Protective of food

[lavender]

shadow,
well done for not turning to food, that is something i had slipped back into and it is so easy to go back to the old habits.

as i am SSing at the moment, food for me just isnt an option.
what is odd is that there is no magic formula in the packs and i wish i could tap into the strong resolve i have when SSing and use that to stop me picking when i am in the kitchen cooking etc, when i am eating food!!! did that make any sense?
i supose what I mean is that packs are really just a kind of food and i wonder why i dont put "the food" i am choosing to eat in the same catagory and not touch other food ?? still not sure that makes much sense!!!!

anyway sounds as if you were using your adult and thats really good . i often feel i would cope better if i could withdraw from things from time to time but for me I rarely have that option, i do find that when i am on my own i will seldom turn to food, i think thats because i can "hear" myself think and that gives me time to work out a few options, it is when i am overwhelmed that i cant "hear" the voice of reason above the chatterbox and thats when i turn to food.
All stuff to work on though!!

thankyou for sharing you r thoughts with us, it is so helpful to find out how others cope.

 

[Shadow]

You made perfect sense!

I know that I will have the same battles as you when it comes to management.

I suppose we don't consider the packs to be food, they are medicine to make us thin and purely there as a source of nutrition. Most days I would be happy to skip packs and actually have to force myself to eat them.

Food carries a lot of associations with it......which for me stems back to the way we have used it in the past as a reward and a comfort for difficult times or as a celebration. Ingrained in our minds we believe we are giving ourselves a treat by eating.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you can't magically undo 35 years (my age) overnight, but we are well on the way!

 

[lavender]

OOOH had a bit of a wobble!!!

Had a really good day at college today, its such a great course and all the people on my course are lovely!! the tutor is fab and so all was peachy!!!

however i came in and started tea, the youngest child wanted to try sardines, so opened a tin and he tasted them but said he didnt like them, SO i ate a bit of one!!!!!!! Why???? then i thought" oh know you dont want to go there, dont have anymore" so i stopped and put them away, then i started to prepare carrots and that was it , i just wanted to eat!! i started to justify to myself why I "why " i could eat
I had ssrd for 5 days
i had lost 6 lbs
My uniform fits now
i could still lose weight while eating well!! and so it went on, it was so bad i rang my LLC and talked to her,

what we surmised was i had needed to come in from a busy day and "withdraw" with my pack to unwind and put my mummy head on , but instead i was straight into cooking diner and so i was not focused and that led me to put the sardine in my mouth!!! we talked about whether i had acheived what i had set out to achieve with my ssing and the answer was "NO" so i am choosing not to eat and will carry on SSing til at least sunday and hopefully til next friday as i set out to do. WOW close one!!

 

[Mini]

Hi Lavender,

That is excellent and I can use this myself!!!

"what we surmised was i had needed to come in from a busy day and "withdraw" with my pack to unwind and put my mummy head on , but instead i was straight into cooking diner and so i was not focused and that led me to put the sardine in my mouth!!! we talked about whether i had acheived what i had set out to achieve with my ssing and the answer was "NO" so i am choosing not to eat and will carry on SSing til at least sunday and hopefully til next friday as i set out to do. WOW close one!!"

Sometimes we just need someone to articulate these feelings and it can make perfect sense.

Love Mini xxx

 

[Shadow]

Well done Heidi, I think you took back your control fantastically! You should be proud of how you handled that situation.

 

[lavender]

Thanks for strokes shadow, i did feel good afterwards!!!

it also gave me the strength to win another victory when Mrs chatterbox had a go on sunday afternoon, was really tired and a bit down and having had a LL bar and a coffee ,i wanted another, so i had a fight with her for about an hour( i was trying to read the paper!!!) she wouldnt shut up so i got up went to the kitchen, filled my water bottle and ........... went up stairs and tidyed up my airing cupboard!!!! sad I know but i won and she didnt so was really chuffed especially as when i was weighed on sunday i had lost 10 lbs!!!! very glad odnt have to SS for another week as its bloody tough, however am doing a week one style thing as am off to london this weekend with nadhak for lush girly weekend and photo make over thing in covent garden!!! so have that as as focus to keep me on track ( hopefully). have resisted the urge to weigh again this am as i know a bit of glcogen will ahve gone on and i dont want to see it in numbers!!!

 

[Shadow]

Well done on 10 lb's Heidi....what a star!!!

That story should be inspirational for anyone who is tempted to cheat and give in to their chatterbox.

The weight loss tastes much better than any food!

