This is me! (Management diary)

[rosieposie]

Oh Spangly I think you're right. I was inthat place where I kept thinking I can't do total because.......... So of course I haven't been able to do it.
So now I'm going to try what you're saying. The power of positive thought rather than negativity.
Mind you had a sneaky WI this morning and just under what I was 2 weeks ago so feeling pleased having got back with it. Now just need ketosis fairy.
Well done on right thinking and have a happy day

 

[nzmegs]

I got into the power of attraction recently too. I read Steve Pavlina's blog and forum - look it up...well worth a read. Anyway - he believes that if you allow good things to happen to you, they will. This is especially true when it comes to money. I spent a couple of weeks just thinking about money coming to me and amazingly, i just kept finding new sources of income everywhere I looked. Now i don't for a minute think this was just my luck fairy, but it was the fact I was putting myself out there, taking opportunities and just looking for what I needed rather than simply saying "I will never have enough money".

It is great to hear you talking about all the amazing things which have happened to you in the last few months. What a journey you have had. Sometimes I feel like that too. I quit my poorly paid job and started my own business as a writer, I have more clients than I can handle and have doubled my income, I have reached the weight I wanted to be and improved my marriage like you wouldn't believe and I am generally a better wife, Mum and friend to everyone. Best of all i like myself a whole lot more. Not bad for the old mid-life crisis. At least I didn't just decide to have an affair or buy a sports car!

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks for the recommendation, nzmegs. I'd heard of Steve Pavlina before but never read any of his work.

Had a much better day today and I do believe it's all down to positive mental attitude! I actually had to give some disappointing news to the majority of my team today (20 out of 27 people) and although it wasn't a pleasant task, I did it, and haven't resorted to self-defeating behaviours.

Brilliant news that you're back on track, rosie. I haven't weighed myself yet and will be taking a few days to get back on the programme, but I'm cautiously hopeful!

 

[Spanglymum]

Well, after a few weeks of quite frankly messing about and making myself miserable one way and another, I'm sorting myself out. Feeling very chilled out as I've been for a swim before work. Get me! I know that exercise really helps my anxiety levels - much more so than caffeine, sugar, flour, alcohol and all the other nasties I've been ingesting of late! So... sipping on a peppermint tea and feeling more "centred" than I have in ages - which is all the more remarkable given that I'm due on (tmi sorry! )

Been reading a few blogs that look helpful. One in particular, Stop Being Sweet No Sugar Blog: Sustainably Get Off Sugary Sweets, Without Apologizing is brilliant - totally tells it like it is, no nonsense etc. Just do it!! STOP BEING SWEET!

 

[nzmegs]

Thanks for the blog link. I love these types of blogs too. Bit obsessed at the mo actually! Try this one: Fat Head - Blog site for the comedy-documentary Fat Head - very funny as well as being informative. I am working my way from the beginning which is taking some time as it is a few years old.

 

[Spanglymum]

Was struggling a bit with crooked thoughts just now... "go on... you've been so good all morning... just have one..." etc etc and what did I do? I walked down the four flights of stairs in our office, and walked back up again. Feel much better. And chose to stay abstinent. Hurrah!

I have my new group starting tomorrow evening. I have missed going to group. I think it helps me to stay focused.

 

[Spanglymum]

Been a taxing day at times, but nothing I couldn't handle. Day 1 almost done. No nasties in the car to tempt me on the drive home. One more shake before I leave work and then a pack when I get home. Sorted. And swimming tomorrow morning.

Thanks for the recommendation of FatHead, nzmegs - excellent blog!

 

[rosieposie]

Well done Spangly on having almost whacked that first day on the head. Keep with it. Hope you like your new group tomorrow as well.
I had a bit of a disaster day yesterday, basically if it didn't move I eat it. I stopped counting at 2790 calories last night. Still a little control in that I did record what I eat. Anyway put that famous line underneath yesterday and back on plan today but I have made the decision to move to Lite from tomorrow and see if i can manage that any better and feel healthier on it as well.
Have emailed LLC with decision and she did say previously that I could continue to go to the same group but I haven't yet heard back from her. Also I did say that I do not need to buy any packs tomorrow as I have more than enough to last me the week on Lite so i don't know if she will let me go to the group tomorrow or not.
Not the end of the world if she doesn't I suppose, but I will be a bit disappointed in her if she does take that attitude but she is entitled to of course.
So will have to wait and see how this goes as never done Lite before. Not sure I can control it but never say never.
have a happy day tomorrow.

 

[Spanglymum]

Well done on drawing the line, Rosie. Sometimes that's the hardest part: giving yourself permission to make mistakes and to remember to learn from them. You did really well to note everything down. I went into serious denial on MFP so I've loads of blank days where I couldn't face writing it all down!

Today is going well thanks. I've done my morning swim again - hurrah! Thing is, it just makes me feel so CALM afterwards. And I think that's the feeling I've actually been searching for - but using sugar/carbs/alcohol/caffeine as ways to get there, which doesn't work. Well, alcohol does, up to a point - except it's numbness, not calmness, and makes me feel low the next day (being a depressant). I do think this is going to work for me. Anyway - I've committed to trying it for a week and seeing how I feel.

Still haven't weighed myself. I'm worried I'll use my gain as an excuse for unhelpful behaviour... which would not be good!

 

[nzmegs]

Spangly - exercise is key to staying focused and stress free. I am the same. I currently walk my daughter to and from school and have a long walk at least 3-4 times a week. Even though my daughter is old enough to walk on her own - I won't let her. I just need those 20 mins on my way home to relax before my day starts. it is me time. The extra walking is more for fitness - but it improves my day on every occasion. The hard bit is sticking with it rain or shine. You may need more than a week to feel like the habit has stuck - so maybe commit to a month before giving it up. They say that 30 days of doing something is enough to form a habit.

