ProPoints Once more unto the breach!

Day 6:

Exercise:
Zumba (6.10am argh! Soooo thankful for daylight saving as actually got up with out slapping down my alarm and rolling over!)
1 hr X-trainer + weights waving around
Freestyle + arms
NO PILATES so will being doing 2 rounds today to make up for!

Points: were fine until I sat done alone in kitchen to watch movie then went a little over, but still got plenty of weeklies to use so am NOT freaking out about it.

Felt like one of those days were everyone was getting in the way - literally. Pet peeve of mine are people who take a ridiculous amount of time to pack up their stuff after lecture and hold up row- or stand at the end chatting when people are trying to get past, also those who stand in doorways and narrow hallways and do the same thing + people who walk side to side on footpath so you cannot get past. Grrrr!
Hmmm might have a wee bit of pent up frustration and wanting someone to take it out on.

I'm actually writing this up on Day 7 so may as well though in a wee descrip for the first half of the day.

Went for a run this morning even though was feeling extremely blah after overeat last night. So excited to be almost getting to fitness level where can actually just run without a real destination and go exploring. Not that I found anything particularly exciting on my wee explore but went into hill suburbs I haven't been before- that's right, HILLS! :) Used map my run when got back, worked out to 10.5km :) :) :). So good start to the day. Also did the first set of pilates to make up for yesterday, will do todays set after lab this arvo.

About to go meet a friend for lunch - bit nervous as all the places on campus don't do really healthy options. Well, they do sandwiches but never without heavy marg and mayo - someone should start up a company that does truly healthy lunchtime stuff i.e. no butter and mayo on the side, rather than slapping together sandwhich worth 10-12 points and call it 'healthy'!
 
Day 8:

Yesterday finished up pretty well considering we did dinner out and a movie - I got subway, the others went for Maccas but I didn't feel like I was missing out. Saw 21 Jump Street, parts of it were funny but not hilarious, maybe I wasn't in the mood for that sort of humour. Was kind of like that feeling you get when on pills that even out your mood or maybe it just really wasn't that funny. Sometimes worries me that I haven't properly laughed in a long time, you know the kind of uncontrollable laughter that you leaves you breathless but feeling great. Maybe I could train myself to laugh more. Theres a community class down here called 'laughing yog' which I tried once last year. Was great - they do lots of silly cheesy drama-like exercises to get you laughing as much and for as long as possible whether its fake laughter or real (apparently your body can't tell the difference).
Ended on 26 points, didn't knock out second pilates so thats on the cards for today instead.

Its feeling like a hungry day today. Not physically, I've just had porridge with grated apple, brown sugar and yoghurt so the stomach is sufficiently packed. But am getting the urge to eat more and of less healthy nutrition pedigrees. Maybe its stress over current assigments coming back round. So stupid, that stress would go away if I just attacked them properly and got them underway.

Also don't know what to do about easter. I mean, as part of this challenge I made it a rule that I would count all easter chocolate as part of daily points rather than my original plan of having one day where I can have all the chocolate I want. I can feel a fight coming on not to let it all go and not count. I keep telling myself I know where that road goes, and its not a happy destination.

I should have a wee celebration though - 1 week gone, 2 weeks to do til I can jump on the scales, measure up and see if I've managed to break through that stupid 64kg barrier/plateau.
 
Day 9:

Easter Friday...ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! Made some more wonton soup this afternoon and managed to slice off a little of my forefinger in the process - typing this right now I have it bandaged and sticking in the air - for every word I type I delete two that I get wrong!!!
Have to say the soup tastes even better than the last time I made it, but don't worry its not because of any additional blood-flavouring I got myself out of the way immediately and had to sit down for a while.

