Surfhunny's Countdown to Florida

[Surfhunny]

FFS now my torn leg muscle is twitching!!! I'm cranky and tired and want to sleep but every time I put the light out I'm wide awake again! I'm going to read for a bit, hopefully my calf will stop twitching and I'll be able to get some sleep. I'm giving it an hour then I'm resorting to Sominex!!!

 

[great things]

it's twitching that's probably good. i know when i hurt myself, like my back and it starts getting really itchy i know it's healing.

 

[Surfhunny]

It's still twitching this morning, but it's less annoying when I'm not trying to get to sleep. It was 1am when I last looked at the clock. Didn't resort to the sleeping tablets though, I just figured it didn't matter if it was late when I got to sleep cos I don't need to be up in the morning.

 

[great things]

it will probably be healing then.

no exercise today and i'm needing it. my freezer somehow got turned off, think it was the kids. so i've chucked the ice cream out and various other stuff and the fridge has things in it that need eating. i've had a small pick which is annoying. i should have just chucked it all out and then i wouldn't have picked.

 

[Surfhunny]

I'm in foul mood today the parents aren't helping much, been out to B&Q to get last bits for my bathroom, then they went to MacDonalds for lunch - wouldn't normally touch Maccy Ds with a barge pole but it smelled sooo good. Now we're at my Grans and they've got the choccy biccies out and the sweets I feel very hard done by today I don't know what my problem is because none of this is would normally bother me.

I'm very fed up of this diet at the moment I'm getting nowhere fast and feeling like I'm missing out on all sorts. I know this feeling will pass but right now it's as annoying as hell!!!

 

[great things]

i get these feelings too and sometimes you need to weigh it all up. sometimes i do indulge but at the end of the day i love being thinner and fitter more than i love eating the wrong foods. i just wish my body would let me indulge a little but it doesn't. it seems no matter how much exercise i do or how many cals i burn it goes against me. if i did no exercise and stuck to 810 it would drop off me for some reason but as soon as i start exercising it sticks on me.

 

[great things]

got some new tops arrived today. posted pics and problems in my diary.

 

[Surfhunny]

I'll go look now!

 

[Surfhunny]

I know it's only half 8 but I've taken myself off to bed in a huff!! I've just remembered I'm meant to be in Newcastle on a hen night, but didn't go cos 1: I'm off sick, 2: not convinced my leg is up to that kind of action and 3: I'm on CD!!

 

[*Shanny*]

Aw being in bed is the best place cuz I'm in bed too.

Just not myself today over thinking things.

Atleast you got out today sal xx

 

[Surfhunny]

How weird I've just posted in your diary this very minute too lol. I'm in my bed with a can of coke zero and a noisy rumbly tummy!

 

[*Shanny*]

Mmmmm coke zero I have some, haven't had any today. But too cold to go back down stairs now.

Sal u You SS+ today ?? X

 

[Surfhunny]

Yeah have SS+ and a bit more of a + am dreadful only 1 shake and chicken and cottage cheese. I'm losing it Shanny!!

 

[*Shanny*]

I wouldn't say your loosing it sal, it's just one of those frustrating days on CD.

Tomorrow will be alot better for both of us.

It may seem really bad to you but it ain't at all.
Xx

 

[Surfhunny]

God I hope so!!! Right now I feel like I did just before I started CD the first time, like I've got so much to lose and such a long way to go!! I know I'm somewhere in the 14's I suspect somewhere near the higher end and it just doesn't seem to be shifting

I'm so bloody impatient!!

 

[*Shanny*]

Do u have anything planned this year ? That might help u focus a lil more.?

Please stop doubting yourself and carry on with the great work xx

 

[Surfhunny]

My cousins wedding is in April on the 16th and I think that's what's freaking me out, I wanted to be close to target by then but at this rate it's not going to happen. It's like pressure... I don't know if I need the pressure to succeed (I do elsewhere in my life) or not? Sorry I seem to be going on but I'm really trying to sort out my feelings and get my head back together!!

 

[great things]

don't see it as pressure surf. see it as doing the best you can to get as much off as you can by april 16th. do not set yourself up to fail. always make things as positive as possible.

 

[*Shanny*]

If I was you tomorrow I would face them scales accept the reading!
Contact your CDC asap and both discuss some wise goals so you can achieve slowly in time for April sal.

I'm NLT saying you can't do this do this by yourself but, u need to give yourself a break.

And stop worrying ???

 

[Surfhunny]

The trouble is I'm just as well doing this alone because although my CDC is a lovely lovely person she isn't much help to me when I'm like this. I think that's why I've quit every other time I've hit the emotional wall. She doesn't seem to know how to deal with me, which is crazy cos she's been a CDC for nearly 20 years.

I'll compromise and do my measurements tomorrow. I know what they were when I started at 15st 5lbs at the end of Jan and what they were when I was 13st 3lbs in October. Then I'll make a decision about the scales.

A lot of my trouble is that my own body image is so fcuked up I see big fat Sally at 17st 7lbs when I look in the mirror, even when I was at target that's what I saw!