New Me, New Diary! Maintenance Begins

[minilady]

Okay...was going to leave you alone, but I can't after reading your last message.

Good work getting through this evening without eating too much :clap:

Thank you

But....sorry about this. Look at what has happened

Uh oh here we go again Lol I was feeling so smug too!

You had a possible addictive desire -
You immediately got yourself something to eat - not
You chose sensibly and ate slowly and 'mindfully' -
You found you didn't have any more addictive desires - not



Yes, this has helped with tonights eating. But how hard has it made you work at making desires not = actions? That's the bit that needs working on.

:ashamed0005: It hasn't :sigh:

This is going to conflict with BC, which is more inline with what you did this evening (assuming you really wanted seeds)

Lol I quite like the seeds Oh ok I'd rather have had a bag of cheesy doritos

IMO, a better course would have been to arrange to have whatever you really wanted at a certain time and hope that you wanted it sooner so that you could work on the desire.

Now, that doesn't mean denying yourself until the time. You can have it whenever you want, but you are chosing to accept the desire and not make it equal the action. Know what I mean?

I think so, Lol or I may be completely wrong.

Plan of action for tomorrow. Go out and buy a cinema pack of cheesy doritos for a snack tomorrow evening. Throw out skanky seeds so I don't have a substitute, stay away from pc so mind isn't distracted...sit back and see what happens.

2 possible outcomes.

I eat the doritos.

I don't eat them or anything else in their place and feel good that I haven't acted on my desire.

Ok it's taken me some time to write this post, mainly because I wasn't sure if this will be good for me, because of course I'm scared. But by writing it I've committed myself and I know that noone in cyber world will know for sure if I've done as I said I would, but hey I hope I'm believed.

Tracey
x

 

[jane]

One thing I do need to do is get it off Tracey's thread For one thing, there are a few of you (including Tracey!) who are getting Beyond Chocolate. The book will have a very different way of dealing with the 'problem' than I have, and I'll confuse matters.

Good chat though folks.

No Please don't go!

I'm off soon & hardly here at all at present IYKWIM but will read this again when I get back!

PS the CHild, Adult & parent you refer to in the LL system are terms used in a therapuetic system called Transactional Ananysis.Principally used to examine & hopefully improve interpersonal communications & relationships. Cliniclaay used by psychologists etc for child, family & marital relationship work. LL have, I think, Taken a fairly basic form of the model & used it to help people undersatnd & rejig their relationship with food. It's as good a model as many others. TA books for self help are available i believe.

 

[KD]

No Please don't go!

I'm off soon & hardly here at all at present IYKWIM but will read this again when I get back!

I've started up a Karion Rambles no. 2 diary here
http://www.minimins.com/members-only-diaries/20603-karion-rambles-no-2-a.html#post328441

No nitty gritty stuff just yet. More of an introduction and referring back to this thread (hope you don't mind me adding a link to your diary Tracey) Hoping you'll all ask questions. I might not have the answers, but love to give the old brain a workout

PS the CHild, Adult & parent you refer to in the LL system are terms used in a therapuetic system called Transactional Ananysis.

Cool. Will google later. Thanks Jane!

Tracey: Well, yes, sort of the idea. There is another outcome. We're not talking about depriving yourself of you evening snack. Just having control over it.

Get your cheesy doritos. Decide what a normal portion is. Choose a time to eat it (not the present..maybe mid evening) Eat it at that time Any desires either side of that time are probably ADs that you can work with. Don't clock watch, carry on with doing anything you would normally do. Just try not to do anything for the sole reason of taking your mind off food

Accept the desire

 

[minilady]

I've started up a Karion Rambles no. 2 diary here
http://www.minimins.com/members-only-diaries/20603-karion-rambles-no-2-a.html#post328441

No nitty gritty stuff just yet. More of an introduction and referring back to this thread (hope you don't mind me adding a link to your diary Tracey) Hoping you'll all ask questions. I might not have the answers, but love to give the old brain a workout
Cool. Will google later. Thanks Jane!

Tracey: Well, yes, sort of the idea. There is another outcome. We're not talking about depriving yourself of you evening snack. Just having control over it.

