Tina's diary of hopefull optimism!

[Legomom]

Ok so this time I'm going for the sensible healthy way forward! Started almost a week ago on my CC 1400 homemade plan lol weighed in at 195lbs. Here is what I challenge myself to do!
1) stick reasonably to my calorie limit
2) get out an excercise!! 3xweek would be good!
3) try not to BINGE
4) if I do the dread binge then try to damage limit as much as I can!!! If I can just stop at the 11 Jaffa and leave the last lonely cake it will be a victory!!
5) if I fall off GET BACK ON it's not the end of the world dear it's just a Jaffa cake!!!!

That's plenty for now!

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[Legomom]

Last night of the week.....official weigh in day tomoz (have sneaked an early peek and I have lost so pheeeeww) low points of the week were

Being really hungry! My poor belly isn't used to being deprived yet!
Having to get thru the day without copious amounts of sugar!
Fri carvery being about 1000 more cals than I thought!
Pulling my usual and sabotaging myself on sat, (oh the carvery has killed this week so screw it let's just biiiiiiiiinge)

Highlights of the week

I HAVE lost just remains to be seen how much!
I reigned in the binge after 20 mins so damage limitation was good!
Got back on the wagon today really easily
Did three sessions of exercise over the week

Looking forward to weigh in tomoz! I like to do it in my pants before breakfast lol it's a very accurate reading then!

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[Legomom]

WEIGH IN!!!!!

Starting weight 195
Today's weight 192.6
Finished week 130 calories under my weekly net goal.

Happy with that 2.6 may not be a 4-6 loss like I was doing last time but it's been far easier to handle and I think far healthier on my body!! it's all gooooooood.

Off to aqua aerobics once the kids are dropped off

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[Legomom]

Aqua aerobics was weeeeelll hard today!! There was a new core workout and far more lengths than I'm used too! This is good lol I was getting a bit sick of bobbing about waving my arms in the air lol lots of lovely exercise cals to eat now so I'm deciding on wether to have a bit of cheese in tonights jacket or a handful of nuts! Think I need some fats (been very very low fat last three days) but altho the nuts are better for me the idea of cheese............I miss cheese!!!

Also I had another mini triumph over the bingeing today. Kids were eating pretzels out of a grab bag after school and I caved an ate two little pieces but then I stopped and put the damn bag away!!! So wooooo go me! Even if I am slightly scared of my own kitchen now coz I know there's a big bad old bag of pretzels lurking in there!

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[Legomom]

Really bad mood crash got really hungry and horribly grumpy while cooking tea! And I couldn't focus on the 18 things at once I was trying to do! It was horrible! My brain just went bleeeeuuuurrrgghh. Now ive eaten my brain works again but I'm on a massive downer about my crappy planning of the day

I was doing roast chicken and veg etc for everyone and I didn't get the huuuuge chicken into the oven when I should have and it was getting later an later and suddenly cotton wool replaced my brain and I couldn't think through all the steps needed to get the various dishes out of oven hob etc and onto a fully laid table! So obviously my poor food starved brain simply folded under the pressure!

This is my theory on the WHY. I'd eaten about 800 cals that day but had done a really hard swimming session that after MFP had logged left a net calories of 300 from 6am to the time of my brain freeze 6.30pm! Obviously way too low!

Now I'm full but not satisfied (if that makes sense) and the urge to binge is really very bad. I had to get hubby to clear kitchen of leftovers and deliberately left the room during dessert (hot choc fudge cake and ice cream mmmmm) which is silly really coz I made the damn cake myself and didn't even lick the spoon!

The worst is that I'm trapping myself in a corner! The idea is to NOT feel like a ravening beast by using my exercise cals but now because I feel the urge to binge (this is TOTALLY different to just having the munchies!) now I CAN'T eat those extra cals because a) it would no way stop at them! And b) am I eating them because I'm hungry or because I'm feeling bad???? Going to get kids settled hide from the kitchen for a bit and maybe have a light snack later if this is under control.

Lesson of the day.......PLANNING is everything!!!

 

[Legomom]

Better start to today! I didn't binge last night but on the downside I didn't trust myself so skipped having a snack. Went to bed sort of peckish but not hungry so it was ok but I do need to eat more of my cal allowance!!!

Had a vile morning with my 9yr old who has AS but when I finally got him to school I didn't have the mcbreakfast I really felt I 'deserved' so that's another mini triumph lol been a bit light on my calorie intake so far due to manic morning of craziness but I did get a banana down me so that's my metabolism at least woken up haha!!!!

