New and Improved Bee's Diary on SW

[BeeBeeSee]

Right, so I've already managed to use all of my syns on several biscuits this afternoon....why oh why are they right by the kettle. And I'm still waiting for that blasted period to come, in the meantime I'm just a craving on legs.
My food so far:

BF: nothing as such, I grazed through till lunch on
6 carrots
1 green pepper
2 plums
1 apple

Lunch:
Big bowl of raw spinach
6 mushrooms
1 tin of baked beans

Afternoon snacks:
1 apple
1 banana
1 plum
1 Muller light greek style yog
4 biscuits from some variety box....no idea of actual syn value, I will count them as 4 each.

Dinner:
Pasta with a quick tinned tomato based sauce and steamed carrots

 

[Jessieh90]

I think going back to group sounds like the right idea - I know what you mean about "failure" though , I either beat myself up about it and eat very little or go the exact opposite and get a take away and go off the rails. The good thing about group is that everyone is there to support you – don’t get me wrong, the whole “Jessie lost 0.5! Lets all clap for Jessie” I find a tad cringey but thje support I got when I had an unjust gain or was struggling to get back on the wagon was amazing. Well done for being on plan – 4 biscuits isn’t a lot in the whole grand scheme of things – you can do it! xx

 

[BeeBeeSee]

I think going back to group sounds like the right idea - I know what you mean about "failure" though , I either beat myself up about it and eat very little or go the exact opposite and get a take away and go off the rails. The good thing about group is that everyone is there to support you – don’t get me wrong, the whole “Jessie lost 0.5! Lets all clap for Jessie” I find a tad cringey but thje support I got when I had an unjust gain or was struggling to get back on the wagon was amazing. Well done for being on plan – 4 biscuits isn’t a lot in the whole grand scheme of things – you can do it! xx

Yeah the happy clappy thing always gets to me. The group I attend is a very busy one and some days you end up with like 35/40 people there, by the time we are halfway through I think will anyone notice if I don't clap...my hands are sooooore pahaha.
I have to treat my weigh in day like any other day and over the last few months I got very extreme in that I would cut back more and more during the day (WI is in the evening) so that it wouldn't show on the scales to the point that I stopped eating altogether and even limit my water and everything...that's ED for you. But I had a chat with my consultant and she's aware of my past struggles with restriction/obsessing over food and she was super nice about it, I actually feel quite good about it now.
Feeling a tad sorry for myself today, I have finally come on my totm which is enough to make you feel disgusting. But I have had a cold that's gone to my chest and I cough so much I feel like I'm turning a lung inside out. And I was going to climb a mountain on Saturday so that's off On the other hand, I'm in my office (looking like a nasty dog's dinner, no, not just a dog's dinner, a dinner befitting a nasty dog!) with the heating cranked up and drinking lovely sweet herbal tea and got lots of healthy goodies lined up for snacking on later. I haven't been able to give much thought to my lunches lately so I just throw lots of fruit and veg in a bag and a can of baked beans....I must look like a tramp coz the other day I actually forgot a bowl and ate out of the tin. Goodness, I have sunk low pahaha.

Can I ask opinions on quantities....is a whole tin of baked beans too much? I know it sounds like a lot but as I'm not having anything else with it other than some raw veggies for snacking it seems ok. But at the same time also a lot. Argh, my brain is fried with hormones. Ignore!

 

[marybobs]

Hey, sorry I havent been on minimins properly in a week so catching up now, great idea about going back to group, I loved my first group then when I moved the new group just wasn't the same so I'm going it alone online and finding it so much tougher than when I was at group, but I know myself that I really need to keep going, I have no doubt you'll do great once you get your mind back into it! I feel ya on the star week cravings, I turn into some kind of demon!

As for baked beans, I eat a full tin all the time, its loads of protein and sure the sauce is made from tomatoes so it has to have some speed qualities, my cousin said when she first joined years ago, they counted that sauce as speed shes a target member now for a few years, but she still does the old plan and says she never has any issues eating a full tin.

 

[Jessieh90]

I would totally eat a whole tin of baked beans!!

Hope you're feeling a bit better - I had the bendryl all in one mdeicine when I last had a cold and it was brilliant (and I guzzled the bottle and I didn't gain!!) xxx

 

[Jessieh90]

How did you get on this weekend hun?

 

[BeeBeeSee]

How did you get on this weekend hun?

Hey! I'm crawling out from under the rock where I've been hiding....I had another awful weekend. I can't get a grip at the moment and the cold ended up seriously troubling my chest and I had to have steroids and they always make me balloon instantly. As of today it's yet another start. But I'm going to my group tonight, first one in months. Fingers and toes firmly crossed that I won't be in the 11s. I couldn't cope with that. Wish me luck!

 

[Jessieh90]

Best of luck hun - fingers crossed for you. You're doing the right thing facing the scales xxx

 

[BeeBeeSee]

Thank you. I'm going on holiday in less than two weeks and the little devil on my shoulder has been trying to tell me there's no point in getting back to plan and going off it again. But I know how much better I will feel about myself being on plan until then and I don't want to waste time unnecessarily. So it's 100% until 26 Feb, as many good choices as possible on holiday and then back on plan on 8th March.

