The Diary of a Yo Yo

[skinnydawn]

Oh how cool is that board?! And even better...I'M on it lol! Such a clever idea tho as no need to faff about trying to find paper/books etc...it's right there in front of you all the time!
Yesterday sounds like a LOT of fun but very tiring! So glad it all wend so well xx
I don't think you'll have a gain this week as you've been really on plan xx

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

Thanks Dawn.
With everything I have got going on It's a quick way to track as I set my stuff up the night before.
Hope your shift was ok. Only 1 hour left. I'm off to start mine. ( With the new task layout with on the phones until 11.30 lol ).
Will try and post again later xx

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

2 very long hours to go. Then off to screwfix. Pick up new TV arieal for nan get it fitted then home.
So hopeful will get pj's on for 9.30. Lol

 

[skinnydawn]

Yay you should be in Screwfix now and then winging your way to Nans...that's provided you survived a highly exciting work day lol! I'm just getting ready for work. We've just decorated the garden for Halloween too.
So looking forward to my days off, especially Wednesday! xx

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

Well I'm retuning the tv for the second time. Lol
Soon be home for 9.00 at this rate. Just called mum to put some chips in the Actifry to go with my cottage pie.
Nan looking forward to my day off too. Lol. She needs shoes for her wedding outfit.

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

When I finally got in the chips ended up with some mushroom omlette I had left in the fridge.
Watched last week's holby city before getting to bed at 11.30.
But not to worry. Tonight I am having a catch up with Helen and Ed.
Tomorrow I'm off work so keeping PJ's on until 10.00 then taking nan to have her ears syringed at 11.00 then meeting up with the bestie. Going shoe shopping

 

[skinnydawn]

When I finally got in the chips ended up with some mushroom omlette I had left in the fridge.
Watched last week's holby city before getting to bed at 11.30.
But not to worry. Tonight I am having a catch up with Helen and Ed.
Tomorrow I'm off work so keeping PJ's on until 10.00 then taking nan to have her ears syringed at 11.00 then meeting up with the bestie. Going shoe shopping

Hope you have a good day today. I'm looking forward to tomorrow...should be fun! Xx

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

So sorry not been on here for a while but..? Been a little busy mixed with the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life so far.
Since I last posted my little brother got married on Saturday. It was an amazing day. I was bridesmaid. I had my nails done, make up on, hair done and a dress. Also decided did not want to mess up the make-up with my glasses so I left them off.
Nan did not recognise me.
Then Sunday night came and hit me like a 42 tone truck. Dad called me mum had passed out at the club and could I stay up until he gets home to help.
We just assumed as not eaten and just drank beer it had caused her to pass out. ( stayed up all night with her as she started to be sick )
Monday we took her to the doctors to get checked out. They said she had a chest infection and sent her home with antibiotics.
Monday night she was up and down with her breathing, so no sleep again.
Tuesday even worse so dad called and ambulance. They got her to hospital but she had a heartatack I was called out of work so I could go to her. Luckily @skinnydawn was working and helped me get to my mum as she had her second heartatack of the day and died.
We are now waiting for the post mortem on Monday so that we can arrange things.
All of the Ladies at group have been amazing and @skinnydawn (sis) has been my rock. She took me to group. All of the usual gang were told I want a normal group and we did. I know it is take it 1 day at a time and not to rush.

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

Some say you get out of life what you put in.
Well I guess I must put a lot in as at the moment I feel like the luckies person to have the bet ever friends who are so supportive and understanding.
I have been over to @skinnydawn 's today for dinner. We talked on our how she coped when her dad died and suggested I might do the same.
As mini's was there for her and there is only dawn on here that knows me outside of the group I should post my thirst and feelings on here to help me focus, it will also give me the space from my family I need. So I am going to give it a try.
You will need to bear with me as my spelling is not to great and I am not the best for letting people in but I need to learn to trust people and I know that what is said on here kinda stays on here.

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

Can't sleep as today is the day the post mortem is due to be done on mum.
Hopefully we will get some answers on what really caused mum's death I know it won't bring her back but it will stop some of the questions. Like did dad and I do the right thing trusting the doctors on Monday that gave her the antibiotics or should she have gone to hospital ?
Was it the fact that mum had an eating disorder and was drinking and smoking more every day ?
Had the Gillian Barre returned ?
Or was it just the fact that she was broken hearted as she has lost her baby as he had got married at the weekend ? ( Auntie's theory )

Well I am going to try and sleep as I am already tired and emotional. Lack of more sleep will just make it worse.

 

[Wolf]

What a horrible time you've been having. I hope you get some answers.

Sending virtual vibes your way. I lost my mum a few months ago, I know how hard it is.

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

So today has been productive but tough.
Had the headache from hell for 3 days but not taken anything as and due to give blood on Friday so I had to call them and check if I still can give blood. They gave said I can not give blood as I have a cold too and have moved it to March.( Doc's booked for tomorrow as I have felt a little dizzy and energy keeps dropping for the last 2.)
Called 11 funeral directors to get an idea for mum's funeral and found one that I can trust and feel safe with so have appointed them.
Need to call the coroner tomorrow and confirm with them so that they will release mum and the death cirtificate.
The funeral director got us a provisional slot for a week on Friday so I need to go to work and talk to them.
Just been to the pub and arranged the wake.
Just can't believe a week has passed and I have not talked to mum. Feels like there is a part of me missing and I need to fix it xx

Just wish little brother did not have a chest infection so he could help and dad was coping a bit better. xx
I know I have my big sis ( @skinnydawn ) looking out for me but want this to be prefect for mum xx

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

What a horrible time you've been having. I hope you get some answers.

