Weight loss again

Buff. All went fine in some ways today apart from weird toilet journeys.... Hmm. 3 exantes. Blessed my noodles tonight with my home grown lavage leaves (i do love that herb!). 3.5l water (more coming up, you'll see why) and 16k steps. Did tones at work and beyond. Kinda stressed maybe? 4 shots of vodka with dr pepper zero. I am sorry. I made it for 7 days without it, ive done it but not giving into food. So be it. Another week ahead of me. Why is it so nice to have a drink after a tiring day, aye? I remember a time when I was under 16 and didn't think it was a nice habit and could go without it. I did use crisps but...still...not beating myself up. Ill enjoy this last glass, have some tea and water and carry on. I slipped being fully aware of my decision in most ways. And can control and forego munchies despite it. And i just wanted some fun/chill after a tiring day... Didnt think it had such impact on me but it did and im good at hiding it even from myself (or especially?). Too much control in 1 place requires resources from elsewhere. Look at me trying to justify a decision (towards me mostly) not to make me feel guilty. But for some of it - heh thats how one rationalises irrational i decisions i guess. Nevermind. On we go.
 
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#GymBunny said:
Keep an eye on the bruises and maybe see your GP? Hope you’re okay!

The ketostix are very much only a tool to identify ketones. I was an avid Atkins dieter for a while and was always told that you’re either in ketosis or you’re not. Like you’re either pregnant or you’re not. The colour doesn’t really indicate anything more than how hydrated/dehydrated you are. They can be nice to give reassurance but the only real indicator you need is the lack of hunger and other physical signs of ketosis. If they help then definitely keep using them but don’t worry too much about them :)
Click to expand...
Im fine but keeping an eye on it. A bit worried obvs but i reckon it's the 'normal' i sometimes get. thought id say something to make sure i can look back on it if it keeps happening, otherwise ill forget what to tell the gp if needed. But yeah. If you guys end up worried to at any point and im in denial or smth please shout!
 
Day 12. Back on it. It is okay and it will be okay. My cousellor initially said to reduce alcohol to one day on/one day off to help me break the association. Did a full 7 days and will carry on reducing the consumption further. Last night was okay on the alcohol side of things but not for my weight loss. Theres a difference there. I shall however be looking for some classes to busy myself in the afternoons. I think it's time for that.
 
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Progressively, this morning i started to feel sad and frustrated about yesterday. And back to fuzzy head also. Note to self. To avoid this in the morning you just need to not drink alcohol.

However I need to be careful with being all or nothing and beating myself up even though I've planned or made the conscious decision to have a drink food or whatever. This is where i slip into beating myself up which is counterproductive and a great threat to when i will reach maintenance. I will have to work on this during my few other planned times of exposure to food or alcohol and during the 800cal weeks. I need to learn how to interact with these things again and not feel guilty if I have them. Such as this Sunday (I've gone from slightly worried to dreading the thought of it), 11th August, and a now a potential BBQ with old friends at ours towards end of September.

While this diet is fantastic I cannot forget real life is around the corner and I cannot isolate myself. But I can control myself and learn from these situations.

At least last evening my partner made his amazing beef recipe which we both love. I spent a long time smelling it but had none and it didnt feel difficult to forgo it. If anything I was extremely full already from the noodles.
 
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Alecto, you got this. Just take one day at a time. Great job avoiding a favourite recipe...I have been sniffing everything that gets cooked in my house like some kind of cat!

You will definitely learn from everything that’s not quite perfect, and like you say, you’re learning for your future life after this plan.

Can’t beat the (wo)man who never gives up.
 
Thank you Kelpie. Such words feel soothing now. I decided to work from home for the rest of the day as it helps with my self compassion. I am not giving up. On this train now heading towards my goal with or without blips. It's unrealistic to think I won't have such days!
 
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Hanging in there and not hungry. But my mood certainly isn't in a great place today :(
 
Emotionally felt like poo today hence im getting a super early one. Ill try finding a nice documentary or comedy. I cannot be bothered with anything else. Just feel isolated and sad. These are the sort of days when id rely on food a lot and I havent at least. I had 3 exantes (kinda enjoyed my first chocolate orange bar and the strawberry milkshake; improved the dinner beef hot pot with some pepper, salt and dry dill), only 5k steps and 4l water. Today's weight 73.5. Carry on to tomorrow. Hopefully with better mood.
 
Alecto, I hope you’ve woken up to a brighter morning. It’s a new day.

Have you got plans and distractions in place? That should help with how you’re feeling and take the edge off.
 
Day 13. 73.3kg.
Ketostick says I'm back in ketosis where i was on Thursday morning. But i agree they can be unreliable as Bunny said. My mind is clear apart from this cloud of sad (may just be my depression knockin at the door or mere circumstantial sadness).
Another thing I realised - Thursdays are still an alcohol trigger, both because it's been 'drinks day' for the past 7 years and because by that time of the week I'm already tired and stressed. I need to really put something in place for me to do on those afternoons, to head to something healthy (ill check aqua aerobics) instead.

Thanks Bunny. Feel slightly better (as opposed to the whole world collapsing on my head). If my mood was at 2/10 yesterday...today I'd give it a 5. Slept for 10hrs, had a nightmare that woke me up crying which is for me a symptom that i am quite stressed and there's stuff in my life that are worrying me. Good sleep other than that. Hopefully mood will improve as the day progresses.

