The end of the line, or the beginning of a new life?

[Awaken Me]

Can't wait until I can wear at least 1 item of clothing out of all the hordes of pieces I have in my wardrobe of various sizes...I'm sick of wearing the same 3 or 4 outfits for work and the handful of slightly tatty looking tunics and cropped trousers I wear in the evenings and at weekends.

Lol you sound just like I did. For years I have worn the same uniform of black trousers, a vest and a cardigan. When I went out I wore black trousers, a vest/top and a jacket. I've found clothes in my wardrobe I forgot I had and they not only fit they are to big hurrah!!

I've binned loads of clothes but I'm not buying too many as I am just waiting until they're hanging off me, even if they do look ridiculous. Trousers are the worst my daughter says I look like a have permanently crapped my pants..cheeky mare!

I'm a Sunday morning weigh in.....it's weird to think I'm nearly at my 3rd WI and there's a chance I will have lost over 20 pounds already. Part of me doesn't quite 'get' that yet as by this stage I would have lost 6 or 7 pounds on Slimming World. I think it's because I'm not yet seeing any visual difference that my brain is having an issue with realising I've lost the same amount in nearly 3 weeks that it would probably take me 9 or 10 weeks to do with SW.

I think you're doing brilliantly, and I admire you even more doing the job you do as I would find it so difficult. With the amount of weight I had/still have to lose I couldn't even contemplate doing SW or WW for 2 or 3 years it would be soul destroying. Even though I know the diets work it really wasn't an option for me.

Make sure you take some pictures and do your measurements they're a great boost when you can't 'see' the difference - I do mine every 4 weeks. I'm sure you'll be rewarded with another great loss on Sunday and I look forward to following your progress.

 

[Aaleigha]

I too am a sunday weigher - perhaps we need a group

you lose weight at a nice pace - wish I was so lucky - but if I can average two a week on cd I will be happy as on sw or ww I can do 1\2 a week on average until I stall and that can go on for months - but I might be slower than average on cd but I do see it coming off and that is what counts in the end and the knowledge that if I can just keep going I really will get to target

 

[White Tulip]

6lb off Even happier than when I sneaked on the scales as they read 4.5!! So I've lost 25 pounds and it means I can buy my 1.5 stone first spacer for my bracelet. I've seen the one I want - it's a theatre mask. I used to love having theatre masks on the wall/on things generally years ago as I have a drama degree. I haven't done any acting for 20 years though and I thought the theatre mask would be a nice reminder of who I used to be in my late teens, early 20s and perhaps in the future I may join a local drama group.

I don't think I could now contemplate doing SW or WW again. The frustrating plod of 1 pound off a week when I have such a huge amount to lose, I realise now I could never change my habits so slowly without them slipping back. The complete lack of food is - I hope - really changing my relationship and habits.

 

[Aaleigha]

that is amazing well done
and I have to agree on the slow losses - I lose about 2-2.5 on cambridge but even following ww or sw to the letter I manage 0.5lb on a good week and it makes it so hard to stay on track
this plan really is changing how I think of food too

here is to another good week

H xx

 

[White Tulip]

very busy couple of days. Working all day Monday and then taught Monday night. Then worked all day yesterday and invigilated an exam last night

I have a friend I see regularly and even though I ask for water they always say 'there's plenty of diet coke' and I've explained I can't have it because of CD. I've read that some have a can a day, some people don't and CD say 'don't'. When I left my last job 3 years ago I was on around 5 or 6 cans a day (eek!) but since then have only had the odd can, maybe 2 or 3 a week.

I decided to say 'yes' to a can just to test how it made me feel. I didn't get that far really - it was so horrendously sweet!! It tasted like 'fat coke' and was bleurgh!! I managed 2 sips of the can and couldn't drink any more. It shows how my taste buds have changed in the last 3 and a half weeks but it is good because I now know it isn't something that can tempt me - even though it is a diet drink!

Am wearing a pair of cropped trousers I've never worn before Still a size 28, but I bought them last October from ebay for my holiday, took them and never wore them as they felt a bit tight. To be honest, if I carry on with this kind of loss I don't think I'll have more than 2 or 3 weeks worth of wear in them!

Had to go to hospital today for a pain consultant appointment following a car accident I was in last December. Never seen the guy before and I sat there as he dictated a letter requesting I have an MRI.

It started

"Miss White Tulip is overweight...."

Gee, thanks for highlighting that .....

 

[Ciara]

Just wanted to pop in and say hi! you've done so well on CD, its been an inspiration to me
I've also just made myself a charm bracelet!can't wait to get some beads on it!

 

[Aaleigha]

Miss White Tulip might be overweight but she is less over weight than she was a month ago
by the time your appointment comes through you will be weighing even less and can point that out to them
you are doing so well
as for the diet coke that is really good and long may it continue

 

[White Tulip]

thankyou Ciara and Aaleigha xx

Busy day at work - 1 July is busiest day of the year where I am and it was warm and sticky. I went into an office and someone commented I was incredibly pale about half way through the morning. Apparently the colour did come back to me as I was talking but I think the heat and madness of work had affected me a bit even though I felt ok.

