Time to get serious!

Oh my am I feeling iffy... Come outside for some fresh air! This morning I was huddled with 2 jackets and a shrug, now I'm sleeveless trying to cool off in the shade!! This must be ketosis again.... Hate it... Now I remembered why I said I wasn't coming back here again, my fault for being lazy and only wanting to do packs I suppose!
 
Came back to my desk not feeling much better.

Was offered a sample of some exciting new Choc, tried 3 and spat another out (didn't like it enough to consume the calories!)

Feel a bit better... I know chocolate Isn't the solution, but I think we all know by now a few extra calories for me are! Onwards and upwards... Like I said, I'll take each day as it comes, and I'm not about to dive into the biscuit tin!
 
Morning!

Decided I have enough stress and suchlike in my life right now without putting my body through the stress of a VLCD/ketosis, so had some rice for dinner last night and a bit of chocolate.

Now the plan is still to do shake only days - maximum of two in a row, interspersed with (up to) 1000kcal days (step 3/healthy eating) and try and carry on with shred. Only managed 5minutes yesterday since I was feeling so awful!

So far today I have had a shake and a 99cal mullet light... So far so good....
 
23!!! Where are the weeks going??!!

So, to update...

B: shake and muller light
L: gammon (fat removed), cauliflower and helda beans (no gravy, no sauce)
S: shake

So far so good right... Coming in at about 600cals so far.... Not decided in dinner... Might be a shake again.
 
No chocolate!

Dinner, coming in at precisely 300cals is 4 fish fingers (cod) 100g sugar snap peas, 15ml ketchup.... It amazing how much you can get for your calories!

Also... Managed my whole shred again tonight! More calories = better me!

Erm... Think I'm calorie counting.... Never thought I'd manage that!
 
CrazyDiamond said:
No chocolate!

Dinner, coming in at precisely 300cals is 4 fish fingers (cod) 100g sugar snap peas, 15ml ketchup.... It amazing how much you can get for your calories!

Also... Managed my whole shred again tonight! More calories = better me!

Erm... Think I'm calorie counting.... Never thought I'd manage that!
Click to expand...

Lol sounds good. I think il end up calorie counting in the end just to keep the weight off. Prob after I move up the step. It's something we are always conscious of.

You do better on increasing calories for sure

Xxx
 
Right....

Usual story - snack-tastic weekend! I know it's an excuse, but its a stress related thing, and by the time I get to friday I've reaches saturation point and I crumble!

I knew this, so bought myself some blueberries to fill my face with - but left them at home #fail.

What now? well I'm in a panic - I won't be at target by the time I go to India in just under 3 weeks, but I fear I may not even be back to my pre-holiday weight either!

And I feel like I have confused the hell out of myself when it comes to dieting, which makes me want to keep it simple and SS as I know it's a guaranteed loss and I don't have to think, but I also know I can't sustain it! Then I think ok i'll keep it under 1000kcals - but then i worry that I won't get anywhwere near 10st beforeI go away. then I tell myself I'll SS a few days, get closer than do 1000kcals, then I get "hungry" and then I just sit there like I am right now wandering what the hell I am doing - had 1 shake, got some chilli (287kcal) sat in the fridge calling me, but part of me wants to SS, the other part wants to eat.

The truth of the matter is, the way i feel right now, i don't want to diet, but I have to! I'm not happy, I am about 10lbs away from happy today in fact!

ra ra ra. rant rant rant. I am again throwing my toys out of the pram, and I have only myself to blame!

Didn't manage to keep the shred up since I was so bloody exhausted by the end of the week. I swear onnce this project is fininshed i'll be twiddling my thumbs!

raaaaaaa!

grr.
 
Managed a day under 1000kcals...969 to be precise!

Have planned meals totalling 1000kcals precisely tomorrow - couldn't do that if you tried eh! Not exactly step 3, but the right principle, both today and tomorrow are low carb/high protein so that's good enough for me, I'm eating stuff I want to eat rather than have to eat and that may just be the trick for me, step 3 is a great guide and I used a lovely step 3 recipe for dinner tonight, so it's there in the background!
 
CrazyDiamond said:
Right....

Usual story - snack-tastic weekend! I know it's an excuse, but its a stress related thing, and by the time I get to friday I've reaches saturation point and I crumble!

I knew this, so bought myself some blueberries to fill my face with - but left them at home #fail.

What now? well I'm in a panic - I won't be at target by the time I go to India in just under 3 weeks, but I fear I may not even be back to my pre-holiday weight either!

And I feel like I have confused the hell out of myself when it comes to dieting, which makes me want to keep it simple and SS as I know it's a guaranteed loss and I don't have to think, but I also know I can't sustain it! Then I think ok i'll keep it under 1000kcals - but then i worry that I won't get anywhwere near 10st beforeI go away. then I tell myself I'll SS a few days, get closer than do 1000kcals, then I get "hungry" and then I just sit there like I am right now wandering what the hell I am doing - had 1 shake, got some chilli (287kcal) sat in the fridge calling me, but part of me wants to SS, the other part wants to eat.

