Newbie with 4 stone to lose

[kimmi1982]

So....... Led in the bath washing the weekend filth off and thinking that I need to bottle these thoughts that I'm thinking. I need to have access to these thoughts when I'm feeling demotivated, when I'm hungry, when I lose my way. So I thought shall I write a letter to myself, shall I write it on the iphone so I can have a read or shall I write it in my diary- my online diary that everyone sees.... Why not!! So here goes......

I'm scared.... I'm scared that the man I waited so long for will leave me, leave me for someone thinner, someone prettier, someone who takes pride in their appearance. Now I have no reason to be scared, the bf is lovely, the most romantic and thoughtful person have ever met. He loves me. I know that but surely if you had a choice, he would take the "better" one. Now I do know that this is all my insecurities, I don't like me much. I don't like how I look, how I feel, the lack of effort I put into myself because I just don't like this body I am in.

So I've spent my weekend with gorgeous friends, lovely people inside and out, lovely girls who wear the short denim shorts with wellies and tight vest tops and who look entirely comfortable in their skin. I want to be them, I want to wear a vest top and not a bubble top to hide my tummy, I want to be able to wear shorts without my inner thighs rubbing together, I want to be able to cross my legs..... I want those simple things.

And then the guilt and disgust kicks in..... How oh how up have I got to this?? Yes, I can blame it on the PCOS but its me... I put the food in my mouth, secret eating and late night binges. I'm 5ft 1 and should be around 9 stone and i was 17st 2 at my heaviest and 16st something now. I'm scared, I have to do this, I have to do this for me and for us.

So a weekend off plan but I now have no social events until the end of September, I should have a whole month to dedicate to this- I have to!! So here's to another new start x

 

[CornishTT]

Well done for writing what must be so hard for you to verbalize, what must be hard for you to even read and I know at least it's how I feel.

Well done for taking this wonderful step to get to that woman you want to be. And knowing that you are worth it and that it's just your insecurities making you believe those things.

Big hugs to you xox

 

[ladyfelsham]

Ditto what FTW says - and I can so empathise with how you feel!

I'd love to meet a bloke but am too scared to join any dating agencies because of my weight (well that, and the whole process feels too unnatural ) - and I haven't been swimming in the sea for over 10 years. Talk about missing out on the good things in life...

So, let's crack this nut together! xx

 

[kimmi1982]

I was exactly the same, started the VLCD's to meet someone, lost 3 stone and met my lovely bf and now 3 years later all back on and more.....!

Anyway new day, new start!
Start 17st 2
Prep loss - 16st 12
Week 1- 16st 6
Camping gain - 16st 9

So I gained 3lbs over the weekend which isn't bad. Off to do a big shop now so I'm all ready for this week- also spotted that the Nudo oils are on offer at Achica if anyone's interested http://www.achica.com/promotion/Nudo xx

 

[ladyfelsham]

That gain will whooshie off in no time!

And thanks for the achica link - although from memory, those prices seem dearer than the Nudo website? Anyway, definitely worth comparing.

 

[kimmi1982]

Well back on track, have been keeping things simple until I'm in ketosis...... No pink sticks yet!!! Just had cheese stuffed burgers with salad- gorgeous!!!! Weigh in Friday, would love to see that 3 pounds gained off this week. Dreaming of being back in the 15s in a couple of weeks! X

 

[meg38]

Great you are so positive, when I read your post it made me feel so sad, sad for you and the way you was thinking, sad for me as I could recognise myself, as I am sure many people on here could. I think a massive part of this is losing weight for ourselves so we can love us!!! I want to love myself again x be happy with who I am, how I look. Xxxxx well done for just getting back into it

 

[ladyfelsham]

Woohoo, back on track - great feeling, isn't it, to be in control?

You will achieve the 15s in no time with that fab attitude, hun!

 

[kimmi1982]

This diet is definitely for me..... Just want to be comfortable in my skin. I feel totally different with Atkins so far, I'm not really seeing it as a diet but just a different way of eating. And it something that suits me and my boyfriend, we are eating the same meals but he adds carbs! Planning chicken Thai green curry tomorrow mmmmmmm xx

 

[Goldilukes]

So....... Led in the bath washing the weekend filth off and thinking that I need to bottle these thoughts that I'm thinking. I need to have access to these thoughts when I'm feeling demotivated, when I'm hungry, when I lose my way. So I thought shall I write a letter to myself, shall I write it on the iphone so I can have a read or shall I write it in my diary- my online diary that everyone sees.... Why not!! So here goes......

I'm scared.... I'm scared that the man I waited so long for will leave me, leave me for someone thinner, someone prettier, someone who takes pride in their appearance. Now I have no reason to be scared, the bf is lovely, the most romantic and thoughtful person have ever met. He loves me. I know that but surely if you had a choice, he would take the "better" one. Now I do know that this is all my insecurities, I don't like me much. I don't like how I look, how I feel, the lack of effort I put into myself because I just don't like this body I am in.

