Sick of carrying 2 hitch hikers about, so this is my diary

[shenzi]

Go lily! My hubby was exactly the same his mum did everything for him, and we she died he had a short sharp shock to the system!xx

 

[Applekath]

Sounds like something's got to give!

Am I right in thinking this is your daughter and her chap living with you?

Good luck!

 

[lsf666]

You're right Lisa I do, he's lived here 3 years, so I think I've been patient, I gave a bit of leeway cos his mother did absolutely everything for him and when he goes back there still does, I'm sure she'd still wipe his bum if he let her lol....but I never brought my girls up that way and had I had boys I would have brought them up exactly how I brought my girls up....but after 3 years now he needs to get on and do his bit or to be honest b*gger off back to Mummy's, cos this lady don't have MUG written across her forehead :giggle: xxxx:hug99:xxxx

Go lily! My hubby was exactly the same his mum did everything for him, and we she died he had a short sharp shock to the system!xx

Eek - Elliott moved out at 18 so was quite good. It was me that needed training :-D I was spoiled and lived at home for way longer but you do get there.

But if I'd moved in with inlaws I'm sure I'd have been a bit better!!! Actually Elliott moved in to my parents place with me for a few months before we moved out and he was ok. My Mum eventually said I had to do all his washing etc which I did.

Seriously, don't stand for it x

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[broadsbean]

hope your "chat" went well, i often wonder why men see all women as there mummys !!!!


teen left all his washing on the landing for me this week and then complained cos it wasn't dry fast enough, have pointed out to him that he has arms and legs and a brain!!!!!

hubby has a nasty habit of washing when i am at work, but only doing his own that really p***es me off

mark and kirsty need to realise how lucky they are, most kids do now a days we have made it all to easy for them

:bighug::bighug: hope your feeling a bit better, and your skin is settling down. central heating will dry your skin out but i can't see it having an effect while it is switched off


xxxxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Go lily! My hubby was exactly the same his mum did everything for him, and we she died he had a short sharp shock to the system!xx

Hey Emma, I obviously don't want Mark's mum to die, but she needs to let go andlet him grow up.....she phones him everyday to make sure he got home safe and see if he's ok...now that in itself is ok, but we can hear her and she talks to him like he's a 5 year old and not nearly 24 ....I won't go into any more deatails about her cos I could be here all night lol xxx:hug99: xxxx

Sounds like something's got to give!

Am I right in thinking this is your daughter and her chap living with you?

Good luck!

Hey hun, yep it did give lol will reveal all in a bit.
And yep my daughter and her fiance, live here and have done so for the last 3+ years while saving to get married and buy a house/flat xxx:hug99:xxx

Eek - Elliott moved out at 18 so was quite good. It was me that needed training :-D I was spoiled and lived at home for way longer but you do get there.

But if I'd moved in with inlaws I'm sure I'd have been a bit better!!! Actually Elliott moved in to my parents place with me for a few months before we moved out and he was ok. My Mum eventually said I had to do all his washing etc which I did.

Seriously, don't stand for it x

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Hey sweetie, my Kirsty is spoilt and so is Kelly, but that doesn't mean they don't have respect and would never do what Mark's done...but to be fair to him he is getting better he just needs to be a bit more concientous and not answer back....I honestly would never have a go unless it needed it, and I was totally peed off and feeling like I was being treated like a mug and I did so I have now sorted it :hug99:xxxx

hope your "chat" went well, i often wonder why men see all women as there mummys !!!!

