The journey to fat freedom continues... 7 weeks fast track

[CrazyDiamond]

Good morning!

I woke up today and feel so irritable. Everything is making me nuts. I'm going to take some ltyrosine and see if I feel any better. Right now I could flip my wig at the slightest little thing.

I need to find something therapeutic to do. Or else I'm going to be a crazy nightmare today.

Having my shake then going to take myself off somewhere I think.

I'm right there with you! I feel like I need to get up and get out and so something, I'm irritable, but I know if I do that I'd be a hot sweaty mess within minutes, don't know what to do with myself that's positive, ie that I won't feel bad about an hour down the line - like I generally do with a lot of things lately (think eating, shopping etc).

Maybe I need to get me some ltyrosine too!

 

[bettiesrevenge]

The journey to fat freedom continues...

Hah! Glad it's not just me being psycho. Ltyrosine helps with the edgy-ness I find. Not taking effect yet mind you.

Maybe there is some crazy astrological configuration?

I'm going to get in the car with my youngest and drive out somewhere. Not sure where yet. But somewhere! Not shopping. Not food. Somewhere beautiful and calm.

 

[CrazyDiamond]

No, not just you at all!! It's not a good feeling, ok it's better than lethargy, but never the less feeling irritable for no reason sucks big style.

 

[bettiesrevenge]

The journey to fat freedom continues...

Oh god. Time to come clean. I hit a bump in the road. It looked like a feast ice cream and somehow ended up in my mouth. I frickin saw this coming. No amount of ltyrosine could stop it. I consumed it so quick I didn't even acknowledge I did it until about 60 seconds later.

Then came the meltdown. I managed to not binge thankfully but so far I had 2 extra packs and almost left my husband.

What triggered it? Well feeling pretty darn angry anyway. Raging pmt and my husband has been acting like an irresponsible teenage boy.

I've only just got a new job and granted we have both been on a short rein for months but yesterday he spent 100 on clothes and another 100 quid going out with his mates. Of course I flew at him when I found out. How could he spend that much in one weekend ? It's not the first time either. I just feel like I'm always in attack mode with him lately and I don't want to be but he is going through some seriously idiotic shi@ right now and I just don't see why he should be allowed to carry on like he hasn't got. Care in the world. He then said I'm only spending what you spend on your diet a month. FFS. I am seriously considering going to my dads. He needs a wake up call.

Argggh sorry for the word vomit rant if you are reading. I just need to get it out or else it will be harder to resist the thoughts of eating to numb my frustration.

 

[CrazyDiamond]

Oh god. Time to come clean. I hit a bump in the road. It looked like a feast ice cream and somehow ended up in my mouth. I frickin saw this coming. No amount of ltyrosine could stop it. I consumed it so quick I didn't even acknowledge I did it until about 60 seconds later.

Then came the meltdown. I managed to not binge thankfully but so far I had 2 extra packs and almost left my husband.

What triggered it? Well feeling pretty darn angry anyway. Raging pmt and my husband has been acting like an irresponsible teenage boy.

I've only just got a new job and granted we have both been on a short rein for months but yesterday he spent 100 on clothes and another 100 quid going out with his mates. Of course I flew at him when I found out. How could he spend that much in one weekend ? It's not the first time either. I just feel like I'm always in attack mode with him lately and I don't want to be but he is going through some seriously idiotic shi@ right now and I just don't see why he should be allowed to carry on like he hasn't got. Care in the world. He then said I'm only spending what you spend on your diet a month. FFS. I am seriously considering going to my dads. He needs a wake up call.

Argggh sorry for the word vomit rant if you are reading. I just need to get it out or else it will be harder to resist the thoughts of eating to numb my frustration.

I know Ive said it a couple of times today, but me too... Ice cream.. But all kudus to you for leaving it at that, I unfortunately haven't...

Oh boy those men in our lives certainly choose their timing despicably don't they! Rant away, hope you're feeling a little better for wanting at least

X

 

[bettiesrevenge]

The journey to fat freedom continues...

Ice cream too? Well I may have also had some jelly belly. God. You see ria it's punishment actually. I'm punishing myself but also punishing my husband. I'll explain why.

You see, after my first post this morning my DH woke up and I asked him for some money as I was going to drive out to the lake. So I knew he withdrew £130 from the ATM yesterday so this was a test really when I think about it. Of course he only had £30 quid left. I went into one and drove off in a huff to the lake in Bala. A good 60 miles away!

While there I then got incensed at him and because my weight bothers him so much, I obviously thought F you. I'm eating this ice cream. I was just fizzing. I don't even think there was a thought process. More of an instinct.

