I'm feeling on such a roll at the moment, it's great. Having been faffing around for a few months, it feels so good to actually be back in the zone. I love the star chart - I'm still a child at heart and love the shiny stickers I get to put on each day. It's also really good to know that if I follow it through I really can reach my goal by the end of the chart. It's a little bit overwhelming to think that I can actually achieve a healthy weight - it's not just people on the telly or in magazines, it's not just pie in the sky dreaming, it's something I really can do, and am getting so close to actually achieving.
I love all your comments about my legs, I've laughed so hard at the comments on Clair's diary. You've really made my day
I think mostly today though, I've just been reflecting on how much this journey has made a difference to me. I stumbled on this site from a google search on Exante, and it has just been fantastic. You guys have really helped me to believe that it's possible to do.
Losing the weight feels like letting go of shackles that have been holding on to me for years. As well as literally being lighter, I feel like I've been letting go of loads of baggage and behaviours that are really not helping me. It's amazing how many areas of my life it's starting to touch. In the last few weeks I've been doing loads of clearing up and sorting out (I'm sure part of this is related to the priest /career thing too), but having been a hoarder for years, I'm finally feeling able to let go of things. The first thing has been letting go of the weight, letting go of that being part of my identity. But now, as I'm feeling more and more confident at just getting on with being me, I'm feeling able to let go of so much more stuff that I've just been holding on to.
It's much like the weight really, it's just baggage that I've been hiding behind, holding on to because I'm scared to let it go. But actually releasing it, freecycling it, tipping it, giving it away, I'm feeling so much freer to just get on being myself. I had no idea, when I started on Exante back in October, quite how life changing it could be. It is just amazing how much better every day seems without the physical and psychological weight around me.
I want to bottle these feelings today of belief, energy, focus, and bring them out again on wobbly days! Last week I was so optimistic about the weight that I actually scheduled some time in my diary tomorrow to go and get my 8 balloon! (I really hope the scales tomorrow show 13:11, so that I can actually do it!)