RD's life diary: I'm back (sort of)
- Thread starter Russiandoll
- Start date
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
Well, had my weigh in and lost 2lb. Not exactly the heady numbers seen on total SSing but I wasn't strictly SSing all week (had tuna / chicken) and after Saturday's little 'indiscretion' with the Bounty bars I ought to feel grateful that I lost anything at all!
So that's 20p in your boxes, all those who have sponsored me 10p per pound
My daughter's surgery went well today: she's had her gall bladder removed and is fine, if a little uncomfortable (understandably).
So - another week draws to a close and another week begins; another chance to keep on chipping away ... the thin me is in there somewhere
PS
Next week's goal is to get into the 15s and get over the half-way mark
So that's 20p in your boxes, all those who have sponsored me 10p per pound
My daughter's surgery went well today: she's had her gall bladder removed and is fine, if a little uncomfortable (understandably).
So - another week draws to a close and another week begins; another chance to keep on chipping away ... the thin me is in there somewhere
PS
Next week's goal is to get into the 15s and get over the half-way mark
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
Last year I completed a one year college course to get me to university and went along to the graduation event to get my certificate. At that time, I'd been on CD, first time around and was down to about 15st ish ....
... today I'm going along with my daughter to get her certificate as I promised I would. Many of the people there will have been there with me last year (they did the course part-time) ... I should be at goal but I'm probably a stone heavier than I was last year and I feel quite crappy about that.
When I was going great guns on CD last year, I wanted to bump into everyone I'd ever known because I felt so great and I could see their jaws literally drop - but I never reached goal and now that I've regained 4st of what I lost I don't want to see ANYONE who saw me *almost* at goal: I feel like a total failure and can just imagine what they'll be saying behind their hands. I know I can't be the only person who hates facing people after a regain - doesn't make me feel much better about the situation though.
:sigh:
Drat!! Why do I do it to myself? There's no logic to yo-yoing and I just feel exasperated when I keep doing it. *@%^!!!!
Moan over
... today I'm going along with my daughter to get her certificate as I promised I would. Many of the people there will have been there with me last year (they did the course part-time) ... I should be at goal but I'm probably a stone heavier than I was last year and I feel quite crappy about that.
When I was going great guns on CD last year, I wanted to bump into everyone I'd ever known because I felt so great and I could see their jaws literally drop - but I never reached goal and now that I've regained 4st of what I lost I don't want to see ANYONE who saw me *almost* at goal: I feel like a total failure and can just imagine what they'll be saying behind their hands. I know I can't be the only person who hates facing people after a regain - doesn't make me feel much better about the situation though.
:sigh:
Drat!! Why do I do it to myself? There's no logic to yo-yoing and I just feel exasperated when I keep doing it. *@%^!!!!
Moan over
Barb
Gold Member
Firstly, people won't remember you very accurately at all, you know you have put back a bit but I doubt others will be that aware of it. Secondly you are sooooooooooooo much slimmer than you were and have achieved so much against the odds that you deserve to hold your head high and be proud of yourself and your clever daughter.
Peopel are generally fairly self-obsessed, try not to worry about it, how many people can you remember from last yaer in great detail? Not many I bet!
Love
Peopel are generally fairly self-obsessed, try not to worry about it, how many people can you remember from last yaer in great detail? Not many I bet!
Love
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
Good point Barb. One of my major faults is always convincing myself that people will think of me in the negative.
I saw a woman recently who had lost weight in the past and had obviously regained it all ... I didn't think anything negative about her really - I just sympathised (mentally) that it's so difficult to lose and maintain. I didn't think she was weak; I didn't think she was a failure - I just thought that this weight loss lark is so HARD! She's a fab woman regardless of what she weighs: maybe I should start thinking that others MAY be less judgemental of me than I imagine.
I saw a woman recently who had lost weight in the past and had obviously regained it all ... I didn't think anything negative about her really - I just sympathised (mentally) that it's so difficult to lose and maintain. I didn't think she was weak; I didn't think she was a failure - I just thought that this weight loss lark is so HARD! She's a fab woman regardless of what she weighs: maybe I should start thinking that others MAY be less judgemental of me than I imagine.