Get your cheesy doritos. Decide what a normal portion is. Choose a time to eat it (not the present..maybe mid evening) Eat it at that time Any desires either side of that time are probably ADs that you can work with. Don't clock watch, carry on with doing anything you would normally do. Just try not to do anything for the sole reason of taking your mind off food

Accept the desire

I started to read your old diary last night, got to 6th February and realised it was 1.30 reluctantly went off to bed.

Gathered more knowledge from your diary posts and of course noticed you have a snack mid evening. I haven't been doing this as I've thought it'll trigger binging. Last night proved otherwise, I ate a snack and it was enough. Also saw that you quite often leave half of a treat, so light bulb started to glow and I am beginning to understand how to face my fears. Had decided to get doritos as planned and just have a small amount in a bowl, being a cinema bag there will be loads left sitting, waiting and calling from the cupboard.

Your post this morning reiterates what I thought I should do.

So here goes bring it on!

 

[MadamDotty]

Good on you Tracey, we've just got to keep trying and finding a way forward.

Your discussions with KD along with my buying those books have really got me thinking and finding a way of my own to move forward, I'm getting there. So thanks for opening up on your diary and to KD for getting involved as she always gets the leetle grey cells working

Take care and enjoy your Doritos tonight
xx

 

[canireallydothis!!]

. So thanks for opening up on your diary and to KD for getting involved as she always gets the leetle grey cells working

Take care and enjoy your Doritos tonight
xx

Have to echo this, I havent posted much as I have been thinking loads about this, but this is heavy stuff and i thank you so much for letting us in x

 

[minilady]

Good on you Tracey, we've just got to keep trying and finding a way forward.

Your discussions with KD along with my buying those books have really got me thinking and finding a way of my own to move forward, I'm getting there. So thanks for opening up on your diary and to KD for getting involved as she always gets the leetle grey cells working

Take care and enjoy your Doritos tonight
xx

Just read your diary Jan and have posted on there. So pleased your in a good place today I can be quite a closed book sometimes, but it feels right to open up now. I've done the dieting stage and it's been easy to keep inner feelings to myself as when you see the lbs drop away each week, you're so happy that you don't want to admit to yourself let alone others that there are any hidden problems.

Now I have to fess up and ask for help or the weight will pile on again I am so fortunate to have found this website, it was meant to be, who else could I have opened up to about these issues Noone that I can think of.

Have to echo this, I havent posted much as I have been thinking loads about this, but this is heavy stuff and i thank you so much for letting us in x

You are more than welcome Vicky It's funny, when I started reading the threads on Minimins all you guys were such an inspiration to me, you're kind words and great galleries honestly kept me going. I so envied you all, that you were at a place I wanted to be.

Now I'm there with you all, I've realised it's not all it's cracked up to be! But it's made me respect you all the more

Getting a bit gushy now...apologies for that

Tracey
x

 

[KD]

Now I'm there with you all, I've realised it's not all it's cracked up to be!

Yeah...still kinda cool though eh I think I'd still rather be here than where I was.

The biggest problem is the lack of direction. It's almost as if everyone expects you to know know what to do

This website wasn't around when I got to goal. I was on another site though, but the people who had already reached goal just didn't seem to want to talk about it. It made me feel such a failure. I was the only one struggling. Why was I finding it so hard?

I felt so lonely and useless. I remember quite a few dark days Then I realised that maybe they weren't maintaining after all, but hoping on and of the dieting wagon.

I think that many of us need direction. We know maintenance can be difficult, especially if we plan to live normally and not yoyo diet. Just so hard to know how to do it.

I'm hoping that I can give you some signposts. Things to watch out for, but maybe it won't work for you. I guess we have to find our own way, but at least I can give you ideas to try out.

 

[minilady]

Yeah...still kinda cool though eh I think I'd still rather be here than where I was.

Exciting one minute, scary as hell the next. It's the control aspect I think. When I feel I'm in control all is well in Traceyland, next minute I get the desire to eat and realise not in control anymore. You have made me realise that I should go with the flow a little, enjoy the ride a bit more, let myself have treats and not think that anything with a few extra calories or carbs has to be taboo. Back to the inner child, always wanting what we can't have. I need to learn that I can have things, I don't need to deprive myself, I am no longer on a diet.

