kellierocks
Silver Member
well done on your attitude, so practical and inspirational
The end of the line, or the beginning of a new life?
- Thread starter White Tulip
- Start date
Oh sweetheart, it doesn't sound like all that much food to me! (Mm, big appetite, that's right, I've always been that way!)
It's interesting reading what CD has done for your relationship with food so far, I guess I've been considering it as more a way to move a lot of pounds quickly than an educational tool, but I realise this is underestimating it.
Bugger about the STS. Yeah, I guess it had to happen at some point, and this is quite a logical time for it, but bugger anyway!
Congratulations on resisting that binge response. That is serious progress!
(I had my cat at the vet last week, for a stomach upset. Under questioning about his diet, we had to fess up to his old,old habit of biting bits off cardboard box walls, and spitting these out on to the floor- he likes to sit in a box, and sort of reduces the walls to floor level over a few months like this. I've always thought it very sweet, often OH and I will admire his day's "work" on the box. The vet said "There is no way you can stop his depraved eating habits"
The box chewing had nothing to do with his illness. But depraved, oh dear!
Hope you are having a good day, giving that OH of yours heaps, and patting yourself on the back for another win, more subtle than some of your previous, more numerical ones!
It's interesting reading what CD has done for your relationship with food so far, I guess I've been considering it as more a way to move a lot of pounds quickly than an educational tool, but I realise this is underestimating it.
Bugger about the STS. Yeah, I guess it had to happen at some point, and this is quite a logical time for it, but bugger anyway!
Congratulations on resisting that binge response. That is serious progress!
(I had my cat at the vet last week, for a stomach upset. Under questioning about his diet, we had to fess up to his old,old habit of biting bits off cardboard box walls, and spitting these out on to the floor- he likes to sit in a box, and sort of reduces the walls to floor level over a few months like this. I've always thought it very sweet, often OH and I will admire his day's "work" on the box. The vet said "There is no way you can stop his depraved eating habits"
The box chewing had nothing to do with his illness. But depraved, oh dear!
Hope you are having a good day, giving that OH of yours heaps, and patting yourself on the back for another win, more subtle than some of your previous, more numerical ones!
White Tulip
Full Member
awwwwwwwww........a depraved cat......that's quite an accolade really! Do you ever look at the lolcats site? I love loldogs 
Funny old day.
1000 is hard. Bizarrely hard. I've gone from an utter regimented regime to almost 'freedom' and it's such a huge shift change in eating habits in an instant and my head is struggling. I am eating the 150 calorie fruit allowance mid morning, mid afternoon and early evening and the opportunity to actually eat something is awakening 'when can I eat next thoughts'. Hard, very hard. I think when I am at the stage of properly going up the plans I will do a few weeks at 810, then 1000 as mentally it's a shock to the system and I think doing it more slowly will be easier than this quick jump up due to the situation. However it's good to realise and know this for the future.
I had 2 comments from colleagues literally one after the other today. Neither had said anything before but did today I felt like this!! :bliss:
Yesterday's WI and STS is sooooooooo old news now. Just not bothered at all.
I need Sharon to read this - to say 'told you so'. I received 'that' holiday top in a size 20 today and it all but fits!! It basically fits really nicely but it's a weeny bit tight across the shoulder blades and top of the arms so I am going to send it back as it feels a tiny bit tight and I am worried the seams might tear as it's that light chiffon stuff. However, apart from that it fits brilliantly and the tops of my arms are a problem area for me. I'll take the 22 with me but yes, the size 20 pretty much fits me 95% I kept the size 30 and put it on just now.....blimey......I could get me and Victoria Beckham in it!!
Funny old day.
1000 is hard. Bizarrely hard. I've gone from an utter regimented regime to almost 'freedom' and it's such a huge shift change in eating habits in an instant and my head is struggling. I am eating the 150 calorie fruit allowance mid morning, mid afternoon and early evening and the opportunity to actually eat something is awakening 'when can I eat next thoughts'. Hard, very hard. I think when I am at the stage of properly going up the plans I will do a few weeks at 810, then 1000 as mentally it's a shock to the system and I think doing it more slowly will be easier than this quick jump up due to the situation. However it's good to realise and know this for the future.
