The fat is back

I'm on holidays!!!!

I don't think that I'm gonna meet my Chinese New Year Challenge, 4 lbs left and only 3 days to go! Ah well, never mind. Have had a lovely weekend (apart from the eating food = tremedous guilt = self loathing feeling that I'm trying to come to terms with and am actually feeling a little disturbed by.)

I'm gonna try and write down what I ate over the weekend.

Friday - Breakfast - 1 Pack
Lunch - about 20 mini mandarin oranges
Dinner - Huge bowl of green salad
1 lamb shish kebab
Green Beans
Mushrooms (about one tablespoon)
Tofu
3 Jujube dates
some lamb (about one tablespoon)
some chicken (about one tablespoon)

Saturday - Breakfast - 3 mini mandarin oranges
5 peanut and sesame sweets
Lunch - 1 Pack
Dinner - 4 slices of pizza
5 chicken wings
Popcorn
Raw veggies
5 glasses of white/white zinfandel wine

Sunday - Breakfast - 1 slice of cold pizza
5 mini mandarin oranges
Lunch - Large Bowl of red cabbage, onion, coriander and potato salad.
9 Jiaozi (small dumplings with egg and summer squash filling.)
Dinner - 1 Pack


OK, After writing all of that, I know understand why I had such a sore tummy Friday evening/Saturday morning and why I felt so very, very fat and disgusted with myself!

My plan on Friday was to eat the salad only! I did refuse the breads that they were passing around though if that's any consolation!


I'm gonna have to explore a little more the reasoning for my immediate feeling of humongousness after eating any food. But I really need to get a control of the amount that I consume when I do eat or I'll be back to 19 stone in no time! Looking over what I did eat, I'm kind of glad that I do have that 'disgusted with my self' feeling, I don't know where I would have stopped if I didn't have that! On the other hand, I also had the feeling that, well you've already eaten loads, the damage is done, so a little more is not gonna hurt! What is wrong with me!!!!!


Contemplated eating dinner tonight, but I've just had a pack, and feel a little sick. I'm gonna try and have two days of SS. I'll be eating on Wednesday and Thursday (New Years eve and New Years Day), but I need to try and control it.

Have been feeling really sluggish all weekend, so I'm gonna go out for a walk in a minute, try and get some fresh air and get some of the junk that I've put into my body over the past couple of days moving.


Shall write more later.
 
Waste

Since I was a little girl, I was told that I must not waste food. I must think about all of the starving children in Africa :)o) and finish everything that was on my plate before I could leave the table. This is posing to be my biggest problem. You see, in China, you don't have your own plate. Food is shared from communal dishes in the center of the table. What does that mean to me? At home, I guess I eat more than everyone else. I eat much faster, and yes, I may not eat as much rice, but I usually wolf down the meat and veggies, all gone. It's not so bad at home 'cos hubby usually cooks. We usally have two dishes, one of stir-fried green vegetable (broccoli, Bocoi, Spinach or Lotus Greens) and one meat or tofu dish, plus rice. Now the restaurant is a whole other ball game. It's Chinese custom to order far more than your guests are expected to eat. It's also custom that guests leave food on each dish to show their host that they have had plenty to eat and he has provided well for them. But for me, I sit at the table with a full belly, seeing lots of food left in the center and everyone else chatting away, not eating. I subconciously hear my Mam and Dad saying, 'you can't go out to play 'til your plate is empy' and I try to help everyone left at the table. I pick and pick and pick off each dish 'til I feel so full and so sick that I can pick no more - still leaving a sufficient amount so as not to offend the host!


I was contemplating the other evening that I may need to get some hypnosis to overcome this 'illness', because that's what this problem is, a psychological illness! Ayaiyaiyai!

I read a post on here the other day, I can't remember anything else about the post except for the part where it talked about waste. Not eating your child's leftovers because you don't want to waste it.....because really all your doing is filling your body with waste, which turns to blubber:eek:


So, my goal for this holiday, when I will be eating, to take things slowly (didn't start well with my intro to food at the weekend), to stop when I'm full and to put the waste in the bin, not my mouth!



I've ss'ed so far today. Feeling really good. I met some friends for tea at lunchtime and had a really good chat. The me and Bobbie walked from the coffee shop to our home....... minus 5 degrees, 10km walk. It took us about 1.5 hours, but I felt great when I got back!

Hope you're all having a wonderful Monday.
 
Holidays....ahhhh.....I can spend lots of time on minimins, analysing my life and my losses so far, and what I hope to aim!

