Thanku clin n tamz n yup clin countin down days lol...eeekkk have changed the transition day to nx thurs now not monday lol...i am soo terrified at the idea of eating gosh espec with the water gains with the blips that iv done while doin this...i am making the move reli reli reluctantly not going to lie....??? Bt not going to do ne later then thurs coz reli dnt wna jump on monday n find maself havin gained on the wedding day....due to nt pre plannin for it in any way....
reli do hope still lose on alternate fastinn have joined the fb page for it n have read success stories bt have this fear of gaining bk ver intense fear i think have defo decided wil b doin s n s evry other month coz cnt seem to let go of it its like ma security blanket n i ns reli reli nva wna get as heavy as was....i reli reli do need to go bra shopping coz js dnt think can last much longer witb the current bras i have tad buget
n bigger sized bras r tad pricier
bt need to coz ma bust is blumin nt as pert as they were before n dnt need gravity bringing them ne further down tbh lol.....???? N then dad was like he wil pay wteva i need by credit card i was bludy mortified hw does one tell dad that need money for bras n not normal things ne suggestions???? See thjs the prob nt avin own money grrrrr embarassssing
Omg yday was a emotional day in leicester bort a lengha yday well ma parents did think it was their own way of saying well done to me on ma weight loss so far even dad sed iv lost weight....it was a ready made lengha n it was first time in a bery bery long time feels like the resdy made top fit me without avin to adjust and the skirt fitted me amazingly usually i have to like adjust or wt nt coz the one i bort frm india wen i bort it, it wasnt ready made n it wudnt even wrap round me so had to lose loads before it did lol....i was actually quite teary yday n it fits me sister as well so she can wear it wen she wnts to as well.....was reli happy first time can b said
....nw if onli can feel that way in western clothes wud b fab...havin to make the skirt lil shorter onli coz ima such a shorty bt stil jeepin it long nuf so ma sis can wear it too....tho ma dad had to ruin the moment by talkin abt finance... ..i fully undrstand the situation that we r in bt i also feel that money is onli reli valuable wen it is actually needed not afterwards wen it is no longer needed...like for e.g the number of times i have been the understanding child wenrva dad has sed he hasnt got nuf to give to me n i have alwyas paid ma way instead hencr prbz y i have no savings coz dads line is usually will giv it to u later bt givin it to me later is pointless wen dnt need it then....so then iv had no choice bt to use ma own card....it mkes me feel bad askin him for money at all then wen r ssays things like that..
..i do love parents they have made me hu i am now n i am grateful to them bt the thing with money is i dnt think as girls nehuu we r actually that bad as in we dnt ask for shopping money constantly social things with friends is usually limitrd to once or twice a month....iv always paid ma way wrneva iv had. Ajob js atm ima strugglin due to nt havin much savings cz havr spent a fair bit on this diet as well....n i rlei do wna ennjoy my august month so much espec coz iv agreed to go to italy with family and had agreeed to go to india last oct even tho i had no real intention to wnting to go in the firdt plce tbh...bt mum wnted to go n she cudnt go on her own so i found maself being booked in with her n for the length of time as welll 2 months of their choice wen i wudvv loved to come bk after 2-3 weeks minimum.....dnt like complainin abt dad coz me as well as other two r literaly daddys girls bt dnt av ne one else to talk to wen get frustrated abt it so hence y come on here wudnt wnt u ladies at ne point think dnt love ma parents i do i reli do js feel tad helpless cz cnt help dad out n yet have no other financial means bt to ask him sumtimes for money even tho dnt wnt cz nt wrking atm....:/
I js hpe dad can gimi help even with a bit of a chunk of money for the month of aug for things like travelin n hotel money reli...cz wud like a weekend in lesta a nite in brum and a weekend in london i dnt even wna go outa country bt for a chnge wud like to go out witb ny friends nt ma cuzin n sis as much as love them dearly as well....iv decided the search for hr work has been fruitless so far so. Wen ima bk frm italy js gna get hold of ne job (once again) and still this time actively search for hr work instead of sitting content in one place for to long....coz sittin at hme n nt earning is reli takig its toll on me tbh....cnt do it n most arguments at hme r occuring coz fo lack of money n i reli cba nemre if nt for ne one else i js wnt money for maself n ma expenses reli....ma moeny most ofits gone on na fees n diet mainly nt as well not so much socially...
