This is me! (Management diary)

[Spanglymum]

Well, I bit the bullet and have said a (fond) farewell to my LL group and counsellors. Feels v weird but also right - like taking your foot off the bottom of the swimming pool or taking stabilisers off your bike. The time is right! I've read sooo much... and learned so much from all of you lot on here... and I'm just ready to continue working this out for myself.

I've had lovely, encouraging, replies from both the counsellors who work at that practice

I possibly need to move my diary or start another new one... I've been toying with the idea of writing a Low Carb blog and collecting links to all the resources that I've found helpful in one place. It could be fun!

 

[Debbi8489]

Wow Spangly! Big decision made then. So what are your plans now? Are you going to stick with sns now and then move onto low carb? Or just move onto low carb now?

 

[Debbi8489]

PS I havent done the Assertiveness module, but am very tempted to go and get it out now

 

[nzmegs]

Spangly, a blog is a great idea! I have a blog as well, but i am so lazy about writing it. it seemed like a great idea when I started it, but the act that about 20 people were reading it got a bit tiresome. As you know I am a writer, so writing something which i wasn't being paid for was hard work. Havng said that though - I would love to write some low carb stuff. if you ever want a guest post let me know. Perhaps we could collaborate?

Low carb is definitely the way to go. Aside from all the health concerns surrounding sugar - low carb is helping me to stay my current weight. yesterday i ate around 1800 low carb and high fat calories (I was starving) and this morning i am still the same weight. I eat this way quite often and so far, i have managed to maintain my weight with no problems. I know though, that if i sit down to a bowl of pasta it is the end of all that. I will put on a huge amount in no time.

I have learned that too much protein can be a problem as well. O our body will use protein to make fat if we eat too much of it. I beleive that 100 grams a day is considered to be the right amount. However fat can be eaten with gay abandon!!

Don't leave minimins - we would all miss your input!

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks! Much appreciated. I'm not going anywhere just yet... Not sure about staying in the LL section but I love Minimins so much I can't see myself ever leaving! I'd love to collaborate on a blog with you... Will ponder and see if I can get started.

Well, momentous things have been afoot for me this week, well for a while really. I've been struggling on many levels. There is the practicality of my 12-hour days... And missing my husband and girls. But there's also the financial mess I've created. And then maintenance. Or yo-yo-ing.

So... My husband and I are remortgaging. I came clean to him, almost, and we set things in motion. But for some reason I held back about one credit card. Why?! What's that about? So this morning I came clean about that one too. He is amazing. Well, he kind of would be, because he did the same himself, twice, in the early years of our marriage and I bailed him out! This isn't about the money though. It's about how I feel being the breadwinner. It's about me keeping secrets. It's about trust and honesty.

We're a lot stronger because of this. The mortgage should be completed in a few week's time and we will have a clean slate. Ok so loads of accumulated compound interest... All my fault... But smaller outgoings month on month.

A huge relief.

And then the other thing? The elephant in the room that's been plaguing me for years? Alcohol. I've decided to go tee total. It just makes so much sense to me. I've been resisting the concept for ages, but I think it will suit me better. Alcohol really messes with my ability to maintain my weight. There's the calories in it. Then the lowered inhibitions and the munchies, and then a hangover (I don't do alcohol in moderation) so more carbs to soothe my sore head and dodgy tummy. Enough!!!!

The solution has been staring me in the face for literally years and I've chosen to ignore it. Well, not any more!

So... Huge things afoot, but all ultimately really positive, life-changing, brilliant things.

 

[nzmegs]

Wow, you really have had an impressive couple of days - you must be feeling like a weight (literally and figuratively!) has been lifted!. Money is a big problem in relationships. we also have a mound of debt, which results from using credit cards for helping to set up my husbands business and when my Mum was ill and I had to travel to NZ. I understand how stressful it can be. But to have that as a secret from your husband must be worse.

In regards to the alcohol - it is a brave decision. I have always found it easy not to drink, but sometimes it becomes a habit. I only drink once or twice a week, but I really look forward to it. During LL I realised i don't need it to have fun and that was a turning point for me. The fact i don't drive means that tend to drink a little bit more than I should as well.

Good luck with it and if you really think it is a problem - get some help from your doc. they will offer some great advice and possible counselling to help you realise why you drink. Sounds like you have a great hubby - lucky you. Mine is pretty fab too!

 

[Spanglymum]

Very proud of myself: just completed week 1 of the Kettleworx workout! I've also done four swims this week. I think being an exercise/endorphin junkie is going to suit me much better than sugar and alcohol!! :-D

Went out with my cousin last night and even though I've only just made my mind up I told her re alcohol as I know it's the right choice for me, and she was brilliant about it - really supportive and positive.

Had my hair cut yesterday in readiness for going to NY a week on Monday for work, and asked for an asymmetric cut. It's fab! I'm going to be giving a couple of big presentations to the NY team so wanted to look my best (although I'm seriously not happy with my spare tyre and thigh situation at the moment... Ahem! How much can I lose in a week if I stick to packs 100%?! help!)

Also dug over our flowerbed this morning and planted summer bulbs. Off down the allotment tomorrow!

AVRT is amazing... Rational recovery. Yep.