It did, very well infact :giggle:

teen left all his washing on the landing for me this week and then complained cos it wasn't dry fast enough, have pointed out to him that he has arms and legs and a brain!!!!!
Good for you, cheeky beggar lol
hubby has a nasty habit of washing when i am at work, but only doing his own that really p***es me off
OMG Mal wouldn't dare do that, he knows better, having said all that he did s0d all round here till I had my accident and we'd been together 20 years by then, but he's had to learn and to be fair he does a pretty good job, but I would deny that if questioned lol
mark and kirsty need to realise how lucky they are, most kids do now a days we have made it all to easy for them

I do actually believe they do realise how lucky they are, but like all kids no matter what age they are, they like to push the boundaries till you pull them up and that's what's happened here

:bighug::bighug: hope your feeling a bit better, and your skin is settling down. central heating will dry your skin out but i can't see it having an effect while it is switched off


xxxxx

My skin is actually getting worse, but from previous experience of this, that's really quite a good sign as it usually means it's on the mend...but if it doesn't get much better by Tuesday, I won't be going to wi....it's really embaressing and I couldn't bare all the comments and questions especially as I help out at group too and I am the first person they talk to , we'll have to see how it goes :hug99:xxxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Well Kirsty and Mark finally got back from their little shopping trip, full of the joys of spring beaming from ear to ear cos they'd just bought themselves a new bed.....so I jumped right in told them we needed to talk cos I wanted to sort things out and that I had been mad all week and let it wind me up, but had decided to let myself calm down and sort it like we used to when my girls were little and that was to have a no holds barred and no come backs no matter what was said, conversation.....

I started by saying that I had thought about just doing their jobs cos they both work all week, but then decided hell no why should Mal and I do everything, they live here too and the jobs they have to do they chose themselves, 2 each per day Monday to Friday, from cooking dinner to washing up, sweeping the floor and emptying bins, that's as strenuous as it gets and then they do the majority of the jobs when they are here at the weekends and Mal and I just do a couple. Because we keep on top of it all week, there isn't much that needs doing at the weekend and then once a month we do all the big jobs like washing windows, cleaning woodwork and moving appliances to clean behind. I permanently do the washing and folding of clothes as it's something I can do when my hands and feet are bad if I wear my gloves and when my back isn't too good either, plus because of the chemicals I rarely if ever do jobs that use sprays, bleaches and the likes so as not to aggravate my psoriasis.
So tonight I made it quite clear what I expected of them where all the jobs are concerned, spelt it out to them that when I say clean that means move things and clean and not just round the middle and as for their washing, if they continue to leave things in their pockets and they end up in my washing machine I am going to charge them £25 a time, my brother in law is a Bosch engineer and always does my repairs and no matter what I give him £25, not that he asks but I know it helps out, so they will pay that, plus they will be allowed 1 load of washing a day plus towels and that's it...I am not doing 20+ loads anymore, it's ridiculous, so if they want to do more than that they can pay extra or take it to the launderette their choice.
I also told them I am putting up their rent by £20 (that's £10 each) a month to cover all the increases due in April.
They were surprisingly remorseful and even apologised, we'll see how long it lasts.
They stayed in a hotel tonight, that was already planned as they were going clubbing with Kirsty's best friend...so Mal and I have had a lovely peaceful evening together and guess what....my headache has gone ...amazing eh? :giggle:

Kids who'd have them?? lol xxxx:hug99:xxx

 

[lsf666]

Looks like it may have been a stress headache Lily xxx

Glad it's all sorted. Maybe your psoriasis will clear up too now?

Hope you have a lovely Sunday :bighug:

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[lil miss chatterbox]

Good to hear the talk went well, and the headache's gone. Must've been all that stress. At least now you shouldn't be walked all over and taken advantage of. Hope your skin gets better, it sounds nasty. :hug99:

 

[ginlin]

:wavey: Morning Lily :hug99:

Glad that the headache finally went, and that your skin clears up soon xxx

 

[Applekath]

annnnnd relax lol.

well done for tackling it!

 

[*SugarPlum*]

Ouch.... Sounds like you have been having a tough time Lily, hope it's all sorted now.

Hope your having a lovely relaxing Sunday!!

Big Hugs!! Xxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Looks like it may have been a stress headache Lily xxx

Glad it's all sorted. Maybe your psoriasis will clear up too now?