Totally, totally get where you are coming from on this RD..... I have even hurried down a different isle in a supermarket or looked the other way if I've seen someone.... or pretended I haven't seen them because I'm so ashamed of the fact I too am also 4stone heavier that this time last year.....
Last couple of weeks I've been trying to not let it bother me and to be honest.... if they like you they should like you end of.... your still the same person inside..... just the packaging is a little different (at the mo...
).....You've enough on your plate (so to speak) at the mo..... don't worry about what people may say... cos they may not...
Take care.... oh and btw I am so envious of you living by the sea - your description of the walk with the dog and the sea and the views ... ooooh I'm just .....:jelous::jelous::jelous:
Isobel1965
Gold Member
Darling Debbie - no wise words as I'm in the doldrums myselph but just wanted to give you HUGE (((((HUGS))))!!!!!!!
Thinking oph you, hun.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thinking oph you, hun.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Debbie - just wanted to drop in as i always read your thread although i'm not much of a poster!
I've had this stored in my "CD Tips" folder and i send it to struggling clients occasionally - recognise it?
We're all human and subject to human emotions - OK? Nothing unusual about that. Take a deep breath and carefully assess what it is you want and how badly you want it. Try to get things into perspective - there are three possible options for you and only three.
1. Stop the diet, eat healthily and maintain at your current weight.Is this an option for you? Yes? Then do it. No? Then move to option two.
2. Stop the diet and say 'sod it all', eat what you like and gain weight.Is this an option for you? Yes? Then do it. No? Then move to option three.
3. Continue to make an effort to lose weight.
Is this an option for you? Yes? Then do it. No? Then look back at options 1 & 2.
If option 3 is the only one you would consider then you have to decide which is the best way to achieve it. If you want this over and done with before maintaining then stay with SSing ... if it's proving too stressful for you then maybe you should consider a more flexible method with the subsequent smaller weight losses.
This is a very cold, straight way of looking at things but sometimes we need to stand back and see that we really have very few options open to us and so we have to just take a deep breath, roll our sleeves up and get on with it. It's not forever and represents a very small portion of your life. But at the end of the day, it's all about choice - you can choose which option you want to take - YOU are in control here. So .... which option is it
Pick up your beaker, dust yourself down, take a deep breath and get stuck in! Go girl - you can do it!!"
Excellent advice!
I will make the following points if i may!
1. Admit and make yourself accept (but not judgementally) that you have a weight problem - it's in your DNA same as the colour of your eyes - you are working on it and over the years you may find it easier to manage but it will always be there - if you accept this about yourself hopefully you will understand that it doesn't need to define you - certainly other people accept it and don't judge you - same as they don't judge you for your height or your hair colour. The person you are is what people remember - it took me a very long time for this to sink in and realise that people weren't automatically judging and disliking me because of my weight
2. You can do SS - you have proved it and IF you decide that its the way you want to go (with all your stress at the moment) go for it - however whilst i agree that a tin of tuna isn't a sin at all, from reading your thread it does seem that the "accepted" cheats eventually leave you standing at the top of a slippery slope! Have you thought about total committment to maybe the 790 plan - for you it does seem to be important to learn to eat guilt free and i think that mentally (for everyone) its crucial to pick a plan and stick to it 100%.
3. Try to stop focusing on what you have gained (weight wise!) but what you have lost over the last 12 months - also look at your achievements! Uni, your job - look forward to the successes you have to come - and of course your new grandchild!!!
4. Finally - i will post this although they are not my words or necessarily my thoughts - i read them on another forum (they were referring to drug and alcohol addiction) and think that whilst harsh if you're in the market for some tough love - may help!
"So many people relapse – go on the message boards and everyone says – “that’s all right, we’re behind you – give us a hug and it will be ok”. Then in a few weeks it happens again and they get the same pat on the back again. Its hard but its not alright. People say they want help. Help yourself. Don’t let the forum be a justification process. Don’t listen to all the crap about don’t get down and that relapse is normal. Replase is not a slip – its one more nail in the coffin and you have to realise you only have so many nails. Nothing important in life is easy. GET STRONG"
Take care and i hope your daughter recovers quickly x
I've had this stored in my "CD Tips" folder and i send it to struggling clients occasionally - recognise it?
