newbie facing many challenges
- Thread starter caz78
- Start date
PrincessSparklePants
Little Miss Christmas
Glad to hear it lovely.
Sadly it's not just a shut and dry case for you two to patch things up - there are lots of other parts that have an affect on what you're doing for various reasons.
Hope you're both feeling better now - well done for sitll keeping strong xx
Sadly it's not just a shut and dry case for you two to patch things up - there are lots of other parts that have an affect on what you're doing for various reasons.
Hope you're both feeling better now - well done for sitll keeping strong xx
caz78
Full Member
Thanks,
You're right there is a lot going on. If he didn't have these rare temper outbursts and hadn't cheated then really we would have a great marriage. He's a great dad, very supportive - all the good stuff.
He's always had the occasional temper outbursts but pre affair I just brushed it off but emotions run higher since it happened. It was a bad period, mid life crisis I think - he even had the motorbike for pity's sake. It was a younger woman at work. Lasted 6 weeks of texting and flirting but the physical side was a one off and not what he wanted apparently. Too much to go into here. He was in it for the attention rather than any actual feelings for her. She was a distraction, he got in over his head and was too scared of her telling me to end it himself. When he did manage to get her to end it he was relieved.
Anyway, that was 18 months ago. Of course it still affects everything and I have no clue if we will make it long term. I'm hoping time heals most wounds.
As hard as it is I don't want to throw 20 years away over 6 weeks but believe me it's incredibly hard.
So, that's that.
My focus for now needs to be me and getting myself healthy and happy, the rest can wait until I'm stronger! And believe me, I will get there, I'm determined
I've got my psych appointment in the morning and while I dread all appointments (waiting rooms are hell for me) I'm looking forward to telling him I'm making progress at last.
Caz x
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PrincessSparklePants
Little Miss Christmas
Bless both of you - you've really hard it hard Sending you lots of love - stay strong hun x Glad you sound happier xx
Sending you lots of love - stay strong hun x Glad you sound happier xx
TracyGWill
Gold Member
Hi hon! I think you've made the right decision starting the Orlistat again if you find they help keep you focused - I really think that's the main thing they're useful for.
I hope things soon get better between you and your husband - relationship's are so hard, I know. Stay strong. xx
I hope things soon get better between you and your husband - relationship's are so hard, I know. Stay strong.
xx
caz78
Full Member
Just a little non weight loss yay me lol
Just seen my psychiatrist and he says I have turned the corner. He is so lovely. I told him how I had been feeling, what I have been doing and the changes I am making. He all but gave me a standing ovation! He was beaming ear to ear and told me the meds have only been a small part of this and it's been my hard work that has set me on the road to recovery. He says I still have a long journey ahead of me and that it will be a very long time until I am well but to celebrate how far I have come. I realise now that I am firmly on that road, even if it will be a long one.
He told me he was proud of me. You should have seen his face when I said I rarely feel suicidal anymore! I have made serious attempts in the past and wound up in a psychiatric ward at one point. So to tell him it's gone from most days to less than once a month, well, he was delighted!
Hubby was sat there beaming. Honestly I've gone from a wreck who just wanted to die, I couldn't speak my stutter was so bad, I was twitching, shaking rubbing and scratching my chest and arms raw, couldn't follow anything he said and just sat there sobbing...to now, where I still stutter but can get out what I want to say, the twitching has reduced to fidgeting and bouncy legs, to be able to meet his eyes a little bit and smile. A massive change.
I'm more than a little bit proud of myself. Hubby said the dr was practically bouncing in his chair lol.
My focus now needs to be getting outside more, to try and walk next to hubby instead of clinging to his arm and side, to try and get further than the garden gate on my own and to start exercising at home. That's more than enough for now when added to the changes I'm already making.
His parting advice was 'whatever you're doing, keep doing it cos it's working!!
Caz x
Just seen my psychiatrist and he says I have turned the corner. He is so lovely. I told him how I had been feeling, what I have been doing and the changes I am making. He all but gave me a standing ovation! He was beaming ear to ear and told me the meds have only been a small part of this and it's been my hard work that has set me on the road to recovery. He says I still have a long journey ahead of me and that it will be a very long time until I am well but to celebrate how far I have come. I realise now that I am firmly on that road, even if it will be a long one.