 

[Mini]

Thanks for strokes shadow, i did feel good afterwards!!!

it also gave me the strength to win another victory when Mrs chatterbox had a go on sunday afternoon, was really tired and a bit down and having had a LL bar and a coffee ,i wanted another, so i had a fight with her for about an hour( i was trying to read the paper!!!) she wouldnt shut up so i got up went to the kitchen, filled my water bottle and ........... went up stairs and tidyed up my airing cupboard!!!! sad I know but i won and she didnt so was really chuffed especially as when i was weighed on sunday i had lost 10 lbs!!!! very glad odnt have to SS for another week as its bloody tough, however am doing a week one style thing as am off to london this weekend with nadhak for lush girly weekend and photo make over thing in covent garden!!! so have that as as focus to keep me on track ( hopefully). have resisted the urge to weigh again this am as i know a bit of glcogen will ahve gone on and i dont want to see it in numbers!!!

Hi Heidi,

Congrats' on your 10lbs.!!! That is fantastic!!!

I hate when the old chatterbox starts up...look at you, 10lbs. off and a tidy cupboard

Is the photo make over one of those that makes you look all soft and beautiful???

I would love to see the photos!!! when you have them done.

Nice to have a girlie weekend away!

Love Mini xxx

 

[lavender]

Hi Mini, thanks for message about ticker but am afraid its beyond me!!! i am sure instructions are very good but i am complete numpty with pc's so will have to wait for computer literate friend nadine to do it for me, What would I do without her?

i think we can be air brushed and the like so photos should be good!!!! looking forward to it!!

 

[nadhak]

hiya chumpton!
what do you want your ticker to say? email me your info & if you want me to add it to your profile I will need your password - alternatively I can send you the link once I have updated it for ya!
only 4 days to being MODELS!!

 

[lavender]

Well cant believe I havent updated for sor so long!!

i did ss for 1 week and that was all i could manage, boy it's so much tougher when you have gone back to food, even then I was having 4 packs and a bar and skimmed ,milk in my coffee, i weighed 10 lbs lighter at my weigh in but am loathed to say I "lost" 10lbs as i know that aint so!!

I then followed that week with some healthy eating, avoiding carbs and trying not to pick too much, as this is my down fall!!!
I was in london for the weekend and had what ever I fancied, even going a bit loopy on sunday morning and eating loads of white bread products at breakfast!!! I felt really tired the rest of that day and at one point had a real carb craving which I did manage to control, just goes to show how tiredness and rubbish food can upset your will power and your body!!!

well the result of all that "off piste" is.......................................................................................
I dont know as I AM NOT GETTING ON THE SCALES!!!!!!

and not out of fear or not wanting to see the damage but because i have decided to try to stop obsessing about the numbers and try to listen to my body, i think the scales for me have been my "snooper" in as much as have tried to eat what i thought i could get away with without them noticing and that really i haven't listened at all to my body and what I really need. As long as i can still fit comfortably into my size 12 clothes and they dont become tight then i am not going to weigh any more.
My slim friends who dont have a weight/food issues havent got a clue how much they weigh or can remember the last time they weighed, that tells me something!!!

Also i realise my poor body has had a really bad time over the last 3 months as i keep flipping back and forward between SSing , over eating and eating sensibly and it really doesnt know which way is up at the moment so I really think it needs a bit of time to settle down and trust it's self again. I do think this is an adult decision and hope that it will lead me nearer to seeing food as just food!! Heres hoping!!

i have also decided to try to stick more to the GI principals which i do anyway but a little portion control is also needed!!!

Anyone got any good recipes????

 

[lavender]

Well have had a fairly good week, no binging and picking down to a minimum but still in no way under control.

Did however decide that this morning I would weigh as I felt so bloated lately ( pms??) it wasnt too bad 11.7.4 bf 29.5, so at least now i do have base line to see how this GI eating is going to go for me. Definatley dont feel hungry but do find that i am missing something of a "bar"/" biscuit"nature, something with a bit of crunch to it, so i am going to have a go at the snack bar recipe in my book and see what thats like!!

 

[Shadow]

Thought I'd let you hear what my chatterbox got up to at the weekend.

I've completed my 100 days now and incidently I've lost exactly 4 stone and 7 lb's (not updated ticker yet)

I decided a long time ago that I didn't want a break but would continue right into development.

Then at the weekend I saw a friend who was choosing some food for lunch and I saw some cherry tomatoes and told him that I really fancied eating them. My friend asked what was stopping me (he knows about LL) and I replied, nothing is stopping me apart from the fact that I've chosen not to.

The next minute, my chatterbox has started up and it's telling me that I should celebrate my 100 days with a chinese take away meal and that I am okay to do this so long as I make the decision as an adult and I'm doing that now.

Stop right there....that wasn't my adult ego state....it was my chatterbox playing tricks and pretending I was being an adult.

Once I'd realised this, I put it all out of my mind and happily continued on abstinance.

