Peony's Little Corner (There will be talk of food - you have been warned!)

[peony]

Hi honey
Hope you are doing ok this chocolate surrounded day! I have had my little 15g bar of green and blacks and my mum bought me a pack of those little dark praline filled eggs by green and blacks and I have also had one of those - the hard thing now is leaving it at that. I am shortly going to add them to my iphone tap and track as I think for now the trick is not to deny the calories but instead to account for them.

Ideas wise well my hubbie has learned to cook some tasty low fat dishes over the last 9 months which has inspired me a bit, and I have been getting ideas for the last month or so leading up to RTM from books like the Gino Di Campo idiet and also I like Delicious and Good Food Magazine which are all calorie, fat and carb counted. ALso have taken inspiration from Jez's RTM thread. Basically I am eating lean meat/fish or prawns and leaves with varying dressing options. My favourite so far taste wise ( I still like string flavours unfortunately) has been salt and pepper cooked chicken from waitrose on leaves with the low fat cardini dressing, and the prawns on lamb's lettuce with a dressing made from 1 tbsp of sweet chilli sauce and half a tablespoon of Mizkan seasoned rice wine vinegar, salt and pepper. Absolutely delish. So far I am finding sticking to the boundaries easy as the food has been tasty and satisfying. I am nervous about future weeks when more carby stuff gets introduced though.

Have a lovely Easter.
xxx

 

[peony]

OMG today is hard - Easter would have been much easier in abstinence! - can't believe I said that but it is true. I have had THREE mini Green & Blacks Eggs scoring me an extra 117 calories (count them, 117!) over my target for the day. I did haul my ass out and pound the pavement for half an hour to go toward balancing them out but hell it is only 6pm and I have to get through a whole evening and night in a house filled with chocolate and only one food pack left to eat today. I am going to get DD to bed then spend a good hour in the bath, watch a film and do my best to get to bed time without doing any damage!

 

[peony]

Things have been very much put into perspective for me having just wandered over to the main board and reading of the terribly sad and upsetting time BL is having. Really, what right have I to feel it is hard to get through an evening without eating chocolate when she is going through what she is going through. I feel a little ashamed of myself now.

 

[Gemma79]

hey please don't beat yourself up - there will always be others out there worse off than us, this is your journey and you have rights to thoughts and feeling and I'm sure BL would tell you the same.

Chin up.. least you stopped at 3.. I had even more !

 

[peony]

Thanks Gemma, you post has helped me see things in perspective, I just felt so rotten when I finished ranting about chocolate and then wandered over and read BL's post.

Hope you haven't done too much damage choccy wise - I guess the point is that we just balance out any slightly heftier food days with a few lighter ones. I did manage to get through the evening without eating any more choc - although I put away rather a lot of coke zero!

And my reward for my relatively good behaviour? a pound off this morning which I am really happy about as it brings me to 3lbs off target. I mave re-evauated that and if I hit it I will be obviously over the moon, but my central target is to maintain and not put weight on now.

xxx

 

[melarnz]

WAY HAY!!! 3lb for target.

With regard to feeling bad for BL. That is something we all feel. However, you are allowed to feel bad about stuff too.

You cant help how you feel! If we could do that I wouldnt be fat. (cos everytime i felt bored, happy, sad i wouldnt reach for food).

You can empathise without beating yourself up. xxx

I am buzzing myself today. Whilst I havent started my WW yet (1st group is wed) i got up and had 1 slice of beans on toast (where as before it would have been 3) and for lunch i had 1 ham roll (before it would have been 2)

I did WW before and doubled all the portion sizes, but I dont think I will now. I was happy (and more importantly full) with 1 slice!

The other thing i am really looking forward to is going back and seeing the people I left. No doubt its going to be pretty much the same old dears helping, and some of the same members.....i will walk in 7.5 stone lighter than when i left lol. I doubt they get many returners going back that much lighter than when they left!! I know the leader has left, which is a shame, but im looking forward to seeing all the old gals faces when they see me (they all used to moan at me for how big i was - i was a helper there too, but never actually lost any weight lol)

 

[peony]

Mel thanks for your post. I think it will be a big moment walking back in there 7.5 stone lighter - there will be a few jaws on the floor hee hee. I think it is important that you recognise that amazing achievement and I think you do but this will strengthen that sense of pride in what you have achieved. You know how WW works obviously seeing as you have been involved in th epast - I really think that the extra skills you learned on LL will complement your continuing WW journey. I can't wait to see you at your goal, I know you can do it.
xxx

 

[peony]

Phew, let my guard down with Easter being over and realised how easy it is to slip off the straight and narrow. Found myself standing in the middle of the kitchen with a piece of daughter's easter egg in my mouth! I caught myself and spat it into kitchen roll and then grabbed a green and blacks mini egg and wolfed it down. I think beacuse even in my frenzy I could at least calculate the damage in the mini egg. Like a mental I even considered phoning hubbie and asking him if he could come home early to stop me ramming chocolate down me! Luckily I got a grip and thought it's my responsibility to control it, not look to someone else to do it for me. I then picked up my car keys, pulled on my boots and picked up the orders I needed to post and legged it away from the temptation! When I got back I put on my gym kit and dusted off my cross trainer and burned 100 calories - 34 to make up for the mini egg, and a few in the bank.

