River's LL Diary

[slendablenda]

Well done you - fan bloody tastic xxx

 

[River]

Aww thank you slenda Im so chuffed, was going to have a talk with my LLC tonight about it being 3lbs constantly tonight but no need now hehe . x

 

[tracyd]

yipee!!!!! well done Lucy chuffed for you x

 

[MagdaX]

Bloody amazing! See! Things are looking up! Well done you!

 

[Spanglymum]

Well done, Lucy!!!

 

[River]

Thanks girls Just needed a little something to spur me on so to speak and its done the world of good! I just woke up this morning and feel better and more positive now! This is also the "thinnest" ive been in like 3 years !

 

[River]

Im finding everything so hard at the moment so i havent had a chance to post or browse forums like i use to and im sorry for it.

Ive been honest all the long and i really need to get this out instead of worrying my OH. Ive had depression since i was 11, so i am quite proud of myself that i havent had a break in LL so far infact i think i have more strength than i credit myself for.

This weeks been a test, had massive hormone overload to stop my TOTM as ive been on it for 9/10 weeks and i just want to eat because all i want to do is cry after the crap ive had.
On top of that people in the Uk will understand the cuts, so they decided at the begining of the year i can work but noone wants to hire a 23 year old thats never worked and suffers with what i do and no one wants to help :sigh:.
I am trying so hard but the rejection emails have really sunk my confidence. Im so worried i wont be able to finish lighter life and on top of that i feel incredibly guilty for my partner offering to pay. Im safe till decemeber but i cant help but worry ill never see my goal.

I just feel so sad when i should be happy, i just wish i was thin now so i had the confidence to run and bag a billion jobs to help him.

 

[tracyd]

awww lucy id love to give you a proper hug......i know its easier said than done but try and stay positive xx

 

[MagdaX]

Lucy darling, first of all I'm sending you the biggest hug I could find! :hug99:
I'm really sorry you're having a tough time. Sadly life doesn't stop while we're on the program (Ishould know something about that) and we do have to face it while going through massive changes (inside and out).
The only thing I can say is that you HAVE to stay positive and strong!
You are doing something about it! You ARE changing your life and investing in yourself for a much more confident and prosperous future!
Doing LL is a life changing experience and as I pointed out in another thread sometime ago, losing weight is almost a by-product. What's happening within you and the changes you're going through are so much more important.
You must not lose the sight of what's ahead of you hun!
You are changing your life for the better and however bumpy and emotional the journey might be, you have to, have to remember how tremendously positive and inspiring your life is becoming!
Try and stay positive and push through.
Giving up is not going to make things better.
Doing this and getting stronger, more confident, beautiful and powerful will!!

 

[River]

Thank you soo much tracy and mags for your kind words, you both inspire me to keep on going and keep my positive head on . Mags i feel so terrible youve been going through so much more than me and your so strong and positive, keep going .

Its just so hard when you want to focus on one thing thats so important to you and then youve got all these little things wizzing around in your mind. I think ive just got to let go for now and try to put it behind me and forget about it for a week or two because its mad stressing me out and ill end up making myself ill.

 

[slendablenda]

Hello Lucy
I agree, try and get the anxiety out of your head for now.It is so difficult for people with health conditions who feel under pressure to find work. I don't know you or your circumstances, but it seems as though you have a good supportive partner which is great, you are not alone in this situation.
Are you able to try some voluntary work for a few hours a week to get some experience to help you find a job when you are ready?
I don't know where you live, but most towns have a volunteer bureau. There are lots of thing apart from working in a charity shop.
Forgive me if it's none of my business. It's just that my area of work is helping people in similar circumstances to those you describe.
Try not to feel stressed hun xx

 

[River]

Thanks slenda, and no no youve given me a great idea prehaps to get some work on tills or something more recent atleast. There is a wishing well cafe near me so that might be a start. I have a diploma or two for nursing and teaching but theres no chance of anything in that avenue at the moment and course prices are through the roof.