We're all human and subject to human emotions - OK? Nothing unusual about that. Take a deep breath and carefully assess what it is you want and how badly you want it. Try to get things into perspective - there are three possible options for you and only three.
1. Stop the diet, eat healthily and maintain at your current weight.Is this an option for you? Yes? Then do it. No? Then move to option two.
2. Stop the diet and say 'sod it all', eat what you like and gain weight.Is this an option for you? Yes? Then do it. No? Then move to option three.
3. Continue to make an effort to lose weight.
Is this an option for you? Yes? Then do it. No? Then look back at options 1 & 2.
If option 3 is the only one you would consider then you have to decide which is the best way to achieve it. If you want this over and done with before maintaining then stay with SSing ... if it's proving too stressful for you then maybe you should consider a more flexible method with the subsequent smaller weight losses.
This is a very cold, straight way of looking at things but sometimes we need to stand back and see that we really have very few options open to us and so we have to just take a deep breath, roll our sleeves up and get on with it. It's not forever and represents a very small portion of your life. But at the end of the day, it's all about choice - you can choose which option you want to take - YOU are in control here. So .... which option is it
Pick up your beaker, dust yourself down, take a deep breath and get stuck in! Go girl - you can do it!!"
Excellent advice!
I will make the following points if i may!
1. Admit and make yourself accept (but not judgementally) that you have a weight problem - it's in your DNA same as the colour of your eyes - you are working on it and over the years you may find it easier to manage but it will always be there - if you accept this about yourself hopefully you will understand that it doesn't need to define you - certainly other people accept it and don't judge you - same as they don't judge you for your height or your hair colour. The person you are is what people remember - it took me a very long time for this to sink in and realise that people weren't automatically judging and disliking me because of my weight
2. You can do SS - you have proved it and IF you decide that its the way you want to go (with all your stress at the moment) go for it - however whilst i agree that a tin of tuna isn't a sin at all, from reading your thread it does seem that the "accepted" cheats eventually leave you standing at the top of a slippery slope! Have you thought about total committment to maybe the 790 plan - for you it does seem to be important to learn to eat guilt free and i think that mentally (for everyone) its crucial to pick a plan and stick to it 100%.
3. Try to stop focusing on what you have gained (weight wise!) but what you have lost over the last 12 months - also look at your achievements! Uni, your job - look forward to the successes you have to come - and of course your new grandchild!!!
4. Finally - i will post this although they are not my words or necessarily my thoughts - i read them on another forum (they were referring to drug and alcohol addiction) and think that whilst harsh if you're in the market for some tough love - may help!
"So many people relapse – go on the message boards and everyone says – “that’s all right, we’re behind you – give us a hug and it will be ok”. Then in a few weeks it happens again and they get the same pat on the back again. Its hard but its not alright. People say they want help. Help yourself. Don’t let the forum be a justification process. Don’t listen to all the crap about don’t get down and that relapse is normal. Replase is not a slip – its one more nail in the coffin and you have to realise you only have so many nails. Nothing important in life is easy. GET STRONG"
Take care and i hope your daughter recovers quickly x
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Russiandoll
Carpe diem
Hi Hels
Thanks for taking the time out to post such an extensive and caring post. I remember posting the first bit what seems ages ago ... and it's because options 1 & 2 aren't really options at all that I'm still plugging away (sometimes successfully, sometimes not so successfully).
I suppose we only truly 'fail' when we give up entirely - which I haven't. I guess finding things difficult isn't the same thing as failing.
I totally identify with the part about accepting I have a weight problem; I'm an emotional eater and, like an alcoholic, I don't think I'll ever be 'cured' or think of myself in the way that a naturally thin person would - I think the best I can hope for is to get to a weight I'm happy(ish) with then regard myself as a person with a weight problem who needs to constantly keep my eye on the ball in order to maintain control. Seems daunting but others have done it ...
Thanks for taking the time out to post such an extensive and caring post. I remember posting the first bit what seems ages ago ... and it's because options 1 & 2 aren't really options at all that I'm still plugging away (sometimes successfully, sometimes not so successfully).