I had 2 comments from colleagues literally one after the other today. Neither had said anything before but did today
I felt like this!! :bliss:Yesterday's WI and STS is sooooooooo old news now. Just not bothered at all.
I need Sharon to read this - to say 'told you so'
. I received 'that' holiday top in a size 20 today and it all but fits!! It basically fits really nicely but it's a weeny bit tight across the shoulder blades and top of the arms so I am going to send it back as it feels a tiny bit tight and I am worried the seams might tear as it's that light chiffon stuff. However, apart from that it fits brilliantly and the tops of my arms are a problem area for me. I'll take the 22 with me but yes, the size 20 pretty much fits me 95% I kept the size 30 and put it on just now.....blimey......I could get me and Victoria Beckham in it!! 
Chelsea Lou
Gold Member
White Tulip, I have just read right the way through your diary and I have to say that I think you are the most amazing, wonderful woman and your losses have been brilliant!!
Two points (I hope you dont mind) is that 1) It definitely sounds like you have a gallbladder problem. Mine started after 3 months on SS last year once I started introducing food (chocolate if I'm honest):sigh: I had surgery at the end of May this year after suffering several excrutiating attacks, lasting for 5-6 hours at a time, trips to the A & E in an ambulance and ending with me being violently sick.
2) I agree with all the other comments about the shameful and abusive comments from your OH. I used to be married to a feeder. I weighed 7st 10lbs when we met, he was insecure about how he looked although there was nothing wrong with him at all. He systematically set about feeding me up and putting me down. I went from a confident and outgoing 30 year old to an anxious, overweight wreck. I got out of the relationship after getting "the hiding I deserved" (twice) but here I am, 9 years later still with self-esteem and food issues, which I am determined to crack. Reading your story and seeing your fab progress really is an inspiration.
Well done and enjoy your holiday
Two points (I hope you dont mind) is that 1) It definitely sounds like you have a gallbladder problem. Mine started after 3 months on SS last year once I started introducing food (chocolate if I'm honest):sigh: I had surgery at the end of May this year after suffering several excrutiating attacks, lasting for 5-6 hours at a time, trips to the A & E in an ambulance and ending with me being violently sick.
2) I agree with all the other comments about the shameful and abusive comments from your OH. I used to be married to a feeder. I weighed 7st 10lbs when we met, he was insecure about how he looked although there was nothing wrong with him at all. He systematically set about feeding me up and putting me down. I went from a confident and outgoing 30 year old to an anxious, overweight wreck. I got out of the relationship after getting "the hiding I deserved" (twice) but here I am, 9 years later still with self-esteem and food issues, which I am determined to crack. Reading your story and seeing your fab progress really is an inspiration.
Well done and enjoy your holiday
Wahey I so, so, so told you so . I'm chuffed to bits and you must be looking fab now, now when are we going to see a pic of you. I've a got a big night out planned soon so I'll take a full length one just for you . I found an almost full length one of me two years ago at my friend's 40th and it is horrible. I'm glad you kept the size 30, it's when you try them on that you realise just how far you have come. I try my size 34 trousers on occasionally and they are massive which makes me feel great but it's often tinged with sadness about how big I really was. Anyway those days are gone .
It's so lovely to hear that people are commenting at last because you deserve to be showered in compliments. How are you about accepting them? Slowly, but surely I am getting there with accepting mine.
I am drooling over your 1000 plan menu because I would kill for some fruit. I don’t want chips or a fry up or a burger just some fruit damn it. I like your approach to the plans and how you are handling them even though it must be hard. I understand those feelings of wanting more still being there they don't go away easily. I'm confident know that you will have no problem at all coming back from your hols and getting straight back to SS.
Are you looking forward to your holiday? When do you leave us?
