Sick of carrying 2 hitchikers, Part 2....1 down 1 to go !!!!!!!

[lil miss chatterbox]

Well letting it out is better than keeping it locked in! Growing up my Mum never talked about her feelings, but ate them away with chocolate, and I learnt to do the same. no wonder I'm here!

Hope everything's sorted now :hug99:

 

[Lily42uk]

Menu Wednesday 9th January 2013


Breakfast
3 x Hovis Nimble Wholemeal Bread Hexb + 2.5 syns
3 x Eggs Scrambled + PartHexaMilk
Mushrooms
Grilled Tomatoes
Coffe (with coffee mate) 1 syn
2 x Satsumas
Water1 pint

Lunch
Mixed Salad (Lettuce, tomatoes, onions, cucumber, radish, watercress, peppers)
Fat Fee Vinaigrette
Tuna
1 level tbsp Extra Light Mayonnaise 0.5syns
2 x Extra Sweet Apricots
Water 1 pint

Dinner
2 x Light Choices Sausages 2 syns
120g McCain's Home Chips 4 syns
Brown Sauce 1 syn
Baked Beans
Mixed Salad
Coke Zero

Extras
Apricots
Satsumas
2 x Crumble Yogurts 1 syn
Options Made with MilkPartHexa 2 syns

14 syns for the day

27.5/105 syns for the week Day 2

 

[Lucia Lucia]

Blimey, Lily, what a day. The fact that you didnt turn to food after that shows how strong you are x

 

[Lily42uk]

Menu Thursday 10th January 2013


Breakfast
2 x Hovis Nimble BreadHexb
25g Tesco Reduced fat Brussels Pate3 syns
Bovril
2 tsp Lurpak Lightest 2 syns
2 x Coffees with Coffee Mate 2 syns
2 x Satsumas
Water 1 pint

Lunch
Jacket Potato
Home made Chicken Dhansak 0.5syns (I put 2 tbsp of Mango Chutney in it, I made 6 servings so it works out 0.5syns each)
Mixed Salad
Water 1 pint
Sugar Free Jelly0.5 syns

Dinner:
Beef Ragu
Linguine
Mixed Veg (Peas, Broccoli and Cauliflower)
Sugar Free Jelly 0.5 syns
Water 1 pint

Extras
Walkers Stars4.5syns
2 x Crumble Yoghurts
A selection of fruits
Sugar Free Jelly 0.5 syns
450ml Kara Dairy Free Original Coconut Milk with Added Calcium Hexa

A lovely big bowl of Cherry flavoured sugar free Jelly, enough for a few days !!

13.5 syns for the day

41/105 syns for the week Day 3

 

[Lily42uk]

Well letting it out is better than keeping it locked in! Growing up my Mum never talked about her feelings, but ate them away with chocolate, and I learnt to do the same. no wonder I'm here!

Hope everything's sorted now :hug99:

Hi LMC, my family did the same, stuff food don't talk about it as we grew up, but since I had the counselling 15+ years ago I have tried to talk about things and encourage Mal and the girls to do the same.
So far so good hun xxx:hug99:xxx

Blimey, Lily, what a day. The fact that you didnt turn to food after that shows how strong you are x

Hi Lucia, lol it was a sheer fluke, we had just had lunch when they argument blew up and I was so angry I couldn't eat after that, we didn't actually have dinner till 9.30pm , we normally eat about 6pm and then I had just fruit and a couple of yoghurts really late and possibly even the early hours of this morning, normally I would snack when stressed but like I said just didn't even get the time....thank god lol xxx:hug99:xxx

 

[ShakeEmUp]

:bighug: Oh Lily it sounds like the day from hell yesterday, I second what Lucia says that you must be so strong to have not turned to food

 

[Mumma K]

Lily it sounds like things have finally come to a head I hope Mal gets some closure on the things that trouble him and you can both move on 38 years is a lot if years under the bridge....

Food looking good though Lily

 

[Lily42uk]

:bighug: Oh Lily it sounds like the day from hell yesterday, I second what Lucia says that you must be so strong to have not turned to food

It was exactly that hun, but much needed, Mal and I have done a lot of talking today and Gill my sister popped over again and Mal has decided he will talk to her, she is really unbiased and definitely wouldn't take my side if she thought I was wrong, and he feels he can talk to her, so they are going to meet up once a week and have a coffee and chat :fingerscrossed: he needs to talk xxx:hug99:xxx

Lily it sounds like things have finally come to a head I hope Mal gets some closure on the things that trouble him and you can both move on 38 years is a lot if years under the bridge....