He told me he was proud of me. You should have seen his face when I said I rarely feel suicidal anymore! I have made serious attempts in the past and wound up in a psychiatric ward at one point. So to tell him it's gone from most days to less than once a month, well, he was delighted!
Hubby was sat there beaming. Honestly I've gone from a wreck who just wanted to die, I couldn't speak my stutter was so bad, I was twitching, shaking rubbing and scratching my chest and arms raw, couldn't follow anything he said and just sat there sobbing...to now, where I still stutter but can get out what I want to say, the twitching has reduced to fidgeting and bouncy legs, to be able to meet his eyes a little bit and smile. A massive change.
I'm more than a little bit proud of myself. Hubby said the dr was practically bouncing in his chair lol.
My focus now needs to be getting outside more, to try and walk next to hubby instead of clinging to his arm and side, to try and get further than the garden gate on my own and to start exercising at home. That's more than enough for now when added to the changes I'm already making.
His parting advice was 'whatever you're doing, keep doing it cos it's working!!
Caz x
TracyGWill
Gold Member
That's wonderful to read, hon. I do hope you'll keep posting on here so we can share in your wonderful progress, because it's an inspiration. Well done. xx
xx
wafflewaffle
Gold Member
Well done, I agree with Tracy stay with us xxx
TracyGWill
Gold Member
caz78
Full Member
Hi all,
Can I get a bit of negativity out please?
Ugh! I realised last night that I will probably never have the same BMI as hubby :cry:it was so upsetting but I'm annoyed too. I hate weighing so much more than him. Especially since he can eat what he wants and not gain weight - he eats so much it's not fair. Sometimes he drops weight without even trying! Usually when I am dieting it's him that loses. It makes me really resentful.
I know it's not his fault and it's me that's put the weight on so it's my own fault but it's really soul destroying at times.
Of course his other woman was young and slim.
I have also been weighing myself to check I'm doing ok with what I am eating and the scales just won't move. It's my weekly weigh in tomorrow and I haven't lost an ounce. How is that right? It's never happened before on a diet. I've always lost at least 1lb as far as I can remember. The last successful diet I did was 15 years ago. I saw the scales go down 1/2lb every other day right the way down to target weight. I was working out then though, so may be that's the problem?
Hope this isn't tmi but I think my hormones may have something to do with it. I'm fine the first 2 weeks of the month but my pmt (bloating, swollen painful breasts, depression, water retention etc) starts mid month at ovulation. My period is 9 days away. This is the first time I have noticed how long it lasts for! Of course my weight affects my hormones so it's a catch 22.
After a positive morning yesterday I'm now extremely fed up. I don't know where I am going wrong.
Yesterday I ate
2 Weetabix
yoghurt
soup with a handful of pasta in it
20g pretzel snacks
fat free cottage cheese sandwich, baked crisps and a fruit smoothie.
1 Weetabix
On another day the sandwich might be plain tuna, plain chicken breast or Philadelphia lightest
The lunchtime meal might be poached egg on 2 toast and small tin spag hoops, or
3 small fishcakes and baked beans
My alternate snack is 2ryvita with a Philadelphia lightest.
There isn't any veg ,although the beans, soup and hoops count as one of your 5 a day. Because I only have that and my daily smoothie I take a good multivitamin.
Please bear in mind this is as healthy as my diet gets due to extreme fussy eating.
I have eaten nothing else - no butter, cheese, biscuits, chocolate, cake, normal crisps . Just what I have written here. My drinks have been tea with skimmed milk, sugar free squash and the occasional glass of diet coke.
My calories are fine. My portions are small. But I am also getting enough calories that I shouldn't be in starvation mode. It all adds up to around 1500- 1600 a day.
I'm really puzzled. The way I feel right now is totally defeated. If eating like that and taking orlistat isn't making me lose weight then it feels pretty hopeless.
Maybe I will sts this week but have a loss next week, that's what I am clinging to. At this rate though I'm going to struggle to meet the really low weight loss required to even continue orlistat. That's a depressing thought.