I have 5 kgs (11 lbs) to go to NORMAL BMI. Have to have a new mini-goal, shall start it after the holidays....mmmmm 5kgs, (not planning to put on ANY weight over these holidays!) so, shall we say 5 KGS by Mid-March? When is Easter this year? Shall google that just now...back in a mo...

March 23rd, sounds good to me! OK Paula babes, I challenge you to be Normal for the first time in ....actually, I don't think I've ever had a normal BMI!!!:eek:


My losses so far:

June 2005 - 123 Kgs (19 stone 4)
January 2007 - 117 Kgs (18 stone 5)
September 2007 (CD Start) 108 kgs (17 stone)
Today (February 2008) 76.8 kgs (12 stone 1)


Normal BMI 72 Kgs (11 stone 4)
Goal 65 kgs (10 stone 3)


So total loss since 2005 - 46 KGS (7 stone 4)
Total loss since starting CD - 31 Kgs (4 stone 13)


Yay!!!!!!!!!!


Had a pretty good day. Had my last pack about half an hour ago, had a few slices of tofu, some celery and garlic greens with it. Ah well!
 
Hi Paula

I've just done a long reply post and then managed to lose it! anyway, I can't be bothered starting again but well done on how far you've come, you'll be 'normal' in no time :D

If I were you I'd keep tracking everything you're eating if you're struggling at the moment, this weekend's food diary shows why you were feeling so sluggish.

now I'm eating 'normally' I'm tracking everything, it gives me something to focus on and keeps me on the straight and narrow (almost)

I think everyone of us who are overweight has a demon phsycological illness that we need to get past, another of our battles, we will win though, don't forget the finishing post is within sight for you now! Or is that really the starting post !

take care and enjoy your hols
 
dawnyblue said:
Hi Paula
I've just done a long reply post and then managed to lose it! anyway, I can't be bothered starting again but well done on how far you've come, you'll be 'normal' in no time :D
Click to expand...


I know I have a few friends and family members who will certainly argue with that statement LOL:D

If I were you I'd keep tracking everything you're eating if you're struggling at the moment, this weekend's food diary shows why you were feeling so sluggish.

now I'm eating 'normally' I'm tracking everything, it gives me something to focus on and keeps me on the straight and narrow (almost)
Click to expand...

I just read over what I ate at the weekend again, and both writing it and reading it really had/has a huge impact on me. I think that that note taking is reallly very important and I will be doing it throughout this whole holiday and when I start eating 'normally' later on.


I think everyone of us who are overweight has a demon phsycological illness that we need to get past, another of our battles, we will win though, don't forget the finishing post is within sight for you now! Or is that really the starting post !
Click to expand...

Aiyaiyaiyaiyai!!!!!


take care and enjoy your hols
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

As always, thanks for dropping by and supporting Dawn. You really are such a great rock for me!

Hope you are doing well....love to you
 
wow - you're doing fab. I've got a lot of catching up to do to (I'm near your top end rather than bottom end) but sticking with it and doing ok. It certainley isn't easy.

I'm out in China for the second time in April on business. Industrial zones - not really showing me the best of China I don't presume.

The one thing that scares me is the toilets. The ones in the exhibition centres were literally like a seat straight in the floor. Without meaning to be crude - how exactly are you meant to use them ?
 
ello ello chick,
i'm here...i've just been lurking!!!
only have a few moments to type (gawww, i only seem to pick these moments where i'm short on time to post something...silly me)
anyways, i'm soooooo impressed on what you've achieved! well done, hun!!!

you are so very very close to your goals. wow, its amazing!

righty, i have to post in mine, plus sams diary....will say a little more there. i do hope you and the family are doing oh so well!!! and enjoying your holidays!!1 woohoo!

ciao for now sweetums!
xoox
 
Hey Candice! Missed you, oh so! Very happy for you guys though!

Well the fireworks have started big time, I have a few minutes here, Eiriana is having a nap, Xiao Zhou is writing our 'dui lian' to put on the door to ward off evil spirits and welcome the good one's, and I need to have a bath. Oh bugger, it's 5:30pm! I have to make the jiaozi too!!!!


:eek::eek::eek::eek:


Have been eating over the past couple of days, but, I am really happy with my choices and my ability to WASTE!!!!!


Anyway, it's New Years Eve....welcome the year of the Rat. In for a crazy one tonight by the sounds of it (some 'nuclear bomb' firecrackers already gone off!)

