The start of something good!

Hi CB,

I doubt one mini pork pie will throw you out of ketosis... and if it did you'll slide right in. It won't replace your glycogen.

Nice reward -- 3 stones off -- FAB!

The wedding sound lovely. I hope you have a good time.

If you find things difficult, whilst your CDC is away -- just come on Minimins and ask for help. We're here for you.

MM
 
Day 77

Hello

Weigh in today and....drum roll please...5lbs kicked off my backside this past week! :clap: I seem to be a regular up and down loser looking at my record...as long as it keeps coming off I will keep being a :) bunny (or should that be bear?)

So, I hear you ask, what does that do to my average? Weekly average still ahead of schedule at 4.36 lbs and daily 0.62lbs. I am a ahead on my 4lbs per week chart, so all is good. A total loss of 3st 6lbs to day...that may be over 4st next weigh in which won't be until 13th March.

The only thing that has tempered my celebrations today is the realisation that I have used up my last mega-progesterone pills and it is quite possible that the period-from-hell will start all over again. I am sure that I will be quicker to the doctor's surgery if it does than last time so hopefully it won't have as much of an effect as it did before.

My CDC and I will keep in touch via text, email and phone...I will let her have peace and quiet whilst on holiday and then bombard her with stuff when she is back!

Two weeks until my friend's wedding, which also means two weeks until my three 3 hour exams, which I have yet to open a book for...hmm, MUST do some reading next week; only if it allows me to realise how much I don't know and confirm I should have started months ago!

Off to catch up with the rest of you now!

Love Cx
 
You are doing so well. I hope that the pills fixed things permanently.

MM
 
Day 78

Hello

Rubbish day at work, but to draw a very small positive, I was able refuse the offer of a box of continental chocolates, without any feelings what so ever...no longing, no wanting, no frustration etc. I appreciated their presence along with everyone else, but didn't want to eat them.

A former colleague said to me that after she had gastric bypass surgery, it was like the part of her brain that was obsessed with food was turned off. That is how I feel at the moment. The only time when I really want to eat, is when I am bored.

I feel really emotional today, the drop in progesterone as a result of finishing the tablets has probably got something to do with it. Fingers crossed that my normal pills are once again enough to balance things out and I won't be going down the doctors soon.

I am still trying to work out why, when it has taken me 10 years to put on 14 stone, that I have a hard time dealing with the time it will take me to lose it - a little less than one year. I guess once I made the decision to do this, the hardest part was done and I am now at the mercy of time passing. At least there is certainty that if I keep doing this, and stick to the plan then I will lose the weight. If I were on a 'normal' diet, every week would be a lottery as to whether I had lost or gained.

Off to find some inspiration in your posts...

Love Cx
 
Well Done on resisting the chocs! It would be hard to know if it was going off the pills or this crummy weather getting you down. Let's hope for sun and warmth soon.

MM
 
Day 79

Hello

Thanks for the comments and reading my diary - it is most excellent to know that there are people out there who are interested in my mundane struggles.

I am panicking today. Clothes. Fashion. Things I haven't had to worry about for a while. Wedding!!! I have the black and white skirt, the white shirt and have treated myself to a new pair of kitten sling-backs in nude. My friend has suggested I get a sapphire blue fascinator and pashmina/wrap. I was thinking red. now I don't know what to do - should I play safe and go with black/white pashmina and fascinator or will it be better to have some colour. ADVICE NEEDED!!!

Period started today, so I am guessing pie-gate, the sequel, was fuelled by hormones.

Off to catch up with the rest of you now...

Love Cx
 
Hi CB --

Is it an evening wedding or afternoon? When is the wedding?

If it is an evening wedding maybe a burgundy (not a red, red) would work.
If it is a spring wedding then red wouldn't be advisable at all.

Also, I think the fascinator and pashima should coordinate. You want to look like you put some effort into your outfit.

And, although a lot stylists mock "matchy matchy" -- I still think that for something as traditional as a wedding: coordination is key.

So, maybe bag, pashima and fascinator in same/similar "accent shade".
Pick something that works with you and your colouring -- and that won't clash with the colour scheme the bride has chosen for the deocor (think photographs).