I suppose we only truly 'fail' when we give up entirely - which I haven't. I guess finding things difficult isn't the same thing as failing.
I totally identify with the part about accepting I have a weight problem; I'm an emotional eater and, like an alcoholic, I don't think I'll ever be 'cured' or think of myself in the way that a naturally thin person would - I think the best I can hope for is to get to a weight I'm happy(ish) with then regard myself as a person with a weight problem who needs to constantly keep my eye on the ball in order to maintain control. Seems daunting but others have done it ...
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
I went to the college today: my daughter passed all four subjects and got her leaving certificate
I wasn't looking forward to seeing all the people who saw me at just 2.5st from goal but I bit the bullet, smiled and said my hellos. Of course, nobody said anything nasty but I couldn't help noticing a couple of sideways glances and one woman said 'your hair looks lovely' (tactful!) It wasn't awful ... I just wished I could have been at goal, like I should have been by now. Oh well ... nothing to be gained by 'if onlys' I suppose.
Hubby phoned me a bit earlier and mentioned that his new firm has a Christmas 'do' and do I think I'd like to go. I've never been to ANY of his works Christmas parties in the past as I've been too ashamed of myself. He has never made me feel bad about my weight: I've done that all by myself.
Anyway, I said I'd like to go if I can lose enough weight so that I can feel that I'm not showing him up. It's obviously quite a few months away: plenty of time to get a good chunk of this weight off!
I want to go, I want to dress up and I want to feel good. In short, I'd like to be a Christmas cracker for once and not a Christmas pudding!
I wasn't looking forward to seeing all the people who saw me at just 2.5st from goal but I bit the bullet, smiled and said my hellos. Of course, nobody said anything nasty but I couldn't help noticing a couple of sideways glances and one woman said 'your hair looks lovely' (tactful!) It wasn't awful ... I just wished I could have been at goal, like I should have been by now. Oh well ... nothing to be gained by 'if onlys' I suppose.
Hubby phoned me a bit earlier and mentioned that his new firm has a Christmas 'do' and do I think I'd like to go. I've never been to ANY of his works Christmas parties in the past as I've been too ashamed of myself. He has never made me feel bad about my weight: I've done that all by myself.
Anyway, I said I'd like to go if I can lose enough weight so that I can feel that I'm not showing him up. It's obviously quite a few months away: plenty of time to get a good chunk of this weight off!
I want to go, I want to dress up and I want to feel good. In short, I'd like to be a Christmas cracker for once and not a Christmas pudding!
Eclipse
Gold Member
Hey hun, you'll always be a christmas cracker in my eye.
It wasn't so bad today was it, I think sometimes we think people sit in judgement all the time - when realistically in truth they don't!
My gran (bless her) always used to say (Cornish expression) who do you think's gonna stop the horse and cart to look at you, they've got much more important things going on in their lives. And do you know what, it was 99% true!
Sorry haven't posted on your thread for a while, been very pensive and have my cancer check on Thursday which has been occupying my mind.
Nevertheless, you have really been through the wringer hun and you mustn't put yourself under any pressure. At the end of the day though, only YOU know what's the right way ahead and if you feel that you want to SS (in your own way, the scenic route is sometimes much more interesting than buzzing down the motorway) then go for it, but don't do it for any other reason than YOU want to do it.
Life gets in the way sometimes, but we deal with it, and we cope, but .... and this is a big but......... life's too short to fcuk around. We only get one crack at this, and we have to make the best of it, the best way we can.
Hope I haven't rambled, but thought I would add my two pennerth worth. Take care hun, you are a very important person to so many people. x x x
It wasn't so bad today was it, I think sometimes we think people sit in judgement all the time - when realistically in truth they don't!
My gran (bless her) always used to say (Cornish expression) who do you think's gonna stop the horse and cart to look at you, they've got much more important things going on in their lives. And do you know what, it was 99% true!
Sorry haven't posted on your thread for a while, been very pensive and have my cancer check on Thursday which has been occupying my mind.
Nevertheless, you have really been through the wringer hun and you mustn't put yourself under any pressure. At the end of the day though, only YOU know what's the right way ahead and if you feel that you want to SS (in your own way, the scenic route is sometimes much more interesting than buzzing down the motorway) then go for it, but don't do it for any other reason than YOU want to do it.
