The end of the line, or the beginning of a new life?

[angie-bum]

if you can i'd go see your gp asap, as if does sound like a gall bladder attack, but it could be something else

 

[minusfour]

I hope you are starting to feel better! It hardly seems possible that such a little difference could precipitate such an attack, but it really sounds like gall bladder strife.

 

[minusfour]

Oh, I am an idjit- congratulations on the loss!

 

[White Tulip]

well apart from feeling tired I am ok now, tummy is a bit 'gurgly' but fine apart from that.....I have mentioned it a couple of times to my GP over the years but have not had much joy in progressing it. I should though really.

I had a chat with my CDC and I am going to carry on with SS+ this week (4 sachets/milk) then 810 next week and 1000 the week before I go on holiday. I decided that 810 to whatever I eat on holiday was too big a jump and I just don't want another situation like last night.

I think it almost definitely means I won't hit 6 stone before I go as I have 3 weeks to lose 10 pounds on the higher plans but that doesn't matter.

It has really emphasised the need to eat healthily on holiday. The thought it might come back is going to be just the thing I think I need! I'm already thinking of greek yoghurt with honey, strawberries with a sprinkling of muesli for breakfast, I'm going to take a bar for the afternoon and then chicken/tuna salad for dinner or something similar. I am going to try vodka and soda. Not sure how that will taste as I don't like the taste of 'raw' vodka but I'll see how it tastes. If I don't like that I'll have it with diet coke.

It won't be a gorge-fest, but it won't exactly be the end of the world food-wise so I'm fine with that.

 

[Awaken Me]

Week 14 already! They are flying by. Well done on your loss this week and 100bs to go 'tis a great feeling. I really don't think you have anything to worry about with regards to belt but I do understand. Just think how satisfying it will be when you hear that 'click'.

Sorry to hear you weren't feeling well it sounded very painful but hooray the pain seems to have passed. Moving up the plans now sounds like the best solution and I'm keeping everything crossed for your 6st loss, plus it would be a nice going away present. Your holiday menu sounds lush but I'd swap vodka for brandy .

 

[minusfour]

Again, I'm amazed, in awe, of how much weight you have lost! I hope you are feeling well today. When you change to 810, and then 1000, do you stay in ketosis if you are careful with your eating? When you get back from holidays, will you go back to SS? How long can you stay on SS- is it a time thing, or a closeness to goal weight determination? Did you get to work today? When you are getting close to/at goal weight, and start eating increased fats, will the gall bladder problem-if it is that- come back, or does losing the weight actually help solve it?

 

[minusfour]

Hope you are having a good day sweet girl!

 

[White Tulip]

When you change to 810, and then 1000, do you stay in ketosis if you are careful with your eating?

I think it is 'light' ketosis and I don't think so at 1000.

When you get back from holidays, will you go back to SS? How long can you stay on SS- is it a time thing, or a closeness to goal weight determination?

Yep, plan is that I am back on Saturday 15th and re-start the next day, a normal Sunday weigh in. I will see what the damage is and back on SS. I might though stay on SS+ with 4 products as I am finding it nice to have an extra item during the day. Depends what it does to my weigh in on Sunday I am only an inch short of being on 4 sachets/bars anyway so I think SS+ will be nice to do. I will be able to do 12 weeks SS/SS+ and then it's a week of 810 and then back to SS/SS+ until I'm within a stone of target.

When you are getting close to/at goal weight, and start eating increased fats, will the gall bladder problem-if it is that- come back, or does losing the weight actually help solve it?

It's quite probable that it will flare up if I go mad and start eating fats again. I fit the stereotypical gallbladder profile of 'fair, fertile, fat, female, forty' perfectly! I think weight loss helps, but my Mum lost loads and basically it was so they could remove the gallbladder, it wasn't hard though as she was in a lot of pain with eating most things by then.


I have decided on my 5.5 stone bead which is 3 pounds away. I have found a silver tulip bead which I feel is perfect to reflect the Minimins 'me' Fingers crossed I can buy it on Sunday.

