. :cross:

Thinking of you (and "madam") and hoping things will improve soon.

MinnieMel