Hi Rach
Oh bless you! You seem to be putting yourself under a lot of pressure at the moment.....your only human! Susies advice of 'fake it till you make it' is brilliant...its all to do with positive thinking and it really does help.
Your thoughts shape your life, so if you wake up feeling/thinking its going to be a crap day then it will be! If you wake up thinking 'I'm going to have a great day' and keep that feeling , then you will.
My hubby and kids think I'm mad as thats what I do about everything in my life now and it has helped me be more poistive.
My sister gave me the well known book 'The Secret' and reading it does open your eyes. There is a website too.
Anyway, have a good day, think positive thoughts and go look at the website! Yes I am a little mad but I dont care