newbie facing many challenges

[wafflewaffle]

Glad you got some advice! Good luck without the tablets I'm sure you don't need them
I'm exactly the same bingeing on crap at nightYbe we should just go to bed at 6 pm lol x

 

[caz78]

Lol, thanks.

I really wish I could but I can't fall asleep for ages even going up at 11 - damn insomnia lol. Starting my exercise tomorrow so that should help. I can't get out alone due to anxiety and social phobia but hubby has said we will go out for a walk tomorrow. I'm nervous but also looking forward to getting out, I just hope it's quiet and not many people about. The more I get out the easier it will get.

I'm on a roll.

Do you have any hobbies? Keeping your hands busy helps. I do very intricate and large cross stitch designs. The one I am working on is four years in the making! I used to only do it in the day but I can get a couple of hours in each evening now and that's helping me not want to eat. I am going to use a pic of a smaller one I did as my avatar cos I'm nervous about showing my face after being so candid about my addictions. I put in on last night and took it off, I think i'll put it back again.

Indecisive, me...no, of course not lol.

I just have a single Weetabix before bed to help me sleep. Stops me getting hungry too.

caz x

 

[caz78]

Just testing to see if my signature is showing x

 

[PrincessSparklePants]

I took some before photos last night, no one else will EVER see them lol. It was a shock to say the least. I wore too small yoga pants and the always unforgiving white vest top. It showed EVERY lump, bump, fold and roll.

I suspect one day I will be glad I took them though

You will! Very very very glad! I had a start picture at my heaviest weight and a few weeks ago I had a follow up picture done. I HATE having pictures done, but it really is great motivation. For the first time ever come Boxing Day at my brothers inlaws I will be taking a camera and snapping away!

I'm doing the same! I have worked out all the healthy foods I can eat and worked a meal plan around them. I'm trying not to eat my favourite - egg (yolk only - eek!) and chips with bread and butter - oh the fat! LOL. Won't be eating that again for a very long time!

as for exercise, I have a great elliptical machine, well it's evil really but boy does it make me sweat. I can only manage 10 mins a time at the moment but that will increase. I have also got a yoga dvd to try and calm me. I will admit I have stopped and started with it, but I will be doing it more regularly. I plan on elliptical one day (it cost a bomb so I better use it!) and yoga the next.

Will see how I go from there. It's funny, I have my workout mix on my mp3 and it has a good dozen songs on it - I can't make it past 3 or 4 songs so that was a bit optimistic!

x

If you find yourself craving it, you could poach your egg (just water - no frying - roughly 143 cals) and make your own chips by parboiling some chopped up potatoes and giving them a few sprays of frylight and baking them in the oven for approx half an hour. They're only the cals of the poato weight you used and 1cal per spray of frylight.

I know this probably sounds awful when I have only just joined but can I have a rant please?

Please don't think I am an awful person but my sister has upset me hugely today and it's knocked me right down. The diet's going great and I'm not struggling there but her attitude has knocked me for 6!

Don't get me wrong, her diet is her business and mine was pretty bad, obviously, but it's her attitude that she knows best and I'm being stupid.

She started Orlistat 3 weeks ago. Her diet is appalling, pre orlistat she was eating a minimum of 6 pcks full fat crisps a day, 2 share bags of chocolate, full fat pop - litres of the stuff, big buckets from kfc, biscuits, pizzas (not just one either) sausage and bacon butties for breakfast every day. I won't go on anymore, you get the idea.

Ok, so a lot of us have eaten like this, that's one way we get big. That's not what's upset me.

She is STILL eating like this on Orlistat. She says the way to do it is to work out how much you can get away with eating before you suffer bad side effects. I told her I still ate 1pk low fat French fries crisps a day and she laughed and said 'oh you can eat 3 of those easy and you won't get side effects' she actually laughed at me! She's bragging how much she can still eat.

So, I thought, well the proof will be in the pudding. I thought she was bound to be disappointed.

Nope! She rang me today to say she has lost a stone in 3 weeks!!! Then she had the nerve to tell me she told the nurse about me and she had said I would never stick to my diet as I wasn't having junk food and that my sister had the right idea!! If I hadn't seen her and noticed her weight loss I wouldn't have believed it.