I know that 34 calories isn't going to make me fat again but it is what it represents. Being in control. I think I wrestled control back, I can't wait till all the blasted chocolate from Easter has been eaten! Hubbie is doing his best and has munched through his but DD still has a ways to go!

 

[Jezebella]

Babe you are looking amazing!!!!!!!! I cannot believe it Keep on with the good food choices... use sf jellies and things for snacks, sorry am scan reading the posts tonight as am keeping half an eye on supersize and superskinny...... Send me a mail with all your gossip!!

Love you madly

Jez
xx

 

[melarnz]

That's it peony. Easter is over!! You are doing fantasically well at controlling your calorie increase. Have u thought about starting your own slimming club!!

I start my group tonight. I'm looking forward to it. I have already done my shopping fir the next 5 days and planned each day. I figured for a little while that's what I need to do until I get into the swing of it.

Hope you have a great week xxx

 

[peony]

Hiya Jez, lovely to hear from you, thanks for dropping by my diary- hope all is well with you and maintenence.

Mel, sounds like you are all fired up and ready to hit WW head on. You will do really well, especially if you keep on top of the forward planning. I have learned that I have to remove temptation for the time being - Hubbie has put all the choccie from Easter in his boot - I have managed to resist anything other than the odd 34cal egg every day or so but the energy taken up resisting temptation is just too much! Better all round if it is just not there!

He cooked a yum tea last night - 275 cals I think, you could try and see how many ww points it was and try it out. It was 100g sea bass fillet each
3 sprays mild & light bertolli olive oil each
salt & pepper
dried kashmiri chilli & cumin sprinkled over
baked in foil parcel per fillet approx 200 celcius 15-20 mins

Absolutely yummy with tossed salad (50g leaves per person, tbsp lemon juice, 0.5 tablespoon olive oil per person, salt, pepper, crushed clove garlic, tsp splenda)

Also had no fat stirfry on side - beansprouts (100g) few slices spring onion, 35g sliced mushroom, salt & pepper, 1 tsp light soy sauce.

All finished off with a 150g pot of Total 0% fat greek yog, a sprinkling of splenda and 1 heaped tbsp blueberries.

MMMMMMMMMMMMM!

 

[peony]

Well I must say that RTM is no walk in the park. No one told me I would feel like I wanted to eat ALL THE FOOD IN THE WORLD!!!! Well actually tell a lie, I do remember reading something Minerva wrote either in her thread or on someone elses - it was about the body's central urge being to try and make you eat and get back to where it is happiest - with plenty of fat reserves for those lean times from the old cave days. Wish our bodies would catch up with evolution and realise that Tesco's is only shut for about a day a year and we ain't gonna starve on Christmas day lol!

It helps me to remember what Minerva said because otherwise I would be terrified I was going to feel like this forever. I am really enjoying the food I am permitting myself but never have a feeling of fullness or satisfaction and am struggling to tell head and real hunger apart. I guess a lot of it is about body set point theory - so based on the research (and every expert seems to have a differing opinion) I need to hold on to my hat for anywhere between 6 months and up to 2 years till my body has accepted that this is the 'status quo' and it doesn't need to lay down more fat.

Laters, child to kiss goodnight.

 

[slendablenda]

Hi Peony
It is hard. Our LLC always told us that abstinence is the easy part!
Don't forget we are trying to unlearn years of behavioural patterns.
There is a theory that it takes 30 days of repitition to embed a new behaviour pattern.
It does get easier, but I won't pretend it's a piece of cake (ooops, sorry ! )
But it can be done. For me I keep reminding myself of all the positive changes and how it was before.
Like today - I was out with my OH in a mini dress and high heeled boots = couldn't have happened before. In fact we hardly ever went out together. I was always too busy or too tired or didn't have any comfortable shoes to wear to walk anywhere.
Yesterday we saw someone we haven't seen for about 2 years. He didn't recognise me. These are the things that keep me slim. You have to find what works for you.

 

[melarnz]

You know you are strong enough to do this peony!!

Keep at it xxx

 

[peony]

Thanks you two, but AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I have just binged for the first time - wasn't even a binger really beforehand, just ate too much of the wrong stuff generally.

I happily sat and ate my scrambled egg & BGTY bacon just now, followed by greek yougt and some blackberries - all good, all fine. Then I just went mad, I thought - hmmm I'll just have a taste of that strawberry yoghurt, and measured out 100g. Yes delicious I thought as I ate it. THen something just snapped and it all went a bit hazy and the next thing I am having to count wrappers in the bin to assess the damage!!!!

I know it could have been worse, but I ate 3 alpen bars, 2 special k bars and 45g of chocolate. Bringing the total cals for the day including what was planned for the day at 998, and the carbs to 127. It's only 1.10, I don't know what to do to minimise the damage - I was supposed to be on 800 ish calories and 70 ish g carbs still. I know in my hearts of hearts that I shouldn't not eat for the rest of the day, I guess I know I need to keep the rest of the day light so body doesn't think ooh feast ooh famine, but it is hard to eat knowing I will be going so far over what I should have in a day and knowing if I stopped eating now for the rest of the day there would be less damage calorie wise.

