The end of the line, or the beginning of a new life?

[Aaleigha]

I can so relate to where you are coming from re your dog
I too had a bad time at work and it coincided with the death of my father on new years day and the next 6 months at work were horrendous - it as in the july we went looking for our first rescue dog - Saffron has been my best friend ever since - we have four dogs now but Saffron will always be special

hope you are having a great weekend

 

[White Tulip]

Saffron is a lovely name for a pooch Just been to see my boy, he dribbled on my cream trousers to show how much he loves me

I've had a bit of a clear out and it felt quite exciting! I was spurred into it as I was wearing a pair of jersey Evans size 28 drawstring waist cropped trousers. They are now so big I have to pull the waist in like a gift bag or wear them under my bust line

I seem to be breeding charity bags that are shoved through the letter box so have started to fill it. There are about 7 items in it for now. A couple of ebay items that never suited me and have never even been worn , a winter fleecy tunic in a size 30 that now drowns me and a work skirt that was only just doing up and is now so big on the waist wearing it on my hips means it touches the floor I've also put the trousers in. I have an identical pair in the same size which I can't find but they can't hide forever I've also put the size 30 chiffon coverup top in there that I want to take a smaller size away with me on my next holiday. I only bought that in May for my last holiday. The money I've spent on just those few bits is embarrassing....

Next in line for the firing squad are 3 or 4 pairs of linen Evans cropped trousers, all size 28. I reckon I have about 2 weeks wear out of them if I carry on with a similar loss. 1 pair is virtually brand new and I've literally only been wearing them since I started CD!

Plenty more to replace whatever goes in the bag though, my wardrobes and drawers are an ebayers delight

 

[Ciara]

aw thats lovely, I got a dog about 5 years ago but he was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago, broke my heart! he's responding well to treatment thankfully so will have him around for a while yet.

Wardrobe clear out sounds fun! Look forward to that stage, altho i tend to wear the same 4 outfits so it wont take long lol!

 

[White Tulip]

I also wear the same few outfits time and time again. I reckon I wear around 5% of my clothes at the moment!

My dog had a nosebleed last Sunday, quite worrying. He was out on a walk so could have shoved his nose against a stone or a piece of glass. If it happens again, straight to the vet as it can be a sign of nasal cancer

 

[Aaleigha]

well I have two huge bin bags of clothes in 18-16 that are going to the local womens refuge - I know some of the girls there turned up in what they were wearing and cant go back for their clothing - and some I have already sent to a friend I made on here
so once its gone its gone and that size wont find its way into my wardrobe again

 

[White Tulip]

3 pounds off this week. Smallest loss yet, however it breaks a few barriers:

- I'm under 300 pounds
- I've lost 20% of the amount I want to lose
- my bmi is down into the next point


TOTM is still imminent (in fact slightly late, guess CD is playing with my hormones, 0% of being pregnant!) and to lose 3 pounds is a good place for me to be in as I really don't normally lose due to the fluid retention.

Told OH about my bracelet last night. He said 'you're really determined this time?' and I said 'oooh yes' in a slightly 'too f'ing right I am matey I am going to shut you up once and for all' and he said 'why did you say it like that?' and I just said 'oh, just because I'm determined'

Didn't tell him my loss though this morning, I think I would have got some kind of comment about it being less than the other weeks rather than his normal non-committal 'that's good'.

 

[Awaken Me]

Wahey you have joined me under the 300lb mark it is such a huge milestone don't you think.

Well done on your loss - 3lb is still a good loss but TOTM always wreaks havoc with our bodies. Thank god mine came last week it really does make a difference. All the water I've been retaining has gone and that awful bloated felling has also gone away.

You're doing great and much be so proud of yourself.

 

[White Tulip]

Race you to 20 stone Awaken Me

A busy 24 hours, some good stuff, some not so good stuff.

The good stuff:

I took some photos of myself when I started. I then took some at wk4 in the same clothes but although I'd worn cropped trousers I had a long sleeved jumper on and so there wouldn't be much difference to notice under it! I took some photos yesterday of me in cropped trousers and a strappy long top and that will now be my photo outfit.