. I'm chuffed to bits and you must be looking fab now, now when are we going to see a pic of you. I've a got a big night out planned soon so I'll take a full length one just for you . I found an almost full length one of me two years ago at my friend's 40th and it is horrible. I'm glad you kept the size 30, it's when you try them on that you realise just how far you have come. I try my size 34 trousers on occasionally and they are massive which makes me feel great but it's often tinged with sadness about how big I really was. Anyway those days are gone .It's so lovely to hear that people are commenting at last because you deserve to be showered in compliments. How are you about accepting them? Slowly, but surely I am getting there with accepting mine.
I am drooling over your 1000 plan menu because I would kill for some fruit. I don’t want chips or a fry up or a burger just some fruit damn it. I like your approach to the plans and how you are handling them even though it must be hard. I understand those feelings of wanting more still being there they don't go away easily. I'm confident know that you will have no problem at all coming back from your hols and getting straight back to SS.
Are you looking forward to your holiday? When do you leave us?
Great news about the size 20, and about the comments. I'm so pleased that you were delighted with the comments. They can be tricky sometimes!
I have just been on lolcat- I hadn't heard of it before reading your post, l loved it and will return, thank you!
It's interesting to read how difficult you found the 1000 cal day, I'm only to familiar with the what will I eat next thoughts. I think your idea of staying on the 810 and then 1000 for a few weeks at the end a great idea, really working on retraining yourself as well as losing the weight. I meant to ask you a few days ago, but forgot- what was the cognitive behaviour book that you were finding so helpful called?
White Tulip, have you reread your diary, from start to finish?
How many days until your holiday now? (It is days, isn't it?) I will miss you my dear girl!
I have just been on lolcat- I hadn't heard of it before reading your post, l loved it and will return, thank you!
It's interesting to read how difficult you found the 1000 cal day, I'm only to familiar with the what will I eat next thoughts. I think your idea of staying on the 810 and then 1000 for a few weeks at the end a great idea, really working on retraining yourself as well as losing the weight. I meant to ask you a few days ago, but forgot- what was the cognitive behaviour book that you were finding so helpful called?
White Tulip, have you reread your diary, from start to finish?
How many days until your holiday now? (It is days, isn't it?) I will miss you my dear girl!
SparklySize12
Full Member
Hi WhiteTulip!
Just read your diary in full and wanted to say a big well done!
You have so much determination and will power, please give me some tips!
Well done on the size 20, it must have felt amazing.
Enjoy your hols
Just read your diary in full and wanted to say a big well done!
You have so much determination and will power, please give me some tips!
Well done on the size 20, it must have felt amazing.
Enjoy your hols
White Tulip
Full Member
glad your cat is feeling better. I always worry so much about my dog when there is anything vaguely out of the normal. I guess he is my child substitute!
I go on holiday on Tuesday. I should be excited and looking forward to it but I have a cloud of apprehension about spending the time with OH to be honest
I have done something I am not allowed to do, I shouldn't have done but I needed to and I'm glad I did.
I had some chocolate.
I have been thinking for a while that I need to see what my reaction is to eating something that I'm not allowed and I felt it was a bit of a scientific experiment
When I started CD, a colleague had bought me a bag of Aero Bubbles. I put them in my drawer at work and left them there. I took them out yesterday and tried one. They tasted greasy and stale (even though well in date). Not nice.......I tried a second and it tasted the same, so I threw them away I just didn't have that 'urge' to scoff them.
So today, I took out a bag of champagne truffles I've had in the drawer at home for a couple of months now and tried one. Vile, absolutely vile. The cheap alcohol in them tasted really accentuated and the cheap chocolate (I think they were about £1.50 for the whole bag) tasted greasy again. I haven't chucked these but I'm going to melt them at some point and make a sauce for a desert for OH.
I felt that it was a combination of taste bud 'enhancement' ie not just slinging anything in my mouth anymore and so being able to really taste something and also the lessening need to just 'eat' all the time because in the past I've eaten chocolate/cakes etc even though I haven't particularly been enjoying them.