It wasn't until before in the bath when I dragged out Geneen Ruth's overcoming emotional overeating that it clicked. I was getting back at him with the only thing that elicits a response. My weight. It will be no surprise then, that 2 years ago when we almost split up, I was at my lowest weight since 2007. But that didn't stop us having problems and it just so happens that it's been the same two years that I've been gaining and losing broadly the exact same 40lbs.

I know this is a bit deep for my normally frivolous self. But there is more than a casual link in the dynamic of how I feel in relationships and my weight. I just think that on this journey, this time, I have to unearth and examine those things. So... I guess there it is.

Timing... Is there ever a good one?

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Right A NEW DAY and I am determined to forget all about yesterday. Last night I had the most horrendous migraine and had to go to bed. Not good.

So little blip. Little melt down. Strangely feel much better, still miffed at DH, but you know. I am not going to let that derail me. I can choose to allow things to get me down or I can choose to be victorious no matter what gets thrown my way. I am hoping to be the latter.

One shake down, going to have a green tea and peppermint tea mixed together in a giant pint glass. That way its one of my 4 pints down. I am going to try and go for 6 at least today. I may have to count them on here. Anything to get me through the day and into ketosis. I may also do the shred to burn off yesterdays calamity. Gosh. The things we do.

 

[CrazyDiamond]

LET'S DO THIS!!! A new day, a new set of determination! Whilst laying there in the sweltering heat last night clutching my aching belly I had a good think about it all, and hopefully this is gonna work now... I have a plan... incoming long diary entry from me....

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Exceptional! I'm loving the anticipation of the entry... Gonna go and check!

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Well today has gone better than expected. After a shakey start I have stayed on plan.

I had a 4th pack and now I'm going to get in the shower. I think I may have 4 packs for tomorrow too as that's definitely knocked the hunger on the head.

Its funny how your hormones and irritations can bamboozle you. I'm going to stay focused. Can't afford another crap weigh in. I'm hoping to lose at least 5lbs this week. It's no where near the 20 I had hoped for but it's over the stone and that's what counts. To get into a new stone bracket.

Onwards and ummm ...,,downwards??? Yes indeed.

 

[CrazyDiamond]

Yes indeed! High five - that's one day down for both if us, here's to the next tomorrow!

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Right back atcha!

Feeling a tad better today. Still fuming at him indoors, who just doesnt get it. But I am not letting a small thing like that get in the way. I am selling his car instead! Haha. No really he asked me honestly he did. We are clubbing together to buy a Diesel version (He drives a BMW 330 M sport and its a demon on the juice - though so much fun to drive)

More water methinks then get my work stuff together and off to bed.

 

[bettiesrevenge]

The journey to fat freedom continues...

Thunder, thunder thunder cats!

Ok so there were no cats but there was thunder! And what about the dutches's baby news? I suspected this was a beyonce baby all all along. I think she popped into the Lindo wing and walked out with the surrogates offspring. I've never seen such an in unpregnant looking pregnant lady. I suspect she will be back to her former glorious self in a matter of hours! Haha jealous moi? Is it because I still wear my battlescares with pride ( ok with a mild tinge of disgust) never.

Today is a good day I can feel it. Chocolate mint shake down. Water started. I'm on a roll.

 

[Starlit_Cazza]

Re: The journey to fat freedom continues...

We have missed the thunder so far. Boo. I love a good storm. Much cooler today though Hurrah

 

[bettiesrevenge]

The journey to fat freedom continues...

Cooler here too . Though I'm about to blow my stack at the IS system here! It's disconnecting me at exactly the wrong moment.

I know it's psychological but I'm hungry right now. Boo.

 

[bettiesrevenge]

The journey to fat freedom continues...

Evening day 25!

I wish we would have a proper thunderstorm it's becoming oppressive!

I've been focused today drank my water and had three shakes so far. About to have my fourth with ice like a mint feast ( well one can dream) I even had a client meeting in pizza express. Which kind if threw me I just drank my water though.

Ray Donovan tonight if I manage to stay awake!

 

[bettiesrevenge]

The journey to fat freedom continues...

It's day 27 and I'm been so busy with work that I've not had time to think about eating. SS+ has been such a good idea to get me through the week. My pmt rage feat has calmed down and I'm generally feeling good.

Can't believe it's weigh in time in two days. It's flown. This will be my 4 week result so I hope it's a stone at least or I will be super miffed. I'm not going for huge numbers because its hard to lose at first until my hormone balance out. Fingers crossed I feel a bit more steady...

Plan is to crease the water today and tomorrow. Banish the bloat...

 

[bettiesrevenge]

The journey to fat freedom continues...

Argh why does life throw us such huge curveballs.

I'm not going to fall off plan but this sucks.

 

[hayley29]

What's up hun? X

 

[Lily]

Hope you're ok. Whatever it is, you can cope, I know you can xxx