The biggest problem is the lack of direction. It's almost as if everyone expects you to know know what to do

This website wasn't around when I got to goal. I was on another site though, but the people who had already reached goal just didn't seem to want to talk about it. It made me feel such a failure. I was the only one struggling. Why was I finding it so hard?

I felt so lonely and useless. I remember quite a few dark days Then I realised that maybe they weren't maintaining after all, but hoping on and of the dieting wagon.

That's why we owe you a massive thankyou If you hadn't have shown an interest and questioned what I was doing in the first place, my diary would have bimbled along as it had been having a moan now and again but never really getting to the nitty gritty, with me never really facing my problems.

I have to be honest I only started reading the maintenance threads when I was nearing goal. I had assumed everyone was happy in their new skin.

Plus I love the tactics used. Getting me to think about things, rather than just telling me your ideas.

I think that many of us need direction. We know maintenance can be difficult, especially if we plan to live normally and not yoyo diet. Just so hard to know how to do it.

I'm hoping that I can give you some signposts. Things to watch out for, but maybe it won't work for you. I guess we have to find our own way, but at least I can give you ideas to try out.

:thankyou:


Put into practice it may not work for me, but it's making sense to me (nothing else has made much sense lately). So am giving it a go

Doritos are on the the kitchen units, plan on having a few whilst watching tv tonight. Was going to hide them away in the cupboard, but thought no they should be given pride of place in full view (had to harshly warn the kids that they are mummies treat My youngest 2 looked at me and said you shouldn't have them they're bad for your diet, to which I replied 'Im not on a diet anymore'


Feeling positive this evening and in control, will see how I get on later, may be a quivering wreck by bedtime. No minimins for me tonight, I don't want to escape.

See you all in the morning

Tracey
x

 

[canireallydothis!!]

Hi Tracy, hope it all went well tonight, looking forward to your post.

Its not all its cracked up to be, but I would certainly rather be at this point than 16 stone, Id rather struggle now, then be where I was in July last year.

I read the first post on my diary, and look at how I felt and I dont want to feel like that again.

For me KD has cracked the thought, all I am doing is hopping on and off the dieting wagon, at the moment I want to be normal, well normal as I can be! and that doesnt include yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo dieting for ever.

Maybe it wont work, but I want to put all my effort in to trying, I would love to have this thing licked x

 

[KD]

may be a quivering wreck by bedtime.

So, were you? Did you survive?

 

[minilady]

Hi Tracy, hope it all went well tonight, looking forward to your post.

Its not all its cracked up to be, but I would certainly rather be at this point than 16 stone, Id rather struggle now, then be where I was in July last year.

Yes I know what you mean. I don't want to sound like a misery about the whole thing. I am so pleased to be where I am, extremely proud of myself etc. That's why maintaining is so important to me, even more than the dieting phase was. I have yoyod since my early teens and have never reached goal. So as years went on although I was miserable being overweight, it made me believe I would never be slim. So now I find myself in a strange place, because I embarked on CD never really believing I could do it, but I have I never want to go back to feeling how I did when I was overweight. So although maintenance is scary, it's exciting too.

I read the first post on my diary, and look at how I felt and I dont want to feel like that again.

For me KD has cracked the thought, all I am doing is hopping on and off the dieting wagon, at the moment I want to be normal, well normal as I can be! and that doesnt include yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo dieting for ever.

Maybe it wont work, but I want to put all my effort in to trying, I would love to have this thing licked x

I hope we all do, we owe it to ourselves, and it definately won't be through lack of trying

Have a great day Vicky

So, were you? Did you survive?

I decided to eat doritos during Big Brother 9.00pm (I know sad individual that watches twaddle)

Had obviously thought about crisps since I bought them but there was no intense desire to eat one til about 8.00pm after I'd put Deven to bed. I'd come downstairs and was making a coffee and they started to call to me. I wondered should I just put a few in a bowl for later and maybe just eat one, but I didn't. I ate the doritos as planned at 9.00pm, and although they were nice, they weren't as great as I remembered, I haven't tasted one since January! These darling little snacks used to be my favourite , and now they don't taste the same! Didn't snack again last night didn't feel the desire tho either.