Had a huge sort out in the wardrobe. I really went through everything. I had quite a few bits which at the start of CD were a bit tight and now fit. Nothing special, just a few work tops which were only cheap ebay buys to start with. I do now have a good selection of work stuff to keep me going for a few weeks. I also have loads of pairs of cropped trousers that fit. For my October holiday last year I bought 3 pairs of Evans linen pairs. After a few washes and putting on 2 stone they didn't fit in May for my last holiday -so I bought more...they all now fit so I have loads to choose from! Some are on the verge of getting too big but I have plenty more in reserve! I found 2 pairs of size 26 that also fit......and a pair of 'work' type material cropped trousers in 24 that fit! OK, they are a bit tight round the bum but they zipped up etc. I was gobsmacked! I reckon 2-3 weeks and they might fit nicely.

Not so good stuff.

I have had a headache all day and I think it's because I'm so narked with my OH. He was a twonk again last night and I was really angry. I knew I wouldn't eat but I really knew that red lights were flashing situation wise and in the past I would have either opened some wine or eaten copious amounts of chocolate. He carried on being an idiot this morning and I just left for work gritting my teeth . My shoulders and neck are tense and I realised at lunchtime that I must have been gritting my teeth all morning as my jaw hurts.

TOTM is now quite late. I must check back to see how late. This never happens and can only be down to CD. I do wonder if my general 'meh' feeling is down to this.

I also think I need to take something in addition to fybogel. Nothing is happening and hasn't for 2 or 3 days and it's getting a bit erm.......tender when trying....

 

[White Tulip]

I need to record this so I don't forget!!

I had a dream last night. My dreams are always incredibly realistic and feel as if I am really there.

I had been brought back from 'somewhere' at the beginning and was shown a full length mirror. The reflection was a stunning woman, fitted black trousers/jeans, flat stomach, cropped black top and with thick, very long blonde hair all flicked over to 1 side. I then realised that the image was 'me' (although facially it wasn't but I thought - I am looking at myself) and I was stunned. I then realised I had been brought back from somewhere I had lost weight.

OMG Checking back through my diary to check TOTM dates I read and remembered this....

Last week I was supposed to have my hair cut at the training salon where I work (adult learning) but the student didn't appear. Whilst waiting I was looking at the colour charts. I don't mind strong colour - I've been most shades of red over the last 2 years. However, I found myself mischieviously thinking - how about blonde??!! So I said to the tutor - how about an all over deep auburn with lots of warm blonde highlights? I really fancy a change.....it's been done this week !! I have only been blonde once before - when I was 19 but thought - I really want a 'dust off' image wise.....blimey perhaps the person in the dream really will be me!! I do have long hair already....just need the rest of the body to go with it now


I've just checked back and perhaps TOTM isn't late......I said that it was looming 2 days after my first weigh in which was after 1 week.......so today is 4 weeks later.....ok, all still on track for being a normal month then (well, anything lighter than a normal month would be a blessing, I suffer now sadly)

 

[leeds123]

hi, just wanted to say that CD messes with my TOM so dont worry. also, when it is late and arrives it comes with a whoosh of weight.

I love reading your diary because you go through so much in your day to day life but still manage to be inspirational and strong. its funny, i know SO many strong women and i think its because us girls have so much against us for so much of our lifes that our capacity to deal with life is so great. I am having a bad cd day today and your diary has really given me the strength to keep going. Your dedictaion is infectious!

as for trouble at work, I am having a hellish time and the days i do work i have found that more and more i am coming home and heading straight for food. its got to stop but i cant help it. i get so stressed at work, that when i come home i need instant comfort. how can i get over this?

 

[Kazski]

Hi, My CDC sold me some fibre that you can put in your water - is apparently tasteless ! Have not tried it yet, am in a similar postion to you, have put it somewhere, but do you think I can find it !!

 

[White Tulip]

apparently the Fybogel is very similar. A bulking agent. To be honest my whole body today feels as if it's been in a spin drier, all a bit odd really.

 

[White Tulip]

Leeds - thankyou for your lovely post. It made me feel

I am sure my dedication will be washed away by something at some point whilst on CD. After last night I now know I can overcome how I feel when I am yet again at the bottom of the pile of OH's priorities, I don't think anything job wise would send me to the food but I think something unexpected might I just don't know what. On the couple of times I've lost weight I have got to around 4 stone and about 5 months on a diet and self sabotage seems to slowly set in. Hopefully with the speed of CD, by the time I get to 4 stone I won't be at the point mentally of wanting to sabotage and if I can stay on plan 5 months I would hope to be much stronger mentally when the sabotage devil comes knocking on my shoulder.