 

[nzmegs]

You could lose 3-5 pounds easily. Count your carbs and cut down to less than 20 grams a day. that will shift it in no time!

 

[Spanglymum]

Have started my blog!! Lowcarbotopia

(be gentle with me - I'm new to this and NOT a professional writer like you!)

 

[nzmegs]

Looks fab to me!. I haven't got the time to read it all the way through just yet, but will do very soon. I am happy to send you links to anything i come across. I would lo0ve to write some stuff for you at some point. In the mean time - put Fathead on your blogroll. I can't get enough of his blog at the moment! Amazed you have the time to do this - very impressed!

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks!! Am really enjoying it... I keep thinking of things I want to add. Thanks for the blog recommendation. Any other low-carb or psychology-related ones, let me know!

 

[nzmegs]

I did try to add a comment yesterday - but your commenting system won't allow me to sign in using my own name or my own blog (it is on my own server - not Wordpress/Blogger or any of the others). perhaps a different commenting system would be better.or maybe I am just doing something wrong?

 

[Spanglymum]

I've just got the default settings. It might be preventing access or something. I'll have a dig about and please do try again later!!

Edited to add that I've changed the settings so "anyone" can comment. Have a go. How exciting - my first comment on my first blog!

Didn't go swimming yesterday as I wasn't at work, although I looked up local pools so could have done. I did two hours on my allotment in the morning and then my kettleworx cardio workout. Had some crooked thoughts (it occurred to me this morning that the avrt "voice" is similar to the concept of "crooked thoughts" on LL) about drinking, which was interesting. I didn't succumb. Don't want to. I really don't! I want to be full of verve and energy and oomph etc.

Still enjoying my slimpod and think it might be working...

 

[Spanglymum]

Got a verrrrrrry busy afternoon ahead of back-to-back meetings. Gah! Had the munchies but have been having raw broccoli and sugar snap peas. Go me! Did 24 lengths this morning and will be doing Kettleworx week #2 core tonight. Would like to swim more but don't have time at the moment. I'm thinking of booking some private swimming lessons so I can actually learn how to (a) do the crawl and (b) put my head underwater at the right time in the breaststroke. Am sure I could swim much further if I were a bit more efficient at it!

 

[Spanglymum]

I did kettleworx #2 resistance tonight, having skipped last night in a fit of pique after my hubby 'reminded' me to do the workout, which really wound me up (I'm nothing if not immature it seems!). Did 24 lengths this morning, and am pretty much sticking to sns packs this week, with the exception if three cups of tea with unsweetened soya milk a day (I'm such a rebel). Loving the slim pod! So much so that I bought Trevor Silvester's book about his word weaving technique. (I did linguistics at university so am fascinated by all things NLP.) amazing! He is a very clever man (but also manages to come across as really NICE in the podcast, which helps with letting him in to your subconscious.)

 

[nzmegs]

I really hate being reminded too. Thing is that they are just being helpful, but our inner child sees it as a command. I found it best to get on with the workout before he had the chance to poke his nose in and ask if I was going to do it. Pre-empt them...

 

[Spanglymum]

Good plan.

We're at the hospital today as he's having the first of his new MS treatments. Been doing fine this week but today have gone a bit AWOL. Not majorly - but very difficult to get something low carb to eat. I would have been a good idea to plan ahead and bring something with me but I didn't. Anyway just had a tuna pasta 'salad' (inverted commas deliberate) and now feel like a sphere.

Feeling a bit low and vulnerable. Trying to identify the feelings... Just how suddenly days like this make the MS more 'real'. I also feel sad because the consultant was asking us if we've completed our family and we have... But we were forced into it by the need to be sensible about what we can manage given the MS. We both really wanted three children, but decided to stop at two, and it makes me really sad sometimes.

(sometimes it also makes me relieved, to be fair - especially times like last night where my youngest wasn't sleeping! I know I couldn't cope with much more...)

 

[Spanglymum]

On a less negative note, I had the most amazing unexpected breakthrough this morning. All my life I have compared myself unfavourably, looks wise, with my friends, my cousins and my (late) older sister. In fact my Mum said some things when I was growing up (which I now realise I may have been taking out of context) about 'it's a pity you're not good looking' and 'at least brains don't fade, unlike looks, so you have an advantage', and 'not everyone can be a good looking as (my best friend) (my cousin)'.

At risk of sounding horrendously vain (which I can assure you i am not) I want to note here that this morning my mother called me her 'beautiful daughter'!!!!!! I was stunned. Absolutely stunned.

And then... I actually thanked her for the compliment and told her what I've just told you. She couldn't believe I've always had a complex about being ugly and (on a good day) plain.

Crikey.

 

[nzmegs]

That must have really knocked your confidence as you grew up. But i remember when i was a child deciding that being clever was more important than good looks and that i wanted to be clever. Noone had told me i was unattractive or anything and I actually think I am a bit of a looker - but i would still rather be clever. The thing is that as we get older these things just don't matter anyway. beside - from a purely objective point of view you look perfectly fine to me. In a totally platonic way of course - eeek! Your Mum is dead right - but perhaps she has realised that beauty isn't just what you look like. I bet she was describing your personality as well!

 

[Spanglymum]

Got my jeans on!!!!!!!!

Ok so one pair is still wayyyyy too tight. But I'm getting there! Go me!