Hey my lovely ladies. Well I am drunk so this post is taking longer than it should
arty0051: but trying to correct grammar and mistakes as I go.
Got woke up this morning with a text from lifetime mate (but recently new ph which didn't transfer numbers over so wasn't sure who sent text) saying 'not sure if you know but W**dy died in his sleep last night do you have K*ls' #' which is his sister and the mother of my god daughter. Well I just fell apart and started crying and shaking and didn't really know what to do and I'm falling apart now for the first time since then because I just didn't know what else to do except pull it together and go to work and pretend everything was ok.
I've had to duck to the loo for 20 mins about 10 times today and a few peeps have asked if I'm alright but mostly I think I've held it together.
Anyway we had a team drinks tonight because of all the drama in the financial markets lately and our extensive involvement in it. couldn't get out of it cos so many of them sposored me to run this damn half marathon this weekend (I'm in denial will tell you all about after it's finished). So now I'm home and falling apart whilst eating a kebab (minus the carbs) to try and soak up the alcohol (or that's what I'm telling myself... I really just want to eat to feel better and it's not working :cry: but sort of is...)
I'm so sad for my friend and for me and for her family and mine... I just don't know what to do. I'm gonna go to bed and cry till I sleep.
Thankfully my rubbish flatmate has moved out tonight and the nice irish one's moving in tomorrow.
I know this is life and this is what happens I'm just so sad he was 33 and same age as my oldest brother and he had a twin and they were good friends with my brother and we were all neighbours for most of our lives.... I know this is all so unimportant I just feel I need to say it.
I feel so much despair for my friend and hope I don't lose my brothers before I go.... I just don't think I could cope.:cry:
My boss told me he would sponsor me for my run tonight if I start drinking again and start eating the cakes I cook and stop making them fat. Told him I'd rather sponsor myself 10 than work that bl@@dy hard!! But honestly thanked him as none of the guys have mentioned it and said if they stop insisting I come out I'll be back to a 8/10 by Xmas parties and then I'll be back to drinking (minus food obvioulsy.... we can't have it all) and join in the festivities. But only if they make it easier for me to resist the various outings over the next 2/3 months.
OK I'm off to bed and hopefully not feeling so shutty tomorrow.
BB not sure if Newcastle is near London but I'm based at St Paul's tube so if you come into central London I'd love to meet for a black tea/coffee or a shared tetra! Let me know if you do and we'll try and co-ord sha also and anyone else who can make it.
I'm about to start guzzling water and eek out my packs until Thurs evening to try and remove this hideous kebab belly..... oh f*ck. Will keep the faith.