How can someone my size not be losing eating as little as that? I wondered if I needed to increase my calories but there are a good 1500 - 1600 cals there and physically I'm not hungry or wanting more. I'm truly baffled.
I'll be honest here, my diet before was breakfast, the same as now. I would leave lunch til mid afternoon and have a cheese baguette, crisps and a chocolate biscuit, or egg and oven chips, the rest of my lunches were the same as now but bigger portions. Then before bed was a binge, this is really shameful to admit but I need to be open and honest in case there is a clue here. I would eat two scones with thick butter (A fat I couldn't get enough of oddly) 3 packets of crisps and a chunky kit kat! Sometimes a twix on top of that too. Or instead of the kit kat and twix I would eat half a packet of chocolate biscuits. So shameful.
I gained 3 stone in 18 months! I'm really scared it's my psych meds playing a big part in this. Maybe that's why I gained so fast and can't get it shifted? Looking back on my 4lb weight loss last week makes me want to cry. I really hoped for 2 this week. I can't see my weight dropping in just one day.
There's always next week but if it doesn't start coming off then,...well I haven't got a clue what I'm doing wrong!
Big moan here, sorry, why does everything have to be so flaming difficult for me - oh woe is me.
Pity party over now!
I'll pop back tomorrow with my proper weigh in but it's really not looking good unfortunately.
Caz x
Can I get a bit of negativity out please?
Ugh! I realised last night that I will probably never have the same BMI as hubby :cry:it was so upsetting but I'm annoyed too. I hate weighing so much more than him. Especially since he can eat what he wants and not gain weight - he eats so much it's not fair. Sometimes he drops weight without even trying! Usually when I am dieting it's him that loses. It makes me really resentful.
I know it's not his fault and it's me that's put the weight on so it's my own fault but it's really soul destroying at times.
Of course his other woman was young and slim.
I have also been weighing myself to check I'm doing ok with what I am eating and the scales just won't move. It's my weekly weigh in tomorrow and I haven't lost an ounce. How is that right? It's never happened before on a diet. I've always lost at least 1lb as far as I can remember. The last successful diet I did was 15 years ago. I saw the scales go down 1/2lb every other day right the way down to target weight. I was working out then though, so may be that's the problem?
Hope this isn't tmi but I think my hormones may have something to do with it. I'm fine the first 2 weeks of the month but my pmt (bloating, swollen painful breasts, depression, water retention etc) starts mid month at ovulation. My period is 9 days away. This is the first time I have noticed how long it lasts for! Of course my weight affects my hormones so it's a catch 22.
After a positive morning yesterday I'm now extremely fed up. I don't know where I am going wrong.
Yesterday I ate
2 Weetabix
yoghurt
soup with a handful of pasta in it
20g pretzel snacks
fat free cottage cheese sandwich, baked crisps and a fruit smoothie.
1 Weetabix
On another day the sandwich might be plain tuna, plain chicken breast or Philadelphia lightest
The lunchtime meal might be poached egg on 2 toast and small tin spag hoops, or
3 small fishcakes and baked beans
My alternate snack is 2ryvita with a Philadelphia lightest.
There isn't any veg ,although the beans, soup and hoops count as one of your 5 a day. Because I only have that and my daily smoothie I take a good multivitamin.
Please bear in mind this is as healthy as my diet gets due to extreme fussy eating.
I have eaten nothing else - no butter, cheese, biscuits, chocolate, cake, normal crisps . Just what I have written here. My drinks have been tea with skimmed milk, sugar free squash and the occasional glass of diet coke.
My calories are fine. My portions are small. But I am also getting enough calories that I shouldn't be in starvation mode. It all adds up to around 1500- 1600 a day.
I'm really puzzled. The way I feel right now is totally defeated. If eating like that and taking orlistat isn't making me lose weight then it feels pretty hopeless.
Maybe I will sts this week but have a loss next week, that's what I am clinging to. At this rate though I'm going to struggle to meet the really low weight loss required to even continue orlistat. That's a depressing thought.
How can someone my size not be losing eating as little as that? I wondered if I needed to increase my calories but there are a good 1500 - 1600 cals there and physically I'm not hungry or wanting more. I'm truly baffled.