My mum says she will lose weight fast as it's her first time 'dieting' and that even though she must be eating at least 3000 calories a day now it was at least 6000!

I can't help but be discouraged.

To make matters worse I am angry with her anyway cos she took my little boy out for tea last night - pizza hut (on orlisat!!!) she ordered a fortunes worth of greasy junk and made him eat more than he wanted and he was up being sick all night.

she won't be taking him out again that's for sure, poor boy!

I haven't been this angry at anyone for a long time!

Please take this as me being objective as I don't know your sister, rather than being rude.

I think she's talking out of her bumbum love (as well as losing a lot of orange stuff from it too...! I only had one reaction like Tracy did after a special meal for a celebration. Even trumps are messy (and extra smelly - sorry tmi!)

It sounds like she's either jealous you're approaching it seriously or she's simply justifying her meals in her own head and - if she can get you eating naughty things too - then it's "alright cos my sister is on orlistat and she does it too!"

I'd highly doubt that the nurse said what your sister said too. she's essentially abusing the drug (and potentially causing herself more trouble and problems in the same way) and she's not learning new eating habits (as she's supposed to do) to keep the weight off in the long term. If she said that, I'm strongly of the opinion that the nurse would report it to the doctor and get your sister off the drug.

If I recall from when I was prescribed it - it's not an easy drug to get/keep. You had to lose 10% of your weight in a set time to keep it(?) and you could only have it for a year? (I'm going back a few years so it could be only from back then). I also had to go and be weighed and checked up monthly on it too.

Your poor little boy - hope he's feeling better soon. That's an awful thing to do!

She's actually bigger than me and has been for a while but she thinks so much of herself that she can't see it. Three weeks ago she was 18.2, she is 17.3 now. How can anyone lose that much weight that fast eating like that! Probably cos she's 10 years younger (sigh!)

Even though she's bigger than me she talks like a thin person. stuff like how she can eat what she wants and still maintain or lose weight, how her bf doesn't like the huuuuge amount of weight she's lost cos she 'wasting away' How she feels sorry for me cos I have gained weight!

What also annoys me is that I like to be comfortable in my clothes so I will buy a size bigger. She will wear things that are so small they are full of holes where they are literally splitting...all so she can brag she wears clothes SO much smaller than mine.

Grrrrrrrrr

It sounds as though she's really oblivious to the true impact of herself... it's common - I'm sure everyone has thought that they look great when getting ready for something - then see pictures of themselves etc and wonder what they look like - or why they wore that. Does she have a mirror? (again, I don't mean to sound mean. We only JUST got a fullsize mirror and had to rely on "looking down" to see if things looked ok. Not great when your boobs are in the way so you can't see!!)

It's great she's so confident - but perhaps a fair amount of it is only bravardo....? It sounds like it, bless her!

Thanks waffle, I'm just greedy I guess. You read of massive losses in the first few weeks but it hasn't worked that way for me. If I've only lost 4 this week then it's gonna slow down a lot faster I would guess.

Generally it's the people who are bigger and who eat thousands more calories than they should and suddenly drop down to say - 2000 cals or less that have the massive losses in the first week (especially if they cut the 'bad things out' like fizzy drinks etc) because of the dramatic change and water loss too imo. It sounds like you were eating quite well before hand - hence not such big losses. Having said that, 4lb is AWESOME and HUGE!

well done for keeping going hun - and for keeping your hands and mind busy too! Bless your hubby for taking you out too so you feel more comfortable! You are awesome!

 

[caz78]

Thank you princess, loads of info there and the support means a helluva lot!

Quickly, re my sister, cos I need to distance myself from her a bit... I spoke to her today and told her I had made the decision to come off the orlistat and try and do it myself and her reaction was a bit odd. Normally she puts x's on her texts, lots of them, and is very gushy. Instead it was a very cold (for her) 'well, u don't need them - u have willpower' and I felt really bad. She comes across as so superior in her attitude but I think you might be right and there could be an underlying jealousy.. Strange cos she will have lost more weight. I think you're right and she wanted me to do it the same way as her to make her feel better about her choices. That would be why she was trying to get me to make the same food choices.