I don't know the answer to the food/hell at work dilemma I ate and ate and ate when I went through a terrible time in my last job (I was bullied by my manager and mentally melted) and ate in secret so much of the time.

 

[QueenOfTheDamned]

just popping in to say you're doing an amazing job and keep it up. your diary never fails to inspire and motivate me x

 

[Aaleigha]

you are doing fantastically
well done on the wardrobe clear out that is a task well done
if you need 'help' there are two things you can try
the first is movicol its sachets and is expensive but works really well
the other is a gycerine suppository easy to use and they too work really well and quicker

 

[White Tulip]

My body feels a mess, I am almost at the point of crying or lashing out.

TOTM should be here today and nothing yet. Feeling so bloated.

Nothing is yet 'moving' (started a separate thread on it for ideas) even after taking 2 dulcolax perles yesterday. It's like painful 'contractions' in that kind of area and even as I'm sitting here now it's really uncomfortable.

The suppositories might have to be the option I eventually go for. They aren't something I've ever used before though

It's really not nice

 

[Aaleigha]

movicol is expensive but does work will take about 24 hours the suppositories will work in about 30 mins and it sounds like you need to use them I have only used them once and that recently but like you it was so painful it was more than worth it

 

[QueenOfTheDamned]

ouch, i feel for you. hope somethign starts moving soon, must be awful

 

[White Tulip]

suppositories it was........and boy did it work quick!! I had got to the stage where I felt so ill I really didn't care discussing it in public with the pharmacist in the chemist or the aspect of buying suppositories (too many Carry On film innuendo type thoughts in my mind over them!). I had hot flushes, I was shaking, I couldn't sit, stand, walk easily, I really felt ill and in such horrific pain everytime I went to the loo. I now feel fine, absolutely perfect

I feel the scales may be a good reading on Sunday, I weighed myself yesterday and then this morning and let's hope they don't change as I'd be very happy with what they now read!!

Couple of busy evenings have just gone. Sadly most of them either ruining, or fixing my hair. Had a disastrous visit where my change of image to a buxom blonde went horrifically wrong and I had lots of random patches of yellow/orange highlights and a number of bleach 'bleeds'. This is where the bleach comes out of the top of the foil packet they put through the hair and bleaches the darker colour. It means that as well as blonde bits going down the hair.....you also have blonde stripes going across your hair Lots of reasons behind why it happened (inexperience, lack of supervision, lack of time etc)

It took 4 hours to put it right last night back at the salon. Dyed, cut and then dyed again as the first one didn't cover it. I now have very, very dark long hair which is fine, but not exactly the flowing mane of curly blonde tresses I desired.

Went to see my dog at my ex's yesterday ( I know how weird that must sound!) and he said

'you've lost loads of weight off your face. It's not gaunt but definitely loads of weight'.

He knows I'm doing it but it was good to hear a comment.

I decided to test my OH's reaction to the observation and his thoughts (I apologise for the little lie in the middle of this but I don't know why he needed to know what he asked)

'I was told I had lost lots of weight off my face today'

'Yeah, suppose....by who?'

'.....by someone at work . They said I didn't look gaunt...'

'pppft. Well you certainly don't look gaunt. Perhaps in another 6 months time'

'.....They said I didn't look gaunt but that I had lost a lot of weight off my face'


'silent shrug'......back to watching TV and nothing else on the subject....

I really do think he sees me being this overweight as some kind of 'security' for him. He says he wants me slim (well, thin really I think, he says 11 stone 7 is too high, I told him otherwise and basically what I felt about that thought), but when I do lose weight he just has nothing to say unless I mention it and then is non-committal. Maybe he thinks that being permanently fat keeps me with him and he has a verbal 'stick' to keep hitting me with and if I lose weight he will be threatened by my new look as he knows his own shortcomings. Don't know really..

 

[leeds123]

little sod!!! he is using you to make himself feel better. cant wait for you to lose the deadweight you are carrying around. oh, and losing the pounds off your body will also be great!

he really is mean! keep going, soon you can tell him to push right off! sorry if i speak out of turn but he is SO unsupportive its almost unbelievable!