Sneaky or what???

 

[lavender]

WOW!! that was good , well done for spotting her, I am afraid she is stil having a good go at me!!
The trouble is when your eating she comes in disguise and if you are not on your guard she will catch you out and i ahve 10lbs of unwanted weight to prove it!!!

ihave ha d afairly good adult day tody, although i am wondering if my critical parent has told my child , "you want to get that weight off then you are going to have to do something about it, first of all "STOP BLOODY PICKING"!!!

so my adaptive child has said "ok i will", just got to see if she rebels, onky then will i know if it was infact an adult choice to stop the picking!!! Time will tell!!

I have allowed myself a snack 3 times a day(GI rules) and this morning I choose not to have it , so maybe that was adult!!? I have also choosen to follow my own advice and drink more water as I had let it slip to 1- 21/2litres a day, not enough to keep me full anyway!!

 

[lavender]

Well a week has passed and as usual I have chopped and changed like the wind as to my path forward to weightloss and maintenance, begining to wonder if I have multiple personalities???
Have managed to resist the urge to SS , although for some reason best known to myself I was encouraged to take £33 of food packs to use to cut down on my cal intake??? how dumb was I??, I have come to the conclusion that I would have been better putting the money towards my next pair of uggs and just using my slimfast I have lurking in the cupboard as I was only using packs to suppliment my breakfast and lunch, I then decided to go onto weightloss resources and calorie count , which is a much more Adult thing to do, its my "child" that keeps going back to the packs as she doesnt have the confidence to use food full time!!

Anyway, have had 3 really positive days, good food choices, almost no picking and chatterbox is getting a good pasting despite supreme efforts on her half!!
Ha Ha eat my dust, Chatterbox !!! ( as the young people say!!!!) Actually ,no dont eat my dust as I really need to eat the dust , you can eat the crap that you keep suggesting I eat!!!

 

[Shadow]

Well done Heidi you are definately getting there!

Rembember how many years of bad eating you had and don't expect to be able to completely establish new habits over night. Habits take time to form!

Keep it up girl x

 

[lavender]

Thanks shadow,
I realise I really have lacked confidence where food is concerned for so long and rome wasn't built in a day and all that jazz!!!!

 

[lavender]

Still managing to stay off the packs but food has ben a bit of a disaster on some days this week!!
2 days running at college we have had cake to celebrate and I am straight into adaptive child and have some because it would be "rude" to say no!!!??
However i did compensate on bothdays with having a much lighter lunch.
I am still picking, quite badly on some occasions, will i never get my head around this???
I even bought a liccorice root to have to put in my GOB in the kitchen but it has yet to make it out of my handbag to the kitchen, Right I have just been and gotit and am now sucking on it!! i am wondering , i always sucked my thumb ( and actually still do in private if I am really tired , ill or upset!!) and then went on to be a smoker for a few years, I wonder if there is a link between that and always wanting something in my mouth?? oral gratification and all that. Do any others have this problem and were thumb/dummy suckers???

Anyway have been on the GI thread and am going to follow curvey chickens advice and follow Rick gallops book to the letter, i have followed it a bit for a few years, decaffe coffee, whole grains etc but need to be a bit more controlled!!!

 

[lavender]

well exercise is definately needed for this to work long term, boo hoo, not a great fan really!! I love, love ,love dancing and a "damn" good walk but apart from that, not a massive fan!!. i like team games such as netball ans stuff but with kids, college etc not really feasable at the moment!!

i have joined weightloss resources and am trying to stick to my cal allowance, easier said than done with the ever present "Picking monster" on my shoulder!!! but I am trying to focus on my positive steps to try to movea bit more, pick a bit less and generally start to think more for the long term and not quick fix!!!

 

[lavender]

Right have now done 2 mornings on the trot on my exercise bike (25 mins), feeling very virtuious ( cant spell it though?) .

AND!!!!!! think I might have found a way toget round mrs Chatterbox, a few weeks ago i bought an old fashioned Liquorice stick and have decided to insert this in my mouth when I am "go over the top!!" that is near food preparation areas!!! i havr used for the first time this evening and she did not like it one little bit!! first as i dished up fish pie she got me to leave a little bit in the dish "for me" because I "needed" to have some, well that didnt work because as soon as the spoon came near my mouth, it had no where to go so couldnt do it!! that happened several times as i dished up tea and it was really wierd as i actually felt a bit miffed that i couldnt pick, although of course this is my demon i really want to beat?? If anyone can explain that to me??

my LLC says that i am using controlling parent and therefore out comes rebellious child big time!!! This is fasinating stuff!

anyway that stick is going to be my mouth at all times in the kitchen to see if i can get CB to lay off me!!! Pick on someone your own size!!!