Trying to motivate myself to excercise NOW so I can eat the cals at lunch an not have them loitering around in the evening haha but I find I'm reluctant to get sweaty now as I have a house to clean and showering would eat into my kidfree time!!! Grrrrr I just can't please myself somedays!!!

Anyhooooo I'm off to get tidied up. I plan on some me time tomorrow so need to get this lot done!! Mini goal for today.....eat all my calories and keep it carb light!!

PS I got on the scales again......I'm a stinker lol it's so not weigh in!! And It was goooood!!! Down to 190.8 wooopdidoooop.

 

[Legomom]

haha check it out lol i have finally got my details right (just cant edit stuff on iphone ive had to crank up the entire PC it was scandalous as jo says!!) and i have a ticker lol

technowonder i am not!!

crappy day. felt tired lethargic and self pitying think thats from the depression rather than the diet tho. but im on track for the day so its not all bad!!

Counselling tomoz which is always really really hard. if i stay in my cals tomoz then im buying myself something pretty coz i'll be urging to binge really really badly from bout 2 onwards!! or maybe not??? negativity is bad so i'll stop indulging now!!

PS i like this site better on PC which is a pity as i'll never get to use my PC to come on!!!

 

[Legomom]

Under calorie goal today. Still feel very negative and down so here are my highlights!!

No binge eating.
Had enough cals for a wee treat and was tempted but stopped at one!
Cut the sugars in my coffee to one level spoon it's drinkable but that's about it!
Had a good long soak To try an sleep tonight!!

So really it's a good day just not feeling that way!!

Husband suggests lowness is down to not relying on instant sugar pickups which could be very true! We shall see how this progresses!! Plus my demonchild has been gnashing his teeth all day! This is always a trigger! I get so exhausted mentally I end up exhausted bodily too!!

Stupid stupid emotional me today!! Enough of that!! Let's bring on the challenge of beating the binge after counselling!! K is texting me when im due to finish with three reasons why eating my own body weight in jaffas is a bad plan lol

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[Legomom]

Yesterday was good really managed everything, it was curry night in our house but I had a nice low fat one! Think I was far too carb heavy tho as I feel rather sluggish this morning!!!

My exercise this week has been rubbish! Had a bash at the wii and been to aqua aerobics but the session was cancelled yesterday! Have bought zumba for the wii now so hopefully I'll be able to do some during the holidays! Gonna test it out today I really really need to get back into the habit of doing some!

Hubby's day off today! We are swapping cars. Well we are supposed to be but some idiot has gone into the back of mine at asda (an then driven off without leaving details the git!!!!) so he is getting a rather rubbish deal of it lol I need the bigger boot space tho so it has to be done! Poor hubby.

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[Legomom]

Back again!! Zumba was haaaard lol but really good! It's the best wii workout I've ever done by far!!! Really gets the blood moving.

Stupidly I've left it far too late for cooking tea and have to dash out now for a training course so I am likely to be grumpy by time I get back!! And really hungry!! I'm going to have a quick banana before I go tho. No cravings today and not as hungry thank goodness!!! Yay!!!

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[Legomom]

Today was weird. I ate more for breakfast than usual. 398 banana coffee and porridge. So wasn't starving at lunch chicken salad sandwich on full fat White bread (eeeek!!!) but was at a cafe and was best I could come up with. That's a lie actually but I'm fed up with salad so felt it needed to be between two slices of bread if it was getting choked down!! And it was very yummy!!! Came to have tea and there wasn't a fat lot left in the calorie cupboard so had a WW curry. And an apple.

Now I'm feeling rather hard done by. My ready meal doesn't feel like proper food! Maybe it's a mindset thing but I wanted to eat lighter this evening as scales are stuck at 190 for last few days! C'mon ya ******* shift down!! And I have done that but I'm used to a proper 'meal' and don't feel I've had one today?

Calories came in at 1200 and I was busy all day so no zumba and by 4 my energy levels were at rock bottom! So no exercise at all today!

Urge to binge has been quite bad since 4pm. But it's been a kind of all encompassing need for crap? Rather than a see something get itchy fingers kinda thing? Im sitting fantasising bout bacon chinese pizza chocolate and sll that good stuff!!

I did pinch a tiny corner off my daughters Easter egg. I'll be honest and admit it was involuntary. I didn't consciously decide to eat it. The binge demons took over but my head stopped me. And it was a teeeeeeeeeny bit like the size of a 5p so it's so not counting as a binge!! Well it's now day what of no bingeing? Day 6 I believe? Which is good!!