I am trying to fathom out the lack of reaction still at work. Only 4 people have actively noticed and said something from a staff of around 40 and we are all very close knit in a small building so know each other really well. I've decided it's a mix of not noticing, noticing but not wanting to offend, noticing but still see me as 'me' or not being able to bring themselves to say something. I say the last group because there have been a couple of women who I have seen a number of kind of pursed lipped sideways looks when I walk past them as if they are trying to look me up and down without their eyes moving and then a glassy stare forwards. It's weird.

I started my bookkeeping course last night. I work where it is held and know the classroom well. It has an outer horseshoe of chairs facing the walls and the computers. It then has an inner horseshoe ring of chairs facing inwards onto desks. I have always been careful where to sit so nobody has to try to get by me but also having the easiest escape route in that I have the least number of chairs to pass (ie ask people to squeeze in). I did the same instinctively last night and had a slight panic when I needed to move past someone but it was much better than in the past. The last learner to walk in was sat at the front and was much, much heavier than I would have been when I started. The tutor went round with a document and then went to pick them up. She laughed and said 'you won't be able to get past me' and the tutor took hers and came back the other way. I felt a kind of emotional 'pain' for her in the feeling of shame that someone can get past but then has to turn back as I've had it happen to me in another room last year on a few occasions

I also had a very shamefully selfish thought (almost one of relief) that for once there was someone in the room bigger than me. Whenever I go out, I always look round and 99% of the time I always used to be the biggest woman there and I used to feel so self conscious. I was also quietly aware of the looks others in the room were giving her and I thought - I guess that is how people used to look at me and I guess they still do if they don't know me. But.....not for much longer

 

[minusfour]

Oh, I laughed at your "pursed lip, sideway looks", people are wonderful and terrible and complicated and the same all over the world, aren't they? I'm not sure how I would react if someone I worked with lost heaps of weight, but still had some way to go, if they hadn't actually announced their diet or losses to me. Part of me would want to be over the top congratulations, (I mean, they deserve that), but I guess I would be worried that they were not seeking public recognition at that point and that somehow, by giving it to them, I might interfere with their losing equilibrium. I know this isn't completely rational, but I'm one of those people that likes to stay under the radar, so, if it were me, I'd prefer no recognition yet.

From the reactions you have had at work, and the amount you have already lost, you know that it is noticable, and that you are looking amazing. If they want to wait until you look more amazing, let them, that is their look out!

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself about that secret, guilty relief you felt at the class. I don't think there would be many women in the world that hasn't, at some point, checked out a situation to assess themselves against others present. And I think it's a good thing for your mind to start catching up with your weight losses, self image is a hard one to change. You had a thought- that isn't doing anything mean, it's just a thought!
Your next bead sounds very apt. I'm hoping when we get home some of the tulips out in the garden might be in flower, I'll be picking a vaseful in your honour if they are!
With the shakes and the bars- are they interchangeable? I reckon I'd find it really hard to stick to even 1000 cals a day, but I suppose after all these weeks, it will seem heaps to you, even having something to chew will seem amazing!
Hope you are having a good day!

 

[White Tulip]

Your next bead sounds very apt. I'm hoping when we get home some of the tulips out in the garden might be in flower, I'll be picking a vaseful in your honour if they are!

ooooooooh that has brought tears to my eyes. thankyou, what a lovely gesture

With the shakes and the bars- are they interchangeable? I reckon I'd find it really hard to stick to even 1000 cals a day, but I suppose after all these weeks, it will seem heaps to you, even having something to chew will seem amazing!
Hope you are having a good day!

yes, you can have soup/shake/bar for any meal.

A copy of the 1000 plan arrived for me today along with an extra order of bars which I'm stashing away for my holiday. There seems to be so much to eat in a day on 1000, it seems like a feast

I've ordered some rooibos tea from the tea shop I found along with a tea measuring spoon and 100 'bags' you put the tea in. I thought - if I'm going to do it, might as well do it properly! I also ordered some raspberry leaf tea which has added sugars in it so not allowed on CD but I want to take it on holiday with me to have whilst away.

Caretaker at work today

'are you on a diet' I said yes and he said 'why?' ........bless him...... He said I would be disappearing and I said 'good'!!!!!