Food wise yesterday and today have been great. I was so apprehensive yesterday, but I turned out to have a good afternoon thanks to mangoes being on special at the supermarket... okay, eating two was overkill -tasted great at the time but my stomach afterwards was distinctly unhappy!
Ate dinner out with my cousin at a nice cheap little japanese place. My order was teriyaki beef with rice, the rice comes on the side in a nice bowl shape which is great as this made it easier it count points. Even had enough points left for dessert = mixed frozen berries buzzed in the microwave + yoghurt + ww hot chocolate powder which was yum mix.
 
Thanks so much for the encouragement Roxie! Hope your weightloss journey is going strong!

I bet everyone out there is struggling a bit with easter - so far I'm managing to count all that I've eaten which is only bits and pieces of a hollow egg. I've discovered that there is actually some rather nasty tasting chocolate out there though! Which is not really worth eating, may as well have a little of the really nice stuff. I know thats not a new idea but its only some times that these things actually hit home.

Day 10:

Exercise = pilates, 10km run which included Signal Hill (thats a hill here which has a lookout on top) = milestone!! Kept telling myself that if I could just run it once, just once I would overcome the mindblock which has stopped me running all the way up before! Met my flatmate at the top (she walked it) and we had a real yee-ha run down the bmx bike tracks that come down off it rather than running down the road. I would definitely reccomend this as a sport! You spend so much time focussing on the dips and ruts and little sprints up and down the jumps that you don't even notice your body getting tired or how far you are actually going.

Flatmate pulled a redcard in the evening = drinking challenges and drinking out of large hollow easter egg. I was nervous but came through alright and only having used 7 weeklies (rather than use my exercise points which I like to hoard) thanks to flatmate being sympathetic and buying diet lemonade + one of my challenges was running up and down the flat stairs 15 times (secretly I was like score! oppurtunity to burn an extra point or two of alcohol!)

Day 11:

Today is Easter Sunday, breakfast = mango and banana smoothie, crazy filling. Pilates already done for the day. Also convinced my flatmates that we should get out for a walk being a truly gorgeous day. We ended up going for a good 2-2,1/2 hr hike up the valley which will help with further chocoloate consumption today. So far in that direction have just been picking at my drinking vessel from last night but making sure to point it. I have a 'mini eggs' packaged easter egg sitting in my room but I've yet to determine whether the whole thing + the little packet of mini eggs is included in the nutritional value panel or just the hollow egg. Please let it be! I'm thinking to find out will have to weigh it but am concerned that as soon as I open the box things will get a little out of control...
so will leave it for another day perhaps.

Wonton soup for lunch with pita bread (to make sure I get enough carbs in for the day).

More soup for dinner with roast pumpkin and potato cubes and peas (separately not in soup). So good to have some proper vege back in there. We have been a bit lax about cooking flat dinners lately, didn't realise what I was missing! But pork roast tomorrow night which I will make sure has lots of vege with it, some more roast pumpkin, potato and kumara :)

Have been picking some more at hollow egg but haven't gone overboard and still counting it.
 
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Day 12:

Exercise: Shred level 3 - first time in ages. Was able to do it all except for the sit-ups, still can't roll up over my tailbone - as I discovered today resulting in a large number of expletives! Its been three weeks now since my embarassing thump down so am thinking I had best go to the physio and get it checked out just in case its something more than bruising. Also did slightly modified pilates and some extra arm weights.

I've been feeling pretty off-colour today. Hoping its simply the after effects of the tetanus shot they gave me following the finger slicing episode. Could also be due to the autumnal dip I took a couple of days ago which hopefully an early night will conquer.

Points wise managed to fit in both pork roast (avoided the crackling which my flatmate gave a scorching so wasn't much of a sacrifice), and the mini eggs packet out of my easter egg. Haven't been truly hungry today, but felt like eating so it was back to the fruit. I think my gut must be accustomed to the amount of fruit I consume now as it definitely doesn't react as I would expect it to anymore. I know eating copious amounts of fruit is not all that good for me but I don't see many other options atm. More veges perhaps? It should be a matter of being able to stop eating, but sometimes those feelings just need to get fed!