So, although I did something 'bad' I felt I did it for research purposes and I'm pleased with the result
Sharon, say 'I told you so all you want' I never thought I'd be anywhere near the 20 in that top and I am still struggling with how I look in the mirror. Sideways on I look bizarrely small but the tags in my clothes are all still obviously 22/24 and so I'm still 'huge'. It is all still a big mish mash of self -image in my head.
I was sat thinking today about the seat belt on the plane and really need to realise I won't need my secret extender. I won't, I just won't. It's been a comfort blanket (albeit one I've despised having because of what it represents) but I have to leave it behind and trust in what I've achieved.
I go on holiday on Tuesday. I should be excited and looking forward to it but I have a cloud of apprehension about spending the time with OH to be honest
I have done something I am not allowed to do, I shouldn't have done but I needed to and I'm glad I did.
I had some chocolate.
I have been thinking for a while that I need to see what my reaction is to eating something that I'm not allowed and I felt it was a bit of a scientific experiment
When I started CD, a colleague had bought me a bag of Aero Bubbles. I put them in my drawer at work and left them there. I took them out yesterday and tried one. They tasted greasy and stale (even though well in date). Not nice.......I tried a second and it tasted the same, so I threw them away
I just didn't have that 'urge' to scoff them.So today, I took out a bag of champagne truffles I've had in the drawer at home for a couple of months now and tried one. Vile, absolutely vile. The cheap alcohol in them tasted really accentuated and the cheap chocolate (I think they were about £1.50 for the whole bag) tasted greasy again. I haven't chucked these but I'm going to melt them at some point and make a sauce for a desert for OH.
I felt that it was a combination of taste bud 'enhancement' ie not just slinging anything in my mouth anymore and so being able to really taste something and also the lessening need to just 'eat' all the time because in the past I've eaten chocolate/cakes etc even though I haven't particularly been enjoying them.
So, although I did something 'bad' I felt I did it for research purposes and I'm pleased with the result
Sharon, say 'I told you so all you want' I never thought I'd be anywhere near the 20 in that top and I am still struggling with how I look in the mirror. Sideways on I look bizarrely small but the tags in my clothes are all still obviously 22/24 and so I'm still 'huge'. It is all still a big mish mash of self -image in my head.
I was sat thinking today about the seat belt on the plane and really need to realise I won't need my secret extender. I won't, I just won't. It's been a comfort blanket (albeit one I've despised having because of what it represents) but I have to leave it behind and trust in what I've achieved.
White Tulip
Full Member
The cognitive behaviour book is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy by Ave Joseph. It's brilliant. I'm hoping to finish it by the time I go on holiday.
I haven't re-read my diary.......I was thinking the other day of doing that.........I might do it over the weekend I think.
I haven't re-read my diary.......I was thinking the other day of doing that.........I might do it over the weekend I think.
Good girl! How about you tasting the chocolates! You knew what was right for you, and trusted yourself! Interesting that you didn't enjoy it. Or feel tempted! Well, well, well!
I reckon you'll enjoy rereading your diary. I read up to page 10, and will finish the rest over the weekend too. Talk about progress, it's amazing how quick it has all happened too. (I know it might not feel like it some days) You will laugh when you read your reactions to the intial size 20 suggestion!
Hope you are having a wonderful day!
I reckon you'll enjoy rereading your diary. I read up to page 10, and will finish the rest over the weekend too. Talk about progress, it's amazing how quick it has all happened too. (I know it might not feel like it some days) You will laugh when you read your reactions to the intial size 20 suggestion!
Hope you are having a wonderful day!
White Tulip
Full Member
Struggling. Mentally I've jumped up too fast but obviously the circumstances aren't the norm for going up the plans.
I guess I am well and truly out of ketosis - I am so, so very hungry and yesterday had a tiny stray off what I was allowed. I'm not going to beat myself up though because I still had around 1150 calories so not a lot and my head is all over the place with food.