Sending virtual vibes your way. I lost my mum a few months ago, I know how hard it is.

Thank you for your kind words. Xx

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

Today seams to have been long.
Been and seen my old Thursday night lads to tell them that we have booked the funeral. One of them did not know mum had died I felt so bad for him.
Spent the morning cleaning the bathroom I feel that I can't settle or process anything in regards to mum until everything is in the right place and the house is tidy.
Got to the bottom of my headaches. My Iron level is low so had injection thanks to one of the nurses seeing me shopping and having a dizzy spell. She took me to the health centre so my phone appointment turned into a propper appointment.
My food is very much 50 / 50 as far as on plan. But once the house is back to a home I will try and focus on me. Xx

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

Had an old friend over last night so we had chinese and wine.
However it was a positive end to a hard day. Chrissy ( sis inlaw ) came over and we sorted some of the funeral arrangements. It is so comforting that she is helping. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was diverted getting to group last night so I drove past the crematorium where mum's service will be next Friday. So had a little meltdown.
Helen and @skinnydawn have said they do not think that any of this has hit me.
Today is going to be hard. Dad and I are going to the registry office to collect mum's death certificate and to the funeral directors to give them the clothes mum wants to be buried in. ( We have deiced to hand over the outfit she wore at My brother wedding a week last Saturday. )
Dad woke me up at 6.30 as he had a missed call on his phone from me. ( 1 called at 6.00pm yesterday ) 12 hour delay is not to bad. lol
Begining to feel a little tired and it's Friday so It's raffle night at the pub so will not get home until midnight. Dad and I need to go so that they all know about the funeral next Friday xx

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

Morning, Sorry did not have time to post yesterday.
Since my last post.
The large desk from the office is in the container at the bottom of the garden and is going to be sold at the reclamation yard. The flooring is going down in the office and we are all on target for moving the washing machine in there by the end of the week.
We have arranged the preacher for mum's funeral. It is one of my school friends mum. Mum has her were also friends so it's nice to have someone who knows the family.
I am feeling like I am in a little bubble and it's not my mum's funeral that I am organizing. Just weird there are flowers all over the house and cards everywhere but I just don't feel they are for me.
Even found myself talking to her yesterday until I realized she was not in the room.
Going to @skinnydawn today after I have been to little brothers.
Need to decide on the charity today for the funeral donations and finish off the newspaper obituary. Also need to start thinking about the service on Friday so the order of service an be done as they need to be at the crematorium by Thursday.

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

So it seams that I am a morning poster. lol
Finally decided on the charity for mum's funeral we have decided on help the hero's and the heart foundation.
After arranging the flowers with little brother and getting some ready meals in I knew dad would like I came over to @skinnydawn and had a l overly relaxing evening.
I cooked the ea we had lamb and beef kofters with salad and chips used all syns on gin. lol
Today is going to be a lazy one with Dawn. Then tomorrow will be looking at buffet stuff and order of service for the funeral.

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

Ok. I had a lovely day with my Sis Dawn.
Got home for 8.30.
Done the washing ready to go on the line tomorrow and finally sorted my ironing and fixed my wardrobe.
Dad got home from the pub and asked if I had talked to my auntie as he was worried abut her I said it should be her calling us and asking if we need help not us worrying about her. ( Maybe if she had not treated me like **** and wrecked every relationship I had, generally not interfeerd with my life at every opportunity then maybe I may have a little compassion. ) She has 2 son's a daughter in law and all ofbthe people in the local club looking out for her.
Sorry rant over.
At least my food was on plan today.
Total syns used today was 12 ☺

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

So I'm having an egg and bacon roll atlast.
Woke up at 3am took me ages to get back to sleep.
Yesterday was productive and emotional.
Took the music to the funeral directors, the books finally made it to the charity shop and I remembered to take my tablets
However exploded at a member of the Jesus Army asking me if I knew that god was supporting me. He watched me walk out of the funeral directors so my response was . " I don't know nor give a flying F*** where he is " He shoved a leaflet in my hand legged it away from me.
Popped into the pub to see some of my friends that me and mum use to drink with on a Thursday. Then had fish and chips from the chippy on the way back.
Hopefully today will be a better day.
Just finished the order of service and rest ready to do all the food tomorrow.

 

[Still slimming Suzy]

Can't sleep. Been awake an hour already.
Friday was ok. Looking back I was in Auto pilot just to get through the day.
Trying to make sure everything was perfect for mum.
Woke up in the morning. Double checked the buffet as was thinking about 60 ish people would arrive. Checking with funeral directors had taken mum's ring off so we can put back in the ashes and that the playing cards were in the coffin along with Marks post stick notes and pencil. ( Mum had the outfit on that she wore for the wedding. )
Chrissy has said earlier in the week not to worry about the buffet too much as people are not there for the food.
All of the buffet was eaten apart from a few quiches and sausage rolls.
Dad and I had assumed that mum's flowers has been moved by the pub and put in the cellar so went to collect. Not there so text Chrissy to check I they had them and they were ok.
Was told no. So assumed they were lost. So spent the whole night awake wording how to tell Mark.the flowers had gone.
Eventually discovered they knew where the flowers were.
But then the fall out and the reason I can't sleep now.
I was told I had shut little brother out and not involved him. That the flowers were the only thing Mark has done and I had ruined the funeral as I had upset him.
I want to start grieving for my mum and start to look back on the happy times we all had together. But all I can think about is the flowers and how I have made Mark feel and that I have lost him and Chrissy.
Going to text Chrissy later and ask her to pop in on her way home from work.
We can't go on like this mum would not want it so one of us has to fix it. Xx