But I have reached day 12, closing in on 2 week mark. Still haven't weighed or measured, have been drinking 2-3 bottles of water/day, pilates (except for the two days which I then did a triple session to count for) and no binging to the point of not counting.
Please please please let that mean I will get a good result on the scales at the end! The fruit is probably setting me back more than I realise but I will hang in with the hope that I'm still going to see that 64kg plateau smashed!!!
 
Day 13:

Another day of lots of fruit. Got up and went to supermarket first thing to buy some + tissues as my nose has not stopped running and I feel worse! Am still blaming that swim. Sliced and froze some banana when I got back to try out the no points ice cream from a thread in the recipes section which sounds so good. Threw the frozen slices + a few berries in the blender.... and it broke. Well, technically not broken as the blade basically came apart which it usually does by degrees but this type just whiz... pop, clank and that was the end of that. I swear is is the worst blender ever! its like the blade goes the wrong way and undoes itself! And i am not technically inclined/handy enough to fix it!

So i ate frozen banana slices for dessert which are actually pretty good. Was sorely tempted to smear peanut butter on them and eat them like crackers... but didn't as had no points left.

Skyped my sister today who lives in Sydney. She's gotten really into cooking lately and is keeping a food diary of neat recipes and flavour combinations that she hears about in order to give them a try - her latest being fig and marscapone. I have never actually tried a fresh fig, they aren't common here in NZ. But she also told me about this website she's subscribed to that comes up with a monthly baking challenge. This months = 'melonpan' (Japanese but don't know what it means), which is basically a fluffy white bread roll with a cookie crust - thats right, a cookie crust! Fresh bread and cookies, combining two of my favourite foods!!!! Argh how good does that sound!

This youtube link from a show called 'cooking with dog' (she cooks next to a poodle.... um anyone else see a hygiene issue?)shows how to make it from scratch.
How to Make Melonpan


Made a vege-ful beef stirfry tonight to counteract having eaten half (okay, 2/3) of my big easter egg today. Managed to scrape in todays points with only using one weekly. Still the amount of fruit I'm eating has me anxious. Need to stop! Need to stop!
 
Day 14:

2 weeks in, 1 week to go! Days sometimes feel long, but feels like only yesterday that I set out on my three week challenge. One more week then will have weigh and measure, am excited and also a little scared. I mean, what if I don't see any change on the scales at all? If its only a few hundred grams I would be really disappointed as well. And if I've gained... argh! Nope, won't won't won't won't won't. One more good, no, great week and I can't fail to see those numbers budge! I mean come on!

Anywho, before I get any more riled up on that subject, today's synopsis:
Being last day of the week, used a few more weeklies today - 30pp all up including 2 marshmellow eggs and the last of my big chocolate easter egg. I have another marshmellow egg sitting next to me as I type this but I don't want so have decided it will continue to sit there until I do (how controlled is that?! :))

Pilates still being done every day, got up enough motivation to do shred as well before zumba class so am feeling its been a decent day of exercise (though am still hoarding those points instead of using them). Probably time I went for another long run though having a cold is a bit of a put off especially with the weather getting colder here. (It always seems more noticeable in the moment of hopping out of the shower!)

... okay maybe I would be better off putting that marshmellow egg back in its packet... yup... definitely going back in its packet.

Thats better.

I was having a good peruse of some of the other forums on minimins today, especially those in the 'strugglers and restarters' section + ones about bingeing. It made me realise something I should be congratulating myself on. I haven't conquered bingeing and emotional eating, I have restarted diets and ww more often than I can remember, BUT I am still here. I'm still trying, still tracking, still exercising, still sitting in bed at night with my laptop adding my daily summary of ups and downs to this diary. So tonight thats what I'm celebrating. Being here. Doing what I can to change my life.
 