I do worry about her. She only has one kidney and I don't think she should be on the pills at all for that reason alone. She I abusing them and I think she has twisted bit what she told the nurse and what the nurse told her. Well, I'm not in the middle of it now cos I have struck out alone but I have told her if she needs any help or support i'll be there. Can't do anymore than that. She must know the risks she's taking but she's always been that way, she knows best and the rest of the world is wrong. It doesn't help that her bf encourages her to gain weight as he likes bigger women. He tells her he wouldn't like her as much if she was slim. I don't think she does own a full length mirror actually and I know she doesn't have scales. It really could all be bluff and bravado.

I can't help if she won't let me sadly, but I also can't let her drag me down either, awful as that sounds. She is one of those people you can try and talk to all day every day and nothing will sink in unless it's what she wants to hear.

I need to focus on myself and my journey and let her find her own way, even if it does worry me.

Oh, you should have seen the state of the photos! I knew I was big, I do weigh myself and have a full length mirror but even with that I had no idea how bad I had got! Ugh my shoulders are so slumped over, I look like I am carrying the world on them. My upper arms spill over onto my lower ones and my boobs are far smaller than I thought too lol. My belly, well, you could reasonably say to me 'not long to go now dear!' and no one would think you were being rude! Also it's a bizarre shape! I have a scar running hip to hip from previous surgery and c section and it's higher at one side than the other so I have a huge pouch on one side and far less on the other. My body looks like a drunken sailor tbh, all over the place!

I can't wait to be able to stop hiding from cameras! You enjoy snapping away - you've earned it!

Great idea for the egg and chips too! Thank you. Mmmmm poached egg, my favourite - I prefer that to chips lol.

Caz x

 

[PrincessSparklePants]

Thank you princess, loads of info there and the support means a helluva lot!

Quickly, re my sister, cos I need to distance myself from her a bit... I spoke to her today and told her I had made the decision to come off the orlistat and try and do it myself and her reaction was a bit odd. Normally she puts x's on her texts, lots of them, and is very gushy. Instead it was a very cold (for her) 'well, u don't need them - u have willpower' and I felt really bad. She comes across as so superior in her attitude but I think you might be right and there could be an underlying jealousy.. Strange cos she will have lost more weight. I think you're right and she wanted me to do it the same way as her to make her feel better about her choices. That would be why she was trying to get me to make the same food choices.

I do worry about her. She only has one kidney and I don't think she should be on the pills at all for that reason alone. She I abusing them and I think she has twisted bit what she told the nurse and what the nurse told her. Well, I'm not in the middle of it now cos I have struck out alone but I have told her if she needs any help or support i'll be there. Can't do anymore than that. She must know the risks she's taking but she's always been that way, she knows best and the rest of the world is wrong. It doesn't help that her bf encourages her to gain weight as he likes bigger women. He tells her he wouldn't like her as much if she was slim. I don't think she does own a full length mirror actually and I know she doesn't have scales. It really could all be bluff and bravado.

I can't help if she won't let me sadly, but I also can't let her drag me down either, awful as that sounds. She is one of those people you can try and talk to all day every day and nothing will sink in unless it's what she wants to hear.

I need to focus on myself and my journey and let her find her own way, even if it does worry me.

Oh, you should have seen the state of the photos! I knew I was big, I do weigh myself and have a full length mirror but even with that I had no idea how bad I had got! Ugh my shoulders are so slumped over, I look like I am carrying the world on them. My upper arms spill over onto my lower ones and my boobs are far smaller than I thought too lol. My belly, well, you could reasonably say to me 'not long to go now dear!' and no one would think you were being rude! Also it's a bizarre shape! I have a scar running hip to hip from previous surgery and c section and it's higher at one side than the other so I have a huge pouch on one side and far less on the other. My body looks like a drunken sailor tbh, all over the place!

I can't wait to be able to stop hiding from cameras! You enjoy snapping away - you've earned it!

Great idea for the egg and chips too! Thank you. Mmmmm poached egg, my favourite - I prefer that to chips lol.