I had
breakfast
CD shake
half banana (ok)
lunch
CD bar
half banana (OK)
evening
banana (ok)
but.....
CD bar
CD soup
tin of chick peas
spinach
Other than the spinach none of these were 'allowed'. I should have had a dinner option from the plan.
I was cheesed off with OH and had the bar......I then didn't facy doing potatoes/pasta etc with chicken or tuna (the choices I had in the house) or an omelette. I just wanted the security blanket of a nice warm CD soup and I knew that a tin of chick peas is lovely in them on the 810 plan. So overall I kind of did a SS+ (4 products) with a bit of 810 (chick peas) with a bit of 1000 (the fruit).
At the end of the day I had 1150 calories which is not much.
Today I'm trying to be more focused and remember yesterday was not a 'failure' calorie wise and that I can learn from it.
I've had
breakfast
CD shake
banana
mid morning
CD bar
lunch
half my tuna portion
small amount of salad
That means I have half a portion of tuna with potatoes/rice/cous cous tonight and some veg (I'll have mushrooms) and I am hoping that will satisfy my brain.
I guess I am well and truly out of ketosis - I am so, so very hungry and yesterday had a tiny stray off what I was allowed. I'm not going to beat myself up though because I still had around 1150 calories so not a lot and my head is all over the place with food.
I had
breakfast
CD shake
half banana (ok)
lunch
CD bar
half banana (OK)
evening
banana (ok)
but.....
CD bar
CD soup
tin of chick peas
spinach
Other than the spinach none of these were 'allowed'. I should have had a dinner option from the plan.
I was cheesed off with OH and had the bar......I then didn't facy doing potatoes/pasta etc with chicken or tuna (the choices I had in the house) or an omelette. I just wanted the security blanket of a nice warm CD soup and I knew that a tin of chick peas is lovely in them on the 810 plan. So overall I kind of did a SS+ (4 products) with a bit of 810 (chick peas) with a bit of 1000 (the fruit).
At the end of the day I had 1150 calories which is not much.
Today I'm trying to be more focused and remember yesterday was not a 'failure' calorie wise and that I can learn from it.
I've had
breakfast
CD shake
banana
mid morning
CD bar
lunch
half my tuna portion
small amount of salad
That means I have half a portion of tuna with potatoes/rice/cous cous tonight and some veg (I'll have mushrooms) and I am hoping that will satisfy my brain.
great things
Gold Member
yep i think it all goes pear shaped when you start going up quick. i did that too. i had a holiday and a root canal after then my cdc didn't want me back onto the lower plans again. it's hard to get your head in the right place when you are on the higher plans. it's just so easy doing ss as there's no food messing about with your head. i've put some on since i stopped cd, iron being too low to continue, but i'm not stressing as i'll get it off again. just need to find a) motivation and b) focus. it's very hard when you can't do cd. it's going to be november before i can start again. have to wait 2 months after i've stopped taking iron tablets before getting iron test and if it's normal then i'm fine to do cd again. if not then i can't. bl**dy iron levels! in the mean time i'm looking at focusing on my exercise, which i've not done any of in 2 weeksish as i've had a rest after running a half marathon. back to it next week and hopefully a bit of a weight loss too.
just stick with it and focus on the short term - your cd plan and your holiday with a fabulous body and NO SEAT BELT EXTENDER!!!! believe me you will NOT need it!
just stick with it and focus on the short term - your cd plan and your holiday with a fabulous body and NO SEAT BELT EXTENDER!!!! believe me you will NOT need it!
You are doing really well. As you say it isn't so much moving up the plans that is difficult just that you're doing it so quickly and I think you are handling with brilliantly.
I love 810 week but I am always ready to get back to SS. Even now I still get the urge to binge eat and I actually go so far as planning the binge in my head. SS is great for shedding the weight but it doesn't deal with the head stuff. When I reach goal I will probably spend 2-3 weeks at each plan before moving up.