Love to you all!

Xin Nian Kuai Le, Gong Xi Fa Cai!


Sarah hun, I will be back to answer this in length when I have more time!:D
The one thing that scares me is the toilets. The ones in the exhibition centres were literally like a seat straight in the floor. Without meaning to be crude - how exactly are you meant to use them ?
Click to expand...
 
Hey Paula, just wondering how you're doing?

I was wondering if perhaps you'd decided to go to the in-laws after all?

anyway, whatever you're doing hope you're having fun but staying sensible with your eating of course.

looking forward to hearing how you're doing

hugs x
 
Hello All.......
.....all is well in The Jing. I've been off CD now for two whole weeks, eating quite a fair amount, but trying to stay as sensible as possible and STOPPING WHEN I'M FULL (well trying to! a novelty for me, I need practice!)
Jumped on the scales yesterday morning, 78 kgs, a gain of 1.2 kgs.....not in the slightest bit worried about that as I know that this is water NOT fat. Need to start back and shift that last 10+ kgs though, want to start back tomorrow, but had a surprise visit from in-laws today :)eek:) so will try my best to get back on the bandwagon tomorrow! (breakfast and lunch at least!)

I will write more when I'm not entertaining......love to you all


BTW had an absolutely fantastic holiday, and I LOVE SKIING ....... thank you CD for opening up this whole new world of slimdom, energy, confidence and courage for me!!!
 
fat in the jing said:
Hello All.......
.....all is well in The Jing. I've been off CD now for two whole weeks, eating quite a fair amount, but trying to stay as sensible as possible and STOPPING WHEN I'M FULL (well trying to! a novelty for me, I need practice!)
Jumped on the scales yesterday morning, 78 kgs, a gain of 1.2 kgs.....not in the slightest bit worried about that as I know that this is water NOT fat. Need to start back and shift that last 10+ kgs though, want to start back tomorrow, but had a surprise visit from in-laws today :)eek:) so will try my best to get back on the bandwagon tomorrow! (breakfast and lunch at least!)

I will write more when I'm not entertaining......love to you all


BTW had an absolutely fantastic holiday, and I LOVE SKIING ....... thank you CD for opening up this whole new world of slimdom, energy, confidence and courage for me!!!
Click to expand...

So many doors opening for you Paula - it's fab to read! So what's next? :D
 
Scales this morning weighed in at 78.4 KGS. So that's what my ticker will be set at. Have a new goal to be 'Normal' by easter. 6.4 kgs.....


Had lots of water today, packs for breakfast and lunch and a dinner of tofu, mushrooms, summer gourd, beef :)o) and yellow peppers for dinner. No rice and very full.


Really want to spend a little longer here, catching up with everyone - including myself, but I am host for a week, playing the role of the perfect 'Chinese' wife :)D:D:D) to my very traditional in-laws (who, by the way, literally did not recognise me when they saw me!) So, 'til the weekend, I will be posting a teeny bit every so often.

Love to you all, I'll try to read your diaries to catch up, and then post later on.
 
Hey Paula!

Happy new year to you!!!! Year of the Rat eh?

So how is the wonderful hostess with the mostest?!?! lol. Hope you're managing to be a good girl on the diet, although i know it must be sooooo hard when everyone around you is on holiday and eating loads!!
 
So, it's Sunday again. My in-laws left late Thursday night, hubby took me out for dinner on Friday night and we had a lovely family day yesterday - exposing my 2.5 year old to sexy arabic snake women :)o)and belly dancing at Afunti - crazy muslim fun restaurant! I had planned to eat today too, but I woke up this morning feeling really yucky, so SS it is for me! All last week I had packs for breakfast and lunch then ate in the evening with the family. I drank plenty of water and by Wednesday had gone down to 76 KGS, of course, that's different this morning! It's been really fluctuating all week, (I'm a serial weigh-er) and I really noticed that on days, especially evenings that I drank a lot of tea (I'm an oolong/tie guan ying drinker) I was much lighter the next morning, so I'm pretty certain that the extra weight is water retention.

I know that this last lap is gonna be the hardest, I'm at a place now where I feel pretty happy with my achievement, people are constantly telling me how great I look (my head is getting sooooo big!) and some are even telling me that they think I ought to stop now as I'm lookin a little too thin. I'm still overweight, and the sensible part of me knows that, but there's a little part of me that's also listening to those people! Goodness me......get your @rse in gear Paula!


