wannabeminime
Gold Member
I dont know about a gastric bypass, but a chat with your GP could be in order RD. It sounds like you need some extra help at the mo.
(((Hugs))) xx
(((Hugs))) xx
Russiandoll's Diary
- Thread starter Russiandoll
- Start date
Summerskye
Gold Member
At times like this I'm painfully aware that I'm not nearly as smart as I'd like to be or have any hope of finding the right words which could make you feel as good about yourself as you deserve.
You know, losing weight really isn't the panacea to all life's problems and ills. I know it sounds ridiculously cliched, but what really does matter most are the qualities of the inner person and that remains the same regardless of what size 'outer shell' you reside in and present to the world.
I get asked on an almost daily basis if I feel any different since I lost weight and the honest answer is "No, I don't" (which, I've realised, most people don't really want to hear and certainly don't expect). The fact is that I feel exactly the same inside that I always did when I was over 8 stone heavier. I think I'm the same person as I've always been, with the same personality traits, the same good and bad points and the same outlook on life. The only difference I will admit to is how other people relate to me - but that's an entirely different thing altogether, and is essentially based on superficiality and preconception.
I'm not even sure if any of this makes any sense as I've rambled on more than I intended, but I just wanted to try to encourage you not to be so hard on yourself, enjoy being the brilliant funny and caring person you are - and, of course, send you lots of love.
You know, losing weight really isn't the panacea to all life's problems and ills. I know it sounds ridiculously cliched, but what really does matter most are the qualities of the inner person and that remains the same regardless of what size 'outer shell' you reside in and present to the world.
I get asked on an almost daily basis if I feel any different since I lost weight and the honest answer is "No, I don't" (which, I've realised, most people don't really want to hear and certainly don't expect). The fact is that I feel exactly the same inside that I always did when I was over 8 stone heavier. I think I'm the same person as I've always been, with the same personality traits, the same good and bad points and the same outlook on life. The only difference I will admit to is how other people relate to me - but that's an entirely different thing altogether, and is essentially based on superficiality and preconception.
I'm not even sure if any of this makes any sense as I've rambled on more than I intended, but I just wanted to try to encourage you not to be so hard on yourself, enjoy being the brilliant funny and caring person you are - and, of course, send you lots of love.
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
Wise words as always Sharon.
I guess it's all too easy to make 'being fat' the fulcrum of every problem ... for making it the reason for feeling the way we do and it's easy to think life will be a fragrant basket of roses "if only I were thinner".
Maybe focussing on our weight distracts us from what is REALLY making us feel the way we do. Becoming thinner is bound to bring extra confidence with it - but deep rooted issues remain just that. I remember this well from when I got to 12st ish. When I could no longer fret about my size 30 frame, I shifted the focus to my saggy boobs and what I perceived as 'hooded eyes'. I'm sure if I'd had surgery to correct both those things, I'd have found something else to hate.
I have no idea what I can do to sort myself out ... I'm limping through life at the moment but at least I'm limping and not in a heap on the floor. Taking each day as it comes is about the best I can do right now.
So thanks everyone for 'being there' - I can't stress enough how much it means to me.
I guess it's all too easy to make 'being fat' the fulcrum of every problem ... for making it the reason for feeling the way we do and it's easy to think life will be a fragrant basket of roses "if only I were thinner".
Maybe focussing on our weight distracts us from what is REALLY making us feel the way we do. Becoming thinner is bound to bring extra confidence with it - but deep rooted issues remain just that. I remember this well from when I got to 12st ish. When I could no longer fret about my size 30 frame, I shifted the focus to my saggy boobs and what I perceived as 'hooded eyes'. I'm sure if I'd had surgery to correct both those things, I'd have found something else to hate.
I have no idea what I can do to sort myself out ... I'm limping through life at the moment but at least I'm limping and not in a heap on the floor. Taking each day as it comes is about the best I can do right now.
So thanks everyone for 'being there' - I can't stress enough how much it means to me.
puggso_32
Right to the 'point'
There is no such thing as perfection, especially in the view on when self criticising. There will always be those niggling things that you are never happy with. The thing to do is to counterbalance them with the things that do make you happy and see where it leaves you. I bet you will have more good things than bad, simply don't let the bad get to you and the good will take control
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
It's knowing that I'm not alone and am being sent such support that keeps me going (and clinging to the last thread of sanity!)
I appreciate it more than I can say.
Diet wise, things aren't good. Well, they are and they aren't. Yesterday for example, I didn't have breakfast (not a conscious choice - I just didn't have time). Went to the big Tesco's with DD3 and while we were there, we decided to have lunch in the cafeteria. I had a CD bar with me but decided 'Hey - you know what? I'm having a sandwich' so I had one of those healthy choice things ... chicken salad on wholemeal. I checked the pack, 331kcal so not too bad. Had it with a large black coffee (old habits die hard) and didn't bother with the bar.
So far so good. Got home and decided to have the bar after all with a coffee (this was at about 4pm). Then for dinner I had one of those bags of steamed veg and a tray of Tuna in a salsa sauce. I had a CD mousse for after.
All in all not bad. If I'd stopped there ....
But later in the evening something seemed to 'snap'. Steve is away and sitting there alone, I think wayyy too much. Thinking about my dad, how much pain he's in, what they're going to find at the hospital on the 29th, about money, the house, Uni assigments. Next thing, I'm eating a bowl of bran flakes. Then another bowl of bran flakes (I can't even binge decently ... where's the chocolate? The crisps?). Then three (yes THREE) cereal bars. Then two bread rolls at stupid O clock because I couldn't sleep; didn't go to bed until 3.30am.