So mixed bag of feelings this morning. Obviously chuffed to bits I didn't have a major blow out as I was scared I might have. But only one strong desire to eat the crisps:sigh: Although I didn't eat one, so no action was taken (Maybe I can do this)

Was I good because I knew it was an experiment and other people would want to know the outcome I will continue to test myself in this way, because I think it may work for me. Will have to change my treat though, I think to profiteroles

The great thing is though, that the positivity I felt yesterday has been reinforced by last night. I felt in control of the situation. I thought I'd stay up late just to prove to myself I didn't have to escape to bed so I wouldn't binge.

Hope you have a great day KD and once again thank you

Tracey
x

 

[KD]

I ate the doritos as planned at 9.00pm, and although they were nice, they weren't as great as I remembered,

Typical isn't it At the end of the day, it's just food eh Your tastes do change, and besides, legalising it makes it lose it's immediate appeal sometimes.

I will continue to test myself in this way, because I think it may work for me. Will have to change my treat though, I think to profiteroles

I love profiteroles Okay, so what is a normal portion? One? Two? How many will you need?

I thought I'd stay up late just to prove to myself I didn't have to escape to bed so I wouldn't binge.

Ahhh, think I'll write something about this on my thread

 

[minilady]

Typical isn't it At the end of the day, it's just food eh Your tastes do change, and besides, legalising it makes it lose it's immediate appeal sometimes.

I think that's exactly why your theory will work. Always being conscious of my weight from childhood, obviously I know which foods if eaten to excess are bad, so in my mind when I've started to eat them, I've always felt guilty and bad, which has led to a binge session. If I can change this attitude and make myself believe its ok to have a treat now and again, hopefully the guilt and disgust feelings will lessen and a total binge session won't ensue.

Well that's the theory


I love profiteroles Okay, so what is a normal portion? One? Two? How many will you need?

By one or two do you mean portions? :ashamed0005:Tesco sell a huge domed pack of them. They probably contain about 20, lots of chocolate sauce covering them. I have been known on many/most occasions to polish off the lot

They also do a small single portion pack, which contains about 5-6, never bought one of those though

Will buy the smaller pack, and see how many I get through. I'll aim for eating just 2.


Tracey
x

 

[minilady]

Friday 10th August

Received a telephone call from post office to say I got the job! However after much deliberation during the wait, I've decided not to take up the offer. I had actually hoped that I wouldn't get it and then I wouldn't have had to feel embarrassed declining the position.

Main reason for not wanting it after all was the wage, it was less than I've worked for for many years.


Kim has been holidaying with BF this week and is due home this afternoon . Cameron has also been staying with a fiend this week and is home today with friend in tow who will be staying with us for a week. So strange week, 2 of my kids away, and even though the other two have been with me, it's been so quiet!!!!!

Just as Kim and Cameron return, Harley is going on holiday with Sunday School, they are off for a week to Camber Sands. This will be Harley's first time away from home, she is extremely excited
I have to keep checking her case for little things that are being stashed in there. I found 3 tubes of lip gloss discretely hidden in her knickers! plus a bottle of Kim's perfume.

I've ordered some chicken fillets from Ebay! After breastfeeding and weight loss and of course age, boobs seem to have suffered slightly

So what with the chicken fillets and the aid of bust firming cream, I'll be well away Well anythings worth a go

Hopefully should hear from CD HO today, apparently they are dealing with my accreditation and will phone today The long wait should soon be over!

Thought about keeping a food diary on here, but have decided just to write down any foods I've eaten that have affected me in a negative way, nothing negative to report today so far

Tracey
x

 

[MadamDotty]

Yayyy Tracey, well done on the Doritos experiment, good on you. it's interesting KD saying about legalising a food, that's the one thing that Beyond Chocolate go on about, once you're allowed to have a food, as much as you want, it takes the edge of the desire off it, as soon as a food is naughty and not allowed, that's when you really, really want it. They in fact recommend buying a heap of your favourite "naughty" food, whether it be Mars Bars, cakes, crisps etc, buy 20, 30 bars/bags and have them on display in the house, knowing you can have as much as you want, when you want and very quickly, apparently, you lose the desire to scoff yourself stupid on said treat. Haven't tried it myself yet, sounds a bit scary, but I do get the principal of it, and have found over the last day and a half that I'm not overeating like I did when I had "Up Days" because I'm allowing myself to have the things I want. I'm trying to make careful choices, but if I really want something, then I'll have it.

