new to this site, support needed

anyway elllie had started at nursery in the sept when i went in for the op in oct. i had to stay in for 10days, was absolute agony. they had to give me a lot of morphine as i was so used to high amounts of pain relief. when i came hope i had to have a raised toilet seat and a high chair to sit on. i couldnt bend or twist. had to be pushed around in a wheel chair and it took me untill the summer to come off the crutches.
 
in this time i hated that i couldnt take ellie to school or bath her or get on the floor to play or go to the park and run about with her like any other young mum. and as ive been not working for the past few yrs thats my priority. i realy need to get back to work to help provide for our kids, not worry about having anymore. i dont know what il do for work when the time is right. i was an auxillary nurse before and i would love to train as a midwife but i dont know if id be able to do the job physically. but i do feel some days like my mind has gone to mush, i need to work again, i always have from leaving college so being constantly at home was a real culture shock lol. i love my kids to the moon and back and i love being here for them, i just know that im capable of being a working mum again.xx
 
emily is 12, i want her to be proud of me. want her to think that yeah my mum had a few years where she couldnt work but look at her now. i dont want this to be it for me. on the other hand it does worry me what il be like in another 20 or 30 years if im in so much agony now. im currently taking deydrocodine again, which some days is like swallowing smarties but i dont think anything can be done for my back. i just hope i dont get to the stage i was at before my op in 2008, i was literally crawling to the bathroom in a morning as i just couldnt stand straight away.
so ive got my pre assessment for being sterilised on the 21st of this month and i think its the safest and best thing i could do.xx
 
my mum in law suggested i train in something that interests me. she said to go and get a college prospectus and make a list of the things that interest me and then go through the list and pick out what i could physically do. i will do this.xx
 
Sorry to intrude, I've just read all ten pages, you are doing great guns-life has a habit of getting in the way of the best laid plans, huh? I just wanted to tell you that my mum went to uni when I was a kid, (my dad nicked off, no child support, she had to do something) and trained as a teacher, and I am incredibly proud of her. Sure your children will be proud of you. It also encouraged me and my siblings to go to uni and be able to provide for ourselves- great example for us!
 
dani, feeling very emotional reading your story. you're tougher than you come across arent you! i admire you even more now than i did before. i have never heard you grumble or moan or feel sorry for yourself when in fact you have been through so much in your life. i hope you dont think i was prying into your life. thank you for the explanation, its really moved me but inspired me too. i know for a fact that you can do anything you put your mind to.

and as for working, dont rush back. take your time. i work part time and i can tell you for a fact that it would be better for my kids if i was home with them and not working. my kids would rather i was home more doing nothing with them, than earning so we can go on hols and buy a bigger house. kids actually have very basic needs. you have been lucky to be home these few years and have your whole life to consider your options! enjoy the sun today dani (bestest cyber friend ever!)
 
hey leeds, your message made me well up. thank u. i didnt think you were prying honestly. god if i actually told you my life story ud b amazed at how ive actually got any mothering qualities at all. didnt have the best role model there, infact id put her up with the worst of the wworst but hey, u can dwell on it and let life repeat over and over or you can break the cycle and prove you dont have to be as bad as where you came from. i adore my kids and would do anything for them, anything at all.
i had to be tough inside growing up.
ive never asked but how old are your kids? sounds like they are lucky to have a mum like you. how old are you if you dont mind me asking?
i just think that you have to get on with things and overcome things yourself, nobody can do it for you.
as for the sun chick, im truely knackered, just been for a bike ride (which i ant done since being about 13) with eldest girl. god im done in but was nice to get out and do it. speak soon, yep ya my bestest cyber friend. hope you never stop talking.xx
 
well what a good week ive had. ive lost 3lbs this week and im so pleased with that. me and chris are going out on saturday with another couple so im going to save some points each day to add to saturdays. we just going round our local pubs. we havent been out drinking for ages and the couple we are going with are really funny.cant wait for that.
my daughter has lost 2lbs aswell this week. ive said if she can loose half a stone il give her a tenner. she tried talking me into half of half a stone but i just laughed at her. bless her.
felt awful because when we went for our bike ride she saw 3 boys from her school on the opposite side of the road and was trying so hard to not make a fool of herself that she fell off. plus we were just passing a pub that had loads of people outside. i couldnt help laughing a bit and she was the colour of beetroot. the boys were shouting love you emily.but i did feel realy bad when we got in because shes took a right chunk out of her knee poor babe. shes forgiven me for laughing though. im terrible i just cant help giggle if someone trips up or owt.
so heres to another good week.xx
 