So there you have it. Diary of a messed up head. They say confession is good for the soul; I'm just embarrassed.
Anyway, I'll be doing much the same today as I did yesterday - except I'll try my hardest to fight the binge monster tonight. A padded jacket with tie up arms may be in order!
Summerskye
Gold Member
Next thing, I'm eating a bowl of bran flakes. Then another bowl of bran flakes (I can't even binge decently ... where's the chocolate? The crisps?). Then three (yes THREE) cereal bars.
Anyway, I'll be doing much the same today as I did yesterday - except I'll try my hardest to fight the binge monster tonight. A padded jacket with tie up arms may be in order!
With the amount of fibre you're consuming, I suspect a job lot of industrial strength loo paper might be more useful than a padded jacket actually *lol*. As for your binge preferences, I'm right there with you! Savoury over sweet was always my downfall too :sigh: (and a lot more antisocial as it didn't 'alf give me chronic wind
) .I hope you have a better day today, honey. It's all about baby steps remember?
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
That actually made me laugh out loud Sharon!! Maybe I'm heralding the return of The F-Plan Diet (anyone remember THAT??)
hopefilly
Silver Member
I did the same thing last week RD binged at least 3 nights and I mean binged ate every thing in sight until I felt sick I dont know why just couldnt stop myself. This week Im a bit better have stuck to cd for 2 whole days woohoo and will try to keep it up tomorrow, see your not alone xxx
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
And that means a lot ... I don't feel nearly as 'freaky' knowing that others have their demons too.
No-one actually holds me down and force feeds me so the logical thing is to not do it ... so why do we do it?
I have no idea. All I know is that while I'm doing it, I just 'don't care'. The recrimination comes later.
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
sarahloveswelshcobs
Full Member
my way past it is not having things I'd be prone to binging on in the house... I'm allowing myself a small treat once a week - so far, it's always been bread !
I had a binge demon a couple of weekends ago. Couldn't help myself. But the only thing I had access to was carrots. I don't even LIKE raw carrots - I had 4 raw carrots during the day and felt full. I knew there was nothing really bad about that - so didn't worry. Then I had lunch (which I never eat) with family - but I made a point of only eating loads o plain boiled veg- and more sodding carrots !
That night, I had dinner - I cant remember what it was - but it probably incorporated lettuce / salad and a small amount of protein.
I went to bed feeling awful and uncomfortable and I HAD binged - thankfully only on stuff that wasnt going to give me much of an issue.
THank goodnesss there is no chocolate / sweet things / biscuits etc in our house is all I can say !
I had a binge demon a couple of weekends ago. Couldn't help myself. But the only thing I had access to was carrots. I don't even LIKE raw carrots - I had 4 raw carrots during the day and felt full. I knew there was nothing really bad about that - so didn't worry. Then I had lunch (which I never eat) with family - but I made a point of only eating loads o plain boiled veg- and more sodding carrots !
That night, I had dinner - I cant remember what it was - but it probably incorporated lettuce / salad and a small amount of protein.
I went to bed feeling awful and uncomfortable and I HAD binged - thankfully only on stuff that wasnt going to give me much of an issue.
THank goodnesss there is no chocolate / sweet things / biscuits etc in our house is all I can say !
Hi RD!
They say confession is good for the soul so confess I will When I go I really go!!!!
Yesterday was a bad day and I ate crisps, biscuits, cheese, a ready made sandwich from Asda and they 3/4 of a whole 'hedgehog hot cross bun loaf' - the only reason I didn't eat the rest was cos OH and the kids were on their way home and I knew I wouldn't eat it before they got in...
I have been known to just literally 'trawl' the cupboards eating whatever I can find - however random.... would think nothing of eating 4 or 5 pks of crisps followed by a couple of rolls followed by biscuits and chocolate.... I have no 'off' switch which is why CD (when I stick to it) works..... no food... though the demons are always there...:sigh:
No real point to this just to let you know you are so not alone and we are all human...
Love
They say confession is good for the soul so confess I will
When I go I really go!!!!Yesterday was a bad day and I ate crisps, biscuits, cheese, a ready made sandwich from Asda and they 3/4 of a whole 'hedgehog hot cross bun loaf' - the only reason I didn't eat the rest was cos OH and the kids were on their way home and I knew I wouldn't eat it before they got in...
I have been known to just literally 'trawl' the cupboards eating whatever I can find - however random.... would think nothing of eating 4 or 5 pks of crisps followed by a couple of rolls followed by biscuits and chocolate....
I have no 'off' switch which is why CD (when I stick to it) works..... no food... though the demons are always there...:sigh:No real point to this just to let you know you are so not alone and we are all human...
Love
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
God, makes me feel less freaky though! You could have been writing about my own 'sessions' there. The problem with saying don't have any of the stuff I like to binge on in the house is that I binge on ANYTHING .... porrige, lettuce, bran flakes, cereal bars, coco pops, apples, cheese strings (yuk) ... we don't generally have 'treat' type stuff in the house but that's never gotten in the way of me embarking upon a bender. Short of having no food AT ALL in the house I'm not sure what to do. I've identitfied that the main trigger is ... stress & pressure. It's not really sadness, boredom or any of the other emotions. When I feel under pressure, eating seems to provide a distraction. A bit like a chain smoker. Hey - maybe I should take up smoking!! (joke)
I'm off to my CDCs in a while but have decided not to be weighed. I don't need confirmation of what I already know: I've eaten like a pig all week and the scales will testify to that.
All I can do is 'try' again this week.