Day 15:

Culmination of cold and totm got to me today + feeling of wanting to ignore all the assignment work I've got piling up so took the immature approach and crawled into bed with season one of pushing daisies. Roused myself enough to go for a shop with flatmates but felt awful so returned to bed afterwards. Managed pilates this evening but thats been it for exercise today. I need to just get my books and get out of the flat. I WILL go to the library tomorrow. Stress will not go away unless I work on the cause of it!

25pp today, though may not have calculated the lemon honey and ginger drinks I had today properly. Managed to fit 2 marshmellow eggs into that total as well by having left over beef strifry and pumpkin mash for dinner, and cup-o-soup with a 3pp pita pocket for lunch. Exciting news that feijoas are now back in the supermarket, although not very ripe yet.

6 days left on challenge.
 
Day 16:

Feeling better today (nose wise). Got a bit of library time in - even if only half of it was spent doing uni work.
Exercise = pilates, arm weights and zumba toning class. I think I'm well over due for another run. The studio in the gym where they do the group classes is all over mirrors and despite feeling okay about it I couldn't stop staring at my legs today and thinking highly negative thoughts about them. Its that old stupid issue of losing it all in the chest first and all the places you want to lose it last!!!! Thinking I should start doing some separate leg exercise circuits, maybe from fitness magazine site which sends me lots of emails promising the latest way to flatten my abs in 5mins. Don't mean to be overly sarcastic as they do have some good workouts on their site.

Points = 27pp, its after midnight here so the marshmellow egg I just scoffed is going on tomorrows points instead of todays (thats probably a blatant cheat but oh well). Made myself a mini-express-crumble tonight. Was quite proud + flatmate copied and said she liked it to.
- banana slices out of the freezer + a couple of sliced up feijoas and a little bit of water, cooked in the microwave till thickened meanwhile threw some oats, 1-2tsp brown sugar and mixed spice together then sprinkled it over as the topping. Really fast and tasty. Worked out to bout 3pp (just gotta count sugar and oats). Might've been better if done in the oven but sometimes you just want something NOW. I've also been doing a kind of yoghurt ambrosia the last couple of nights - diet yoghurt, froz banana, mixed berries, chopped up marshmellow egg.

5 days left to challenge.
 
Day 17:

Good day up until I broke rule 2 (no binging) with a vengeance. So stupid, it was after I had gone for a 10km run, in the fatest time I ever have (58mins) and had a nice big dinner of steak and veg. I used up every last point of my weeklies, felt horrible complete with stomach cramps, sweats and bile in the throat.
Waking up this morning (Day 18) my stomach was horribly swollen still. However, I apologised sincerely to myself, and forgave myself. Decided this will not end my challenge, I will simply push harder with the exercise for the remaining 4 days, try not to overeat (or under eat too much) and see what happens. If I can stand on the scales after the three weeks is up without a heavy or bloated feeling I will be happy. And will still have the reward according to the weight I am.

I should try and examine the reason for binge but to be honest I really want to move on - forgive, forget, today is a new day and its great that last night didn't set me into a week or month long binge like it would have a few months ago.

On a brighter note; had to go shopping for interview clothes which although frustrating in terms of not finding exactly what I want, I am now a size 8-10! I even fit a size 6 top and jacket in one shop! (though they may have been cut to be a looser fit). Got my haircut so its not a hopeless mess - the hairdresser was lovely, gave me lots of tips on easy ways to dry and style my hair without using lots of expensive products etc.

Day 18:

Its mid-afternoon. Points so far = 8pp. Trying to make sure I eat plenty so that my body doesn't go into starvation mode and hang on to all those calories I downed last night. Exercise = 1/2 leg toning programmed from fitmag (ouch!!! will have to build up to doing it fully!), shred level 2, extra arms weights, Zumba class. And have told myself that I will be going for another run this evening which will include lots of steps... legs are going to be jelly tomorrow!


Evening: went fine, ended on 26pp so didn't undereat or have a relapse. Didn't end up running but went for a big walk, so total exercise points for the day = 17 :) This may be overestimate but will have to wait till the end of the week to weigh and see whether I go down a category according to weight. I find the chart frustrating to use though, wish there was a more accurate way of calculating exercise points.
 