I've a few things I could do: I've some work i could do for Monday (this is i reckon where my stress is coming from - im worried about work. Again. Nothing unusual but a big contributor to where i am today, health-wise. My work & career are my plight and my joy. It's like being married to a very unreliable but beautiful mistress), my garden does need me, a bath would be nice, and weve both been invited to watch the match at 3pm at one of our friend's place. This last one seems the least appealing as I'm still hiding away from alcohol consuming people. I don't crave it but football, as much as i enjoy watching it, triggers the word beer for me. I might cool some dr peppers and take those along and treat this as an exercise in control - certainly going would help with the isolation aspect. Could also do some online searches for painting courses and book something active I'd fancy in the next door leisure centre for the coming week. This last bit and the gardening seem most appealing. But i do need to do some work first.
My level of dread for tomorrow's carvery meal has increased two-fold. Any suggestions on what I should focus on having? While i won't be the weirdo having a milkshake while everyone has normal food, i will be the weirdo that counts every green bean or broccoli floret. What can I say, needs to be done!
 
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Has been a low day to begin with but coming to a fair end. I found out that the meal tomorrow is quite a drive away from us, in another city (which my partner knew and assumed Id know but didnt); its not a carvery, but a restaurant that doesn't have a website or menu anywhere. Found some customer photos of potential menus (3 of them, cant tell which one is on) on tripadvisor and almost nothing seemed edible. That, plus the 'left out' feeling that i should either refuse to go or just take my shakes and sit there watching everyone have a good time and having to answer questions seemed unbearable. Then a friend texted me, thought i could meet up with her at least, given how isolated ive been feeling and how much i would've wanted to just hear some other stories. She said she tried to hurt herself last evening and i offered to go for a chat and to be a listening ear. I really would have wanted that, as im worried. She thanked me and said she wants to watch the game. Second friend this week who has some hard time but just thanks me for the offer and foregoes meeting up with me. All added up, felt even more isolated, that no one gives a damn about health and will judge you for bein overweight (or drinking too much) but wont actually be interested in either your past life (and how you got there) and any effort to make things better. I cried a lot. Had a proper breakdown. Bless my partner. He just stood by me and hugged me. Didnt try to reason with me while i couldnt. Then convinced me to get my dr peppers, my lunch exante, and go see the game with his friend as thats what will help with the isolation. We then went on a stroll in the park and i felt integrated as they did also take interest in me, it wasnt just 1- way. Coming to a calm evening. 3 exante, 4.5l water and 6k steps.
Plan for tomorrow - will tell the waiter i have special dietary requirements to ensure im not getting anything i dont want. Grilled steak ot chicken and salad. Will count the calories for the amount to ensure 600cals. Plan B: taking some exantes and worse case ill have that. Id rather join though. But my partener said he's going to help with the explanations to distract any attention from me if need be. Bless him, he's my rock.
Itll get better... If at least 1 person cares that means a lot. It's more than ive had in the past 2 years and i want to stay healthy and alive to be able to enjoy this. Being alone or left out is not good for anyone.
 
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Day 14 - 73.2kg
Today is going to be interesting. Just want to get it out of the way, food-wise, while having healthy social interactions.
Booked aqua aerobics for Thursday and discussing going for squash on Mondays with a friend. I need to find some painting courses too and want to look into handball potentially.
Change is happening in my environment albeit slowly, and having painful realisations of who can and cant be there at various points. Upon reflection - my 2 friends, feeling down, probably just didn't want to expose me to the stuff I dont want to consume. Maybe. And most certainly...they're probably struggling themselves with their own problems and want the space to cope with them the way they know how to do it and that has nothing to do with me or my diet, its just a coincidence. I cannot be that self-centered! I worry about them though but when they are ready to have a chat I am sure they will come in touch. In the mean time I can hang out with my partner's friends, one of whom is on a diet himself - I know I'd prefer my own humans but that's how it is at the moment...

Family wise, maybe my partner's family would be more understanding i give them credit to be. I must remember they are not my own family, they are a very different type of people.

On I go... Food exposure number 1 in my journey.
 
Hope today goes well for you. You’re probably right about your friends and they will come to you when the time is right.

Your ideas for distractions are good ones. I bet they make you feel so much better, not only at the time but afterwards too :)
 
After all my fussing and worries, today went fine. Put on some makeup, got myself a nice dress and it made me feel better. Had my porridge for breakfast.
That restaurant wasn't serving any a la carte as they were doing Sunday carvery. They gave me 3 slices of turkey of which I only had one, and had it with the boiled cabbage and 2 cauliflower florets. They didnt seem to have been combined with any other spices (i.e. lemon or anything similar). I couldn't have eaten another bite after that and thats me done for the day. I miss my exantes though haha.
Although Ive been asked questions I just simply answered that I really don't feel like having X or Y. I had no more questions at cake time and it was fine.
Now for a bit of work with a Dr Pepper. 3L water thus far and 6000 steps. Tomorrow I start week 3.
 
Week 3. Day 15.
Current stats: 72.6kg (11.43 stone or 160lb)
I lost 5kg (11lb) in 2 weeks.
I'm pleased, I didnt need to worry that much!
On we go another week. Have a good week everyone!
 
A bit hungry today strangely although i know im in keto. Oh well.
Ending the day on the 3 normal meals,11k steps, and 4.25l water. Good day overall.
 
Day 16.
Maintenance. That's fine, it'll all come whoosh down in a couple of days.
Busy day. On I go. A happy and healthy day to everyone!
 
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