I also find that remembering that I am allowed to eat is a great idea. Rather than putting off a pack and feeling hungry - just eat it when you are hungry and don't let that gnawing hunger creep up on you. Always have a pack before you eat anything else - it will ground you before you tuck into anything you shouldn't.

Hope today has been good!

 

[Spanglymum]

Today has been great, yes! I know it takes longer to make a habit "stick", but I'm trying to give myself achievable goals and a month feels too overwhelming right now. I'm taking each day individually, and have promised to last a week, which I believe I can do realistically.

Good point about remembering you're allowed to eat!

 

[Spanglymum]

Where does the crooked thinking come from? Bizarre! Went swimming again this morning. I'm really enjoying it. It feels like "me" time, which is great and much-needed. This afternoon has been interesting though. I've been waiting for some financial news to do with me and my hubby sorting out our money issues (the ones I've caused!!) and finally got the call - and it's positive news, which is a huge huge relief. But what goes through my mind? "oh I could open a bottle of wine to celebrate" "ooh I could get some chocolate" etc etc etc. MADNESS!

I haven't, and I don't intend to. But it's interesting to see these thoughts popping up unbidden. Thankfully I have my group tonight which will help me to stay on the straight and narrow!

 

[Spanglymum]

Well I had a great week. Stayed on track and group was very thought-provoking on Wednesday. Swam every weekday morning and LOVE it!!! I think this will be a permanent fixture.

Then yesterday was tough. Loads of crooked thinking. Finding it difficult cooking family meals and my hubby had bought some of my favourite biscuits for him and the girls and I felt really envious and sorry for myself and I caved. Which led to a bit of a blow out. Damage minimised by stopping myself mid- binge and swapping to rice cakes and carob spread (!) but still.

Group was interesting partly because everyone sees me as a 'success', whereas I've been dwelling on the clothes that don't fit at the moment and seeing myself as a failure. Also my LLC suggested I do my story for the magazine and she's going to get me the form next week.

I think exercise is going to be the way for me to
maintain. I've also asked hubby if he could buy biscuits I don't like (yes there are some!) next week so I'm less tempted.

Going to finally try out my kettlebell work out today!!

 

[rosieposie]

Spangly, well done on a good week and sorry that yesterday wasn't as great as you'd hope for.
However I hope today is going better and that you've got to the kettledrums finally and enjoyed doing it.
I'm still tossing up what my way forward is. Atkins since Friday (after 2 bags of choc covered nuts & raisins before breakfast, ugh) and today is going well so think slimpods might be working (started them on friday) and Sunday is often a disaster day for me.

 

[Spanglymum]

Sounds good if Sunday's are usually difficult for you. I must download a slim pod... Haven't decided yet which one.

I'm very proud of myself today as I finally started my kettleworx kettle bell DVD (having realised that simply buying the DVD doesn't miraculously suck the fat from your thighs...) it's fun!!! I am going to be sore tomorrow though lol. Just really think exercise is going to be the way forward for me, maintenance-wise. All those endorphins! Who needs wine/chocolate/gin? Well, I do... But at least with exercise can perhaps minimise the negative impact...

 

[rosieposie]

Well done Spangly, hope not too sore tomorrow that you can at least get out of bed and manage stairs.

 

[Spanglymum]

Not sure what's going on for me foodwise today. Just had a "munchy" day, after a couple of days off road and well, trying not to be too hard on myself about it really. Focusing on exercise ... and wellness, if that makes sense. I've downloaded a slimpod but am having trouble installing the mp3 files. Aargh! Will make it work I'm sure but it's a bit irritating! Also went swimming this morning. This week I'm doing 24 lengths a day (up from 20 last week). It's good! Alternate days I'm doing Kettleworx - so none today, but resistance tomorrow and core on Thursday.

I've got group tomorrow evening - perhaps that will get me back in the zone?

 

[Spanglymum]

Hmm. Not sure about group tbh. I signed up for LL on the understanding that lifetime maintenance was free (apart from the cost of packs). I know they're a business but £15 a week is quite a lot. Also (and I got flamed for this when I first came on here so apologise in advance if this is an unpalatable view) I do have a problem with the fact my LLC is constantly yo-yo-ing herself weight wise. She's currently on abstinence, again, despite having advised me recently not to do packs again. I know she's only human, but I hoped to learn from someone who really knew how to maintain...

Ironic that the module we started last week is 'assertiveness'. Maybe these thoughts are me being assertive at last??!

 

[Debbi8489]

Spangly, are you paying £15 per week to attend group sessions? Like you, I assumed that the membership fee that was paid up front, allowed you to attend group sessions? I do think that is a bit naughty. I dont necessarily have a problem with your councellor yo-yoing, but I do have a problem with her refusing to sell you packs, when she is relying on them herself! Classic example of do as I say, not do as I do?

 

[nzmegs]

Spangly, I bet your munchy day the other day was because of your workout. it made you hungry - that is normal. Just make sure it is the right (protein based) foods you are snacking on...

I agree about the fee. At the moment, I am still buying packs as part of management, but I don't know what will happen after that. I am the only one doing management in my group, but i still enjoy going and am still learning so much. I think I would be willing to continue paying for it if I have to, but I might not attend all the time. it is my intention to keep buying 7 packs a week for the next few weeks as i enjoy a shake in the mornings for breakfast. So that might entitle me to free counselling.

I started the assertiveness module this week too. I am going to write a post about it in my diary, but I learned some things about myself today. There is nothing wrong with being critical of another person (your counsellor) as long as you can see both sides of the argument. I think you have a good amount of balance. I do think that your counsellor can give out advice even if she struggles herself. perhaps you need to take your motivation from other people who have succeeded instead.