Hope you have a lovely Sunday :bighug:

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Hey hun, finally dragged my butt out of bed about an hour ago, I just couldn't sleep last night, I think I was still winding down, but feeling good today other than my big huge rosey cheeks making me look like a clown.
The psoriasis is pretty good too (touch wood, don't wanna jinx it :giggle
Hope you have/are having a lovely Sunday too :hug99: xxxx

Good to hear the talk went well, and the headache's gone. Must've been all that stress. At least now you shouldn't be walked all over and taken advantage of. Hope your skin gets better, it sounds nasty. :hug99:

Hey LMC, they arrived home this morning, from their stay in the hotel, and I did laugh, was naughty of me but still, Kirsty has the worst hangover, 23 nearly and her first, she doesn't drink often but got hammered last night and paid the price lol...she looks like death warmed up and to be fair she went to bed and Mark started immediately clearing up and even cooked a late breakfast....without being asked....and cleared that up too...let's hope it lasts eh?
The skin problem is nasty, but it could be worse and there's lots out their a lot worse than me, a few days and it will clear I am sure ...hope you're having a great day :hug99: xxxx

:wavey: Morning Lily :hug99:

Glad that the headache finally went, and that your skin clears up soon xxx

hey Lynne, thanks hun, just tired now even though I only got up about an hour ago, not sleeping throws you out for the day and I hate it, hope you're having a good day :hug99: xxxx

annnnnd relax lol.

well done for tackling it!

thanks

:8855: *Is relaxing* lol....hun, for now it seems to have been worth the effort of tackling, but not going to hold my breath just yet lol...hope you're having a great Sunday :hug99: xxxx

Ouch.... Sounds like you have been having a tough time Lily, hope it's all sorted now.

Hope your having a lovely relaxing Sunday!!

Big Hugs!! Xxx

Hey Sugar, yeah all seems good for now, but I'm sure the next drama won't be too far away eh? :giggle:
Hope you're having a great Sunday too hun :bighug: xxxxx

 

[beckyn22]

I love your approach Lily - the sitting down and talking it through, and being firm. I really hope there's a big change now. It must be the stress of all this that's contributed to the skin problems and the awful headaches. It's not fair.

It's lovely of you to let them both live at your house so they can save up - but will this ever happen with London prices?? I know of a flat in Balham that is sitting unoccupied that my best friend owns; she's moved back up North but it needs a bit of work doing inside...don't know if this is anywhere near you? Do either of them do jobs where they could buy with help from a housing association or anything? Well done for tackling it and I hope that just getting it out helps your stress levels :bighug: xxx

 

[Dawnejoy]

Glad to hear that the talk went well and fingers crossed that all has been taken on board and changes happen. You are right, things do have to be said as, as you have discovered, your health begins to suffer. Sometimes I think they don't consciously intend to let you down or just do the bare minimum, I think its coz they just don't think! I suppose too that if your mum has always done everything for you and never shown you how to do something properly he won't have a clue about what is involved in washing, ironing, hoovering etc. My boys, tho they live at home, clean their own rooms (I never go in there and if its a mess I just shut the door so I can't see it - not ideal I know, but its their space and if they want to live in a mess then its up to them), sort their own washing, do their own ironing, make their own pack-ups for work and will run the hoover round (if I ask) and clean the toilets (if I ask) Not a huge amount really I suppose, but they do know that I don't run round after them, I work too.