They might of thought it was a good thing and maybe it was for me, new life and all but its hard when they dump you in the middle of nowhere when they assure you all the long theyll help you gradually not bl**dy ignore your calls and turn you away.

 

[River]

Still hanging on and im determined not to give up (just yet). Had another change of mind about packs. Im just so picky with what i eat and this is probably why all the other diets ive taken up have failed. Then again everything maybe its my mind making issues about the texture and taste? Anyway im deffo in need of a change come tuesday as even porridge is proving too much for me.

 

[River]

So i had a blood test today because dr thinks im anemic. Ive had alot of blood taken over time due to cancer when i was little so my left arm isnt that good as its got a few collapsed veins. It was 9am id kinda forgotten to say this (because im a silly cow) and she goes to take from it, second lot of jabbing (and pain) it dawned on me might be the reason so we went for the right arm and got alot of blood from it. Afterwards she thought i was looking quite peeky and had me sit for a while and "rest" all day.
So i got in and slept on my sofa, got up to eat lunch and got so far to the kitchen then i vomited and everything went black, hot and ringing for a second like a nasty migrane, was so lucky i slid on the floor before my legs went to jelly. Its not the first time nearly passed out on LL but it was scary. Feel utterly awful now, slept again earlier but i just feel worse for it. Hope it was because of the blood taking, i sort of can tell theyre coming which is good but not so when im alone.

Any who onto happier things, went for my weigh in and lost 4lbs !! Im so happy and ive hit my 2stone goal!! I seriously thought it would take me 3 weeks and last weeks 4lbs was a fluke but yay just hope its a more perminant thing these 4lbs off! .

 

[MagdaX]

Oh Lucy!
Sounds like you're having a nightmare time at the moment.
Please, please look after yourself. Your health is the most important thing in your life (i'm sure i don't need to tell you this).
I'm happy for you that you are losing weight but please listen to your body. If it gets too much maybe it's worth talking to your LLC about doing Lite.
Just so you can get a bit stronger...
Sending you lots of hugs hun
:hug99::hug99::hug99:

 

[River]

Thanks mags huni, Im seeing how it goes and taking it easy today but i am feeling so much better so i think it might of been the blood test was just too much for me or i need more iron or something.

Im just weirded out with these passing out things, it feels like im going to but i can stop myself so instead i just get dizzy, strange things..

Congrats for loosing 6lbs!! Go you !! x

 

[River]

Just a little question for everyone. When do you start noticing the weights off ? My family noticed after i lost half a stone, but i havent seen them for a month now and ive been asked by everyone for pictures ect but honestly even though im 2 stone down havent noticed.. i look the same and clothes are looser and thats it.

So has anyone noticed or when did you ?

 

[carrieclaus]

hi lucy, i just wanna start by saying your doing great.

it was 2 n a half stone before anyone started commenting and even then it was have you lost weight?? they still werent sure if i had. people i see every few days didnt really notice it was more those that say me once n a while xx

 

[MagdaX]

Thanks Lucy
Glad to know you're feeling better!
I only started getting compliments and noticing it myself after I hit the 2 stone mark. So not so long ago at all.
I think now as each week goes by the weight loss will be more noticible.
I'm quite tall so ppl always used think I weigh far less than what I actually do! lol

 

[River]

Thank you carrie and welcome back although i must say you look fab anyway hun .
Yes, my mum and little sister have said when i went down but i though theyre just being nice type of thing. My stand in LL councillor who saw me when i first signed up said she can see ive lost it in my face on Tuesday but then i think again just being nice .

Thanks mags im kinda glad too would of broken my heart to be honest if i had to stop because aside from the bodily things going on, my minds in a better place right now and im a happier person in general.
Aha your lucky! Im 5'4 and its always shown on me really but then again ive never told anyone my weight until i started LL and my mum and OH were quite suprised as they thought i was less on the scales.

Im being nagged by friends at home for pictures on facebook but i think ill leave it until i feel more comfortable.