I'll be honest here, my diet before was breakfast, the same as now. I would leave lunch til mid afternoon and have a cheese baguette, crisps and a chocolate biscuit, or egg and oven chips, the rest of my lunches were the same as now but bigger portions. Then before bed was a binge, this is really shameful to admit but I need to be open and honest in case there is a clue here. I would eat two scones with thick butter (A fat I couldn't get enough of oddly) 3 packets of crisps and a chunky kit kat! Sometimes a twix on top of that too. Or instead of the kit kat and twix I would eat half a packet of chocolate biscuits. So shameful.
I gained 3 stone in 18 months! I'm really scared it's my psych meds playing a big part in this. Maybe that's why I gained so fast and can't get it shifted? Looking back on my 4lb weight loss last week makes me want to cry. I really hoped for 2 this week. I can't see my weight dropping in just one day.
There's always next week but if it doesn't start coming off then,...well I haven't got a clue what I'm doing wrong!
Big moan here, sorry, why does everything have to be so flaming difficult for me - oh woe is me.
Pity party over now!
I'll pop back tomorrow with my proper weigh in but it's really not looking good unfortunately.
Caz x
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PrincessSparklePants
Little Miss Christmas
It's not a competition lovely some people - like your hubby - have a completely different metabolism that works for them - or in a lot of our cases - against them. As long as YOU are feeling better about YOURSELF mentally and physically then that is the main thing. It's all about looking after ourselves now as much as we can
Don't beat yourself up about not being as young or slim as Ms Indiscretion. If she was your clone and identical in every way you'd still be comparing yourself negatively to her, it's human nature to think 'well he clearly wanted something I don't have... I must be such and such. She must be this and that'. It happened. He's sorry and you've agreed to work at it with him.
And look at you!!! Look at what your psych said! Look how far you've come and how well you're doing!!! Look how you've turned not just one corner but 6543 million corners! You are amazing and you're fighting back and becoming who you want to be! Slowly and surely you're doing it for you - and it's working!
Food wise - are you tracking your intake on my fitness pal or another site?
some people - like your hubby - have a completely different metabolism that works for them - or in a lot of our cases - against them. As long as YOU are feeling better about YOURSELF mentally and physically then that is the main thing. It's all about looking after ourselves now as much as we can Don't beat yourself up about not being as young or slim as Ms Indiscretion. If she was your clone and identical in every way you'd still be comparing yourself negatively to her, it's human nature to think 'well he clearly wanted something I don't have... I must be such and such. She must be this and that'. It happened. He's sorry and you've agreed to work at it with him.
And look at you!!! Look at what your psych said! Look how far you've come and how well you're doing!!! Look how you've turned not just one corner but 6543 million corners!
You are amazing and you're fighting back and becoming who you want to be! Slowly and surely you're doing it for you - and it's working!Food wise - are you tracking your intake on my fitness pal or another site?
caz78
Full Member
Thanks hun, I really appreciate your kind advice and encouragement.
I've been keeping a really detailed food diary, pen and paper rather than on line. I don't eat anything that's not written down and everything is weighed and counted. I'm focussing on fat grams and calories.
I will have a look into it though. I suppose I think because my diet is so limited I would get told off about the amount of dairy and carbs I eat and the lack of fruit and veg. But that was just an assumption without even looking lol.
I'll have a look now, if it's private I'll give it a go. So many people don't understand people like me with bizarre fussiness. It's taken me a lifetime to be able to include half of what I eat now lol.
Caz x
I've been keeping a really detailed food diary, pen and paper rather than on line. I don't eat anything that's not written down and everything is weighed and counted. I'm focussing on fat grams and calories.
I will have a look into it though. I suppose I think because my diet is so limited I would get told off about the amount of dairy and carbs I eat and the lack of fruit and veg. But that was just an assumption without even looking lol.
I'll have a look now, if it's private I'll give it a go. So many people don't understand people like me with bizarre fussiness. It's taken me a lifetime to be able to include half of what I eat now lol.
Caz x
caz78
Full Member
Can I just quickly apologise? I'm very aware my posts are very up and down. All the changes I am making are greatly affecting my mood swings, which are bad enough at the best of times. So my posts may seem a bit odd and erratic.