Food looking good though Lily

Kally it was much needed, we have always bickered and he would lose his rag but the last 5-7 years it has gotten really out of control (basically since his Dad died, his Mum died 21 years ago) and to be honest I told him today this is make or break, I don't want us to split up I do still love him and he feels the same, but to be honest I can't take anymore of his moods and temper.
He is a really loving, gentle, kind man until he gets the bit between his teeth and not only is he an angry person, he is deliberately spiteful and has even gone so far as to say he knows he is...it's got to end now, I know almost 100% that's why my psoriasis won't even begin to clear, I keep trying and hoping to make it better but until now nothing has worked. It's going to take us a while but I really do hope we get there. xxx:hug99:xxx

 

[Purple Patsy]

OMG Lily what a time you're having. Hope it all gets sorted and it sounds like you and Mal will soon be making real progress. Hope it has a swift knock on effect with the psoriasis. :bighug:

 

[Lily42uk]

OMG Lily what a time you're having. Hope it all gets sorted and it sounds like you and Mal will soon be making real progress. Hope it has a swift knock on effect with the psoriasis. :bighug:

Thank you hun, Mal and I are very similar in a lot of ways, I tend to bottle things up too or only tell half the story, one because I don't want people to feel they have to listen and 2 because, and especially in this case, because it's been going on so long it's always been swept under the carpet, but right now that's done, I am sick of just sweeping it away, this has to be make or break for everybody's sake not just mine and Mals, at the end of the day what example are we setting our kids and grandkids if we carry on like this .....I have a lot of faith in us, we have weathered some rough storms cos we really do love each other (never thought I'd be saying that 38 years later lol )....it's very early days but I am holding out lots of hope here xxx:hug99:xxx

 

[Mumma K]

Just popping in with a hug Lily

 

[fillymum]

It was exactly that hun, but much needed, Mal and I have done a lot of talking today and Gill my sister popped over again and Mal has decided he will talk to her, she is really unbiased and definitely wouldn't take my side if she thought I was wrong, and he feels he can talk to her, so they are going to meet up once a week and have a coffee and chat :fingerscrossed: he needs to talk xxx:hug99:xxx


:bighug::bighug:


You have done exactly the right thing Lily. Verbal violenceis every bit as bad as physical violence. I suffered 20 years of both from my ex and to this day cannot bear raised voices even on the T.V.

You are also right about the psoriasis. Pauls is aggravated by stress and becomes horrendously bad.I do not to describe to you the bleeding and the pain etc.

Stick to your guns Lily beause as a total outsider I can see from reading your input here in your diary, that you bothlove each other and want to be together.You will bothfind a way. Greater proofof your love for Mal is that you wantthis sorting out.

I am guilty of not visiting you very often.I apologise. I am so busy most days. I do think of you often.

How fantastic that one of those pesky hitchhikers has slung its hook............congratulations lovely Lily,

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Purple Patsy]

Hoe you're having a good day Lily.

 

[ShakeEmUp]

Hope today is going well Lily

 

[Lily42uk]

Just popping in with a hug Lily

Aww thank you Kally, I need some hugs right now, Mal is being really good and trying hard, but I think the emotion of the last few days is catching up with me I feel a touch emotional so :hug99: back at ya xxx:bighug:xxx

It was exactly that hun, but much needed, Mal and I have done a lot of talking today and Gill my sister popped over again and Mal has decided he will talk to her, she is really unbiased and definitely wouldn't take my side if she thought I was wrong, and he feels he can talk to her, so they are going to meet up once a week and have a coffee and chat :fingerscrossed: he needs to talk xxx:hug99:xxx


:bighug::bighug:


You have done exactly the right thing Lily. Verbal violenceis every bit as bad as physical violence. I suffered 20 years of both from my ex and to this day cannot bear raised voices even on the T.V.

You are also right about the psoriasis. Pauls is aggravated by stress and becomes horrendously bad.I do not to describe to you the bleeding and the pain etc.

Stick to your guns Lily beause as a total outsider I can see from reading your input here in your diary, that you bothlove each other and want to be together.You will bothfind a way. Greater proofof your love for Mal is that you wantthis sorting out.

I am guilty of not visiting you very often.I apologise. I am so busy most days. I do think of you often.

How fantastic that one of those pesky hitchhikers has slung its hook............congratulations lovely Lily,

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello lovely Sue, you are so right about the verbal violence, in some ways it's worse than even physical violence (I have been at the end of every type of violence that you can imagine, with my father not Mal ) the physical scars heal in most cases but verbal and emotional violence doesn't it shatters your self confidence and leaves you an emotional wreck, never sure what to say or do next and never believing your worthwhile most of the time (hence my weight problems), but as I said Mal is a kind gentle sweet man most of the time and I really believe he can do this, it's never too late.
Amen to the psoriasis, I am still very sore everywhere with it, it's awful but I can see some slight improvement and I think that's because I feel so much calmer.