I had a tin of home made brownies literally stuck under my nose today but managed to say 'no'

The 2 stone bead I want finishes on Sunday during the day. I felt I had no chance of achieving 2 stone by then but perhaps I might! If I can do 3 pounds off on Sunday I can buy the bead on the day it ends Fingers crossed!

 

[Aaleigha]

fingers crossed indeed but if it dosent work out for this bead there will be another one and you WILL get that one - but I think y9ou can do it this week

 

[White Tulip]

I really hope I can do it!!

My 1.5 stone theatre mask spacer arrived today I guess it's a bit of a double edged meaning - the fact I used to really like theatre mask imagery and also used to do actin, but also my weight being some kind of 'mask' I've built over the years over myself.

The enormity of how much food is on offer at work is really hitting home, both how much I've consumed over the last 2 years I've been there and how much I am going to have to continue to say 'no' to.

This week - all at work - I have turned down:

homemade brownies - twice
jam doughnuts
a tin of biscuits brought in for the team
the tin of biscuits in the team from day to day
a bag of opal fruit style sweets
a Mars Celebration
A packet of aero bubbles
Ferrero Rocher
shared office lunchtime chips

There just seems to be so much food so often. It's always been the case but now doing SS it really highlights the amount and the frequency.

When I went on holiday in May, I bought this cover up to wear on the balcony

Silhouette Beach Kaftan | Ambrose Wilson:

I bought a size 30 and it was baggy but not overly too big. I like it and thought about getting one for my next holiday in October. I ordered a 26 and it fits! It is a tiny bit tight across the shoulder blades and ok, isn't as roomy as the 30 was but was surprisingly well fitted - I thought a 26 would be out of my reach at the moment!

I'm going to send it back but have the dilemma of what to replace it with, a 24.........or a 22? There are 13 weeks to my holiday. If I can stick with CD and lose an average of 3 pounds a week (I know it will start to slow down soon) that is another 39 pounds off, over 2.5 stone. I don't want to order a 22 and it go nowhere near me and I don't want to order a 24 and it be way too big.....decisions, decisions......

 

[Aaleigha]

the 22 definitely
it makes me wonder how the staff at your place manage to maintain their weight with all that food around all the time
you are doing so well on the refusing of food and when you go on holiday you are going to be so pleased you did

keep strong you are doing brilliantly

 

[Awaken Me]

Why not go one better and buy a size 20 . If the 26 fits snugly now I'm sure a 20 will fit you come October. I started at a size 34 and by day 100 (14 weeks) which is in 2 weeks for me I will easily be a 24. The last time I bought a size 24 anything I was 19 (which makes me sad actually).

I think you have willpower of steel you will be rewarded with great losses week after week.

 

[White Tulip]

A 20 Spits Fybogel across the screen :8855:

Noooooooo, I can't think I'll be in a 20?!! I have say Awaken Me, your losses are amazing. You and Charleypolequeen are my inspiration on CD, I always look at your sigs and think WOW.

Seriously I don't think I'll be anywhere near there....I was thinking of a 24 with the 26 being a tiny bit snug on the shoulders. I thought, another stone and the shoulders would fit in a 26 and then if I do another 1.5 stone that is only another size down? I'm very hour glass shaped. I lose loads off my waist in proportion to the rest of me but my bust and hips are slower to follow so clothing is still tighter on my top and bottom for longer than clothing around my waist.

I sat and thought about a couple of things last night

- how empty my life is without food. In the past all the 'dead' moments in my life where nothing is happening, I've filled with food. Even when doing stuff - ie working, driving from supermarket, I eat. Without food I now have a LOT of dead time. I need to fill it and I don't have an idea how to. There are a hundred things I could do but none of them make me feel inspired enough to get up and do them.

The other is even though I'm just shy of 2 stone lighter, I'm only just back to where I was last October. I found a couple of tunic tops in the wardrobe, screwed in a heap on the floor. They were there because when I bought them (at least 18 months ago) from ebay, they were too big and they were never worn. They now fit. I don't feel that I'm getting close to anything fitting other than what I've been wearing for the last 12 months because until I get to 21 stone 10 (3 pounds away) I mentally don't feel I'm getting anywhere. It was just a bit saddening to find the tops and the realisation of that they weren't too big anymore. I've decided to iron and wear them at least once so I get some use of them and hope they are relegated back to the bottom of the wardrobe again soon.

OH was horrible again to me last night. Sigh. We have a light throw on the bed rather than a quilt at the moment. He always pulls the quilt really tight around him and as I got into bed he had already done it. I tried to move it as there was literally none on my side of the bed and he sat up and starting shouting and swearing at me and got up and put the light on. I showed him and he shouted that I needed 3 times as much to go around me in comparison to what he needed.