Bad news is I have cold germs there's a rather nasty one doing the rounds and I think it's going to be a rough week so possibly no work out for a while!!

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[lindseydodd408]

Hey Tina, didn't notice till this morning that you have a diary, so sorry for having my head up my own backside!!!

You are doing so great! How are you feeling today? x

 

[Legomom]

That's ok Lindsay lol this is more for me to ramble endlessly to myself anyway haha!

I'm doing good thankyou. I think it's a battle of wills between me and the binge at the mo It seems to occupy my mind all the time!!

Just juggling things about to find a balance that works for me being poorly this week is kinda good as I can't get out to the gym during school hols anyway so if I'm gonna be out of action due to a bad cold then it's better to be now anyway right? Gonna take some long walks with the kids if weather picks up it'll clear my cold head and at least be some kind of exercise!

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[Legomom]

Mmmm lovely lunch and under 300 cals!!
(had porridge with dried fruit an sunflower seeds for breakfast)

2 slices warbutons wholemeal (the likkle ones)
Bit of lettuce cucumber tomato
Small tin drained tuna chunks in brine
Bag of prawn cocktail wotsits love them!

Lovely deep filled sandwich and even nicer without the Mayo! more tunalicious haha . Thats saved me enough extra cals for extra coffee to fight off my cold with AND MFP has clocked up my tea at well under what I expected so I'll be having a little treatski later too

garlic lemon chicken an roasted root veg with broccoli and gravy.....yum!! Wish it was 6pm now lol
If you fancy it the here's how I do it peel an cut root veg (carrot parsnip new pots in skins) into thumb sized peices. Boil for ten mins and throw into a roasting pan add a skinless chicken breast 4 cloves of garlic (no need to peel just bash with flat of the knife) some lemon wedges and an onion quartered. Sprinkle with Italian dried herbs. Give it a drop of water to help it not stick and roast depends on the size of your chicken and veg as too how long. Mmmmmm yummy.

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[lindseydodd408]

Mmmmmmm thanks for the tip, I'll give that one a go, sounds lovely! x

 

[The Moog]

Looks like you're doing brilliantly so far - and it's much, much harder when you're a carer on top of being a normal parent. I think that makes the ups and downs a lot trickier to deal with.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

 

[Legomom]

Thanks moog! I don't like to think of myself as a carer to him as he's my son and I'd look after him no matter what but it does add a lot of pressure to the family. The other two suffer but we do our best! To be fair I've gotten off lucky today! His DS is back from the repair shop (again!!) so not a peep out of him all day!! Bliss haha. He's been quite sweet today which is most unusual!

He's crazily blunt so when he found out i was dieting again he just said 'being as your really fat mom will you be dieting till dads birthday? Because I can eat your slice of birthday cake!' but today he asked if I'd still be squashy enough to 'love' when I'm thin!! (he doesn't like hugs so he gives loves instead! You have to sit on the sofa and he lies across your lap and rubs his face on you haha

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[The Moog]

Awwww - he sounds lovely. One of ours has severe autism, so I know it can get tough sometimes too. The 'ups' make everything worth it, that's for sure

 

[Legomom]

Severe autisms hard I always feel sort of grateful it's Aspergers! Both conditions are heavy going but I babysit a friends son with classic autism and you have to work soooo hard to get a connection from him! My mr man is great that way but it's like he is from another planet sometimes! He just does NOT see things the same as we do!!

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[Legomom]

My little before bed updating under goal today! Haven't had a single binge thought all day! Been sort of craving takeout but do you know what? I'm pretty sure that's just coz I'm poorly and don't want to cook!! My garlicky lemony chicken was amazing and all those roast veg were proper comfort food!!

I have however started a bit of a family war on the hubby's side by standing up to horrible auntie x. I'm not a blood relative so I don't have to cut the miserable woman any slack!! there's a long ranting post in parents as it had to do with my stay home mom status!! Don't be criticising my parenting lady because I will take your head right off your shoulders!!

Got a BBQ with my best buddies tomoz which I'm looking forward too...catching all the gossip up haha but just realised I have nooooo idea what I can eat that's ok. Not having the day off as I'm driving and if I'm not drinking my bodyweight in Rose then scoffing a greasy hotdog seems a bit pointless!!

Off to bed to breathe my cold germs on hubby!! It's only fair to share lol

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