Caz x

It's a horrible thing to suggest, but could she be adding a few errant lb's on to make her loss bigger to sort of rub in that her way is "better" (not that it is). Or simply over egging the pudding a little bit as she doesn't have her own scales. There's also a real suggestion that the stuff in bad food is addictive and food addiction is a REAL problem. It's not something to be taken lightly... it doesn't sound like she's had her lightbulb moment for weight loss. Maybe the nurse told her that it was you who actually had the right way and she didn't like to hear that?

The abusing orlistat (and her kidney too!) is a concern. It's very easy to justify things to yourself, I'm sure you know it too. "I've had such a ******* of a day.... just one bit of choc. just one glass of wine... just one takeaway..." it's all easily done. Then it becomes a habit that's hard to break. It sounds like she might be doing it too. Maybe she'll take heart when she sees how well it works for you too. Your way is a way of keeping it off and learning about the lifestyle changes that are needed to keep it off. Her way is a sure fire way to pile it all back on again straight after. I think it might come to the point where it eventually stops too (due to the cals and fat levels etc) once the novelty of her eating 'smaller' portions stops.

Like you said, all you can do is be there incase she needs it. I hope she does realise it one day for her own sake I know what you mean about how headstrong she is - I have a relative exactly the same. It's their way or the high way and nothing else would do.

Well done on how far you've got lovely - and how brave you've been just for taking the pictures in the first place. Well done lovely! Very soon you will be standing tall and rightly proud of yourself Enjoy your "naughty" good meal xxx

 

[caz78]

Thanks Princess, I think you're right on the money. It's the way we were brought up really. Lots of stodgy comfort food. Chips and cheese butties with crisps and chocolate was a staple meal in our house.

I'm pretty sure I have the same food addiction, hence the binging. The difference is, like you say, I have had my light bulb moment. Sadly I have been having them for years and have tried over and over to beat the demons - but this time I mean it lol.

She is just at the beginning, this being her first attempt to address her weight so she has a lot to learn.

I feel I have learned a little from each failed attempt and each time I get a bit further and do a bit better. Yes, I have failed every healthy eating attempt I have made, that's why I am here. BUT at least I am trying. trying to change, trying to learn, trying to face things rather than smothering my feelings and problems with food.

I'm not au fait with the site yet but I actually found some old posts of mine from 2012 when I was trying slim fast and I was a bit discouraged to see that I had managed 7 weeks without cannabis then, I had really thought this was the longest I had ever done and was feeling all 'yay me!'...... Just like healthy eating it looks like persistence is in order there too...

I'm so determined to stick at it but seeing I did it for so long and still failed, only a couple of years ago, is disheartening. I'm going to try and see it as my own cautionary tale.

I've struggled a bit today. I'm feeling very tired all of a sudden and the insomnia is bothering me a lot. I know my mind and body are trying to sabotage my progress by making me dwell on the thought of 'one smoke and I could sleep so easily' 'one binge, it's been a tough day' but I'm handling it. I also had my first sweet tooth pangs today but staved them off with a cup of tea.

I've done good to get this far but this is where the real work starts. I've got this far without too many cravings for any of that stuff. It's how I deal with them now they've popped up today that is where the real work lies.

I just keep telling myself I can do this! I can stick at it this time! I will learn to sleep naturally again! I will beat the binges! I will find a healthier outlet for my depression!

It's hard and it will get harder, I just need to stay on track and let the road unfurl in front of me. One foot in front of the other. One hour at a time. One day at a time.

writing here helps.

Thanks for listening

caz x

 

[PrincessSparklePants]

Thanks Princess, I think you're right on the money. It's the way we were brought up really. Lots of stodgy comfort food. Chips and cheese butties with crisps and chocolate was a staple meal in our house.

I'm pretty sure I have the same food addiction, hence the binging. The difference is, like you say, I have had my light bulb moment. Sadly I have been having them for years and have tried over and over to beat the demons - but this time I mean it lol.

She is just at the beginning, this being her first attempt to address her weight so she has a lot to learn.

I feel I have learned a little from each failed attempt and each time I get a bit further and do a bit better. Yes, I have failed every healthy eating attempt I have made, that's why I am here. BUT at least I am trying. trying to change, trying to learn, trying to face things rather than smothering my feelings and problems with food.