I'm sure I will settle down as I get into the swing of the changes and over the worst of the bumps early on the road. I'm just very conscious of how I may be coming across.
I'm starting my workouts in the morning so hopefully that will help my moods settle a bit too. I've taken on a fair bit at once so I'm going to try and not beat myself up to much over being a bit all over the place
Just bear with me guys, normal service will shortly resume I'm sure I really appreciate how patient you're all being with me.
I'll be back tomorrow with my weekly weigh in and to let you know if I manage the cross trainer without passing out lol.
Caz x
I'm sure I will settle down as I get into the swing of the changes and over the worst of the bumps early on the road. I'm just very conscious of how I may be coming across.
I'm starting my workouts in the morning so hopefully that will help my moods settle a bit too. I've taken on a fair bit at once so I'm going to try and not beat myself up to much over being a bit all over the place
Just bear with me guys, normal service will shortly resume I'm sure
I really appreciate how patient you're all being with me.I'll be back tomorrow with my weekly weigh in and to let you know if I manage the cross trainer without passing out lol.
Caz x
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PrincessSparklePants
Little Miss Christmas
Don't apologise hun! We understand entirely!
MFP can be kept completely private and locked to your own requirements and you can also use an app on various phones/tablets etc on the go if you need to look something up whilst out. (like if eating out).
Good luck tomorrow hun! x
MFP can be kept completely private and locked to your own requirements and you can also use an app on various phones/tablets etc on the go if you need to look something up whilst out. (like if eating out).
Good luck tomorrow hun!
x
TracyGWill
Gold Member
Of course we understand! You vent away!! You're making so many changes and doing so well, of course you're going to have ups and downs.
Don't worry about occasional lack of movement on the scales. You're doing all the right things, and they will move eventually. I agree with what Kym says about MFP, it can be as private as you like - I don't allow anyone access to mine, as my eating habits are a bit peculiar by some people's standards, lol. The only time the app itself will tell you off is if you eat less than 1,200, then it warns you. I use it religiously, planning and recording everything I eat, and I find it brilliant.
I know exactly how you feel about being heavier than hubby. Mine is a slim athlete, and I was way heavier than him for a long time. But then that gap closed, and eventually reversed, and now I'm 10kg lighter than him - it can be done, go for it!! xx
Don't worry about occasional lack of movement on the scales. You're doing all the right things, and they will move eventually. I agree with what Kym says about MFP, it can be as private as you like - I don't allow anyone access to mine, as my eating habits are a bit peculiar by some people's standards, lol. The only time the app itself will tell you off is if you eat less than 1,200, then it warns you. I use it religiously, planning and recording everything I eat, and I find it brilliant.
I know exactly how you feel about being heavier than hubby. Mine is a slim athlete, and I was way heavier than him for a long time. But then that gap closed, and eventually reversed, and now I'm 10kg lighter than him - it can be done, go for it!!
xx
wafflewaffle
Gold Member
Haha in last to respond again and everyone has said what I was thinking oops!!
Don't worry about the ups and downs I'm the worst for that lol! It's all part of it hun!
Dieting and stopping addiction and tackling anxiety and relationships with other stuff from in for fun it's a roller coaster, but it's one you can do we're all here for you xxx
Don't worry about the ups and downs I'm the worst for that lol! It's all part of it hun!
Dieting and stopping addiction and tackling anxiety and relationships with other stuff from in for fun it's a roller coaster, but it's one you can do we're all here for you
xxx
caz78
Full Member
Thanks so much everyone. I feel like I have made some friends here and it's lovely.
Only half a pound off this week, dead on 16 stone now.
I'm not too upset that it's a small loss cos I remember from previous attempts that my body does this to me (or maybe it's my mind, interesting thought) and always gets stuck as I am about to drop into the next stone. Also it appears I still have my weird mid month pmt bloating etc. I never realised before how long it lasted, i'll be having normal pmt in a few days! Maybe I don't get two lots, maybe it's all one and I'm just lucky and have two week long pmt's. Urgh! Tight rings, sore boobs, constipation all part and parcel of the joys of being female eh.
At the moment I am weighing in a lot cos I am making small changes here and there and want to see what works and what doesn't but once I am settled into it I am definitely going to stop it cos it is really disheartening at times.
