Oh guys its been awfuuuuul...
My course of antidepressants ran out ages ago, I can't quite bring myself to go back to her because I just feel too ashamed. I got referred to a specialist ages ago but because the clinic is so understaffed I've been waiting weeks for an appointment.
I've spent entire days at home bringing up everything I ate, and I mean everything - if I swallowed a grape, up it would come. It wastes so much time. It must have buggered up my metabolism or something because my weight flew back up to 8st 4lb a few days ago.
This is really slaughtering my relationship, my boyfriend and I haven't had sex in nearly a month now. I don't want to drag him into it but I just can't bear to let him see my horrible fat body, who'd want to **** that? This is on top of my restless nights and bursting into tears round his house with nothing to say but "I'm sorry... I just hate being so fat." I haven't seen him in nearly a week now because I just can't stand the thought of him seeing me at all. Of course he doesn't understand. And how could I expect him to?
Good news is I've been bringing up less because I've been eating less, somewhere along the line I forgot the joys of raw vegetables

sugar snap peas, baby corns, peppers and carrots ahoy! You guys have to get in on some of this, they are so yummy.... eating these makes me feel less guilty so I purge less. Now that I'm less tired (especially in the morning) I can exercise more. My weight has fallen back to 8st, hopefully it won't stop there. I've arranged to meet up with my boyfriend tomorrow, hopefully I can stop being such a selfish tart and think of something other than my weight to talk about. Can only hope for the best eh?
Thanks for listening folks