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Day 19:

Was fine up until I got home from the law firm recruitment mixer and realised that 1 1/2 glasses of chardonnay + 2 unidentified ordive/fritters meant I had no points left for dinner. Had some stewed fruit but then just wanted more! Went through a bag of mixed dried fruit and yoghurt raisins then moved onto the last of the marshmellow eggs which I didn't even enjoy!

Only did half pilates.

Day 20:
Woke up and went straight to battling myself over food. Had toasted pita with sliced tomato, and then a bowl of cereal. Then 4 mini strawberry-filled eggs. All while prepping for my personal interview. Thankfully as it got closer I got too nervous to eat anymore. Have just had a mini-frittata for lunch (kumara, pumpkin, feta, 2 eggs and herbs) bringing me up to 24pp total for the day = 2pp for dinner.

I am hanging into this challenge by the skin of my teeth! Fighting to maintain control at least until after weighing in which will be tomorrow or thursday. Tomorrow is day 21, should probably just weigh myself tomorrow and get it over with but part of me is now scared to. I was so excited to weigh in a few days ago but now post-stress binge and scared that I will just disappoint myself all over again.

Really need a refocus, but instead keep piling on the stress about assignments and interviews. Maybe I should try making another timetable that includes exercise and study time.

Losing the fighting spirit. I would feel better if I got out for a run but can't find the motivation.

1 1/2 days left of challenge.
 
I won! The battle for my body is done for the day as I sit here typing this in bed not craving anything more. Managed to get through only having 2 points for dinner by doing a miso-based soup with vegetables and a little bit of beef schnitzel (stirfried with soysauce and pepper) and a pear to round out the tummy.

Still haven't decided whether will weigh in tomorrow (day 21 = last day of challenge) or the day after. Will see how light I am feeling in the morning :)

Law firm interview went okay, left feeling that I wish I could have gone straight into another one afterwards and done much better but can at least put it aside and focus on other things until the next ones in a couple of weeks.

Btw, this is what I have planned for the results on the scales:
64's = 15km run
63's = 10km run
62's = Baking session - spice cookies
61's = Baking session - pumpkin oat (+ pb?) cookies
60's = Dinner and dessert + drinks out

... I feel like I should be into an intense last chance workout right about now!
 
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Day 21:

Weight = 62.1kg

Finally broken through!!

Measurements:

Upper arms = 28cm (+0.5)
Neck = 31cm (-0.5)
Waist = 74.5cm (-1.5)
Hips = 86cm (-3)
Thighs = 59cm (-1)
Calves = 38cm (-0.5)
Bust = 89cm (-2) Dammit!!!

Phew, so challenge is done. Feels great to be through that 64 and 63 kg barriers finally!!! And I'm close to the 61s!
Made those spice cookies today. Not as good as I remember them being the first time around but still nice :)
Thinking for my next challenge I will do exercise-based with some new workouts to shake it up a bit and work on the legs and lower pooch....

But not for a couple of days :)
 
Feeling up and down today.
I feel a little lost too. Overate last night 'because I could' but didn't enjoy it. I still have my overall goal of 126 pounds, but lacking real motivation at moment.

I started this weightloss journey to feel good and learn to love myself again but I guess I still have a long way to go because I keep finding myself looking for affirmation from others that I've lost weight, that I look better, that all the work I've been doing kicking my ass in the kitchen and the gym has made a difference.
I know I shouldn't need anyone else to tell me I'm doing a good job, that its all worth it but I do!
The mirror lies because my perception keeps on changing - so so quickly. One day excited that I can fit size 10 trousers and the next depressed because I can't fit old size 8s.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Meant to go for a run today... didn't happen.
Kickboxing tonight, but can't be bothered going.

What a misery guts.
 