The kitten heels sound perfect and nude lengthens your leg line -- go with nude tights, too.

Do not forget -- hair, make up and nail colour, too.

And above all... fewer and fewer people are getting married these days, so this is a rare and wonderful event. Enjoy!

MM
 
hi clare, just catching up with your diary you are doing fantastic hun keep up the good work.

i met your cdc yesterday she is so lovely what an inspiration she must be to you, shame about cwp slimmer of the year though. she cave me plenty of words of wisdon for getting back on track.

jenny xx
 
Day 80

Hello

Most important things first - shoes have arrived and are a little more caramel then nude, but look nice and I can walk in them which is half the battle won!

Its a Civil Partnership in a hotel, no going outside and it is on the 5th March. I spotted a really nice black top on Next last night so have ordered that as an alternative to wearing a white top. I will wait and see what it is like before making a decision. I agree with the co-ordination of the fascinator and the pashmina...I think that I will go shopping at the weekend and have a look what is out there...thanks for the pointers!

I haven't done too well so far on the water today, so will make a concerted effort before going to bed.

Period has properly started now...I really can't stand another horrendous one so am hoping it is just a normal one (even though I shouldn't have them as am on a pill you take constantly). I will book an appointment at the doctors for next week just in case.

Just finished watching a programme about Caster Semenya, the South African 800m runner. It was interesting to see just how much she was affected by all the press speculation and the fact it took the IAAF and the ASA a year to decide that she could run again. The sad thing from the programme is that the IAAF is doing this to other women and we are not hearing about it. If there are gender "standards" that athletes have to meet, then publish them and lets test them out.

Rant over.

Off to catch up with you now.

Love Cx

Day 80 :clap: yeah me!
 
Hi Clair,
Have just caught up on your diary. Wow, you are really doing so well.
I am also going to a wedding in March and have NO idea what to wear. It's one of our works colleagues which is getting married. Last time I went to a work-related wedding, some of the other colleagues made snide comments about my appearance which really upset me. So, I am slightly apprehensive. I think MM's advice was really good and I think you'll look brilliant by the sounds of it.
Anyway, hope you have a good evening. :)
 
Day 81

Hello

Today I did something that was really scary - so scary that I have avoided it for four years and it took me two weeks to get up the courage to do it.

I used to be a high level martial artist and for various reasons I haven't trained for the past four years and avoided talking about it, seeing it, reading about it etc as it was too stressful.

It was so stressful that I would have panic attacks etc if people talked to me about it. A few weeks ago I noticed an academy near work that I hadn't seen before (although I have been in my current job for about 18 mths).

Today I walked in and watched part of a class and talked to the teacher, with whom, we worked out eventually, I had trained 10 years ago. I really enjoyed being there and was mentally correcting the people who were there training. When I got back to the office I was shaking and was really knackered - just from the stress it had caused me. I am sooooooo very proud of myself for going and I am looking forward, albeit still anxiously, to having a few private lessons and starting back very slowly.

I never thought that I would be in the place mentally where I could think about walking in an academy, let alone start planning my return to the mat.

This has been a result of my CBT work I am doing with a therapist and also I think the increases self-confidence and belief from losing weight. I have shown to myself that I can do things that I have categorised as difficult etc.

Otherwise period seems to have decided it won't be as bad as before. Fingers crossed!

Very tired now after the days excitement so early bedtime for me!

Love Cx
 
Hi Clair,

I think it is great that you were able to go back in and expose yourself to something that had been a big part of life from which you have taken a breather. And, I am sure your CBT was what helped you to realise that when and if you go back, it can be "different" this time. You can make it work for you in the life you are living now.

MM
 
Last edited:
Day 82

Hello

Today was OK, very long - time seemed to be on a go slow after lunch.

I am still bored of waiting for time to pass and the weight to come off; not that I am tempted to stop, as that wouldn't make things go faster! I am mentally ready to move under the 20st mark so will focus on that and stop dreaming so much about the end goal.

All I have now are chocolate tetra shakes as I really like them, there is no mixing needed and they taste like normalness. I have the odd bar now and again, but find them a little bit sickly towards the end.