There is probably more that they ought to do, but my middle one, a joiner is also really good at DIY jobs round the house as my OH is absolutely useless, absolutely no common sense at all He is good at helping with the housework tho, so does have some saving graces :giggle:

 

[Lily42uk]

Well good morrow lovely peeps, hope you're all having a fab Sunday :hug99:
Having only got out of bed about an hour ago, I am feeling very lazy and surprisingly tired, can't stop yawning lol
Food wise this week I have had the worst week since joining SW ...in fact the worst week in god knows how long, just didn't and couldn't resist anything put in front of me this week and not even when it was out of sight sometimes too....definitely been comfort eating, so reverting back to type ....but this is where the new me kicks in cos instead of reverting back to my old way of eating, I am going to write this week off as a holiday week and take the obvious gain and now I am going to go do some exercise and get myself back into it....I have noticed that the days I am unable to exercise, seem to be the days that I struggle to follow plan properly.
Mal just got back from Tesco and I have now stocked my cupboards with green tea, am drinking a jasmine one with 1 sweetener and I am surprised how much I like it, not a strong taste of anything ...adding that one to my list of new ones I like, have tried the cranberry one and while it's ok, it's a little on the weak side, my 3 faves so far are blueberry and raspberry...def gets top spot closely followed by pineapple and grapefruit and now the jasmine...don't like the ginger one at all, so keeping that for sick feeling days lol and not keen on the cranberry although I will drink it. Have also stocked up on loads of lean meat and veg and salad, glad we are coming to the end of the Frugal February challenge, even though it saved me money I found myself using foods that I would not normally eat just to clear my freezer and not have to buy more foods....so now my freezer is almost bare, I am and have stocked it with things I will use all the time ...loads of chicken, lean meat and extra lean mince etc, and even frozen veg, I have never bough frozen veg in my entire life but after reading up on it, I can see some benefits so will eb doing so in future....Have a lovely Sunday all :hug99: xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Dawnejoy]

You sound so much brighter Lily it's obvious that having that talk had done you good.

 

[Lily42uk]

I love your approach Lily - the sitting down and talking it through, and being firm. I really hope there's a big change now. It must be the stress of all this that's contributed to the skin problems and the awful headaches. It's not fair.

Hey hun, when I was growing up I was abused by my parents and it was a common occurence to get a good beating, not a good hiding but a beating for a whole lot less than what Kirsty or Mark get up to, so like most people in my situation I chose the other route. The other thing I felt as a child/teenager/young adult at "home" was that I wasn't appreciated as a human being, that means I had no say, my word meant nothing and was ignored, I was never treated with respect. So when I had my kids I chose (I love that word, chose, because I believe everything and I mean everything we do in life comes down to choices) to listen, to treat them with respect, to apologise no matter how small they were, if I were wrong cos they are still human beings and doesn't mean just cos I am the adult that I'm always right, so from the time my girls were tiny, they were given responsibilites and rewarded with praise and pocket money and vice versa if they misbehaved and the other thing we did from a very young age with both of them was to give them a voice, to be able to have their say and air their grievances...so we sat down every 4th Sunday and discussed or moaned or even shouted about what was bothering us and no matter what, the pact was that we bore no grudge during or after the conversation, it was to be cleared up then and there...yes this week I have let it build up, cos to be honest we don't often have the chats now the girls are older, but I see now that until they leave home for good then we need to continue them and so we will....they really work ....Kirsty and Mark had a couple of things they wanted to say too and that's the beauty of it they could and I don't feel hurt, angry or upset, I am happy we sorted it and now we all know where we stand.
It's lovely of you to let them both live at your house so they can save up - but will this ever happen with London prices?? I know of a flat in Balham that is sitting unoccupied that my best friend owns; she's moved back up North but it needs a bit of work doing inside...don't know if this is anywhere near you? Do either of them do jobs where they could buy with help from a housing association or anything? Well done for tackling it and I hope that just getting it out helps your stress levels :bighug: xxx

I know they have been looking to move right out of London, we are thinking of doing the same...none of us actually like living in the city....we are thinking of moving to Norfolk we all love it round there, but they are also talking about emigrating to Australia and I would happily encourage them every step of the way...but I will let them know and if they are interested get back to you, thank you so much for the offer hun ...definitely my stress levels have decreased, now all I have to do is get Mal sorted, talking might not be so easyy there, may have to resort to just shooting him :giggle: xxxxx:hug99:xxxxx

