Skulldilocks' Slimming World Diary Part II

Thank you! Finished yesterday on plan and within syns. Okay, so I had these gorgeous cheesecake bites but they only came to 10 syns. A major NSV seeing as I'd recently eat a whole bloody cheesecake! For some reason despite making it how I always do, my lasagne sucked! The pasta didn't cook enough and the cheese on top went hard and crunchy instead of gooey. Gutted! Anyway, it means lunch today didn't seem to appetising, so I popped to M&S and treated myself on Stevie's recommendations. Here's today's food, there's blueberry muffins, maltesers and minstrels in the office today but I have plenty of bits and bobs to keep me occupied (I hope!)

Friday EE Day:
Breakfast:
35g Weetabix minis
100ml skimmed milk (part HEX A)
Strawberries (SS)

Lunch:
M&S pork mooli bites with sweet chilli dipping sauce (2) and carrot sticks (S)
Apple (S)
Banana
Mullerlight greek mango yog (0.5)
M&S sour cream and chilli lentil curls (4.5)

Dinner:
Chicken (S) curry using the mushy pea recipe - mushy peas (SS), baked beans (SS) and chopped toms (S)
Served with rice and broccoli (S)

Total syns:7
 
Hope you managed to resist goodies in the office! You're doing well chick, keep it up x
 
Glad you're back Lily :) yesterday's food looks fab! Well done on resisting the office treats too. Hope you have a fab weekend... do you have anything planned? xxx
 
Quick update:
Brunch:
Bacon, 2 sausages (2), egg, mushrooms (s), Tom's (s)

Chicken (s) sandwich (Hex B) with babybel (Hex a)

Sent from my HTC One X using MiniMins.com mobile app
 
Thanks hun. Was a good weekend for the most part thanks. Only ate what is listed above on Saturday but then drank an entire bottle of vodka as well. D:
Yesterday again I was mostly on plan, probably had around 20 syns.
Did lots in the garden so plenty of body magic and now back on it today.
 
Monday EE Day

Breakfast:
Hifi caramel (HEX B)
Punnet of strawberries (SS)

Lunch:
Mexican chicken (S) with peppers (S), onions (S), mushrooms (S) served with rice

Dinner:
McCain jacket spud (1) with cottage cheese
boiled egg, 3x babybel lights (HEX a) Iceberg lettuce (S)

Total syns:
 
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Yesterday didn't go to plan. I had an awful day at work and on the way home bought a pre packed sandwich, 2 slices of cheesecake, a share bag of Doritos and a dip and demolished the lot in one sitting. I've been so depressed all day. I just want to hide away. I do it in secret when Kieran isn't around and hide the evidence. I have weigh in tomorrow but I've told my C. Luckily its a taster day tomorrow so there won't be major image therapy. The Bingeing group I planned to go to doesn't actually exist, so I've bitten the bullet and am waiting back to find out if I can get an appt with a doctor tomorrow. I just hope I get one that doesn't just say its me being fat. I have never felt this low. Its been a long time coming and now I'm heavier than I've ever been. I see my reflection in every window and want to cry, I'm avoiding Kieran in an intimate way (this has been an issue for months but this is the worst) and I'm slowly eating myself into a hole. I really hope I can find a way out.

I'm sorry to post here and I hope I don't trigger anyone but I don't know where else to turn. I tried talking to Kieran about it but he doesn't get it. He doesn't see it as a disorder, just laziness and a lack of motivation. But I know its more than that because why else would I be eating til I throw up :'(
 
Skulldilocks said:
Yesterday didn't go to plan. I had an awful day at work and on the way home bought a pre packed sandwich, 2 slices of cheesecake, a share bag of Doritos and a dip and demolished the lot in one sitting. I've been so depressed all day. I just want to hide away. I do it in secret when Kieran isn't around and hide the evidence. I have weigh in tomorrow but I've told my C. Luckily its a taster day tomorrow so there won't be major image therapy. The Bingeing group I planned to go to doesn't actually exist, so I've bitten the bullet and am waiting back to find out if I can get an appt with a doctor tomorrow. I just hope I get one that doesn't just say its me being fat. I have never felt this low. Its been a long time coming and now I'm heavier than I've ever been. I see my reflection in every window and want to cry, I'm avoiding Kieran in an intimate way (this has been an issue for months but this is the worst) and I'm slowly eating myself into a hole. I really hope I can find a way out.

I'm sorry to post here and I hope I don't trigger anyone but I don't know where else to turn. I tried talking to Kieran about it but he doesn't get it. He doesn't see it as a disorder, just laziness and a lack of motivation. But I know its more than that because why else would I be eating til I throw up :'(
Click to expand...

I'm sorry I can't help more, I don't know what to say as it's not a situation I can relate to but I really think you literally need to say everything that you've said above to your GP tomorrow Lil. Your GP needs to understand this in its entirety.