Well done on getting the job, even if you decided against it, nice to know they wanted you. Hope CD finally gets sorted out for you.

Have a good day

xxxx

 

[KD]

it's interesting KD saying about legalising a food, that's the one thing that Beyond Chocolate go on about, once you're allowed to have a food, as much as you want, it takes the edge of the desire off it, as soon as a food is naughty and not allowed, that's when you really, really want it.

As you know, I do have some issues with some of the IE books. Can't speak for BC as I haven't read it.

But I believe that you do have to legalise with care. Last time I legalised all foods when the first non-dieting mania started, I managed to put on 6 stone The appeal stayed with me

I know that IE isn't about focusing on your weight, but accepting who you are to some extent, but I didn't want to put the weight on either

 

[MadamDotty]

As you know, I do have some issues with some of the IE books. Can't speak for BC as I haven't read it.

But I believe that you do have to legalise with care. Last time I legalised all foods when the first non-dieting mania started, I managed to put on 6 stone The appeal stayed with me

I know that IE isn't about focusing on your weight, but accepting who you are to some extent, but I didn't want to put the weight on either

Oh absolutely KD, I'm not putting the weight on, BC also says not to weigh but I will continue to do that so I know if the weight is going back up again, and if it does, then I'll have to stop BC and diet again, which would be a shame, but I'm not prepared to put weight back on again.

 

[minilady]

Yayyy Tracey, well done on the Doritos experiment, good on you. it's interesting KD saying about legalising a food, that's the one thing that Beyond Chocolate go on about, once you're allowed to have a food, as much as you want, it takes the edge of the desire off it, as soon as a food is naughty and not allowed, that's when you really, really want it. They in fact recommend buying a heap of your favourite "naughty" food, whether it be Mars Bars, cakes, crisps etc, buy 20, 30 bars/bags and have them on display in the house, knowing you can have as much as you want, when you want and very quickly, apparently, you lose the desire to scoff yourself stupid on said treat. Haven't tried it myself yet, sounds a bit scary, but I do get the principal of it, and have found over the last day and a half that I'm not overeating like I did when I had "Up Days" because I'm allowing myself to have the things I want. I'm trying to make careful choices, but if I really want something, then I'll have it.

Well done on getting the job, even if you decided against it, nice to know they wanted you. Hope CD finally gets sorted out for you.

Have a good day

xxxx

I think the idea of legalising foods is a good one. If I can't have something it makes me want it more.

I'm going to start experimenting slowly, with just small amounts of treats laying around the kitchen. I think if I bought mountains of chocolate I may go crazy

It was weird with the crisps last night, normally I would have felt terribly guilty for messing up a good day, where I'd eaten healthily. Because I knew I was 'allowed' this treat and I only ate a small amount, I honestly didn't feel guilty at all A first

I feel I've learnt a great deal this week, I'm certainly going to keep practising facing my AD.

Tonight I have to drop off Harley's suitcase for her hols tomorrow, so will shoot up Tesco and get a small pot of profiteroles, I intend on having 2!

I haven't had my books from Amazon yet they should come next week.

Lol No phone call from CD HO :cry:

Tracey
x

 

[minilady]

It was weird with the crisps last night, normally I would have felt terribly guilty for messing up a good day, where I'd eaten healthily. Because I knew I was 'allowed' this treat and I only ate a small amount, I honestly didn't feel guilty at all A first

Tracey
x[/quote]


Just read this back and had a thought. Is the feeling of guilt when I eat something which in dietland is known to be a bad food, the trigger for a binge I feel guilty, so punish myself by eating more, until I finally have something to feel guilty about!


mmmm not sure. I think all the brain work this week has gone to my head

Tracey
x