Just pasting this in... I kno some of u follow diary... Just need to vent lol
This is going to be a long and rambling post... It's one where u don't really mind if u get a reply but u just need to say all that's on ur mind....
Im reading it hun 
I tried my best to buy gifts my friends would like... And I got generic tat from people who clearly don't kno me at all! Think the ultimate present is a Houdini puzzle key... Please someone tell me what possessed my friend to waste his money?
Does he really know you ! You are talking about a MAN ! I kno I sound like an ungrateful cow... And looking back some of the pressies I bought weren't amazing but I really tried and thought about each person!
Do what I do from now on! Don't buy friends gifts for xmas stick to birthdays and tell them what you want, that you wouldn't normally splash out on anyways enough of that.... I got some lovely lovely things
I saw the shoes on facebook ! Very nice by the way! I love Christmas but boxing day is depressing.... It's all over and bk to work... I wish my family were like that all year.. No bickering just fun and playing games together not all 4 of us in 4 separate rooms... When I have kids I want a proper family!!!! I want to do anything for them and go to all their plays etc... But even saying that is depressing...
whats depressing about that ? All my friends have boyfriends/husbands and houses ... Fair few have kids... And I couldn't be further from all of those things....
whats wrong with that? the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and I bet you some of your friends look at you and wish they had what you had.. !
I'm repulsive....
That hun, is a very harsh word.... I hate how I look...
who do you know who actually likes how they look ? But I'm so skint that I'm worried to lose weight coz I can't afford clothes!!!
thats daft! but I do know what you mean...
My job works me so hard and every day I feel like I can't do it... I feel sick at the thought of going bk... The thought of work till August makes me panic... But in so terrified that if I try teaching it won't be right... How do u kno before u do it?!
you will have to explain a bit more here ! I thought you were a solicitor ? Or are you and you want to go into teaching ? and teaching what ? I have done teaching assistant at my daughters school, I can tell you loads of good things about it, and bad!
Then my little sister who I love and trust and always bounce things off makes a flippant remark "there are only do many times you can say im bored of this" - why does no-one understand that my previous jobs were all a means to an end... Were never meant to be long term..... I left one job a month before I was meant to because I was bullied so badly that I had to go on antidepressants I couldn't sleep so feel asleep at work... I only just weened myself off the damn things 4 years later....
been in that situ myself being bullied is nothing less than sheer hell on earth... with regards to your sis, if she is so outspoken then you could do one of 3 things. 1) tell her to shut it 2) explain that it her flippant comment hurt you and why it did 3) do nothing.
Why does no-one see?!?! I try hard at everything I do... Right now I feel like I'm just waiting to slip up and drop one ball
And all of them will fall.... I work 10-12 hours a day plus 2 hours driving time... I'm exhausted and fed up... I just don't feel like I can do the job...
Hun you sound depressed.... learn to put some of the balls you are holding up on the shelf There is always something new to learn and I can't cope!!! Then my darling sis says "how do you know every job won't be like that?" arghhhhhh - does anyone have a clue what I do?! What I need to know?!
Sorry I sound ridiculous... Just needed to vent....
These new job offers are good... But obviously the same job.... Just nearer to home so save £150-200 a month on petrol and £2-5k more a year... But I'm do scared the new place will see how sh*t I am or will expect too much...
what proof is there that you are **** at your job ? And worried I will have to pay money bk to either of both for training if I do leave in Aug for teaching...
Most of all I'm fed up of the lack of support from my family and supposed best friends....
I just need to decide....
Resolutions
1. Sort job/career
2. Get to goal weight by new year (and as low as poss before being a bridesmaid)
3. Learn to love myself!
If u read this far u get a medal for reading that self indulgent rubbish! Lol
Snap out of it Carly!
Love to all my Minimins friends
Xxx
I