I thought a days lapse wouldn't make a difference.... but a week had. Sick. Clearly still some hard lessons to be learned, especially how to deal with stress without bingeing.
So to give myself some focus, its time for a new challenge. I've put my last block of chocolate in the fridge and it shall remain there in view of all for the duration of this challenge and I will not be buying anymore.

This challenge is going to run for another three weeks (don't think I have the stamina to last a month), similar rules to last time but with a different workout plan to get my arms and legs a real shake-up. The water I'm really good on so don't think I need to make it a 'rule' this time round.

Rule 1: No bingeing without counting every bite
Rule 2: At least 2 hours of every day will be spent at one of the uni libraries doing some form of study.
Rule 3: Fruit more than allotted 3 pieces a day will be counted.
Rule 4: Eat every single point of 26 points every day, but try not to eat after 9pm- have ww hot chocolate instead or BRUSH TEETH IMMEDIATELY.
Rule 5: No weighing or measuring - it just messes me up!!!

Goals:
1) Break no rules for every day of three weeks = complete tracking
2) Work on assignments without needing to eat constantly simultaneously.
3) Run 20km
4) Go to kickboxing 2x every week.
5) Stick to weights workout plan

Day 1 will begin tomorrow. Minimins will once again be my conscience. My hope is that if last time go me about 2kg down, this set challenge can do the same and get me close to the 60kg mark (132lbs).
 
So the original idea of starting tomorrow (today) was based on the fact that I was finishing off a packet of timtams while writing up my challenge...
But I decided screw it. Yesterday is my day one, I counted the timtams and came in right on my 26 points, did the upper body circuit that I created and even played an intense game of indoor netball -intense because whenever I get on the court my inner... competitiveness comes out.

After a day of eating better and doing some exercise I already feel less tired, moody and ill. Its funny how we convince ourselves that in times of stress or unhappiness eating chocolate and crap is going to make us feel better - LIES!!! Have to keep trying to remember that each time I want to stuff my face in order to stifle emotions.

Today is Day 2 of 3 week challenge.
Back to porridge for breakfast with grated apple, yoghurt and brown sugar. Much better than timtams. Exercise today will be lower body weights circuit with abs and zumba tonight.

I can get back on track! I can! I can!
 
Day 2 ended well, 25 points used. Zumba toning and walking for exercise today. Was finishing off a lab report, one more weight off the shoulders but meant I didn't work up the energy to do more than zumba when got home - then cooked dinner. Will do lower weights tomorrow instead. Butt is already quite sore!
Am feeling pretty strong, being weighing and measuring everything. Even weighed the sushi roll I bought today (and then removed about a third of the rice from it when realised it would otherwise be 10pp!!!!) Dinner tonight was also excellent - only 6pp (and thats probably a slight over estimate. Chicken breast opened up and pounded a little flatter, stuffed and rolled with pumpkin, feta and baby spinach then side of roast veg and tuscan seasoning.... mmmmm. Flatties
loved it to :)
So it meant i had enough points to have some pistachio gelato and some frozen yoghurt I still had left in the freezer.

Had a chat with my mum, she's going to come down and visit in two weeks time - extra motivation to push hard on this challenge for the next couple of weeks as I would love to give her a good surprise as its been about 8 weeks since she last saw me. Hope she notices a difference, would be a bit depressing if she doesn't.
 
Day 3:

Good day, spot on 26pp when counting extra for stewed rhubarb. Exercise was a little on the cross-trainer and kickboxing. Didn't get on to the weights as spent so much time doing prep for study group then typing up notes after. Ahh excuses, ain't they lovely things. Tomorrow is Sunday, will try and do both upper and lower weights circuits tomorrow. Made a really yum dinner tonight. Shrimps with garlic, ginger and lemon juice with rice noodles, pumpkin, broccoli, basil pesto and cherry tomatoes. Sooooo good! And all for 12pp :)
 
Day 4:

Zumba and upper body weights. 31pp today - came close to a blow out but thankfully the flatmates arrived home in time to prevent!

17 days to go.
 
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