I really had a 'thank goodness I've lost over 5 stone' thought today. My new job involves very occasionally going to exhibitions/jobs fairs and I was asked to go to one this afternoon !!! Luckily it was 1 light bag of kit and a trolley of handouts but as I crossed the road with the bag on my shoulder in my suit I thought - I would be hot, sweaty and feeling awful if I were still 5 stone heavier.

Yesterday I bought a 4kg bag of dog food for my boy (part of the joint custody arrangement is that I buy his dry food ) and it was heavy. I handed it to my ex and he commented how heavy it was. I quickly totted up in my head that I have lost the equivalent of 8 bags of dog food at that weight! I was quite shocked as I struggled to carry 1 bag. How did my body carry another 7 bags and still move/function? The fact I'm still carrying an extra 9 or 10 bags is quite frightening and it really brought home to me how much weight I've lost, but also how much I needed to lose - and still lose.

 

[Awaken Me]

Hmmmmm 1000 plan..drool, drool.

I wouldn’t feel too bad thinking that way about the lady on your course as I know would feel relief at not being the biggest person in the room. God, that makes me sound like a right cowbag.

I’m certain that all your work colleagues must have noticed your weight loss, how could they not you’ve shrunk loads but they probably think you’ll be embarrassed if they bring it up. Not one person has commented at work about my weight they nod in agreement with other people (well I do work with blokes and we all know what they are like). When customers come in and they haven't seem me in ages they always comment, usually loudly. Then the questions start – What are you doing? How much have you lost? How much to you want to lose.

Depending on who I talk to I either say CD or Weight Watchers. I always say I don’t know how much I’ve lost that I just get weighed every week and don’t ask because I don’t want to get hung up on the numbers. I know it might sound silly but right now I can’t confess to how much I’ve lost because people will know how overweight I was in the first place. In fact one of the guys one of the guys at work did comment the other day ‘Sharon, you should just wear a sign that says, Yes I have’.

I'd bet now that the caretaker has noticed and commented everyone else will notice too.

I really had a 'thank goodness I've lost over 5 stone' thought today. My new job involves very occasionally going to exhibitions/jobs fairs and I was asked to go to one this afternoon !!! Luckily it was 1 light bag of kit and a trolley of handouts but as I crossed the road with the bag on my shoulder in my suit I thought - I would be hot, sweaty and feeling awful if I were still 5 stone heavier.

Yesterday I bought a 4kg bag of dog food for my boy (part of the joint custody arrangement is that I buy his dry food ) and it was heavy. I handed it to my ex and he commented how heavy it was. I quickly totted up in my head that I have lost the equivalent of 8 bags of dog food at that weight! I was quite shocked as I struggled to carry 1 bag. How did my body carry another 7 bags and still move/function? The fact I'm still carrying an extra 9 or 10 bags is quite frightening and it really brought home to me how much weight I've lost, but also how much I needed to lose - and still lose.

This made me I love these 'moments..

 

[minusfour]

Hi White Tulip,

Hope you are having a great day! On the Biggest Loser, (Aust), when the contestants have lost heaps of weight they do this walk, picking up bags of sand which weigh as much as each individual lost each week- they start off carrying nothing, but end up with a bag the same weight as their total loss to date, which is a real eye opener. I'm never sure whether I love or loathe this show, but that episode is always worthwhile!

 

[White Tulip]

I might have a look for that episode minusfour. I think some are on youtube.

I'd love to see a full length before and after pic of you Sharon - facially the transformation is amazing! With the handful that have commented I always get 'how are you doing it' and I am a bit vague and say 'oh, just very low calorie' and let them decide in their head what that means.

I feel very down today. It is 100% hormonal as TOTM started today but I just feel the need to sit quietly with a bottle of rose wine and a box of chocolates and think deep thoughts There's a voice in my head going 'oh, go on, have a blow out. There's chocolate in the house, go on, you really need to just have a blow out and get it out of your system'. Another voice is saying 'I feel rubbish and sad' and the third is saying 'you have nothing to feel rubbish and sad about, you can't even pinpoint why you feel rubbish, so it's hormonal, just grit your teeth'.