I'm not au fait with the site yet but I actually found some old posts of mine from 2012 when I was trying slim fast and I was a bit discouraged to see that I had managed 7 weeks without cannabis then, I had really thought this was the longest I had ever done and was feeling all 'yay me!'...... Just like healthy eating it looks like persistence is in order there too...

I'm so determined to stick at it but seeing I did it for so long and still failed, only a couple of years ago, is disheartening. I'm going to try and see it as my own cautionary tale.

I've struggled a bit today. I'm feeling very tired all of a sudden and the insomnia is bothering me a lot. I know my mind and body are trying to sabotage my progress by making me dwell on the thought of 'one smoke and I could sleep so easily' 'one binge, it's been a tough day' but I'm handling it. I also had my first sweet tooth pangs today but staved them off with a cup of tea.

I've done good to get this far but this is where the real work starts. I've got this far without too many cravings for any of that stuff. It's how I deal with them now they've popped up today that is where the real work lies.

I just keep telling myself I can do this! I can stick at it this time! I will learn to sleep naturally again! I will beat the binges! I will find a healthier outlet for my depression!

It's hard and it will get harder, I just need to stay on track and let the road unfurl in front of me. One foot in front of the other. One hour at a time. One day at a time.

writing here helps.

Thanks for listening

caz x

Anytime love Here to listen at all times

You're definitely in the right place We all have tried and tried and tried to try and lose weight and all fallen right off the wagon. Then we tried again for the fourth time and it all happened again but thiss time we really do mean it and we're all fighting towards it and supporting each other

It doesn't matter right now how far you've gotten without using canabis right now love (i don't mean it to sound like it doesn't MATTER that you're not using it - it does and you're awesome!!) all that matters is that you haven't used it and you're STILL strong and STILL getting through the days. It's another addiction that you're going the right way to beating. Well done lovely! Don't let it discourage you that it's not longer - soon it'll be double that. Then triple it. Then further - all because you're SO much stronger now and - hopefully through not using that too your munchies not being around will help you lose and your stomach will be shrinking too because obviously you're not filling it to bursting point regularly so hopefully tou won't be feeling as hungry again.

I'm sure as she sees you going further down - and hopefully losing the addiction to the bad things (the sugar et al that really ARE addictive!) or at least limiting it then she might get inspired. Even if it ignites her competitive side and she still talks crap - at least she'd be doing the weight loss which really is the point for you to close your ears and just 'mmmmm' occasionally and let her get it out her system. It's easy to switch off if you really want to

Well done for not giving in today love. Just take it one day at a time - it's the only way to do it. If it gets really bad then take it an hour at a time. Hopefully as you forgive yourself and love yourself (which you are by losing the weight and giving up the drugs) and pamper yourself and relaaaaaax it'll all soon help you sleep

It might be worth trying to put into place a routine for bedtime that you follow each night to try and signal to your brain that it's time to sleep? Set a bedtime around the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning whether you sleep or not), start to wind down by a hot bubble bath? Snuggly pj's and dressing gown on if you wear them? A proper conditioner on your hair? Facemask or face creams etc, read a chapter of a book or something? - just something that you do that signals to your body after a week or so that 'right, it's bedtime...' Relaxing is half the battle, especially if your mind and body are fighting each other so hard during the day.I really hope somehow - without the canabis - you manage to get to sleep as it's REALLY horrible not being able to switch off and/or get enough sleep. We're always here for you hun xx

 

[caz78]

Thank you so much for your support princess, you've helped me not get too low tonight and keep temptation at bay. It's cos the evening's progressing and this is the time I would settle down with junk and a smoke. I find 5.30 to 9 the hardest. Before 5.30 I'm feeling motivated and after 9 I feel proud I have made it through another evening. In between the only thing that helps is my cross stitching.

I've just set my stitching up for the evening and am going to listen to my audiobook as I sew.

All your advice has been so helpful, I really appreciate it and it's helped me see things much differently, and to chill out a bit.

