It's really funny you should write this today SmileyMan- I just got back from a swim. That might not sound like a big deal in itself but it's first time I have ever exercised alone in public. Ever. I've swam with friends before but never alone. I spent all day psyching myself up for it, muttering at my desk 'I AM going swimming' when my swimming buddy cancelled.
The thing is, is that my self-esteem is pretty shot too. Or it was- this journey is giving me much more confidence. Today it gave me the confidence to walk into that swimming pool and go for it. I'm a terrible swimmer. I suck. One guy looked pained at my front stroke. But I did it. An old man gave me a thumbs up. A guy I saw last week waved at me. They were happy I was there. I was worried about the changing room too because not only would it be me in a swimming costume- it would be naked-me and I don't really enjoy showing that to too many people! I walked in there, owned it and even got some cheery Korean Hellos from some VERY naked old ladies.
I wish I could explain how proud of myself I am. This was SUCH a big deal for me. Doing it alone. AND I did 15 lengths front stoke, 6 lengths kickboarding and 4 lengths running- 625m all told!
And I really do understand because just yesterday a little girl poked my stomach fat and said 'Baby?'. I was upset for a bit and then I realised I am already doing everything I can to end the comments that hurt me. And that by doing nothing and sitting at home, I am not helping myself. I am hindering myself. So get out there, sod the haters and help yourself. You change nothing by sitting at home!