I would like to point out I don't often hear multiple voices in my head

 

[kellierocks]

I hear multiple voices in my head all the time, my angel adn my devil.
I hope you hang on in there, you are an inspiration, and working hard to reach your own goals for yourself.

 

[White Tulip]

I hung on

I feel a bit better today - I do have a bit of a difficult situation I'm dealing with at the moment which I won't go into that my OH is pushing on me but I've decided how to deal with it after a few days of stressing over it.

I have enjoyed a week on SS+ having 4 CD products. I am pretty certain that I will go to this on my return from holiday. I have a huge number of strawberry shakes in a drawer (probably still around 30) that a friend gave me and I can feed 1 a day into what I have so it means I still only buy 21 a week from my CDC until I have to increase the order.

810 from tomorrow. I bought a box of tuna fillets and a box of white fish fillets from the fish man who comes around every couple of months. I've weighed them and the tuna ones are perfect. The white fillets are a bit too light but they look quite hefty so I'm happy to have 1 of them and a spoon extra of vegetable. I also have a tin of chick peas still in the cupboard so all I need to buy is something like some salad leaves or some pak choi which I quite like steamed and chopped into the soup in the evening.

I've booked a second appointment with the waxer for the 30th of the month. It's so weird when you've had a fear of something, do it and then just do it again without a second thought. I once read the book called 'feel the fear and do it anyway' and going to a waxer being so overweight really was a case of that.

Had a sort out of the rubbish hung on the coat pegs in the hall and dumped 3 or 4 cheap and tatty handbags with broken zips etc. I always buy cheap bags and thought - why am I hanging on to these? The seatbelt extender was in one of them. I really want to be brave enough not to take it in my handbag. I have lost around 8 inches off my hips (I don't know exactly as the tape measure went nowhere near meeting when I started) and I was 2-3 inches away from the seat belt fitting when I flew in May. I used to put the seat belt under my tummy and it wouldn't reach. If I've lost 8 inches off my hips over my tummy, surely I've lost enough underneath for the belt to fit. I have only ever seen 1 other person (a man) given an extender, surely as I'm now a size 22/24 I won't need one? Plenty of women this size must fly every day!! I just can't completely convince myself.

 

[minusfour]

I'm sure you will be ok without the extender! I've read the same book, and thought it's premise was fantastic.

Do you think you will get hungry when you are not in ketosis? Have you been (gall bladder like) symptom free over the past few days?

We've spent most of today travelling. I had forgotten it is the first day of school holidays for most of the country. Absolutely awful at the airports, people everywhere, in every long queue we were in, we were surrounded by people with more than one young child. Of course the kids get ratty when they have to stand around for so long, I was feeling ratty myself! Anyhow, you will be pleased to know that I passed through the potentially homocidal stage without anyone guessing!

It is lovely to be home! Hope you have a good weekend!

 

[great things]

i flew several years ago when i was a large 24 and i didn't need a seat belt extender. i recon you'll be fine.

 

[White Tulip]

Fingers crossed great things. A couple of years ago I even did research on belt length versus seat width for the plane I would be flying on. There's even a website with it all on!!!

I lost 5 pounds this week. I am really pleased with that with it being TOTM. A couple of days ago the scales said 3 pounds but yesterday a a gain on last week so I was thinking today wouldn't be great, but I was happy!

My BMI has gone under 40 which for me is my biggest achievement I feel because I set it as a first 'big goal' when I started and it seemed such a long way off.

I'm now 'just' obese I can't wait to be 'overweight'

2 more pounds and I'll be 17 stone something. I've lost 79 pounds in total, which is 5 stone 9. Waist is down by 8 inches.

810 plan this week in the build up to my holiday. Feel very positive about life. Looking after my dog today as my ex is on a day trip with some children he looks after so I'll have my best furry friend to cuddle when I go and get him.

 

[White Tulip]

Jusst bought my 5 and a half stone bead A silver tulip. The significance of the tulip means a lot to me for a couple of reasons and I'm really happy I found one that is a really nice bead.

 

[lyndzi76]

I love you diary and I think your a great inspiration. Keep it up and hope you enjoy the day with your doggie x