I am trying to figure out what triggered it - I did have a stressful morning, dd and I fell out as she was messing about when we needed to leave the house, there wasn't time for breakfast so I had a special k bar on the run. Maybe that was the start of it. I forgot to leave the car seat at my mum's and had to go all the way back to take it, making me even later starting work as that added another 45 minutes on to the journey. I even tried to consciously stop myself each time I grabbed something else to eat but I just carried on. It wasn't even pleasurable, my jaw hurt from chewing. What a blummin charlie eh!

Oh well, build a bridge and get over it eh? Better put some effort into that cross trainer later this evening. :sigh:

 

[melarnz]

hi Peony - one binge in 10 months is something you should be proud about!! (im a bit relieved to be honest, as i was starting to think you wasnt human lol).

Yes you did have a little binge, but in the grans scheme of things, it wasnt like you ate an entire easter egg and its contents in one sitting! or had a massive blow out on a chinese...it could have been much worse.

So, think about your achievement so far, how fantastically well you have done and learn not to forget the car seat in future ;-)

 

[peony]

Thanks Mel. Hubbie just came home and said much the same - oh and he ate the rest of the chewy bars in the house and has now banned them!

 

[slendablenda]

Get straight back on you horse! Don't beat youself up. Look forward.You'll be fine. x

 

[Minerva]

Don't panic my dear. That's the worst thing you can do. Forgive yourself. Your body is going into a crazy overdrive right now - it's exiting the 'starvation' mode, and naturally right now it will search for food because it thinks there was a period of great famine and there will be another one soon. As I've discovered if it's left uncontrolled it can gain you 2 stone or so... or more if it's not tackled. That crazy desperation for anything and everything that's edible DOES stop... eventually.

Go for a walk... exercise gives a strange satiety and food isn't craved anymore after about an hour walking...

Try chewing gum. ... I have to chew it a lot because my body still wants to eat all the time. Chewing SOMETHING makes it easier, though of course that Alpen bar looks tastier. BUT you won't have it because you have a minty gum in your mouth.

Don't panic. Breathe. Sit in the garden for 5-10 minutes enjoying the current sunshine. It helps.


I know your 'binge' felt awful... but trust me - compared to my binges over the last month, that is nothing! If anything - DO ban snacks and problematic foods from the house for a while. Introduce them back only when you're ready for them.

 

[peony]

Get straight back on you horse! Don't beat youself up. Look forward.You'll be fine. x

cheers SB I have taken your and Mel's advice and brushed myself down, checked for bruises (none!) and got back on.

Your body is going into a crazy overdrive right now - it's exiting the 'starvation' mode, and naturally right now it will search for food because it thinks there was a period of great famine and there will be another one soon. As I've discovered if it's left uncontrolled it can gain you 2 stone or so... or more if it's not tackled. That crazy desperation for anything and everything that's edible DOES stop... eventually.

Thanks Min - I can't tell you how helpful knowing that is - you are right, it feels an almost primeval, desperate urge to eat everything - even things I don't necessarily like. It helps to know I haven't lost the plot. I will maybe be a little better prepared for it next time and put in place a strategy to try and stop it sweeping me off with it. I do tend to analyse a lot- it is just the way I tick. I like to know what why and when - just another part of my control freakery!

It does help to know why I feel the way I do.

Interestingly I am now 16 days overdue on my period too which I don't think is helping, I can feel the most incredible PMT building. I am usually regular period wise - and stayed regular (if heavier loss) throughout abstinence. Funny that it has decided to delay/stop for a bit now. I think I am retaining a lot of water with it, I am also extremely clumsy and I am sure it is fuelling my desire to eat as I always feel ravenous before a period.

Back to strategies - yes you are right Min, I am not ready to have 'treat' stuff in. I had it in the house during abstinence and coped fine, but I am obviously not handling being able to have a little and being able to stop so out it all goes. Also, I have ditched the rest of the strawberry Onken down the sink, as I found myself after 2 spoonfuls hovering my spoon over it thinking I might eat it all. I think it is because it comes in a large tub. I need to have a pre- measured pot (like the 150g 0% total pots) that I know I am allowed if it is planned in and I know I can eat all of.

Also I have been really busy and haven't given much effort to appearance. It seems to benefit me to wear the tighter slinkier clothes and make more of an effort as when I see myself I feel great and that it a huge incentive to keep on the straight and narrow. I have to find the time to get some more clothes.

Well I am definitely back in control today (long will it hopefully last!) - I just had a fat free stirfry with beansprouts, mushrooms, pepper yesterday for dinner to minimise the damage.

Today I have had some chicken and leaves for lunch, yoghurt and rhubarb compote for breakfast and o.h. is cooking tuna steak on leaves for our dinner a la Gino Di Campo so here's to climbing back on that massively high horse....