WOW!!! so impressed dani! god, your plan seems to work better than CD. I knew you could do it. i have nibbled a lot today but am on my second shake (I refuse to give up, what an idiot i am!). so happy for you and your posts are SO upbeat now. poor emily, at least she has the best role model. i wish my mum had helped me along like you are doing with emily. if i had a mum like you i know i would be a different person today.
 
it sounds like you dont need any role model. im sure you are a fab mum. i am right enjoying my food and knowing when to stop eating lol. thats whats took me so long to grasp. im sure you will get back on track tomorrow. dont beat yaself up about you nibbling. did you get my private message earlier?xx
 
well im having a good day, sticking to it well. been today and bought my 5 yr olds teacher a nice mug and also went to thorntons and bought her 2 teaching assistants some choccies. was tempted lol. i got my hubby a small bag of continental and i had 2. but i counted them in my points so was still being good.then went food shopping. its good that im shopping so much more healthily now. well to be honest i bought healthy stuff before but with lots of unhealthy stuff too. .
hope everyone else is having good days. xx
 
hi dani! glad you are still enjoying it. you seem to be so in control. am really happy for you!
 
thanks leeds, it makes a difference being able to eat lol. just wish id stuck at a normal diet ages ago lol. oh well never mind.
today got to go to town then to B&Q for hubby to get gardeny things, that will keep him busy today if weather stays ok.
 
things going good for me although i had a sneaky midweek weigh of myself and im still the same. hope by mon ive lost sumat but staying the same is better than putting on.xx
 
hi

been ages since i wrote here. been reading though. do you go to ww weigh ins? i'm on cd maintenance but there are days when i just don't have a cd product. last time i got weighed it was going to be 3 weeks so i took 21 bars, 1 a day. i've got 10 days left and 13 bars left. i've also got lots of shakes, a couple of soups and a couple of porridge too.

i'm doing 2 things at the moment, you might have noticed. i'm pointing and calorie counting. it's massively interesting at just how different the 2 are. like yesterday i choice costa's lowest calorie sandwich at 275 cals but it was still pointed at 4.5 points. i was quite shocked. it was a tuna salad sarnie. however, at night time i had veg and quorn curry and it was 3 points as the veg i used had no point value and was from the fill up range yet in calories with the quorn and veg it came out as 400 calories. the pan was huge and i couldn't eat it all :D i used to though.

i'm also finally seeing a change in the scales. i think that i'm eating more than i was and i think my body is needing it, but i'm also sneaking in some ww biscuits which is not good. i don't really want to start using points on biscuits again. i've upped my milk as i love milk and in cals i use probably a pint a day so it's 200 cals but on ww it would only be an extra point as you get half a pint of skimmed free.

just confused at the moment. i'm wanting another stone off and i'm now wondering if i should go down ww route for the final stone as it would take a little longer but i could eat lots.

i pointed out a cd bar and it's 3 points which is not much for the points when you could have a double serving of porridge :) also the shakes are 2 points each. don't know about the soups or porridge.

i still feel a pull to CD as it's my cushion and buffer but then i'm not following it much at all. i think that i just like the idea that if things go massively wrong i can jump back on it again for a week and any damage would be completely gone.

did you move to ww closer to goal? how are you finding it?

i also like the idea of the extra exercise = extra points (not that i use my full 21 a day up anyway). so yesterday i pointed out my 4 mile run - 44 mins heavy and it game me a nice amount back. something like 4.5 points back. sometimes on my long runs which tend to be around 7 miles and i'm out for over an hour so around 75 mins i can get 8 points back :eek:
 
nicki - i really think WW is the way to proceed for you. you are so active that i do think CD is not working for you in the right way. I might be moving soon myself.

dani - WW does have slow weeks some weeks but as long as you keep trying it'll be fine. how is today going?
 
Hi ladies just spent ages reading through your posts . Very interesting and it sounds like you have been through a rollercoast of emotions. You've done so well though. I am hoping to start on Monday on e my doc gives me the all clear, meeting with CDC in the afternoon. I need to loose about 4 stone. I love food so not looking forward to the process but am excited about starting. good luck with your continuing efforts you should be proud PinkyJ x
 
dani, hows the weekend?
 
hi dani - hope all is well. missing you.
 
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