:argh: I'm sorry girls, I'm an embarrassment to the team :cry::cry: I need help finding my :missing: willpower :cry::cry:
My family were putting pressure on me to visit them, even though I said I was feeling down, with a lot of worry, but I decided to shut them up by making an appearance. Just about got dressed, threw my hair back into a ponytail, no makeup even....went up to my parents, and then up to the local supermarket with my mam. I managed to walk the whole shop with my mam, saying Oooh this is lovely, those sausages are gorgeous, oh the coleslaw is delish, etc etc,each time me saying, jaysus I'm SSing,,,she wasn't being vindictive, she just couldn't stop herself, to be honest I don't think she was even listening to me. We have a bit of bother in our family at the moment, and she spent the whole time complaining about it, whilst I was like "just say something, get it sorted etc"...so what with my work worries, her family worries, my willpower was getting weaker by the minute, I was grand in the shop, was actually quite pleased with my strength, but we went to a local restaurant and I broke :cry::cry: usually I would have a black decaff (bring my tetra with me for milk) but whilst all i wanted to do was sit in a darkened room and be by myself, I was sat opposite her having a cheese burger and chips :cry::cry: FFS, I want to be a vegetarian, and i'm eating burger :cry::cry:it just shows the bad state of my brain right now.
I'll understand if you want to kick me off the team. I'm locking myself away, I'm blooming starting SS from tomorrow if I have to become a recluse. I'll not be eating tonight either.
I've actually went and forced myself to be sick, so I could get rid of the food that I stupidly ate this afternoon. This is an all time low for me. Jeez I feel like I'm making a show of myself in front of everybody, all I want to do is lose this blooming weight.
Looking forward to getting past this blip of a day