Sue my love I am as guilty as anyone of not having the time to pop by your diary as often as I like but I too often think of you and all my other lovely friends on here and I often feel guilty but hey we have lives outside minimins and we have to live them first and foremost.

I have been trying quite unsuccessfully to get rid of the other hitchhiker this last year but he's clung on for dear life, this is the year that he will have a big surprise cos he is hitting the road again :giggle: and that my lovely is a promise xxx:hug99:xxx

Hoe you're having a good day Lily.

Hello lovely PP, I am having a good if manic day today lol hope you are too hun xxx:hug99:xxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Good afternoon lovelies, this is literally a flying visit, up to my eyes in it, we have begun decorating yeeehawww lol about time, it will keep Mal occupied and believe me he needs it, plus the house really needs an overhaul, money is a bit tight but we have decided to do it slowly and just do what we can when we can...I feel quite excited.
Mal and I talked a lot again last night after my sister left, it's really nice just chatting again we seemed to forget each other was here the last 5+ years. We made some agreements and pacts if you like, it's not 100% Mal's fault, I have to take at least 30-40% of the blame, I should have done more earlier but hey that's all in the past isn't it, done dusted and time to move on.
Mal woke in a tetchy mood today which would normally lead to us bickering and possibly arguing and shouting and then me crying him shouting and throwing stuff and then storming out, but today was different, he went out for a long walk, got some bits to start the decorating in the bathroom, had a smoke (yep he started again, I think maybe he needs to, but he is keeping it under 5 a day and has done so for about 2 months now) and came home feeling a lot better....long may this last.
I'm not silly and I know this is a long journey but even this morning proves how much Mal is changing, believe me that's a first and I hope to god we get through this ....I feel good about it !!

Well must dash lovelies, got my old work colleague coming for dinner tonight, I see her twice a year, once just before xmas when she drops off pressies and then once in January when she pops over for dinner, I have made her promise to make it more often starting this year lol she lives alone in a tiny 1 bed flat and doesn't have room to invite us over, but she could come to us more, she does a lot of charity work, mostly for and with the elderly, we met when we both started working in an elderly residential home back in 1990 and neither of us had done that type of work, but were thrown in at the deep end.... just the 2 of us alone (we worked the night shift), to deal with 34 residents with varying illnesses of one kind or another....it was hard but the funniest and best years of my life, we had a brilliant time for 9 years until my accident. Anyways enough waffling, I will be back later or tomorrow (Jo my friend, usually leaves early hours of the morning so going to be a late one lol) and I must now go prepare our hotpot for tonight's dinner :drool: catch you later lovelies and have a great day xxx:hug99:xxx

 

[Applekath]

Hello lily. Sounds like you've loads going on at the mo good and bad. Just try and make time for yourself

 

[ShakeEmUp]

Hope the decorating is going well and you have a good weekend

 

[ShakeEmUp]

:wavey: hope everything is ok and the decorating has gone / is going well xx

 

[Lily42uk]

:wavey: hope everything is ok and the decorating has gone / is going well xx

Hello Em, the decorating is going well thank you xx

Not been on for a few days as I have been a bit down .....the dermatologist I see increased my meds to 150mg a day from originally 75mg and I have persevered, they are working on the Psoriasis, but I have made the decision today to go back to her and tell her I want to stop them and try something/anything else...they work a treat and fairly quickly, but the side effects are just too much to bare.
I am peeling like a lizard, I have sores all over my face, mouth, lips, up my nose and my whole body is sore to touch, I am also covered all over in a rash that looks like chicken pox, but is in fact another side effect of the tablets and boy does it itch. keeping me awake most nights and antihistamines aren't having any effect either. My nose is bleeding and is full of sores, my gums are bleeding badly and I have a constant headache, and now to top it all I am freezing one minute and boiling the next, plus I have thrush, all side effects of the tablets....personally I prefer the pustules as bad as they are because I have had them so long I am used to them and know how to cope with them, this I can't cope with...oh and to top it all off another lovely side effect of the steroids is I have a voracious appetite and it's hampering my weight loss badly, my doc told me at hospital I could lower the dose of tablets if I lose weight and right now I am struggling as I am just constantly hungry....when I have lost the weight I may give them another go but for now, I have decided to go back to my 25-35mgs a day and see where that takes me.

Got wi tonight and again I am not holding out any hopes for a loss, the 1lb loss of last week was I am sure a sheer fluke, I have a dreadful feeling that won't happen tonight ...I also think the tablets are helping towards making me feel so down, I feel like I am in an electric field and every time I walk, talk, touch anything, eat anything or just plain move any part of my body I am getting an electric shock.

Sorry to bring more moans and groans to my diary, but it does help writing it down.

Hope you're all keeping well xxx:hug99:xxx

Lily xx