I am glad that ma parents bort the outfit for me yday bt feelin tiny bit apprehensive abt it as well cz like sed above did feel big in it still....i dint even think it wud fit me tbh coz on the mannequin it luked tiny on it purely coz the doll was tiny as well and asian clothes sizing coz they come frm india r weird compared to western clothes ....bt wow it actually fit...stil feel big in henfe y.dint tke pix bt will do on the day
....so nw have two outfits so have decidd wil wesr the redy made one to the actual weddin n the one that iv had made to the weddig reception....think the fear of gainin weight is there more then eva nw coz the idea of i introducing food after so long bein soo speciifc as to what can put in ma mouth is terrifyin espdc wen in past experience iv had blips or days off the scaels have gained or been stuk in one place for soo long...
Stood on em this mrning they sayin bk to 9.9 again so frm 9.9 yday mrning sed 9.11 n this mrnig sed 9.9 soo frustrating feels the way. I felt wen i was jn the tens n was there for ages as wll lol.....js need to shrink bit more for me to b content or near nuf content with maself...trust me if in aug dint have tht mny plans wudv stuk s n s out for a whole month after itsly to get rid of ne gain at all...bt i js feel that if i delay it til sept wil b anotber month delayed like it has been for the past six months and as understanding as ma mates r i feel like i am losin them sligtly due to ma lack of social commitment i..e nt gojng out ravin drinkin eating etc coz iv been fairly strict with maself n convinced maself wud feel lots better wne i have lost weiggt to go meet them n nt like thr way i was the las ttime they saw me i.e the time i strted the diet cz i stil dnt feel ne diff to how i was physically that is i always imagiend that i wud shrink like drastically n dnt feel like thts apend as yet have shrank a lil bt nuf in ma head..its al in ma mind bt reli do wna meeet them b hpefully come cross positive comments such as wow priya uv lost so much weight, u luk well diff nw....its nt me fishin for compliments bt js wnt bit of reassurance i gues that yes it has wrked even tho i cnt see it frm ma own eyes frm ppl tht i have knwn frm uni or college or skool days even tho u guys r great in givin honest opinions n i am grateful for that.... .
I dno wt to do now stik with s n s to aug month n wait til sept or meet with hu i can meet in august while stikin to s. N s or make the transition n try out alternste fasting to lesdt try it n seee ppl in aug n then dedicta ethe month of sept to s n s js before diwali? I thrt i had it figured out bt nw got second thrt n also aug b the lst month wher the weather wil b so n so sept usually strts gettin tad chillier n wil prbz b busy tht month being at hand for ma sis helpin her move out n prepare for uni....etc...
.hmmmmm dreadin italy like nething....lol n think cz tis a fam holiday n nt friends holiday dnt feel as dcited n goin for too long i think two n bit weeks ughh lol.....feels like seen soo much more of family since strted this diet lol wen initaly left uni plan of action was to go meet up with lesta mates least one weekend a month haha thts nt apend at all lol..and a nite out in brum once a month too lol thts nt apend either lool.....i reli wnt to have faith in alternate fasting coz seem lot of ppl do it bt think its js tht i have s n s drilled into ma head that things like lemon alternate yogurt, bit of kethcuo etc all can tkeu oht of ketosis lol tht the plan of fasting evry other day on 500 cals. N eating within reason between 1000-1200 cals n stil lose weight is makin me feel tad flabbergasted...i will b keepin this diary as wil b doin s n s evry other month think for a way of maintaining and also js to pop on here and talk abt ma progress n follow u guys
...wont talk abt food as much here so dnt wori lol wudnt bt wud js prbz talk in general abt ma gd old friend the scales lol...dnt wna reli b doin a nee diary for 5/2 js incase i dnt like it b switch bk to s n s lol....
Hope u ladies r doin brill wil try n catchhup with diaries later on or wen get a chance been helpin out with the wedding and tryin to do ma cw all at the sme time lol x