Hopefully tomorrow will be the first step to getting better xxx
 
I tried to get an appointment with my GP and was told I would have to wait 6 weeks to see anyone who could deal with this kind of problem. I searched around the internet for support groups to find nothing. Eventually I gave in and went running back to my mum. I told her absolutely everything had a massive cry and felt better just accepting it to someone else. She said she had thought something was wrong as she knew I was going to SW and could tell I was gaining not losing. She knows I've always had a problem with food but like everyone, assumed it would just eventually click and that a lot of it was a lack of motivation. But why else would I have spent out on SW, a cross trainer, several gym memberships, self help books, and fresh foods? She agreed that I have a compulsive nature with everything and that I fixate. Even with Slimming World, I was constantly looking up recipes, making my food plans, thinking of food. And eventually I tried to break away from this over control and go to the other extreme of bingeing. I was supposed to have a job interview today (I feel my job has a lot to do with my current mind frame) but my mum said I shouldn't go. what's the point if you're not feeling confident about yourself? How can you sell yourself if you don't believe what you're saying? So I cancelled. I need routine and even if it sucks, I wouldn't deal with a new environment in my current state.

The conclusion was that my mum would help pay for me to see a specialist therapist who deal with eating issues. I told her I couldn't accept that but she was adamant. So that's the plan. It will be a long process but hopefully once my head healthy, my body can be healthy too.

I started reading a book I ordered too, named 'Overcoming Overeating'. It discusses the diet/binge cycle and aims to stop you thinking about food as nothing more than something to battle hunger. I could relate with every page and one of the main things that came of it so far is to take a break from any form of diet. I know Slimming World is more of a lifestyle plan than a diet but there are still rules and these rules cause rebellion. Therefore, I am going to go to group tomorrow to tell my consultant that I will be leaving SW for now. I feel awful, as the social team is already dwindling but I need to do what's best for me.

With these kind of thoughts in mind, I will also be leaving Minimins for now. Everyone I'm following has their own ways of dealing with the plan, whether its red days, fast days, treat days. I need to get away from all of that because again, my compulsive head just morphs everything into something bad. You are all doing amazing and please don't think I'm blaming you, you have all been so inspiring and I am proud of you. I'm sure I'll be back once my head is better and trust me, I will still be cooking plenty of SW meals (I genuinely don't know what else I would cook!)
If you want to keep in touch on my general where abouts, my non SW IG is skulldilockslily. I'm not going to delete this, so that I can come back and check on you guys soon.

Love y'all! xxx
 
Aww Lily, almost had a tear reading that. Only you know what is best for you though, you need to put yourself first. Take care, we will all still be here if / when you decide to come back. Lots of love xxx
 
I warn you now most of my IG is tortoise pics! Lol xxx

Sent from my HTC One X using MiniMins.com mobile app
 
I really hope you get sorted Hun. Your mum sounds lovely.

i think you're doing right having a break from slimming world. It's not your problem if the social team is dwindling. You are more important xx
 
I'm back.

Thursday EE Day:

Breakfast:
Grapes, Strawberries (SS), Banana and Mullerlight yog. Tea with milk (HEX A) and 2 sugars (2)

Lunch:
Chilli con carne (Quorn (S), chopped toms (S), puree (S), onions (S), peppers (S), mushrooms (S), chilli (S), red kidney beans (S)) with rice and mixed salad leaves (S). Apple (S), crisps (4.5), 2x Hifi light bars (HEX B)

Snack: 2x hoisin duck sushi (3), 2 oreos (5)

Dinner:
McCain jacket potato (1) with cottage cheese, a bit of leftover chilli and mixed salad leaves (s), red onion (S) and gherkins (S)

Total syns: 15.5
 
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Skulldilocks said:
I'm back.

Thursday EE Day:

Breakfast:
Grapes, Strawberries (SS), Banana and Mullerlight yog. Tea with milk (HEX A) and 2 sugars (2)

Lunch:
Chilli con carne (Quorn (S), chopped toms (S), puree (S), onions (S), peppers (S), mushrooms (S), chilli (S), red kidney beans (S)) with rice and mixed salad leaves (S). Apple (S), crisps (4.5), 2x Hifi light bars (HEX B)

Dinner:
McCain jacket potato (1) with cottage cheese, a bit of leftover chilli and mixed salad leaves (s), red onion (S) and yellow pepper (S)

Total syns: 7.5
Click to expand...

Yay, nice to see you back!! And will be behind you 100% of the way - I totally believe in you.

I don't know if you noticed, but today looks more like a Green day than EE (I'm assuming the leftover chilli for tea is also made with Quorn rather than mince), so you could have another lot of Healthy Extras :)

Good luck Lily, you can do this xx
 
Princess_Stevie said:
Yay, nice to see you back!! And will be behind you 100% of the way - I totally believe in you.

I don't know if you noticed, but today looks more like a Green day than EE (I'm assuming the leftover chilli for tea is also made with Quorn rather than mince), so you could have another lot of Healthy Extras :)

Good luck Lily, you can do this xx
Click to expand...
Thanks lovely :) I'll be honest for the first month or so I'm staying well away from green and red days. I loved them and the way they worked but or my own sanity I'm gonna stick with EE. I want this time to be my time but I can't let it take over my life. Its going to be interesting! X
 
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