The truth of the matter is, the way i feel right now, i don't want to diet, but I have to! I'm not happy, I am about 10lbs away from happy today in fact!

ra ra ra. rant rant rant. I am again throwing my toys out of the pram, and I have only myself to blame!

Didn't manage to keep the shred up since I was so bloody exhausted by the end of the week. I swear onnce this project is fininshed i'll be twiddling my thumbs!

raaaaaaa!

grr.
Click to expand...

Hey hun I really relate to this post like I have a lot of yours! I need to get about 10 lbs off still and food it hard to decide which step to stick to and then end up sticking to none of them!

I'll be doing step 2-3 mostly bite until goal, I want a stone off ideally and by a wedding on 18 Oct which I think is more than doable!

Stick with it hun you're doing fab :)
 
CrazyDiamond said:
Right....

Usual story - snack-tastic weekend! I know it's an excuse, but its a stress related thing, and by the time I get to friday I've reaches saturation point and I crumble!

I knew this, so bought myself some blueberries to fill my face with - but left them at home #fail.

What now? well I'm in a panic - I won't be at target by the time I go to India in just under 3 weeks, but I fear I may not even be back to my pre-holiday weight either!

And I feel like I have confused the hell out of myself when it comes to dieting, which makes me want to keep it simple and SS as I know it's a guaranteed loss and I don't have to think, but I also know I can't sustain it! Then I think ok i'll keep it under 1000kcals - but then i worry that I won't get anywhwere near 10st beforeI go away. then I tell myself I'll SS a few days, get closer than do 1000kcals, then I get "hungry" and then I just sit there like I am right now wandering what the hell I am doing - had 1 shake, got some chilli (287kcal) sat in the fridge calling me, but part of me wants to SS, the other part wants to eat.

The truth of the matter is, the way i feel right now, i don't want to diet, but I have to! I'm not happy, I am about 10lbs away from happy today in fact!

ra ra ra. rant rant rant. I am again throwing my toys out of the pram, and I have only myself to blame!

Didn't manage to keep the shred up since I was so bloody exhausted by the end of the week. I swear onnce this project is fininshed i'll be twiddling my thumbs!

raaaaaaa!

grr.
Click to expand...

Hey hun I really relate to this post like I have a lot of yours! I need to get about 10 lbs off still and find it hard to decide which step to stick to and then end up sticking to none of them!

I'll be doing step 2-3 mostly now until goal, I want a stone off ideally and by a wedding on 18 Oct which I think is more than doable!

Stick with it hun you're doing fab :)
 
Hello abandoned diary....

Not entirely sure what the F I have been up to... a bit of calorie counting, a bit of binging, and basically got on the scales yesterday morning and almost had a heart attack.

10st13.... thats too close to 11 for my liking, especially when I should be 10 right now!

Only a week until I go away, have totally screwed up. Feeling fat and bloaty, a stone makes one hell of a difference.

It's really important for me to feel ok about myself when I go away so I'm a bit screwed.

So, gonna do what I can in the next week, not making any sort of plan or promises since as soon as I put it on here I mess up.

Work is ridiculously stressful and I have been using that as an excuse, but I'll be even madder at myself for being unhappy and then that making me fat, it's all ridiculous really!

I can't be trusted with food, which is why CWP worked so well for me, I'm all or nothing, as soon as i do have some actual food I can't stop myself, and it's not normal, there were free muffins at work the other day for half year results - I cracked my 1000kcals that day and had one, but unlike my colleagues, as soon as I had a muffin, I also ended up having a cereal bar, a chocolate bar, rice crackers.... meanwhile my colleagues had their muffin and that's it - one of them didn't even eat the whole thing - whilst I was scraping crumbs off of the wrapper!!

What I'm saying is that I have a problem, and after seeing programs on drug addiction, alcoholism, smoking, I can really relate, like REALLY relate, ridiculous as it sounds I think I have an addiction, but the problem is you can give up drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, you can't give up food! I can't live on CWP shakes my whole life.

So, will get this week over, then holiday, then maybe it's time to face my problems and maybe seek help - if that exists? Years of dieting has created a hugely difficult relationship with food for me, I'm so confused and just can't seem to get it right, and i certainly don't want to be turning back to CWP every few years.

It might just be me in my overworked stressful post-binge state, but right now I think I need help. If anyone has any advise about where i can start, it would be much appreciated.