As for sleep there's not a great deal more I can do. I've been sticking to a bedtime routine religiously and nothing seems to help. I really do think my body needs to adjust some chemicals around now the cannabis isn't there to do the work for my body - if that makes sense. I read that cannabis users stop producing so much sleep hormone over the years and that's why it's so hard. I can't nap in the day either, not that I would now cos it would affect my night time sleep. My body has just forgotten how to drop off. Once I do tip over I'm out cold but it's that initial falling asleep. When I was smoking it was 5 seconds flat before I was snoring.

Over the years I've tried self hypnosis, warm baths, milky drinks, recordings of wind and rain, lavender pillow spray, an outrageously priced sleep machine (you focus on a blue light on the ceiling and match your breathing to it and try your hardest to keep your eyes open so you trick your brain using reverse psychology - all it did was make me get out of bed to reset it hour after hour) sleep mask, cold room, warm room, hungrian goosedown pillows, foam pillows, breathing exercises, muscle exercises. Medication wise, sleeping pills work but they won't prescribe them as they are addictive, antihistamines don't work, nytol don't work....I won't bore you anymore lol.

My bed is most people's dream i've made it so cosy.

My GP gave me melatonin tablets last time and I think that's how I lasted so long, just my luck they won't prescribe it now for some reason.

I had sleep problems before, that's why I turned to cannabis in the first place, but not every night like it is now. Biggest mistake of my life self medicating. It's got to be like being addicted to sleeping pills.

I reckon if I can just stick it out long enough my body will readjust - it's flaming hard though. This time around I am going to bed with the attitude that I don't expect to sleep so I just get comfy and daydream. I'm falling asleep quicker doing that but it's still at least a couple of hours before I nod off . I get up at the same time regardless so I end up getting progressively more tired every day and don't fall asleep any easier for it either - very frustrating to say the least. A couple of hours might not sound long but it feels like it.

Of course H can nod off in the middle of a conversation, even when he's eating lol. Lord help him if he snores cos that pillow can be very tempting - you've got to laugh, I try to anyway!

I'll get there.

Going to leave you in peace now and crack on with some stitching.

Have a lovely evening hun, thanks again.
caz x

 

[PrincessSparklePants]

Bless you! I really wish that I could help more sleep wise as I'd hope that that would help you sort of clear your head a little if you got some proper rest. I really really feel for you and I hope that it happens soon!

Always here if you need a chat lovely - whenever! Enjoy your sewing and hope you have a lovely evening with hubby You're so strong, it'd admirable! Take care love xx

 

[TracyGWill]

Hi hon! I'm glad to see Kym has been giving you some brilliant advice and support, she's a real star. I really admire your strength in working to tackle multiple addictions, it must be so hard and you're doing so well. I suppose my only other addiction is prescription painkillers, and I can't imagine trying to give them up.

I hope you manage to get some sleep and feel better soon. xx

 

[wafflewaffle]

Hi hon! I'm glad to see Kym has been giving you some brilliant advice and support, she's a real star. I really admire your strength in working to tackle multiple addictions, it must be so hard and you're doing so well. I suppose my only other addiction is prescription painkillers, and I can't imagine trying to give them up. I hope you manage to get some sleep and feel better soon. xx

I agree with what Tracy said some great advice there from kym, hope you are ok today just wanted to pop in and let you know I'm still reading xx

 

[caz78]

Is Kym princess sparkle pants name then? I haven't done enough posts to see people's profiles (am guessing real names are there?). She is amazing! A total star. You all are though. You have no idea how much you've helped me. Really, it's like you're holding me up and keeping me on the path as I walk forward.:gen126:

I'm so grateful for all you support, I might just make it this time with all of you in my corner. That's the problem with battling addictions, because they're secret you can't tell anyone, so you can't get support.

So glad I made it through last night. I was like a bear with a sore head. Pacing around and panicking. Asking myself why I was even trying etc etc. I was really tired and dreading going to bed. I was also really tearful and desperately wanted to quit and dive nose first into a binge.

Then I noticed my boobs were like footballs, my rings are all tight etc etc. HORMONES!!!! Sorry if TMI but it's mid month - due to PCOS I am one of the 'lucky' ones who get pms twice a month. I get it around ovulation. Which makes no sense cos ur not meant to ovulate on the pill but I've long since stopped expecting my body to make sense lol. Hopped on the scales to see what impact it's had and 1.5lbs back on. I'm not too upset as I know it's water.