Life gets in the way sometimes, but we deal with it, and we cope, but .... and this is a big but......... life's too short to fcuk around. We only get one crack at this, and we have to make the best of it, the best way we can.
Hope I haven't rambled, but thought I would add my two pennerth worth. Take care hun, you are a very important person to so many people. x x x
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
I appreciate your input Cheryl ... you're dead right about making the most of the one life we've got: sometimes we can get wrapped up in diet, diet, diet can't we.
Sitting by the bay on Monday and just taking in the wonderful scene was a real tonic and helped me take a little step back and view the bigger picture.
My daughter is still in hospital. They decided to keep her in for observation a little longer as she's developed some sort of infection and her temperature is up. I'm sure they're just erring on the side of caution.
My thoughts will be with you on Thursday Cheryl - sending hugs your way.
Sitting by the bay on Monday and just taking in the wonderful scene was a real tonic and helped me take a little step back and view the bigger picture.
My daughter is still in hospital. They decided to keep her in for observation a little longer as she's developed some sort of infection and her temperature is up. I'm sure they're just erring on the side of caution.
My thoughts will be with you on Thursday Cheryl - sending hugs your way.
I'm glad the college thing wasnt so bad. I agree you should look at yourself how others would - i often try to think how i'd be with myself if i was a friend looking in and to be honest it's a lot kinder than i am to myself!! If that makes sense!
Whats important is your still here pluggin away at it, losing weight and being successful - ok sometimes the road is a tad rocky but you're still on it and thats what counts. I have no doubt in my mind you'll get to your goal as you are focussed on what you want and have the determination to succeed!!
Whats important is your still here pluggin away at it, losing weight and being successful - ok sometimes the road is a tad rocky but you're still on it and thats what counts. I have no doubt in my mind you'll get to your goal as you are focussed on what you want and have the determination to succeed!!
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
It was a bit of a hectic day yesterday. I had my first ever 'dry-run' presentation at Fort Brockhurst ... the real thing comes next week when we have our first school in and I have to enthrall a bunch of restless kids. Should be fun
Back home, my phone didn't keep ringing - it seemed the world and his wife wanted to talk to me! Diet-wise, things went OK - I did have some tuna but I've accepted that I'm going to take a route more akin to 790 than straight SS rather than fail altogether.
I say 'akin to' because I've only been having some tuna or a slice of chicken breast - I don't really want to start making it all official with salad etc in case I lose control and fall off the rails again. I SO don't trust myself!
It's quite alarming to know I still have all the old demons lurking inside me and that they could burst out at any moment - I seem to have a lot less control over them than this time last year in my 'golden time' of CD.
I tested for ketones this morning and was a bit perplexed that I'm still not in ketosis after a week and a half. I'm puzzling over what's preventing this from happening: I definitely haven't had any carbs - only a small tin of tuna last night and a CD mousse. Maybe this is why I'm hungry most of the time
:sigh:
My eldest daughter is still in hospital and I'm hoping to visit her later today; I'm also 'doing lunch' with an old college friend ... well, she's doing lunch - I'm having a coffee and a bar!
Back home, my phone didn't keep ringing - it seemed the world and his wife wanted to talk to me! Diet-wise, things went OK - I did have some tuna but I've accepted that I'm going to take a route more akin to 790 than straight SS rather than fail altogether.
I say 'akin to' because I've only been having some tuna or a slice of chicken breast - I don't really want to start making it all official with salad etc in case I lose control and fall off the rails again. I SO don't trust myself!
It's quite alarming to know I still have all the old demons lurking inside me and that they could burst out at any moment - I seem to have a lot less control over them than this time last year in my 'golden time' of CD.
I tested for ketones this morning and was a bit perplexed that I'm still not in ketosis after a week and a half. I'm puzzling over what's preventing this from happening: I definitely haven't had any carbs - only a small tin of tuna last night and a CD mousse. Maybe this is why I'm hungry most of the time
:sigh:
My eldest daughter is still in hospital and I'm hoping to visit her later today; I'm also 'doing lunch' with an old college friend ... well, she's doing lunch - I'm having a coffee and a bar!