But, there is something that is gonna push me on - I took Eiriana to a playroom in a big department store yesterday, when we were leaving I took a quick look in one of the shops. They had a sale on and I saw a funky pair of short trousers. I thought that most shops went to a size equivalent to UK size 14, (I've never been able to buy clothes here, so I wouldn't really know!) I asked the assistant for that size and she looked at me with 'that' look, turned her nose up and said, as she walked away, 'we don't do sizes that big, our biggest size is 170' (same as UK size 12 - Asian XL :eek:) So, with a face as pink as the trousers I wanted to try on, I said, well I'll try these maybe they'll fit :)eek:). I went to the dressing room, got them on, pretty tight, but not too bad, and bought them, I think more to give that cocky assistant a bop on the nose more than 'cos I really wanted them! I made the mistake of being too cocky myself though and tried a jacket on outside of the dressing room, really TOO small! So, that will drive me on, I must be able to buy clothes here, I can't go the rest of my life buying so many clothes whenever I go home then not having any new clothes for a year!

I'm hoping ketosis will come fast! Before I wrote that, I was gonna write that I think that I'm gonna have difficulties over the next couple of days, but I don't want to be defeated before I start! Positive vibes...easy peasy, lemon squeazy! Must keep myself busy and get my bum back to the gym. Must also spend a little more time here and peek at what everyone else is up to.

Love to you all.
 
I've just got off from Skype with my mam and dad. I haven't spoken to them properly for quite a while 'cos of the holidays and visitors. We spoke for well over an hour and nearer the end of the converstaion mam told me that her and dad were getting really fed up because they had been yo-yoing for the past couple of weeks with the same kilo. She asked if I had lost any more weight and I said that I hadn't been doing CD for the past few weeks and had put on 1.5 kilos. She asked how much more I wanted to lose and I said I had 5 kgs to BMI normal and (I fibbed a little 'cos I know my mam well) another 5 to goal. She immediatley retorted with 'that's too much Paula, you've lost far too much already'

I didn't rise, I just let it go, as did she.....I know how sh'e feeling, I just wish that she didn't feel so negative about CD and could reap the benefits



Apart from that, fought myself with pizza hut cheese-sticks, Eiriana wanted pizza, (which she doesn't like! she thinks the cheese sticks are pizza!) Of course she didn't eat it all, and she smells like cheese, I thought that I could have a slice and start ss tomorrow, but NO! I was strong ..... Yeah me!!!!

Night night all!
 
fat in the jing said:
'we don't do sizes that big, our biggest size is 170' (same as UK size 12 - Asian XL :eek:)
Click to expand...

Jeeeez - I'd have to spend my time wearing a double duvet cover with head and arm holes cut into it if I lived over there!!
 
me too RussianDoll !

Paula - that picture as you avatar with you and your little girl is absolutely stunning. You both look gorgeous and very very happy :)

Glad you enjoyed the festive period.

You SHOULD be very proud of your achievements. You are certainley a great inspiration to me! I've totally changed my diet and eating patterns to match and am not following a plan as such. If I come to a sticking point and am not loising weight - I'm going to go Cambridge SS. Meantime - what I'm doing is working and I'll stick with it.

I really really hope maybe this time next year I can show photos off to be proud of.
 
Day 2 of SS.....mmmmmmmm......I'm feeling a little hungry!!! Not too bad, I'm sat here getting inspiration from all the fantastic people here and drinking my cuppa oolong......really good one!

Had a good day at school, I'm feeling quite stressed and I'm not quite sure what the problem is. We have a little staff shortage at the mo, but nothing too major, we've had worse!

I think that my stress may also have something to do with my darling husband being ill. Well no, he's not ill, he has an infection in his prostate gland, he feels ok, but he never gets sick and I worry so much about him when he does:cry::cry::cry:He's been on IV for the past week, and now he has another weeks worth of oral antibiotics.....I hope he gets better soon, he's my rock and I love him so very, very much.


Was chatting with Kay today and too much of the Beijing good-life has put some of her weight back on. She's about 2 stone heavier than she was when she finished the diet, but has started back today, not wanting to spiral down that slippery slope to end up at 16-17 stone again! I know what she means, I have nightmares about that happening. I also worry a lot about whether I will be able to recognise when I need to stop. The comments that some people make - including what my mam said to me last night - make me wonder a lot. But when I went swimming yesterday I saw a woman who was so thin that you could count every chest bone, rib bone and vertebrae....I don't want to be like that and really don't think that I could let myself get there.......


til later chickeedees
 
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