I had a good night last night. To my surprise I was out cold in no more than 20mins! I am so hoping I am turning a corner. It's not a given though as sometimes when I get a good sleep it has a negative effect on the next few nights but for now I'm just grateful for the one good nights sleep.

So yeah, apart from a great nights sleep, which I am so grateful for, I'm feeling pretty pants. BUT I know why and that makes it a whole lot easier.

Caz x

 

[caz78]

Blimey! I've been reading up on the symptoms you can get from quitting cannabis, starting to eat healthy & quitting the toxins in cigarettes, even though I'm still using nicotine my body will be detoxing from all the other chemicals in tobacco.

Seems I'm getting most of them, typical. It feels like a deep depression, with anger and restlessness thrown in. I'm irritable, bloated, constipated, exhausted, dizzy, weak - you name it. I just want to lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling, it's all I have the energy for.

Instead, I'm going for a walk. I'm trying so hard to help myself.

Caz x

 

[wafflewaffle]

Blimey! I've been reading up on the symptoms you can get from quitting cannabis, starting to eat healthy & quitting the toxins in cigarettes, even though I'm still using nicotine my body will be detoxing from all the other chemicals in tobacco. Seems I'm getting most of them, typical. It feels like a deep depression, with anger and restlessness thrown in. I'm irritable, bloated, constipated, exhausted, dizzy, weak - you name it. I just want to lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling, it's all I have the energy for. Instead, I'm going for a walk. I'm trying so hard to help myself. Caz x

Great idea, I know I've only stopped smoking but I felt most of them things too and walking really helped, the first 2 weeks are the worst with quitting any addiction xx

 

[caz78]

Well it didn't happen. Had a huge row with him over something stupid. I stood up for myself for once and he got quite nasty. Says we're over. I don't want to bring this drama on here but things aren't good.

I'll be back when I can.

Why am I even trying.

Caz x

 

[wafflewaffle]

Well it didn't happen. Had a huge row with him over something stupid. I stood up for myself for once and he got quite nasty. Says we're over. I don't want to bring this drama on here but things aren't good. I'll be back when I can. Why am I even trying. Caz x

Don't bottle it up and don't let a man hold you back, try and use it to spur you on, bugger him xx

 

[TracyGWill]

Please don't stop trying, hon, we all want to see you succeed. I hope the situation resolves soon, stay strong. xx

 

[PrincessSparklePants]

Bless you love - Here anytime you need to talk xx

Prove him wrong sweetheart, stay strong! Hopefully it's all a side step from the probkems the both of you have had before and a few hours or days later you'll be sorting it out and not remembering why you fell out.

On the other hand if it is something else and is more permanent this time, I'm so sorry hun but again - stay strong! We're here for you to rant to and here to help as much as we can. Take care sugar xxx Come back soon xx

 

[caz78]

Thanks everyone.

I'm ok, just tired of these sorts of rows. 95% of the time he's great, and I mean great. Just once in a while he blows. He has a defensive streak and starts shouting and storming around and what's the point etc. I'm no angel though and not very easy to live with so we're bound to have blow ups sometimes. They just knock the wind right out of me. He has never laid a hand on me though, it's just big rows. He's still here and full of apologies. Its all so much harder since the affair. I don't have the patience I once did.

I've still been 100% on the diet, even through this so I'm pretty proud of myself. The scales have barely moved all week which is frustrating. I know you're not meant to weigh that often but I do it at the start of a diet to check it's working out for me. I don't want to eat a certain way only to find out I have misjudged something and gained weight!

It has however been ridiculously hard not to binge. I went down a very negative mental path. You're going to fail, the scales aren't going to move. You can't stop binging etc. So I had a long think. Even though it's only been a few days off the orlistat my attitude has completely changed for the worse. It looks like they are a psychological crutch after all. I felt better as soon as I started taking them again last night. Also, I know I can't binge if I have taken one, so I'm hoping they will help me beat the binge eating.

Feel a bit ridiculous changing my mind all the time but I guess it's trial and error and I'm not going to pretend I'm not taking it when I am lol.

I really do love it here, you guys are awesome!

Caz x