Sorry, a bit deep, but hey, need to face this sh*t face on right?

x
 
Just found this:

[h=3]What does binge eating disorder feel like?[/h]Imagine you are three days into a health regime and you're suddenly faced with a big problem at work. The last thing you want to do now is go to the gym or tuck into a salad. You go to the supermarket and find your favourite cake. You know it tastes delicious and you've enjoyed it many times before. You can envision yourself going home, putting on a film, tucking into your cake and blissfully forgetting about all of your work problems. You've been craving this kind of food for ages and you feel like you deserve a reward after three long days of resistance. Besides, once it's gone it's gone. So you get home and eat the treat quickly and sheepishly, and for a while you feel satisfied. Then, suddenly, the guilt creeps in and you feel terrible for relenting. You feel like you have no control over your actions and you start to feel powerless and worthless Every day is a tiring struggle not to give into your cravings, and every time you do give in, you feel greedy and disgusting, and your self-esteem plummets.

This is 100% me.... :-(
 
Awww chick. Great to have you back. You're here and that's a start. I'm exactly like you. All or nothing. Can't do only two chocolates or half a cake and never leave any of my dinner on the plate. CD is the only way for me until I learn. Like you, not sure how I'm going to learn! Sorry I don't have any answers honey. Maybe someone else will. Keep posting on here. It might help. You've done amazingly so far. I was impressed. You can achieve success again ;-) x


Restarted CD 9 Sept 5ft 1"
13st 2 BMI 37.2
Wk1 12st5.5 -10.5 BMI 32.7
 
CrazyDiamond said:
Thanks for your message hun. Just goes to show CWP doesn't fix it all. I've just contacted a local hypnotherapist/life coach to see what she can do for me, after all the ££s I've spent on CWP, I figure whats a few more if she can help eh! a lot of this resonated with me: Food Addiction Hypnotherapy
Click to expand...

Right there with you Ria! I'm thinking counsellor in a specialised area is the way forward!

Training our brains is key

Xxx
 
CrazyDiamond said:
Hello abandoned diary....

Not entirely sure what the F I have been up to... a bit of calorie counting, a bit of binging, and basically got on the scales yesterday morning and almost had a heart attack.

10st13.... thats too close to 11 for my liking, especially when I should be 10 right now!

Only a week until I go away, have totally screwed up. Feeling fat and bloaty, a stone makes one hell of a difference.

It's really important for me to feel ok about myself when I go away so I'm a bit screwed.

So, gonna do what I can in the next week, not making any sort of plan or promises since as soon as I put it on here I mess up.

Work is ridiculously stressful and I have been using that as an excuse, but I'll be even madder at myself for being unhappy and then that making me fat, it's all ridiculous really!

I can't be trusted with food, which is why CWP worked so well for me, I'm all or nothing, as soon as i do have some actual food I can't stop myself, and it's not normal, there were free muffins at work the other day for half year results - I cracked my 1000kcals that day and had one, but unlike my colleagues, as soon as I had a muffin, I also ended up having a cereal bar, a chocolate bar, rice crackers.... meanwhile my colleagues had their muffin and that's it - one of them didn't even eat the whole thing - whilst I was scraping crumbs off of the wrapper!!

What I'm saying is that I have a problem, and after seeing programs on drug addiction, alcoholism, smoking, I can really relate, like REALLY relate, ridiculous as it sounds I think I have an addiction, but the problem is you can give up drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, you can't give up food! I can't live on CWP shakes my whole life.

So, will get this week over, then holiday, then maybe it's time to face my problems and maybe seek help - if that exists? Years of dieting has created a hugely difficult relationship with food for me, I'm so confused and just can't seem to get it right, and i certainly don't want to be turning back to CWP every few years.

It might just be me in my overworked stressful post-binge state, but right now I think I need help. If anyone has any advise about where i can start, it would be much appreciated.

Sorry, a bit deep, but hey, need to face this sh*t face on right?

x
Click to expand...

Hey hun good to see you back. I know its easy for me to say being at goal and I hope you don't think I'm preaching but it never really clicked for me until I got to goal... I know that doesnt help you get to your goal but I was exactly the same... a complete beinge eater, always eating my feelings; any excuse to eat... if I was happy, sad, celebrating, commiserating. Then id feel terrible guilt after that would lead to self loathing then more comfort eating.

Over eating is completely underestimated and like you say an addiction that cant be overcome in the ways other addictions are. I still have the urge to beinge and have came to terms with the fact that I probably always will have these urges however I seem to have replaced my beingeing habbits with obsession. I'm now petrified to go over my goal weight, to the extent that I sometimes think im developing issues. I still have the odd biscuit and things but will then be going crazy mad at the gym after. I need to do a certain amount of classes a week or in creeps the guilt. I guess the feelings/emotions we have when beinging will still be there skinny. Your right CWP isnt the answer we all thought it might have been. Don't get me wrong im so great full for it and wouldn't be where I am now with out it but having a bit of a hard time myself I certainly feel something is missing when im not able to comfort myself with copious amounts of chocolate digestives.

I hope you feel better soon hun. Do you think having a break might help? Stopping cambridge until your back from your holiday? I know your miserable ans want to keep at it but maybe a break will help you find your love for it again?

Chin up... we love you xxx
 
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