So I've spent my weekend with gorgeous friends, lovely people inside and out, lovely girls who wear the short denim shorts with wellies and tight vest tops and who look entirely comfortable in their skin. I want to be them, I want to wear a vest top and not a bubble top to hide my tummy, I want to be able to wear shorts without my inner thighs rubbing together, I want to be able to cross my legs..... I want those simple things.

And then the guilt and disgust kicks in..... How oh how up have I got to this?? Yes, I can blame it on the PCOS but its me... I put the food in my mouth, secret eating and late night binges. I'm 5ft 1 and should be around 9 stone and i was 17st 2 at my heaviest and 16st something now. I'm scared, I have to do this, I have to do this for me and for us.

So a weekend off plan but I now have no social events until the end of September, I should have a whole month to dedicate to this- I have to!! So here's to another new start x

Hi kimmi, hello and welcome to Atkins, I'm enjoying reading your diary and I hope you don't mind me butting in with my thoughts but an observation of mine I'd like to share with you Nd everyone that reads this.

Most men do not mind the weight we are or put on, what they do mind is the way we become when we are overweight or insecure, insecurity is not a turn on. That's the vicious cycle of being overweight because naturally it drags us down, become paranoid and get depressed. Men can't handle this, they want us bubbly, ready for sex whenever, and pretty much a robot. They can't handle feelings now matter how real they are to us. I do know from my own experience and from watching others that the more we go on about our weight, point out all of our weaknesses and faults the more you bring attention to them. I know it's hard but confidence is so sexy, regardless of size, love yourself and you will find they look at you in a better light. It's usually the baggage in our minds which turn men away not our weight.

i am looking forward to following your diary on here, good luck! X

 

[kimmi1982]

Thanks Goldilukes- I totally agree with you, the bf says he loves me whatever size I am and I truly believe him. I just don't like what I see and it makes me feel rubbish! I need to lose about 5-6 stone really but I know that I start feeling great, happy and confident about the 2 stone loss mark- I can't wait to be there!!!

Had an awesome day today- bf was on nights last night so I woke up to a gorgeous bunch of bright gerberas in the kitchen and a sparkling clean car when I went to work- he's so thoughtful like that! Busy day at work and then a phone call from a recruitment agency offering me a job!! I currently work 30 hours but have been desperate to be full time so we can save more money for a deposit on the house! It's a 3 month locum position one day a week but will definitely help financially!!

Just come home, had a pee and have a lovely pink ketosis stick woooooooooooooohoooooo!!! Feeling fab!!! Thai green curry with spinach for dinner and then weigh in tomorrow- hoping for those 3 pounds to be off pretty please

 

[meg38]

Good on you x x where do you get them sticks from?? How often do you test?? I feel like how the hell can this work!!!! But the science behind it proves it right. So looking forward to the coming week x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Fab news about the locum job, Kimmi - when do you start?

And so pleased all is going well generally - that dinner sounds lush! You can also make 'rice' by grating a cauli and zapping it in the microwave for a bit - really yummy!

 

[kimmi1982]

4lbs off since Monday!! down to 16st 5 now, maybe get to those 15s in early September!! Xx

 

[kimmi1982]

Good on you x x where do you get them sticks from?? How often do you test?? I feel like how the hell can this work!!!! But the science behind it proves it right. So looking forward to the coming week x

Hi Meg, some chemists sell them but I've always got mine online. Some people report they're unreliable but they have always been spot on for me and just give me that motivation to get I to ketosis when I slip out!!! Xx

 

[kimmi1982]

Fab news about the locum job, Kimmi - when do you start?

And so pleased all is going well generally - that dinner sounds lush! You can also make 'rice' by grating a cauli and zapping it in the microwave for a bit - really yummy!

Fab news indeed- I so love my 30 hour a week job, means I get a 3 day weekend but I really should be working full time and saving more pennies!! Got to send a cv and crb form back today and should start beginning of Sept

Will definitely have to try the cauliflower rice- I'm intrigued!! X

 

[ladyfelsham]

I really like it, it has a slightly nutty flavour to it. Fab with curries

 

[kimmi1982]

We had date night tonight, we promised we would do this once a month and have missed the last 3!! We're home birds at heart and often talk each other out of going out!!! So this week I booked cinema tickets online to make us go!!! We had an amazing time, cinema with a coke zero and then onto a lovely pub which overlooks the Clifton Suspension Bridge. I love this man so much, he is my world!! need to get that BMI down to 30 so I can have his babies xx

 

[meg38]

Ah sounds like you had a lovely evening. The way you are going that bmi will be rolling around soon!! Xx

 

[kimmi1982]

Aaaaaaaaaaaagggghhh I'm majorly craving sweet stuff!!! I've had a coke zero but that hasn't satisfied me!!! I think TOTM is coming too, hence the cravings........ Going to be a tough week! :-(