I said 'please don't be so rude' and he replied that I was the rude one for saying that. I said that he shouldn't be so childish. He has said some really horrible things to me over the years and blames me for him putting on 2-3 stone since we've been together. He says he now can't control his food intake (my fault) and he can't leave leftovers that are in a pan (my fault). I'm a stupid fat cow, I'm a fat b*tch. He once didn't know I was awake and said 'just too big'. I was 21 stone 3 then (about 3 years ago) and after 2 stone off, that is my next mini target. Over the years, I used to cry, I used to agree with him about what I am, I used to get defensive so he would just push and push and push. However, it just washes over me now and seeing him admit to losing control over food, but try to blame me just made me think that this is my time, nothing that can be said can hurt me and there could well be a few changes when I hit 11 stone 7.....

 

[Ciara]

your post made me sad. You seem like such a nice person, your oh shouldn't be such a twunt to you. Stay strong hun **virtual hug**

 

[Aaleigha]

You go girl
sorry but he needs to keep a civil tongue in his head - verbal bullying is nothing to base a relationship on - I am sure his attitude will change when he sees the shrinking you - be great for you as it will raise your self esteem so high mine is on the up and it helps so much with how I feel about so much
you can do this and when your big clothes are too big shove them on ebay you will get some good sales for big clothes

 

[Awaken Me]

I sat and thought about a couple of things last night
- how empty my life is without food. In the past all the 'dead' moments in my life where nothing is happening, I've filled with food. Even when doing stuff - ie working, driving from supermarket, I eat. Without food I now have a LOT of dead time. I need to fill it and I don't have an idea how to. There are a hundred things I could do but none of them make me feel inspired enough to get up and do them

Food has always been a huge thing in my life. I ate when I was hungry, bored, sad and lonely, I binged massively and ate in secret and this filled my time in between work and nothing else at all really (I was pretty much a recluse by the time I started this diet, as I hated myself so much and couldn't bear going anywhere ). But things are changing, I am changing. I try to fill my 'dead' time with exercise, more reading, more time on the laptop - nothing too exciting but stops me thinking about food all the time.

your post made me sad. You seem like such a nice person, your oh shouldn't be such a twunt to you. Stay strong hun **virtual hug**

I couldn't agree more. I honestly don't think there is anything worse than the hurtful words of those who claim to love us. Tulip, you are so right this is your time you are now taking control of you weight and ultimately your life - maybe he feels threatened by that.

Big hugs to you.

 

[White Tulip]

Thankyou for your lovely comments , OH has been like this with me for years. I tell him how much I have lost each week so far on CD and he just goes 'that's good' in a non-committal way and then nothing else at all, he doesn't mention anything all week. At least he can't trot out his normal 'it should be dropping off you comment' when I struggled in the past with SW and lost 1 pound here, 1 pound there.

However

I got my 2 stone bead :bliss:

I lost 5 pounds!! I stood on the scale for a second and couldn't quite 'get' the numbers as I wasn't expecting them to be that low!

That means I've stayed on plan for 4 weeks, lost 30 pounds and I am now 21 stone 8. That's 2 pounds under what I was last October which mentally was my starting point for getting somewhere.

Very pleased this week. Very.

 

[tweeza]

white tulip i hope you dont mind me replying to this post but your story was like reading mine. I too am in your weight bracket but like yourself losing the weight.
I also had a husband who was very much like yours he made it very clear my body was not to his liking, said pretty much the same things and told me if i lost the weight he would love me again, but what i learned was my eating issues were wrapped up not totally because of him but were a part of it, yet if i lost weight i got no encouragement or got the so what i will believe it when i see you in a size 12.Which made me give up and eat really to just spite him.
Now this bit is not meant to offend you or make you do what i did just i hope a insight of i learned through councilling was My low self esteem was in part due to a man who was meant to love me regardless and made me feel worthless, if he lost a limb would i have made him feel bad my answer was no yet he could not say the same thing. That was the day i got out (please dont think im saying leave him) what i think im trying to say is you have to realise is he has his issues but trying to blame you and thats not fair you have not made him do anything he just finds it easier to lay his issues on you,
Every pound that comes off you is making you stronger and i for one think your loss is incredible and will follow you as to me your a insperation to me. What your doing is amazing and its you thats making this happen.

 

[Ciara]

woop woop!! fab loss & well done on staying on plan for 4 weeks!! arty0019:

 

[leeds123]

so happy for your loss tulip, and so sad you live with a miserable git! it breaks my heart to read some of your posts, you are warm, funny, intelligent and kind and to know you have to hear that crap makes me sad for you. i am restarting today after a holiday and its hard enough, but if i had to deal with the emotional stress you have i could not do cd at all. hats off to you, and hang in there!