Hope it was a bit easier for you today.
I love 810 week but I am always ready to get back to SS. Even now I still get the urge to binge eat and I actually go so far as planning the binge in my head
. SS is great for shedding the weight but it doesn't deal with the head stuff. When I reach goal I will probably spend 2-3 weeks at each plan before moving up.Hope it was a bit easier for you today.
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White Tulip
Full Member
weighed in and lost 2 pounds this week. Pleased with that with being on 1000 and struggling with it. Takes me to 81 pounds off and just shaving under the 18 stone mark to make me 17 stone 13, my 'fantasy' stone number for my holiday.
I haven't been around for a day or so as I had some potentially horrible news on Friday afternoon and I had to sit tight and wait to hear what the outcome was going to be until this morning. I became a bit of an emotional wreck Friday night and it's a good job OH went out again because I needed the time to sit and cry and although I could have told my CDC (the only person who knows the detail) I really needed to keep it to myself until I knew the outcome. I had 2 Galaxy Ripples, 3 VERY large vodka and sodas and a big bowl of Special K during the evening. It really was a crisis evening and I was also very down yesterday in anticipation with a few private tears although yesterday I just about stuck to the plan.
Today though after an early phone call I know that everything is now fine. I am really open about most things but this isn't something I really want to share but it really did hit me for 6 out of the blue and was something unexpected.
I'm now 100% ok though and back to full boingy springyness
Holiday from Tuesday. Everything is ready to pack. Very apprehensive about spending 11 nights with OH and that really does tinge the holiday with sadness.
I am quite ready for a gain whilst away. Because I don't want a gallbladder flare up I am going to be careful in what I get for us to eat and what we eat whilst out. I know over 11 nights I could quite easily gain 7 pounds (and possibly a lot more) because of water retention from eating but I get back on the 16th, will weigh in on the 17th and any gain will be off within 2 weeks.
I then aim to be at an 8 stone loss by Christmas.
I haven't been around for a day or so as I had some potentially horrible news on Friday afternoon and I had to sit tight and wait to hear what the outcome was going to be until this morning. I became a bit of an emotional wreck Friday night and it's a good job OH went out again because I needed the time to sit and cry and although I could have told my CDC (the only person who knows the detail) I really needed to keep it to myself until I knew the outcome. I had 2 Galaxy Ripples, 3 VERY large vodka and sodas and a big bowl of Special K during the evening. It really was a crisis evening and I was also very down yesterday in anticipation with a few private tears although yesterday I just about stuck to the plan.
Today though after an early phone call I know that everything is now fine. I am really open about most things but this isn't something I really want to share but it really did hit me for 6 out of the blue and was something unexpected.
I'm now 100% ok though and back to full boingy springyness
Holiday from Tuesday. Everything is ready to pack. Very apprehensive about spending 11 nights with OH and that really does tinge the holiday with sadness.
I am quite ready for a gain whilst away. Because I don't want a gallbladder flare up I am going to be careful in what I get for us to eat and what we eat whilst out. I know over 11 nights I could quite easily gain 7 pounds (and possibly a lot more) because of water retention from eating but I get back on the 16th, will weigh in on the 17th and any gain will be off within 2 weeks.
I then aim to be at an 8 stone loss by Christmas.
great things
Gold Member
i hope you have a good holiday. we all have breakdowns and we all cope differently. i turn to alcohol and crisps, which have been too many days over the past month.
Oh sweet heart, sounds like a terrible time for you, I'm so pleased that everything has turned out ok! (So hard to wait sometimes, Dante included Limbo in his hells!)
I bet you will be busy today!
Congratulations on the two pounds. You are getting stronger every day darling girl. You are you know!
Happy and safe holidays, I'll miss you terribly to be truthful. Hope OH behaves himself!
I bet you will be busy today!
Congratulations on the two pounds. You are getting stronger every day darling girl. You are you know!
Happy and safe holidays, I'll miss you terribly to be truthful. Hope OH behaves himself!
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