 

[BeeBeeSee]

Good Morning....so I went to the group last night, first time in four months it turns out! I weighed in at 10st12lb. There it is. I'm not going to wail and be all woe is me. I know why this happened. This is a number I can work with, a baseline. I actually feel quite positive. I know had I weighed at home last night and had seen those numbers I probably would have been devastated. But in the hub of the group I felt alright. I'm not going to fall into the trap of trying to "diet" and restrict. I'm going to eat the good stuff and pleeeenty of it. It worked for me when I first started SW and it can work again.
So I have ten days until I'm going on holiday, I'm hoping to lose 5-6lb by then and I expect realistically to have put that on again when I get back saying that, if I don't get back on the horse now, I will waste another ten days eating rubbish/starving to try and rein things in and it's bad for me! Bad for my health and bad for my head too, it messes so much with me emotionally. So there. That's the plan, ladies xx

 

[Jessieh90]

Hey lovely!

Well done for going back to group - I know that can't of been easy. But look at the plus side - you weren't in the 11's which is the one thing you were nervous about! Well done for not just writing off the time between now and holiday (which sounds like something I totally would have done) - atleats it gives you a buffer to gain whilst your on hols! Are you off anywhere nice?

No stavring missy!!!

 

[marybobs]

Well done getting back on it.

 

[BeeBeeSee]

Sorry for being so quiet. Again. It's been mega busy and I've had a good week foodwise. Apart from yesterday, friends had organised a big meal at an Indian restaurant and I went and ate loads. I didn't actually care, I was looking forward to it, hadn't used my syns in the week and I just had what I wanted. But it's weigh in tonight....I really hope I have had a loss. I'd be quite gutted if not.
I'm off to America on Friday, probably the least diet friendly place ever. So I'm going to have a few more days of healthy eating and tons of fruit and veg and will see how things go over there. I'm determined not to go overboard but it's my first time in the States and I will probably try things I haven't had before and we're going to be on the road a lot so I'll see. I will have a proper re-start when I come back. I wanted to get back into SW mode and view the holiday as in interruption rather than being off plan until I get back.
I can't tell you how much I'm craving daylight! The winter this year has made me so tired and drowsy and quite flat, it's been so dark and grey with so much rain. And I do best with everything, food, work, life in general, when I can be outside and can walk. So bring on the spring. Please! I need to exercise in the fresh air, it's the only form of exercise I really enjoy. And I've gone flabby around the middle again...tut!

 

[Jessieh90]

Wow!! How amazing - whereabouts in America are you going?
It’d be rude not to try all the food out there – portions are big and the food is good – but just make the most of it and enjoy yourself!
I’m sure you will have done enough damage limitation earlier in the week in order to counteract the Indian. Let us know how you get on! xxx

 

[BeeBeeSee]

I'm going to visit friends who live a couple of hours outside NY so we'll be doing a lot of sight seeing around there and also squeeze in a little road trip to Canada Can't wait!

 

[BeeBeeSee]

Oh and we have a new consultant, she's lovely. Met her for the first time last week. I must admit though....it was a bit boring! whoops! Going around everyone and literally asking the same question and come back with the same reply to everyone...I felt a bit like being stuck at the hairdressers having to listen to them ask everyone "so.....you going anywhere nice on holiday this year?" I'm sure she'll find her feet with it, she's a super sweet girl, young and very eager to get it right so I have to give her credit for that. But I don't think I'll be staying tonight after WI, not sure I could cope with it every week.

 

[BeeBeeSee]

Ok, so I went to weigh in last night. -1lb. I'm happy that I had a loss. I really wish it had been more but it wasn't realistic considering the meal I had the night before. So onwards, my friends

With my holiday and the inevitable damage control/undoing of all the damage done there I don't think I'll be back on my proper path until the end of March. I really need a good straight run for a while, these last few months have been so riddled with constant interruptions and I'm really fed up with that. I need my good SW routine back I had last year. I need to be in the 9s for June. I'm determined!

 

[Jessieh90]

That approach you to drive me nuts - thats why I stopped going to group. I found it quite artificial - hopefully she will get in the swing of it and find her own style!

 

[Jessieh90]

9s by June is definitely doable!! Well done on the loss!!

 

[BeeBeeSee]

Good Morning! I've been away from this for too long...what can I say, I had the most amazing time in America. I need to go back there asap and explore more, really like it there. And yes, the all American experience also included the food...and I didn't worry, I ate what I wanted to eat. But I got back last Monday night and got straight back on the horse and I had a sneak peek at the scales on Sunday morning and I weigh what I weighed before going. So any damage should have been taken care of. I'm going to be back at my group next week, I had to miss this week due to hospital appointment but I think I'm in the zone again in my head. Especially with the gorgeous weather we've been having, I'm happy to go out and exercise and that makes a huge difference. So here's to a good week, fingers crossed I may actually have a loss at next week's WI. And I'll do my best to catch up on diaries.