Glad to hear that the talk went well and fingers crossed that all has been taken on board and changes happen. You are right, things do have to be said as, as you have discovered, your health begins to suffer. Sometimes I think they don't consciously intend to let you down or just do the bare minimum, I think its coz they just don't think! I suppose too that if your mum has always done everything for you and never shown you how to do something properly he won't have a clue about what is involved in washing, ironing, hoovering etc. My boys, tho they live at home, clean their own rooms (I never go in there and if its a mess I just shut the door so I can't see it - not ideal I know, but its their space and if they want to live in a mess then its up to them), sort their own washing, do their own ironing, make their own pack-ups for work and will run the hoover round (if I ask) and clean the toilets (if I ask) Not a huge amount really I suppose, but they do know that I don't run round after them, I work too.

There is probably more that they ought to do, but my middle one, a joiner is also really good at DIY jobs round the house as my OH is absolutely useless, absolutely no common sense at all He is good at helping with the housework tho, so does have some saving graces :giggle:

You know what hun, sometimes I am my own worst enemy, but I have and always will believe that there is a time and place...if I had tackled this earlier in the week in the frame of mind I was in it would have been a whole lot worse, so I waited till I was calm enough to tackle it and stay in control (I had to have anger management because of issues in my past and I still get het up fairly quickly, but have learnt to control it very well, thank god )
I did laugh when you said about the messy bedroom, that is the one place in the house that is spotless, Kirsty is really tip top about her room and she nags Mark constantly, she keeps it pristine, the only thing I could and do pull them up on in their room is not opening a window often enough, it's not a huge room and Mark sweats profusely, so it ofen smells sweaty, so in the morning when I get up, I check to see if their window is open....Kirsty is usually the last one out of bed in the morning and always makes her bed before going to work....I am sure she will train Mark to her ways and mine over their lifetime together lol
Mark is an electrician and has done a few jobs round the house but like with everything else you have to nag him for months on end to get it done lol...mind you Mal's no different when it comes to diy, took me 20 years to get my bedroom decorated cos according to him there was nothing wrong with it, even after I stripped all the walls and rubbed everything down lol :hug99: xxxxxxx

 

[lsf666]

Glad you are starting afresh

You sound so much better xxx

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[Lily42uk]

You sound so much brighter Lily it's obvious that having that talk had done you good.

Glad you are starting afresh

You sound so much better xxx

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Thank you ladies, I feel a lot happier, more in control and am right now watching Mark, who has got up and done 80% of his jobs so far, the other 20% he said he'll do later as it invloves washing floors lol, preparing dinner....a few weeks ago he made this dish, he loves experimenting with food, and to be honest for someone who could barely boil an egg 3 years ago, he's amazing ....anyway the dish he made a few weks ago was so gorgeous and other than a tbsp of gravy granules between 4 of us, it was syn free and delicious, he has a natural knack with flavours, he knows what works, it was so good Mal had seconds ...so what you might say, but Mal rarely finishes firsts let alone having seconds.....I'd be prepared to let Mark do all the cooking and we do all the cleaning if he finished earlier, but I hate eating at about 8pm, 6-6.30pm for me...maybe I could work on that one lol xxxx:hug99: xxxx

 

[Dawnejoy]

Sounds like it's all working Lily and long may it continue.

i too always listened to my sons and apologised if I was wrong because like you i felt that they had opinions too, tho often it was followed with "I understand what you are saying but............" they always accepted what had been said to them, this was because i always felt at home that I wasn't listened to, tho I knew I was loved. Now I think my boys have learnt respect and my OH and I can go away knowing that the boys understand the "rules" and they always have a party, but its always tidy when we get home, tho maybe not quite as tidy as I would make it :giggle:


Hope you have another lovely meal and have a relaxing eveining