I've done my exercise, as much as I could manage - yay. I won't lie, it was flipping torture. I typing this soggy and shaky lol. I managed 12 mins on the cross trainer (21 cals burned), 30 sit ups and 30 leg lifts to work my lower tummy where the muscles are trashed from all my surgeries. My pouch is my most hated part cos I have had it since my first surgery at age 9. It's just got worse with the extra weight. I'm nowhere near lifting both legs up together so I find that's a good way to still work those muscles without hurting myself. It's a good start. Tomorrow is a beginner's yoga dvd.
I am so proud of myself to be starting week three, I can't quite believe I've made it this far, a few more weeks and I should be settled into it and hopefully this new lifestyle will have become habit. On the whole my sleep is improving. I'm down to an hour to drop off on a bad night and 30mins on a good night. Such an improvement. Some nights are still frustrating and I'm still exhausted all the time but I'm sure it will continue to improve.
Here's to week 3 and fingers crossed for a bit bigger loss next weigh day.
Thanks again!
Caz x
Only half a pound off this week, dead on 16 stone now.
I'm not too upset that it's a small loss cos I remember from previous attempts that my body does this to me (or maybe it's my mind, interesting thought) and always gets stuck as I am about to drop into the next stone. Also it appears I still have my weird mid month pmt bloating etc. I never realised before how long it lasted, i'll be having normal pmt in a few days! Maybe I don't get two lots, maybe it's all one and I'm just lucky and have two week long pmt's. Urgh! Tight rings, sore boobs, constipation
all part and parcel of the joys of being female eh.At the moment I am weighing in a lot cos I am making small changes here and there and want to see what works and what doesn't but once I am settled into it I am definitely going to stop it cos it is really disheartening at times.
I've done my exercise, as much as I could manage - yay. I won't lie, it was flipping torture. I typing this soggy and shaky lol. I managed 12 mins on the cross trainer (21 cals burned), 30 sit ups and 30 leg lifts to work my lower tummy where the muscles are trashed from all my surgeries. My pouch is my most hated part cos I have had it since my first surgery at age 9. It's just got worse with the extra weight. I'm nowhere near lifting both legs up together so I find that's a good way to still work those muscles without hurting myself. It's a good start. Tomorrow is a beginner's yoga dvd.
I am so proud of myself to be starting week three, I can't quite believe I've made it this far, a few more weeks and I should be settled into it and hopefully this new lifestyle will have become habit. On the whole my sleep is improving. I'm down to an hour to drop off on a bad night and 30mins on a good night. Such an improvement. Some nights are still frustrating and I'm still exhausted all the time but I'm sure it will continue to improve.
Here's to week 3 and fingers crossed for a bit bigger loss next weigh day.
Thanks again!
Caz x
wafflewaffle
Gold Member
Thanks so much everyone. I feel like I have made some friends here and it's lovely. Only half a pound off this week, dead on 16 stone now. I'm not too upset that it's a small loss cos I remember from previous attempts that my body does this to me (or maybe it's my mind, interesting thought) and always gets stuck as I am about to drop into the next stone. Also it appears I still have my weird mid month pmt bloating etc. I never realised before how long it lasted, i'll be having normal pmt in a few days! Maybe I don't get two lots, maybe it's all one and I'm just lucky and have two week long pmt's. Urgh! Tight rings, sore boobs, constipation
Aww I am so proud of you caz!
First of all I wish I was 16st this weeks weight in
another 3lb till I get there! I love being a round number of stone coz your so close to being in the lower stone bracket! You will deffo be 15st something next week yipee Really glad you are not letting it upset you this time, that's all part of the battle learning not to get down when the weight loss isn't so easy.
Well done on the exercise, I can't do sit ups and leg lifts they kill me lol! For some reason at zumba we did them and I did about 3 and my stomach muscles have been proper killing me for 2 days now so well done you!!
I love yoga, I just get workouts off YouTube, my favourite is Lara Dutta pregnancy yoga that I did when I was pregnant, but I still like to do it now
That's brill with the sleep it usually takes me an hour on a good night and about 3 hours on a bad night lol xx
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