Hairdressers in the morning, then waxing later next week. I am going to be a proper lady at the wedding (well until I can't walk in the heels anymore and my trainers come out!)

Love Cx
 
Hi Clair --

Funny how people's tastes differ. I do not particularly care for the tetras. (I thought the strawberry was dreadful.)

It sounds as if the wedding will be fab. Rather than trainers how about bringing a pair a cute flats and having them at the ready. I always try to do that -- if only for the walk back to car and in the house!

I hope your shopping for fascinator and pashima goes well today.

MM
 
Day 83

Hello

Shopping was a result - OH got a new suit and shirt, we just need to find him a tie and shoes tomorrow and I got a wrap-type thing and a fascinator in deep purple which should look excellent with the black & white skirt and whichever top I chose.

Hair is nice, had some more blonde highlights in it and a bit of a trim.

Just got the leg waxing and the packing to do this week!

Otherwise I was feeling pretty good about stuff until we went into the massive shops that have mirrors everywhere and I saw that I am still huge - much bigger then I am in my head - and that I have lots of weight to lose still. I kept telling myself that if I hadn't done anything about it I would, no doubt, be bigger than ever now - I would guess near the 26st mark rather than nudging the 21st mark that I am now.

I guess I am just a little sad that I am huge but I am going to use that as motivation to keep going.

Love Cx
 
Hi Clair,

I know how you feel. When I was my biggest I used to say that I had "reverse anorexia" - I thought I was thinner than I was. I would catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window and think, "Wow she's really big." Then, realise it was ME!

You have the right attitude... you are working your way down to what you want to weigh, and it takes time -- but you will get there.

The outfit sounds as if it will be lovely.

MM
 
Day 84

Hello

Shoes and tie purchased and OH is actually loving his suit etc - taken me 7 years to get him stuff that he loves rather than is indifferent too!!! Fingers crossed that my stuff comes out of the washing machine in one piece, the skirt is linen so it is really itchy - a good dose of softener should help - I hope.

Otherwise, struggled with eating today - missed timed water and shakes and so had major downers and tired bits but I am going to focus on getting the water drunk and then tomorrow will be a regimented day as back at work.

Need to get revision and CBT homework done this week. Oh, and listen to podcasts, surf the internet and see what nonsense has come out of Gadafi's mouth over the weekend!

MM - I totally get the reverse anorexia thing, before I started CD I was forever squeezing between furniture and getting stuck or knocking people etc - I was much bigger than my head thought. I guess I am about a size 18 in my head - I was a 30 and now am a 24...a while to go!

Off to catch up with everyone else now...and paint my nails!

Love Cx
 
Hi Clair,

If the softener doesn't help -- do you have (or can youo get a petticoat). Also your tights might make a good barrier. Carry a spare pair in bag -- I always get a ladder at the worst possible moment.

MM
 
Day 85

Hello

What a day! Much of the afternoon was taken up with being evacuated from the office. The first was a practice, which happened to coincide with much of the town centre being cordoned off by the police due to a bomb threat. This meant that we couldn't stand where we were supposed to, cue about 1500 people standing around waiting for someone in charge to tell us where to go. We went back in after about 15 mins and just had time to get a cup of tea to hear the drone of the alarm again - out we went to a different area...20 mins later we go back in...an hour later we go back out...then I went home as it was past 4:30pm! A lot of extra stair climbing for me as well as standing in the freezing cold. I await news of the threat - was it real or not??? I will update when I know.

Otherwise, all I could think about today was going to M&S and buying a load of food and eating it. This is the first time I have thought like this - and it was weird. I allowed myself to think about what I wanted to eat, knowing that after about 10 mins I would get bored by it, which I did. Thankfully I wasn't able to act upon the urge in any way so I was safe.

Back home after seeing the nurse, blood pressure is a good 111/78, down from a good 124/78. I defy both my size and my genes - my fathers blood pressure is in the 200s and I always like the little twitch from the nurse when they realise I may be big, but my blood pressure is fine - challenging their preconception.

Anyway, I note it is the final of TBL tonight so I will give that a watch to see the end product of being bullied for 7 weeks!

Love Cx
 
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